More than Anything (English)

Chapter 3

Quinn

I was trying to look out and find Margaux when I was finished with my CT scan. I don't really know why I had the urge to see her again. I just thought I needed to at least let her know that I was here. As for the reason again, I don’t know.

When the RadTech in the CT scan told me that the results will come out in thirty, I didn’t waste time and ran back to the ER. I have a feeling that I would see her here.

I don’t know but there was this magnetic force inside me that makes me want to see Margaux again. When I heard that she has a child, I needed to know how she was. When did she get pregnant, who is the father and where is the bastard. Those were only some of the questions in my head.

“Mommy, am I going to stay in the hospital for long?”

I stopped in my tracks when I heard a voice near the common toilet of the hospital. I looked in the direction of the voice and was stunned to see the persons I am looking for.

Margaux was there, in front of a kid about four or five years with the dextrose hanging beside them. My heart instantly constricted when I saw the kid she is with.

He’s a boy and he looks like someone. I couldn’t believe what's before my eyes when I saw his whole face. He looked just like me. I can never be mistaken. I’ve seen my kid photos and the child definitely looked like me.

Shit!

Margaux is telling him something causing him to nod his head..

 “I don’t want to miss school,” he uttered in his cute voice.

Damn it! I can’t believe this!

I was pretty sure Margaux was cooing and assuring him things because he suddenly smiled and kissed her cheek.

I could see Margaux smiling when the kid said, “I love you, Mommy.”

My heart melted with the words I heard from the kid. Shawn, that’s his name as I heard from Dr. dela Fuente.

“Mommy loves you too, baby. So much,” Margaux told him before pulling him into a tight hug.

I couldn’t dare move from where I'm standing until I saw Margaux's face when she finally saw me. She looked like she's seen a ghost.

She immediately tried to hide the kid behind her.

Now, it’s confirmed. That boy is my son.

Damn it! Why didn't she tell me that we have a child together? Or does she even have thoughts on telling me?

Fuck!

“Margaux…” I called her as I tried to walk to her.

She bit her lip and stepped back with Shawn still behind her. I can see how the boy is worried and how he is confused about how his mother is reacting.

“What are you doing?” I could hear the anger in her voice. But is she the person who should be mad here? It’s me. I should be the one fuming right now because she didn’t tell me that we have a child together!

Damn it!

Thinking about how I broke up with her makes me sick. She was already pregnant at that time. She was already bearing our child. Did she know back then? Was she going to tell me?

“We need to talk,” I told her in a stern voice.

She looked at me like I just cracked a joke. She looked like she was about to burst into laughter but let out a sarcastic smile instead.

“Talk?” she asked. “What are you talking about?” Sarcasm is very evident in her voice and it sounds like she’s mocking me.

“Mommy…” Shawn spoke and her face changed abruptly.

She looked at Shawn and bent to his height. “Baby, Mommy will talk to a stranger for a while, alright,” she told him before calling a nurse to take Shawn away from us.

“But you told me it’s bad to talk to strangers,” Shawn replied.

Margaux smiled and nodded. “Mommy is bad just today. But please, go with your nurse and be with Yaya Mela first. I’ll follow.”

Shawn looked at Margaux then at me. He blinked at me and I couldn’t describe the feeling that it gave me. That feeling of someone so familiar even on the first meeting looking into your eyes so innocently…I was lost for words.

Shawn was a good boy and he followed what he was told. The whole time, I looked at him and watched him walk away from me.

I wanted to hold him. I wanted to carry him so badly. Would that scare him? He doesn’t know me.

“Don’t show yourself in front of us again.”

I tore my gaze off of our son upon hearing Margaux’s words. I looked at her and saw how furious she is as she stared at me. She’s wearing a coat but there wasn’t any doctor vibe to her right now unlike when I first saw her a while back.

“Is he my son?” I asked her. I already know. The evidence is already screaming into my face I know he is my son because Margaux wouldn’t look this stressed if he isn’t. And besides, the resemblance is already uncanny. Shawn is my son.

“No,” she immediately answered. “You don’t have a child with me. Shawn is my son.” She emphasized that possessive pronoun.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “He’s five years?” I asked her, totally ignoring how she’s trying to strip off my rights for my son.

“I don’t want you to care about my son. Please leave,” she said, already dismissing me.

