More than Anything (English)

Margaux “Are you sure with your decision?” I tried so hard to stop my tears from falling while looking at the man I love the most. Just a few moments ago, he told me that he wanted to end this. He already wants to leave me. He’s been cold to me for a month now. I used to think that it’s just because he was busy with work. But, in reality, I caught him with his secretary making out in his office. In all honesty, I don’t know what to feel. I felt betrayed. I felt mistreated. I felt like I was nothing and that it was so easy for him to crush me to the ground. Four years of love…disappeared just like that. “Please, Margaux, don’t make this hard for me,” he said like it was nothing to him that I am hurting like this. I wanted to hear an honest answer. I don’t want him to beat around the bush. I gulped hard while looking straight into his eyes. This is not the eyes of the man I loved. This is not the person who made me happy for the past four years. His eyes are empty…like he doesn’t feel anything for me at all. I feel so scared and terrified while I stared at him. All the years that we’ve spent together, disappeared without a trace. I thought I’ve known him after all the times that we shared but right now, I’m looking right through a stranger. “Look, I’m sorry.” I actually cracked a weak laugh upon hearing his words. That’s what he’s supposed and is expected to say, right? He should be sorry because he hurt me. He should be sorry because he cheated on me. Sorry is the only word that could comfort him but I don’t want it. Right now, I deserve an explanation, not an apology. “Do you still love me?” I asked no matter how scared I am of what his answer will be. It’s better to feel the pain now all at once. Breaking it to me gently only makes the pain last longer. He pursed his lips before shutting his eyes tightly. Now, he didn’t need to answer my question. His expression is the answer. His hesitation is the answer. He doesn’t love me anymore. I tried so hard to laugh at the situation. I tried to act like this doesn’t mean a thing for me. I wanted to show him that I am fine—that I’ll be fine without him. But my tears seem to have minds of their own because they fell all at once. “Margaux…” he trailed and even motioned to come closer. I shook my head and wiped my tears away. “Don’t come closer to me, Quinn.” That’s all I managed to say because the tears kept falling down my cheeks.   I can’t let him hurt me like this and then comfort me right after. I may be weak but I’m not stupid. I’m not that stupid to allow him to comfort me after blatantly hurting me. I refuse to be a fool for him. I heard him inhale a sharp breath while watching me cry in front of him. What’s with boys and watching their girls cry in front of them? Does it add to their ego when they make their girls cry? Because I don’t think so. “Are you and Louise…together?” My heart clenched painfully as I asked him that question. I couldn’t even close my eyes and not think about what I saw him do in his office with his secretary. He was holding her. She was clinging onto him. He was kissing her senseless and she let him do so. His hands are all over her body and so with hers. My chest is constricting as I think of that. I would probably not get over it for a long time. “Yes.” I don’t even know why I asked that question. All I know is my heart is full of pain that it might explode anytime soon. It was as if I was experiencing a heart attack—only, I was conscious and I can feel every bit of the pain. I smiled weakly because I didn’t know what to show him. It took me a couple of seconds before I could finally nod at him. “Then, that’s it?” I asked him. “Since when?” Margaux Cynthia Marbel, you can pass as the stupidest person in Guinness Book of World Records. I can’t believe you’re taking up a medicine course!  “Margaux, please…” His voice was pleading me to stop. It was as if he’s the exhausted one and not me. Well, I’m broken to bits but I’m trying to know what’s up with him! I want to know when all of this started so I will be aware of the moment our relationship ended! “Just answer it, Quinn.” He took a heavy sigh. “Last month,” he uttered softly, like he was ashamed of what he did. I chuckled weakly as the tears are falling down my cheeks. “It’s been a month and you haven’t informed me?” I asked him with all my might. “Do we need a break up because I’m pretty sure we were over when you decided to date her?” “Margaux…” “Goodbye, Quinn.”