A Shade of Midnight

SEVENTEEN

The house was comfortable enough. Matapos ang naging pagsasanay namin ni Raven kanina ay pagod akong napaupo sa sofa na naroon. A bowl of porridge on the table in front of me. Ganoon din sa harapan ng mga kasama ko. 

Masaganang kumain si Bryen habang si Aliana naman ay umiinom ng beer. Habang nakatingin ako kay Al, hindi ko matukoy kung pang-ilang baso na niya iyon. I shivered as the cold wind managed to find its way inside the house. 

"Does this place even get warm?" tanong ko sa kanila. 

Bryen let out a laugh. "They pick these locations just to see the strongest among us survive." 

"Horrible people," Aliana grumbled and then placed her mug on the table. "I don't blame Az for not wanting to come here." 

Napatingin ako kay Raven na tahimik lang sa gilid. Then he looked at Bryen. "Training the girls went well, I take it?" Raven asked beside me, his thigh so close to mine that his warmth brushed on me. 

Bryen took a mug of beer and drained it. "There was one who confessed that they didn't receive any training in almost two weeks. They'd all been busy with chores, apparently." 

"No fighter in this group?" 

"There are five, actually," Aliana said. "Five out of fifteen isn't bad at all. Although I would be happy if the others would at least learn to defend themselves. But those five, they've got instincts. Fast learners too. Just like Delta." 

Aliana smiled at me and I smiled back. Tumayo ako at saka nagpunta sa lababo para ilagay ang platong pinagkainan. Simple lang ang bahay ngunit mas maganda ang lagay niyon kumpara sa ibang bahay sa labas. The front room served as the kitchen, the living area, and dining room, with doors at the back: one for the bathing room, one for the storage room, and one being a back door. 

"Have you sent a letter to your father?" rinig kong tanong ni Bryen kay Aliana. But his voice was quiet as though both of them are heading to a private conversation. I realized it's time for me to head upstairs. 

Raven was a step behind me, bowl in hand, and motioned me to leave my bowl on the sink. Ipinilig niya ang ulo sa hagdanan na para bang sinasabi niya rin na oras na para umakyat kami at hayaan na sina Al at Bry na mag-usap sa ibaba. 

Napatingin naman ako sa dalawa na tahimik na nag-uusap. And every step I take upwards, I could feel Raven at my back, the heat of him. And in this small space, the scent of him washed over me. I hitched a breath as I try not to think too much about it. 

The second floor was dark, only illuminated by the small window at the end of the hall. Dalawang kwarto lang ang naroon. Itinuro naman ni Aliana ang isa sa mga pintong naroon. "You and Al can share tonight. Just tell her to shut up is she babbles too much." 

I smiled, although I wouldn't tell Al to shut up. If she needed to talk, to distract herself from something, I'd listen until dawn. 

Raven turned and put a hand on his doorknob, but I leaned against the wood of my door, crossing my arms. His room is so near. It would be so easy to take three steps across the hall. To run my hands over that chest, trace those beautiful lips with my own--

I swallowed hard when he turned to me, as if he had just saw what was on my mind. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko naisip ang bagay na iyon. I didn't want to think what I was doing. Whatever this thing is between us, I didn't want to think about it. Because things between us had never been normal. Simula nang makita niya ako sa madilim na bahagi ng syudad ng Hamris isang gabi habang pinapaligiran ako ng mga lasing, hindi siya nawala sa isipan ko. I knew he wasn't someone ordinary and I'd been unable to easily walk away from him then. When I thought he was deadly, he was dangerous. But now... 

I closed my eyes and my cheeks heated. 

When I opened my eyes, I could see Raven was about to say something ngunit agad along tumalikod at pumasok sa loob ng aking kwarto. 

*** 

The moment morning broke, I was already in the living area. Clad in a Valyrian fighting leathers, armed with a bow and knives, I shivered against the cold bite of the wind. Raven had told me yesterday that we are going to continue our training today but in the forest. Nakita ko siyang inaayos ang suot habang bumababa sa hagdan. Napakunot naman ang noo ko sa suot niya. 

"So you get to wear fancy clothes while I wear these leathers?" tanong ko sa kanya. He smirked at me at hindi tumakas sa mga mata ko kung paano niya ako tingnan mula ulo hanggang paa. 

"You look good in that," he said the moment he stood in front of me. Tininngnan ko ang kabuuan niya. He was wearing his usual black shirt, pants, and boots. May suot din siyang itim na long coat para panangga sa lamig ng panahon. Although my leathers are warm enough for me.

"Why do you always look like you came straight out of the magazine? It's annoying." 

He barked a laugh and I rolled my eyes as we walked out of the house. Agad kaming nagtungo sa bundok kung saan kami magsasanay. Freezing rain trickled through the leaves and falling to the ground. Hindi naman naging mahirap ang pag-akyat sa bundok. May mga daanan na kasi doon. 

