Dear Diary, I'm Completely Lost

Why Is There Always Some Sort Of Beef?

“So … What are we going to wear as dateless losers?” my best friend asks me on Monday, as we’re waiting in line for lunch. I send her a look, not really wanting to discuss the fact that I got stood up by my boyfriend. Well, my brother did the same to her, but it’s not like they can help it.

They’d both be there if they could, I know that very well. It still stings, though. “I don’t really care. We can match in potato sacks,” I remark in a not very joking matter, making her sigh. I know she’s just trying to shed some light on the situation.

“Look, I’m just as bummed about this as you are. But look at it from another way, we get to enjoy the night as besties. Isn’t that great?” she implies, offering me the friendliest face she can come up with at the moment. I turn back around after shaking my head.

“I think we’ve had enough girls’ nights in the past couple of months. No offense,” I tell her over my shoulder. I can hear her letting out a long breath, but she doesn’t comment on it furthermore. At least not until we’re already carrying full trays to our usual table.

She clearly can’t let go of this. I get it, I can’t let go of it either. But I have a completely different way of coping than she does. I mean, all I want is to go to that stupid ball in jeans, not caring what anyone is going to think and Leslie still wants to go all out and play dress-up. Which is kind of odd for her, now that I think of it.

“How about we wear old dresses, huh? I know you’re not in the mood for dress shopping. Or have the time for it,” she suggests, making me look at her before stabbing a chicken nugget.

“Exactly. Not in the mood. I have to work at the stand this week. I still don’t know why they dragged me into this, I was already leading the whole project last year. I don’t know why I have to volunteer again,” I mumble.

The Winter Festival is earlier in Hillsboro this year. And I was chosen to lead it again, but I refused. I wasn’t in the mood to prepare for it again. Eventually, I was asked to at least work a couple of times, because I knew the process and all that. I gave in. Because I can’t say no to people. Yay. Gets me in trouble a lot of times.

Leslie is about to offer me some sympathy, when she gets distracted by someone who places their tray on our table, sitting down opposite us. “Hi, girls, how was your Thanksgiving?” Jackson asks, making me freeze. Oh, dear. My best friend doesn’t know that I’m on speaking terms with him again.

“Why do you care and why are you trying to have us braid each other’s hair all of a sudden?” Leslie replies in a really defensive tone. I freeze, not knowing how to ease her mind with the truth without managing to piss her off even more in the process.

“Er, Les-” I begin, but I get interrupted before I even manage to start forming a proper sentence. Jack has a stare off with my best friend, clearly thinking that I’ll back him up now that we hanged out … for a week.

“I’m just being nice, what’s your problem with me?” he wonders, interrupting my failed attempt to try to ease the situation. Leslie narrows her eyes at him, making me realize that if she could, she would drag this guy away by his ear. Who am I kidding? She is definitely crazy enough to do that.

“My problem is that you clearly can’t leave a taken girl alone! What you’re doing is wrong and I hope you realize it before you really piss me off, dude,” she informs him sharply. I swallow nervously, tapping her arm to get her attention, but she doesn’t even look at me.

“I’m trying to make friends, is that so hard to believe?” he defends himself, glancing at me for a moment, before turning his head back to Leslie. Which only manages to makes her go even crazier.

“Stay the hell away from Perrie, this is your last warning. I might look harmless, but trust me, her boyfriend and her brother are not,” she almost grits between her teeth, leaning forward in a threatening way.

That’s when I finally manage to get myself together and draw the line. “Okay, that’s it, stop! Both of you!” I snap, making them both turn their heads towards me. My best friend is confused, while Jackson looks almost triumphant for a moment.

“Perrie … He’s-”

“I know, I know! He apologized for that slip-up and he’s been keeping me company the week before the holidays, when you were sick. So I didn’t have to deal with Cassie and the minions. You should be thanking Jack for not letting me sit alone for lunch while you were gone, instead of attacking him,” I interrupt my best friend, who stares at me in pure shock.

She doesn’t look at him, she just keeps staring at me, like she’s waiting for me to admit that this is a joke and that she can escort him away from our table now. But she doesn’t get what she’s waiting for. “Jack? Really?” she then says, letting out a shaky breath.

“He’s staying. Stop fighting each other,” I finally declare, refusing to address this again. My best friend keeps staring at me, completely stunned. Even when I already turn to my plate and stab another chicken nugget with a really exaggerated movement. I just want them to see that they pissed me off with their behavior.

Jackson doesn’t move and starts eating soon after, while Leslie eventually scoffs and turns towards her plate as well. After she finally comes to terms with the fact that I’m ignoring her and won’t be stopping anytime soon. At least not until her behavior shifts.

She stabs her own nuggets with even more force than I did earlier, which makes me realize that she won’t be coming around anytime soon. We eat lunch in an uncomfortable silence, almost making me lose my appetite. I don’t finish the whole plate, despite being really hungry beforehand.

Much to Leslie’s dismay, our next class isn’t together and she has to come to terms with me, leaving the cafeteria with Jack. She doesn’t seem pleased about it at all and when I tell her I’ll be seeing her in English, she barely even nods in response.

As Jack and I head towards the classroom, he finally starts talking. But I almost wish he didn’t. “I’m really sorry, I tried to take the higher road, you saw it,” he apologizes, making me let out a long sigh. Can he really not do this? Leslie is my best friend. I only stood against her, because I was fed up with the injustice that Jackson has to endure from every single person in my life.

“She’s my best friend,” I remind him almost a little too sharply. I quickly ease the blow. “It doesn’t matter anyway. She’ll … She’ll come around,” I tell him, not sure whether I’m lying to him or to myself. Because I know Leslie. And there’s no way she’ll ever come to terms with Jackson. Not with the colors he’s been showing until now.

Leslie stays pissed at me for the rest of the day, barely sharing a few words with me. I have to head into the town after school for the Winter Festival and she takes a bus home. I text her on the way, wanting her to know that I’m sorry for making it seem like I’m against her. But that she was really being unfair to Jackson.

As I press send, I sigh, then shove the phone back into my pocket. I walk during the busiest time of the day, which almost serves as a welcome distraction from my current life. When did things get so complicated? Again?

Before I even get to the stand, I receive an unexpected call. My brother? Why is he calling at this hour? Is he finished with classes already? Either way, we usually text in the evening. He rarely calls me. What’s this about?

“Hey, Aiden, what’s up?” I greet him in a friendly way, trying not to sound too miserable. Especially considering the fact that my best friend doesn’t want to talk to me. He breathes in sharply before starting to talk, which makes me realize I’m not in for anything good.

“Can you please explain why you won’t listen to me?” he asks me, clearly trying to keep his cool. I freeze in my tracks, literally ten feet away from the stand, without noticing the person who’s already standing there.

“What do you mean?” I wonder, hoping that this isn’t going where I think it is.

“Why the hell are you still letting that Jackson dude hang out with you?!”