More than Anything (English)

Chapter 2

Margaux

As I was speaking to the relatives of one of my patients, I heard my phone ring. It was Mela, my helper.

“Ma’am! Shawn already threw up four times! He's also running a fever.” I can sense that she's already rattled because of what's happening to my son.

Even I got nervous suddenly. As a doctor, I’ve had all of the worst things come into my head with just simple vomiting and fever. This is the thing about me whenever my son gets sick.

“Call the driver and bring my son here,” I told her when she suddenly screamed on the other line. “What the hell is happening? Mela?!”

“Ma’am, he threw up again. And this time, he's holding onto his stomach," she replied and it sounded to me like my son's condition is getting worse.

I cannot help my heart that's already beating erratically due to extreme anxiety. He’s my son and he’s sick. I think I’m going crazy. When I was done telling Mela what to do, I immediately dialed Deanna's number.

“Hello? Shawn’s coming here.” I couldn't even greet her anymore because I was already panicking.

“Oh? I thought you'll bring your new boyfriend?” I know that she’s trying to tease me but I’m not in the mood for anything.

“He’s sick, D. Mela said he threw up multiple times!” Now, I’m hysterical. My son has never thrown up since he was a baby. And he’s already five years old now. He’s been healthy all his life! Why is he throwing up now?

“Shawn is sick?” Now, she’s got the hang of the whole situation. “Are you bringing him here? Where are you? I’m in the ER. Cubicle 16,” she added. “Okay. I’m almost finished.”

I sighed. “I’m walking towards the lounge. I'll meet them by the entrance,” I replied. “What if this is serious this time? Shawn has never been sick since he was born!” I’m pretty sure I didn’t just sound hysterical but I also looked like someone in distress as well.

“Look, your son’s gonna be alright. I’ll go check when he comes here.” Deonna tried to calm me down but it was no use.

Just the thought of my son in a hospital bed kills me to the bones.

“I’ll also call Dr. Tan. She's his Pediatrician,” I told her.

“Yes. Calm down. It could just be UTI. Children throw up when they have UTI or even just a simple fever.” Deonna’s voice has gotten even softer. “Your helper needs to calm down as well. Are they on their way?”

“Yes,” I replied as I roamed my eyes around the ER lounge. I am trying to guess what entrance they will use. “Are you done there?” I asked. I really need someone to keep me to my senses now.

“Yes. I'm done here. I’m coming to the lounge in five," she replied and that’s the only time that I actually began to calm down.

I’ve raised my son alone because when my parents knew I was pregnant, they already cut the ties between us. I am their only daughter but they left me alone when I needed them the most.

Although they didn’t cut the monetary support, they didn’t see me ever again. They didn’t even want to see my son. The last words they told me was how they were disappointed in me.

I wouldn’t blame them, though. I was stupid. I gave my whole being with the man who I thought would love me until the last of my breath. I never expected him to leave me. And when he did, he left me with a bonus.

But nevertheless, I have not regretted having my son with me. If before, I needed someone’s warmth to keep me happy, now, all I need is a hug from Shawn and everything will be alright. Just a hug from him and the tiring day becomes a tolerable one.

That’s why I’m so worried right now. The source of my strength is sick and I think I’m going to collapse anytime soon. I can’t bear to see my child inside a hospital.

“Margaux!” I turned around when I heard Deanna calling me. She's running toward me in her white coat and her stethoscope hanging around her shoulder.

I immediately looked at her and she hugged me tightly. “They're not here yet?" she asked.

I shook my head as my tears are beginning to cloud my eyes. I’ve never cried ever since I was in labor. With the years I had my son, he’s always the source of my happiness. I never had a reason to be sad because he was always there.

And now I’m crying again. How can I let my son throw up like that?

“Hey, it’s okay. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can treat it. You’re a doctor and we’re in the hospital. Don’t worry,” she told me as we both waited for my car to stop in front of us.

When I finally saw my car, I ran towards it and carried my son towards the ER. He looked so weak and pale as I placed him on the hospital bed.

“Mommy…” his faint voice is killing me. My joyful and active son isn't here right now. He looks so fragile on that damn white bed.

I held his hand and kissed the top of his head. “I’m here, baby. Mommy is here,” I said as I tried to not choke up on my own tears.

