She Doesn't Care

"Nera" Has Everybody Fooled

Chapter Three

I SPENT two weeks in the Villa absolutely doing nothing but my dissertation. And while that’s very advantageous on my part, nakaka-boring din kasi. Biruin mo, parang nakabisado ko na yata ang talambuhay nitong si Ella Sambulay—na by the way ay may nakakatuwang apelyido—dahil sa sobrang bored ko. I don’t know what I expected going here but this is definitely not it.

            Pero anong magagawa ko? Keith Nixon is not a normal person as much as I hoped he would be.

            Ah well. Kailan ba naging totoo lahat ng inasahan ko? Man, story of my life.

            “Ana Rayven!” Nera, who sounded very frantic, yelled at me on the other line Sunday evening. “Bakit nakapatay ‘yang telepono mo? Kaya ka nga bumili ng bagong cell phone para ma-contact kita, ‘di ba? Anong silbi n’yan kung hindi mo pala bubuksan at gagamitin?”

            I rolled my eyes at her tirade. “I told you not to call me while I’m in the villa. Eh paano kung may nakarinig sa atin na nag-uusap?”

            “Depende sa pinag-uusapan, Ana. Don’t make excuses.”

            “Oh, whatever! So ano ngang itinawag mo? Life and death ba ang importance n’yan? Kasi kung hindi, ibababa ko na ‘to.”

            I heard her snort on the other line. “None of your problems are of life and death importance, b***h. Ikaw lang ‘tong OA.”

            Kunwa’y suminghap ako bilang reaksyon sa sinabi niya. “Oh you don’t sayyy?”

            “Gaga. ‘Wag kang pilosopo.” I grinned at her flippancy. “Si Ace. He thinks I’m hiding you. Which is true but… I just thought I covered my tracks very well. Ang kaso, kami ni Cris ang mas pinaghihinalaan niya ngayon.”

            I bit the inside of my cheek. Well, s**t.

            Ace Rayven, my half-brother, who was definitely living the life of a full-blown lawyer, is Nera’s boyfriend. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba kay Nera ako humingi ng tulong… but then again, it’s probably because I had no choice. Siya lang ang makakasalba sa akin sa puntong ito.

            Ace is an intelligent man. Kung may way nga lang siyang sundan ang mga transaction ni Nera sa bangko, malalaman niya ang current location ko. O kung hindi man, since hindi pa naman ako nagwi-withdraw gamit ang debit card na binigay ni Nera sa akin, magkakaroon siya ng idea kung saan ako papunta dahil sa huling withdrawal location ko.

            “Why Cris?” I asked. Kasi maski si Cris, hindi alam ang pinagtaguan ko.

            “May theory siyang humingi ng tulong si Cris kay Zone para itago ka. Oh, Ana… your family is so worried about you. Alam mo bang muntik nang magpa-nationwide manhunt ang Mamu at Papa mo? Tine-terrorize na nila ‘yong mga police stations sa District City. ‘Tapos ang kumakalat pang tsismis sa Ashton University, patay ka na raw and the Rayvens are merely hiding that fact. Maloloka na ‘yong mga pinsan mo rito. Si Mada gusto na yatang magbigti.”

            Napangiwi ako sa mga narinig. Napaka-OA talaga ng mga taong ‘to. Saan nanggaling ‘yong usap-usapang patay na ako? Makagawa lang talaga ng isyu, lahat na lang ng pwedeng imbentuhing kwento, inimbento na.

            I have four female cousins who likewise studies in Ashton University—Mada, Jam, Aiko and Cris. We took our undergraduate programs there together and we’re currently trying our hardest to finish our respective PhD and Masters in the same school. S’yempre, hindi naman sila kagaya ko na laging pinag-uusapan. Although, yes, they have their own crosses to bear but  the cross were never as big as mine.

            Inisip ko ulit ang sinabi ni Nera. I do feel a little bit bothered. Mostly, because I know Nera is not exaggerating that bit about my parents. They do really are capable of terrorizing authorities to do something about my disappearance. Pero bukod doon… damn, I really don’t care. Kesyo magtatambling sila r’yan para alamin ang totoong nangyari, wala akong pakialam sa kanila.

            Lalong-lalo na kay—

            “Xanderone thinks the same thing,” Nera interrupted my thoughts.

            Umigkas ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. “Really? Interesting.”

            “Bakla, umakyat ‘yon sa bakod ng bahay n’yo no’ng isang buwan dahil feeling niya tinatago ka ng mga magulang mo. Iyon yata ‘yong time na nag-stay ka sa pension inn bago ka dumeretso r’yan.”