Raven was a few hundred feet behind me, carrying our bags. Sa ganda ng sinuot niya ngayong araw, he should at least carry our packs. Naglakad pa kami sa kailaliman ng kagubatan. Malayo na kami sa camp at sa tingin ko ay dito na kami magpapalipas ng gabi ngunit sabi ni Raven ay may inn naman sa kabilang panig ng kabundukan kaya hindi na namin kailangang matulog sa labas.

I looked at Raven behind me. He was walking gracefully under the tiny sprays of rain. I stopped walking and looked ahead. Nang magising ako kanina, wala na si Al sa kanyang kama. Hindi ko alam kung saan siya nagpunta ngunit sabi ni Raven ay nagsasanay din ito kasama si Bryen at ang mga babaeng Valyrian. 

Naramdaman ko naman si Raven na nakatayo na sa gilid ko. I looked at him and I could see his brows lifting in silent question as to why I had stopped walking. Hindi namin napag-usapan ang mga nangyari sa amin noong mga nakaraang linggo. When we were at his other court where I have to play the role of his w***e, when I perched on his lap and had let him touch me. Before that, there was that time when we watched the stars and he told me about them and how we danced and how we were blasted with color balls, the first time I smiled at him broadly. We didn't talk about it. And last night, when I thought of something so outrageous that I was scared he might have seen inside my head while I think of it, I had decided that it didn't need to be complicated. Perhaps if things between us are purely physical...

I could feel the tension between us so strong that I could almost taste it. Although I am not sure if he felt it too. 

Damn it, Delta. You're in the middle of the woods and all you think about is your attraction to Raven? 

I lifted a hand, signaling him to stay where he was. He sketched a dramatic bow and I rolled my eyes as stalked down the stream ahead. Raven had told me the tasks I needed to do. And that is to use my bow however I like. I planned to hunt a rabbit but then I am not too good at aiming so I guess I am better at aiming at shorter distances. I was planning to use the bow to get us some fish to eat. 

And every step of the way, I could feel Raven's stare devouring me. I closed my eyes for a brief moment just enough to calm my nerves before I kept walking down. I turned to look at him and he was leaning on the pine tree, watching me indeed. 

The ground sloped towards the gushing stream. I walked down the slope. Hindi ko na makita si Raven mula sa kinatatayuan ko. Good. This spot is good. Kinuha ko ang aking pana at saka itinutok iyon sa isdang nakita ko sa tubig and then a twig snapped behind me. Ang buong akala ko ay si Raven iyon. 

"Delta." 

I whirled, an arrow pointed towards the source of the voice--

Three South Court sentinels stalked from the trees behind me, fully armed. I didn't know the three sentinels but I knew the man who stood between them. 

"Tyrell," I said. 

Kung tatakas ako, I would have to cross the stream or face them. The former is almost impossible as the water was gushing too fast. Tyrell was looking at me and at the arrows I did not dare to put down. 

His silver hair was tied back, and there wasn't a hint of finery on him: just...weapons.

"We've been hunting for you for over two months," he breathed. His eyes scanned the area, the woods, and the stream. 

Raven. I had him stay back. He's way too far back. 

"How did you find me?" My voice was steely and cold and it was something I don't recognize. But what did he say? Hunting me? As if I were indeed prey. I thought of Maxim and my blood went colder. 

"Someone told us you'd be here. But it was pure luck that we found you--" Tyrell took a step forward. I stepped back. 

Tyrell's eyes widened slightly. "Delta, we need to get out of here. Maxim's been--he hasn't been himself. I'll take you right to--" 

"No," I said. The word seemed to have echoed through the woods. The three sentinels glanced at each other, then to the arrow I kept pointed at them. 

Tyrell looked at me from head to foot and I can see what he was looking at: the Valyrian fighting leathers and the color and fullness returning to my face and body. And then the silent coldness on my face. 

"Delta," he said, holding out a hand. "Let's go home." 

I gritted my teeth. "That place stopped being my home the day you let him lock me up inside of it." 

Tyrell's mouth tightened. "Delta, it was a mistake. Pinagsisihan ko iyon at ganoon din si Maxim. He's sorry. More sorry than you realize. And so am I." He stepped toward me again and I backed another few inches. There's not much space between me and the stream now. 

Even as Raven, Bryen, and Al trained me,  don't think I could handle four warriors alone. I wonder if they knew Raven is here. But if they do, would they risk this far coming at me? 

"Delta," I could hear his voice pleading and dared another step, his hand outraised. Itinutok ko sa kanya ang pana, my bowstring groaning with the way I stretched it. 

"Put the arrow down," he murmured like I was a wild animal who needed to be soothed. Behind him, the three sentinels closed in, herding me

You are not his subject. 

Don't let him make you his reward. 

You are not a High Lord's pet. Nor his possession. 

"Don't," I breathed, "touch.me." 

"You don't understand the mess we're in, Delta. We--I need you home. Now." 