Fuck! I’m wearing a coat and I’m crying over my sick son. I can only imagine how my patients would think when they saw me like this.

“Mommy, my tummy is aching,” Shawn said in a weak voice.

I nodded and held his hand to my cheek. “Everything will be alright, baby. Tita Deanna and Dr. Tan will treat your aching tummy,” I told him and he nodded in understanding.

He stared at the IV catheter that’s going to be inserted in his veins. “Are they going to prick me, Mommy?” he asked, looking scared.

I nodded. “For you to get better faster, the medicines will be pushed to your little hoses in your body,” I told him, trying to explain it to him so he wouldn't retaliate.

He nodded but I can see how scared he is. “Will it hurt?” he asked.

I smiled at him. “It’s going to hurt a little but don’t yank your hand away, okay? So they won't prick you the second time,” I explained.

He nodded and Deonna smiled at me.

“Okay, baby Shawn, Tita Deonna will prick you, okay?” Deonna told me. “Don't move your hand, okay?”

Shawn nodded at Deonna’s instructions. Deonna gently inserted the catheter into one of his veins and I was the one who flinched. I didn't even hear anything from my son when the IV was inserted. It turned out that I was the one who got hurt because I was the one who reacted violently.

“Very good, Shawn! It's done,” Deonna told Shawn and he smiled weakly. Deonna then turned to me. “Let’s have his urine checked,” she told me.

I nodded in agreement as I looked at Shawn. “Baby, you need to pee, alright?” I told him. He nodded and was even the one who asked me to accompany him to the common comfort room.

I wanted him to stay still in bed and just me the urinal instead of going to the comfort room that he insisted. I can see a bit of improvement in him when I first held him at the entrance.

“Does your tummy still hurt?” I asked him.

Shawn nodded. “A little bit,” he replied.

I bent down to his height and cupped his cheeks. “Did you throw up a lot?” I asked him.

He nodded. “My tummy was aching so bad a while ago.” A cute pout showed on his lips.

I nodded and escorted him to the comfort room. “Tell me if it hurt when you pee, alright?” I told him and he nodded. “Alright…”

Shawn was looking at me as I waited for him to pee in front of me.

“What’s it?” I asked.

He pouted. “Mommy, I’m going to pee. Why are you peeping?” he asked back.

My jaw almost dropped when I heard what he just asked me. He's still a child! Why is he thinking like this? He's only four years old for goodness' sake!

“I need to collect your urine for it to be examined,” I reasoned.

He frowned at me. “Can I just be the one to collect it?” he suggested.

He was looking at me so seriously and I didn’t have a choice but to just not and give him the specimen bottle. He smiled at me before he turned around to urinate on his own.

When he was done washing his hands, the nurse who escorted us took the specimen bottle for the urine test. I held Shawn’s hand as we walked back to his cubicle.

I still can't keep calm even though Shawn's condition has improved a little. I feel like this is just a calm before a strong storm.

“Mommy, am I going to stay in the hospital for long?” he asked.

I looked at him and smiled. “It depends on the result of your urine test,” I replied and he nodded. “You need to recover quickly, okay?”

He nodded. “I don’t want to miss school.” I couldn't help but smile.

“I’m going to give your teacher your excuse letter,” I told him so he wouldn't worry too much.

He frowned. “But I can’t practice for football,” he slightly complained.

I smiled and hugged him. “When you get better, you’ll practice for football once again,” I told him in a reassuring tone.

“For real?” he asked, his face lighting up a bit.

I nodded. “So, do whatever the doctor tells you, alright?” I told him and he nodded before planting a kiss on my cheek.

“I love you, Mommy.” He beamed in a very sweet voice.

I’ve always longed for someone who would always tell me how much he loves me, for someone who would always show me how much he does and will always be.

I thought I would find it from other men. I was wrong. When my son came into my life, every single male out there became null and void for me. I don't want to be with anyone aside from my son.

Sure I dated more even when I had Shawn but it wasn’t because I needed to date. It was because they wanted to date me. At the end of the day, all I’m looking forward to is spending time with my beloved son.

I cupped his cheeks and kissed his nose.

“Mommy loves you too, Baby. So much.” I uttered before hugging him tight…before facing a nightmare.