            I broke out in laughters at that. Knowing the mansion, hindi ko ma-imagine kung anong nangyari sa kanya after niyang tangkain na akyatin ‘yon. Helloooo? May mga real-time cameras kaya ‘yon sa paligid! At ang Papu ay may mga tauhang nagbabantay sa CCTV room twenty-four-seven. Hindi ko alam kung tanga ‘tong si Xander o malas lang talaga, eh.

            Narinig kong bumuntong hininga si Nera na nagpahupa ng tawa ko. “I don’t see anything funny here, Ana. Much as I hate Xander, I very much think he’s sincerely bothered by your disappearance. Alam mo bang ilang seminars na ang hindi niya napapasukan? He’s as worst as you are.”

            Tuluyan nang nawala ang tawa ko. I tried my best to imagine Xander grieving. Or perhaps being poked with his non-existent conscience.

            Can’t. Nah-uh.

            “Oh, I don’t care, Nera. Suits him right. At isa pa, ganti lang ‘yon sa ginawa niya sa akin. Do you know how f*****g annoying was it that I had to pretend to be head-over-heels with that bastard just to make a show? God, I don’t even know how I lasted for months on end with that mannerless dickhead!”’

            “Hoy, Ana, mannerless dickhead ka rin naman. Ang pagkakaiba n’yo lang eh magaling ka magtago at siya’y lantaran. Pareho lang kayong may maitim na budhi, noh. Hindi niya nga lang alam ‘yon because you know… you made them think you’re Saint Ana of Assissi.”

            Umirap ako kahit hindi niya ako nakikita. “Idiot, there was no Saint in Assissi named Ana!”

WHOEVER leaves a rare collection of guitars rotting in a basement is Satan’s bastard. I’m calling it. Like now. Damang-dama kong anak ni Satanas ‘tong si Keith Nixon kung totoong siya man ang naglagay ng mga koleksyon ng mga gitara rito sa basement kasama ‘tong isang baby piano na hindi ko alam kung gumagana pa.

            “What kind of a music prodigy is he?” I muttered under my breath habang pinupunasan ang inaalikabok na gitara na dinampot ko sa tabi ng sirang washing machine. “He leaves his collection like this.”

            Pabuntong hiningang naupo ako sa rocking chair na kasama ring nakatambak doon. It still looked sturdy to me so I’m not quite sure why they placed this chair in here. May sasapi ba sa akin na masamang espiritu ‘pag naupo ako rito?

            Biting my lip, I tried to tune the guitar as best as I can. Mukha ngang medyo may katagalan nang hindi iyon ginagamit base na rin sa tigas ng mga pihitan at sa texture ng strings.

            My, I’m still at awe with how the accident didn’t even took anything from me. Akala ko talaga katapusan ko na no’n. Eh siguro ayaw pa talaga ng sakit ng ulo ni Lord sa heaven.

            Charot!

            I tried to strike a few strings, chords of that song I forgot the title of but know the lyrics by heart. It felt like forever since I last sung kahit pa ba ilang buwan lang naman ang lumilipas simula no’n.

            “Perfect by nature… Icons of self indulgence…”

            Kung iisipin, nakakatawa pala talaga ang mga nagdaang buwan sa buhay ko. As if it was a black comedy, a sitcom of errors after errors after errors that led me to—quite possibly—another error.

            High School palang ako no’n pero mahal ko na ang musika. Mada and Cris’ Dad who was Papu’s elder brother, Tito Ibrahim, was a world-renowned musician back in the days. Hindi siya kagaya ni Papu na nagpatuloy ng negosyo ng mga Rayven. He was rather a wayward gypsy who loves music. And perhaps, sa kanya namin namana magpipinsan ang hilig namin sa pagpe-perform.

            We join several competitions during High School and our first two years of College. We formed a group we all named Danger and signed up to compete for Music Revolution, a Glee Club inspired competition for all schools local and international that happens annually. At our sophomore year, that’s where I began to get the attention from several press and medias. Tipong pati na lang yata ang pangungulangot ko sa loob ng kotse, nakukunan pa nila at naifi-feature pa sa tabloid.

            “Just what we all need: more lies about a world that never was and never will be…”

            Eventually, nahihinuha nina Mamu at Papu na maling landas ang tinatahak ko. They love Tito Ibrahim but for all intents and purposes, they need someone to take over the whole Emerald Empire someday. And having an ambition like Tito will never accomplish that.

            Noon ko na-realize na buong buhay ko, I was molded to be a typical Rayven woman. A Rayven who has the class. A Rayven who has the face. A Rayven who has the name. And a Rayven who has the fame.