I stared at her and could not see anything on her face aside from anger. Was life so hard on her? If she is already having a hard time, why didn’t she run to me and asked for help? If I had known I had a son, I would be very glad to buy him anything!

“He’s my son, too!” I’m already claiming it even without her consent and confirmation. But then, she already hid him away from me for years. I’m pretty sure that it would take more than a question before she even admits that he’s mine.

“He’s not your son!” she yelled at me. “You don’t have a child! I don’t have a child with a demon like you!”

I noticed how she clenched her fists in anger. “The moment you broke up with me, the moment you started seeing your secretary, you have already stripped off your rights for my son. You did this to yourself, Quinn. So, just go ahead and leave.”

She motioned to leave already but I held her wrist and pulled her to the emergency exit. I needed a quieter space. I didn’t know how I knew this place but I was so glad to have brought her here because it was quieter and I would get to talk to her better.

“What the hell?! Get your hands off me!” She yanked her hand and motioned to slap me with it.

I can see how her chest is heaving deeply as if trying to collect her calm and stop herself from doing something. Slap me, perhaps? She gritted her teeth before putting her hand down.

“Look, Mr. Guevarra, for the sake of both parties, please leave. My son and I lived five years of our lives happily without you and we’re doing fine. We don’t need you and we never will.”

She uttered those words with so much ease. Is that how disposable I am to her? To our son?

“I want to know about him. He’s my son. You did not make him alone! We did that! You and I! He is our son!” I no longer could stop myself. I needed to shout at her too. I’m so mad that she didn’t tell me.

“Why did you not tell me?!” I asked her. “You should’ve told me about him because he’s my flesh too!”

Margaux looked at me like I was a joke turned human. I can’t tell if she wants to laugh or swing at my face because of my question.

“If you knew you had a son, you’d stick around?” she asked. “And then what? You’d blame me because I jailed you with me using my son? No way! I can live alone. And I can live better now knowing that I have my son with me. We don’t need you.”

Her words cut deep in my heart. On how she saw the situation that way, I didn’t know. That thought didn’t even cross my mind. Jailed? Choose? What?

But then again, she somehow has a point. I love Louise and when I find out that I have a child with another woman, I’d be miserable to let her go. I could be a terrible father.

“So, please, leave me and my son alone. Don’t even look at him from afar,” she told me, already calm but her voice is still dripping with anger.

It’s so obvious that she loathes me. I can’t blame her. I caused her heartache. I guess it’s true when they said “Pain changes a woman”. She’s changed.

From the Margaux who would always smile and keep me comfortable to this Margaux who hated my mere existence.

Is there someone else to blame?

None because, f**k it, I fell out of love for her. I left her and even cheated on her in the process.

I don’t regret being with Louise because I am happy with her. She has been the woman who had been keeping me going for the past years. She is my source of strength and happiness. But I should’ve had one more source if I had known about my son.

“I have a right to him, Margaux,” I told her, definitely not giving up on the custody of my son. “He is my son, too.”

She shook her head. “You don’t have a right to him. You’ve stripped off all of your rights when I saw you making out with your secretary in your office,” she uttered in much pain.

She bit her lower lip and looked away. I saw how hard she swallowed. “For the love of God, please leave us alone. I’m not asking for any alimony from you. I will not accept any monetary support from you. No matter how much. I will not ask you for anything so please just leave us and don’t show yourself in front of us again.” Contrary to the angry Margaux just a few seconds ago, this version of her is calmer and sounded like she’s pleading for me to finally leave them.

I looked at her and saw tears pooling around her eyes. This is almost the same scene I had with her before she left me. I can still remember how she cried because she wanted to stay.

But now she’s crying because she wants me out of her life. She wants me out of our son’s life.

“I’ve lived all kinds of trouble and faced all types of problems with Shawn alone. We were fine. I have survived everything because I have him.” She looked into my eyes. “Shawn is the only thing I have right now. So, I’m begging you, Quinn, don’t show up again. I don’t want my son to see you. He was fine without a dad and he’ll keep living fine without one.”

She wiped the tears off her cheeks and tried to calm herself.

“You can have your own family with your girlfriend. Just give all of your attention to her. Don’t waste your time trying to get close to my son.”

And again, I was left with nothing but pain.