Dear Diary, I'm Completely Lost

Could They Be Right?

“Excuse me for putting it this way, but what the hell is your problem? Actually, what the hell is everyone’s problem? I told you Jack is harmless already, now let it go!” I hiss into the phone, unable to believe that this is truly happening.

I’m furious. So, my best friend barely speaks to me, then immediately goes to ramble about her concerns to my brother. Has everyone gone completely insane, or what? “Why are you blinding yourself? He’s trying to mess up your life, how are you not able to see that?!” he explodes, making me freeze.

I move the phone away from my ear, staring at the ongoing phone call with hesitation. I’m tempted to just hang up on my brother, but on the other hand, I don’t have the heart to do it. I gulp nervously, suddenly finding myself unable to think clearly.

I can hear his voice coming from the phone, making me put it back to my ear. “… hello? Are you seriously ignoring me right now?” he tells me, making me lose it. That’s it, I’m about to go work at the stand for the entire afternoon, I’m really not in the mood for dealing with this right now.

“You know what, Aiden? Call me back when you have something better to say to me than just order me around,” I tell him, finally making my decision. With a heavy heart, I lower the phone and end the call.

I let out a heavy sigh, before turning towards the stand and walking there. It’s empty now. Huh. I could’ve sworn I already saw someone standing there earlier. Maybe someone was just passing by.

In that moment, I notice someone straightening up, making me freeze in my tracks. Oh my God. You’ve got to be kidding me. Speaking of the devil …

“Oh, hey, Pez! I didn’t realize you were working at the festival too!” Jackson greets me cheerfully. I try to return the greeting with the same enthusiasm, but I can’t. Not when I’m literally arguing with everyone that means something to me because of him.

“Hey, yeah … I was leading the project last year, so they used me up this year as well,” I explain, putting a smile on my face. If he notices how fake it is, he doesn’t show it. Good. He doesn’t know me at all. That makes things a little easier.

“Oh cool! Is this the only time you’re here or …?” he wonders causally, offering me a friendly smile as I finally manage to get behind the stand and start helping him with setting up the stand. I shake my head in response.

“No, I … I’m also here on Wednesday afternoon,” I tell him after thinking my schedule through. Yeah, that’s right. Wednesday. It’s funny how I didn’t notice that I was scheduled to work with Jackson, though.

“What a coincidence! I’m here on Wednesday, too!” he expresses his enthusiasm, making me smile in response. But it’s still not a proper smile. Not with the way my brother attacked me literally five minutes ago. “I think we’ll make a great team,” he then adds, making me nod in response.

In that moment, my phone starts ringing again. My brother again. I sigh, silencing the phone, then putting it back inside my pocket. Jackson notices my clear annoyance and stares at me a moment longer than necessary. But I pretend to be clueless and keep putting the boxes away.

“Everything okay?” he asks, forcing me to look up at him. I nod, forcing another smile on my face. I really don’t want him figuring out what’s going on. It’s not like it’s his fault that everyone’s turning against him. I don’t know what’s gotten into my family.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Let’s get to work,” I assure him. But my brother keeps bugging me, until I text him, telling him that he needs to leave me alone, because I’m working at the stand. He texts back immediately.

Fine, but we need to talk after you finish. You can’t go on like this, the message says, putting me in an even worse mood.

Funnily enough, Jack manages to cheer me up a little through the shift. From pretending to be clumsy with the cookie boxes to give me a tiny heart attack to straight up starting to throw in cookie puns whenever he can. Don’t go baking my heart is one of his best ones.

Anyway, the shitty afternoon turns into a not so shitty one. I end up having fun. We don’t run out of cookies, because there aren’t many people at the festival today. Those who will be working on Friday will have a bigger crowd around them than we had today.

We’re walking towards the parking lot together, because I told my mom to come pick me up around seven. It’s now ten minutes to seven. We closed the stand earlier and Jackson has his car parked here.

“Hey, if you want, I can drive you home,” he offers, but I shake my head in response, trying not to be ungrateful or anything.

“Thanks, that’s really sweet of you, but I already told my mom to come pick me up. She’ll be here soon,” I assure him, making him nod in understanding. He almost looks disappointed for a moment, but he quickly replaces his expression with a bright smile.

“Sure, no biggie. I can spare her the ride on Wednesday, though. It’s not a problem,” he suggests, clearly trying not to sound to hopeful. But I brush it off as my brother’s overprotectiveness, rubbing off on me. I’m imagining things.

I smile. “Yeah, sure. That would be cool,” I agree without thinking about it twice. There’s nothing wrong with accepting a ride, right?

I make Jack leave before my mom arrives, because I really don’t want to listen to someone else giving me a hard time about hanging out with him. I’ve had enough of this crap, really. Everybody should just mind their own business.

I don’t wait for her for a long time anyway. She comes shortly after he leaves, and I almost thank myself that I told him to go when I did. I really didn’t want them to cross paths today.

I vow to myself that I won’t text my brother today. I think we’ve spoken enough for the day. I’m too tired to listen to why hanging out with Jackson is a bad idea. It’s not like I’m hugging him or sitting on his lap or anything like that. I’m not a w***e. And I’m loyal to Hunter.

But my mom is clearly up to date with the current events. She basically attacks me the moment I sit inside the car. “Hey mom,” I greet her.

What I get in response, though, makes me want to step out immediately. “Hey there, Perrie. Playing with your relationship, are we?” I stiffen, slowly turning my head until I fixate my gaze on her. She can’t be for real.

“Wow. I see you’ve been talking to Aiden,” I remark dryly, trying to make her deny it, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t drive off either. She stares at me, clearly picking the right words to reprimand me.

“Why are you hanging out with that boy?” she wants to know, making me narrow my eyes at her ever so slightly.

“His name is Jack, and I don’t see why it’s anyone’s business who I hang out with or why. He doesn’t mean any harm and he apologized for the situation with Hunter. What’s the big deal with you all?” I want to know.

She drives off a little too violently, making me hit the seat with the back of my head in surprise. Ow. “Nothing. We’re all just wondering how you’re so blind, when everyone else can see what this boy really wants,” she retorts sharply, making me scoff.

“Oh, really, enlighten me then, if I’m so blind,” I challenge her, not expecting her to really say much in response. But what she tells me, makes my jaw drop.

“Well, he’s trying to get into your pants, excuse my wording,” she says. I stare at her with my mouth hanging open, unable to believe that my own mom just said that to me. I’m so stunned that I can’t say anything in response. “Just stop giving him a chance to do it. It’s not fair to Hunter,” she then adds a little more quietly.

I don’t comment on her words. I feel the need to cover my ears and ignore everything she’s saying, like I used to do when I was little. But I can’t. Because there’s a tiny voice at the back of my head, telling me that my mom, and everyone else for that matter, might be right.

I shake it away. I’m not stupid. I can read people’s intentions. Right?

But as we drive home in silence, I can still feel doubt stirring inside me.