            Maski na sa pagpili ng lalaking mamahalin, naka-molde pa rin akong sundin ang pagiging Rayven ko. Alam kong in this day and age, hindi na talaga uso ang arranged marriage. It’s quite barbaric at this point. But for the sake of the Empire, going Neanderthal is not a problem for my parents.

            So because of that threat, I became interested with Xanderone Navarro.

            “Have you no shame? Don’t you see me?”

            Xander is a total abomination. Hindi siya kagaya ng ibang mga lalaki sa Ashton University. He doesn’t have any manners at all. Hindi pino ang galaw niya at hindi rin siya conscious sa pangalan niya. Anak siya ni Leon Navarro sa una nitong asawa. Leon Navarro is a businessman who owns quite a handful of hotel chains around Asia. But to Xander, his Dad was the equivalent of a raincoat on a sunny day—walang silbi.

            Alam ng buong Ashton University na hindi kaaya-aya ang ugali ni Xander. He gets into fights a lot, he gets suspended a lot. Hindi ko alam kung anong sapusa meron ang lalaking iyon at hindi siya nakikick out sa school. But he’s… different. He has a lot of baggage that is too heavy I couldn’t imagine how he cope up with them.

            “You know you’ve got everybody fooled…”

            Noon, hindi ko nauunawaan ang allure ng mga tragic hero sa mga pelikula at sa libro. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hibang na hibang sila sa mga lalaking maraming dalahing problema. Maybe that was one of the reasons why I chose to stay single for a very long time. Dahil ayoko ng batong ipupukpok ko lang sa ulo ko.

            But Xander… he’s different. I don’t know how to say it, how to convey it. But from the start, I knew he was different.

            “You sing.”

            Napatalon ako sa gulat nang marinig ang boses na iyon. Sa sobrang tutok ko sa paggigitara at pagkanta ay hindi ko narinig ang yabag ng pagbaba ni Keith sa hagdanan. O baka naman talagang may kung anong salamangka ‘tong lalaking ito at hindi ko man lang namalayan ang pagdating niya.

            “You sing…” ulit niya nang makalapit sa akin, the words were neither a question or a validation. Basta lang niyang sinasabi.

            Ibinaba ko ang gitara at isinandal iyon sa pader saka tumayo. Napakamot ako ng pasimple sa tainga dahil hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko ngayong nahuli niya akong nakikialam sa mga gamit niya rito sa basement. Baka akalain nito’y malikot ang kamay ko.

            “I do. A little,” sabi ko na lang para sagutin ang obserbasyon niya.

            Tumingin siya sa gitarang inilapag ko. May katagalan iyon kaya’t matagal-tagal ko rin siyang napagmasdan. There was longing in his expression mixed with grief and anger. And surprisingly, I understood him at a certain level.

            Unlike Keith, I’m physically capable of playing that guitar. Pero gaya niya, hindi pwede. Magkaiba ng rason pero somehow… halos pareho lang din.

            Bumuntong hininga siya’t pumihit patalikod. Akala ko’y papanhik na ulit siya sa itaas kaya’t naupo ako sa rocking chair. Pero nang akmang kukunin ko na ulit ang gitara, nakita kong pumunta siya sa western part ng basement at may binuksang maliit na wine cellar doon. Namilog ang mga mata ko nang maglabas siya ng dalawang baso at bawas nang bote ng puting wine na agad niyang isinalin sa dalawang baso.

            He then came back to me and handed the other glass. Albeit a bit hesitant, I accepted it. Muli siyang pumihit patalikod pero para naman iyon umupo sa nakatambak ding pulang sofa roon na marahil ay hindi na ginagamit. O baka hindi bagay sa dekorasyon ng villa kaya ibinaba na lang do’n.

            “I knew women were vile and manipulative,” bigla niyang wika na sanhi ng pagkasamid ko sa iniinom kong alak. “I just didn’t know how much…”

            Tigagal akong napatitig sa kanya at pinanood siyang lagukin ang alak mula sa kanyang baso.

            “Uhm… sorry?”

            Tumingin siya sa akin. May talim ang kanyang mga mata na tila ba gustong siyasatin ang buo kong pagkatao. Honestly, it scared me a little. Kung bakit ay hindi ko alam. I knew he wasn’t mentally stable, gaya na rin ng pagkakasabi sa akin ni Kayedee. But I’m aware na hindi siya gagawa ng masama laban sa akin. For such a man as lethal-looking as him, hindi ko alam kung paano ko nasasabi iyon. But I know. I know for a fact he wouldn’t hurt me.

            “What’s your story, Nera? Why are you in this God-forsaken place taking care of a man like me?”