I calculated my odds. I peered at the stream below. Ngunit mabilis si Tyrell at agad siyang nakalapit sa akin. He slapped the bow out of my hand and grabbed my wrist. 

No. 

All the training I had with Bryen kicked in. With all my strength, I pulled my hand from his grasp using my other hand, I landed a punch on my face. Tyrell staggered backward. I could see the surprise on his face as he looked at me. 

I stood in my fighting stance, fists clenched in front of me just like how Bryen taught me. "Come at me. Touch me again and I will not hesitate to cut your hand." I took the dagger out of my pocket. It was the dagger he gave me a long time ago. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin doon. 

"Delta, please." 

"Leave, Tyrell. I don't want to fight you." 

"Delta--" 

Hindi na natapos ni Tyrell ang kanyang sasabihin nang isa sa mga kasamahan niyang lalaki ay bigla nalang tumakbo sa gawi ko. Tyrell was too late to stop him and I prepared myself to fight. With a brandish of my dagger, I wounded the man and before he could even recover, I kicked him hard and he fell to the ground, groaning. 

The other two came running towards me and Tyrell didn't bother to stop them. But I was quick. I was trained by the Valyrian warrior themselves. I was strong. I hit their guts with the back of the bejeweled dagger and twisted their arms as they grunted in pain. Without hesitation, I twisted their fingers and they screamed. I faced Tyrell as he looked at me, still wide-eyed. His sentinels were down and it was just him.

I took a step to the side and he did the same. Hanggang sa siya naman na ang malapit sa sapa. I need to get back to Raven as soon as possible. His sentinels stood and helped the wounded one. They all looked at me and then their eyes widened as they looked behind me. That's when I heard graceful and casual footsteps. I did not dare put my dagger down until Raven was standing beside me. 

"Tyrell Rofier," Raven purred. "Didn't your mother ever tell you that when a woman says no, she means it? And Maxim sent his soldiers last time. Took all of my self-control not to send them back alive. I was assuming that the noble High Lord of the South has learned his lesson." 

Tyrell gritted his teeth. "Prick," he snarled. "You filthy whoring prick." 

"Careful, Tyrell," I growled. 

Tyrell's eyes sliced to me and said with quiet horror, "What have you done, Delta?" 

"Don't come looking for me again," I said with equal softness. 

"Maxim will never stop looking for you. He will never stop waiting for you to come home." 

The words hit me in the gut. And it must have shown in my face that Tyrell went on, "What did he do to you. I didn't believe what Eustace and Laurent said but...seeing you now--" 

"Enough," Raven said, angling his head with casual grace. "Delta and I are busy. Go back to your lands before I send your heads as a reminder to my old friend about what happens when South Court soldiers set foot in my territory." 

The freezing rain slid down my face. 

"Come home, Delta." 

"I am not someone you just order to come home. I am not a child playing games," I said through my teeth. That's how they'd seen me: someone in need of constant coddling, explaining, protecting... 

"Careful now, Tyrell," Raven drawled. "Or Delta darling will send you back in pieces, too." 

"We are not your enemies, Delta." Tyrell pleaded. "Things got bad, everything got out of hand, but it doesn't mean you give up--" 

"You gave up," I breathed. I even felt Raven go utterly still beside me. 

"You gave up on me, Tyrell," I said a bit more loudly. "You...You were my friend. And you picked him--picked obeying him, even when you saw what his orders and his rules did to me. Even when you saw me wasting away day by day." 

"You have no idea how fragile the court was after Meredith," he snapped. "We needed to present a unified and obedient front. I was supposed to be the example--" 

"You saw what was happening to me. But you were too afraid of him to truly do anything about it. Just like him, you let me rot." 

And then I saw fear and regret in his eyes. 

"Nagmakaawa ako sa iyo, Tyrell. I begged you so many times to help me, to get me out of the house, kahit isang oras lang. But you left me alone. Told me to do things I never was fond of doing in the first place." 

Tyrell said too quietly that it hurt, "And you're saying the North Court is so much better?" 

Yes. It was so much better. But then Varsis is not supposed to be known. And I would keep it safe. To keep Al and Mel and Bryen and Az and...Raven safe. 

I said to Tyrell, low and quiet. "The North Court did not lock me up. So yes, it was so much better." 

Nakita ko si Tyrell na napaatras. "You are so consumed in darkness, Delta. What have you done to yourself?" 

I gave him a little smile. "The girl you knew back in Maxim's manor is dead. I have no interest in spending this life being a High Lord's pet." 

Tyrell shook his head. "Delta--" 

"Tell Maxim," I said, choking on his name, on the thought of what he had done to Raven and his family, "kung magpapadala pa siya ng mga sundalo niya sa teritoryong ito, ako ang unang hahanap sa inyo. I will hunt each and every one of you down. And I will demonstrate exactly what the darkness had taught me." 

There was genuine pain on his face but I didn't care. Tumalikod na ako naglakad papalayo because I know that they will not come after me anymore. 

* * *