Call Me By My Name

Ch.2

Mateo

Flashback-Five years ago

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I was having one of the most f****d up days ever. Cleaning Dario’s mess, and trying to stay on task with the mission I was recently tasked with, I was running on less than two hours of sleep for the last two days. More souls to add to the endless number of ghosts that haunt me. Because the last job I had wasn’t that far from Dario’s, I called to tell him that I would crash at his place for the night before heading back to Denver.

Since his condo was soundproof, I’ve tended to crash here whenever I’m in town. That’s why he mostly dedicated a room there for me. The plan was to raid his liquor cabin and try to drown the ghosts until I eventually passed out. Then I saw her. The girl Dario never stops talking about, the daughter of my targets.

She couldn’t be more than five-five, if that. Yet she walked as if the world was her stomping ground. I would have said it was the short people syndrome but there was someone vibrant about her confidence. It radiated at each step. Even when we got into the elevator and she was struggling, it wouldn’t have been visible to those outside of our world. She reminded me of my mother.

When I went in behind her, I could see she hadn’t realized that I was behind her. She should be more careful with that. However, it seemed like she had already been warned about me. She barely met my gaze, but even then, it was hard not to appreciate the sight of her.

That cover-up over the tiny yellow bikini did nothing to hide much from the imagination. She had a toned s-shaped figure. Firm yet soft. Her dark skin, still gleaming from the water of the pool. Her fallen burgundy colored locs from a wet loose ponytail. And when she finally turned around to go to her room and ran from me, time stood still.

Her doe honey brown eyes locked with mine and something just snapped. It might have been the innocent laced with defiance and crazy that did it for me. I’ve heard a lot about her. The younger sister, who does as she pleases with no regard for the authorities that is known as her parents. The soon-to-be forensic psychologist with her own mental fxck ups and was set to marry one of our partners.

She was already off limits, but the latter made her untouchable. That didn’t mean I couldn’t look. I couldn’t help but chuckle when she snapped out of her trance and took off, locking her door behind her for the second time. She was smart indeed. I’m sure Dario told her to stay away from me. I would have told her the same too.

It was already late in the evening, and I was getting tired. Knowing the kind of nights I tend to have, I got a whiskey bottle out of the cabin and went into my room. I started drinking before my shower and continued after. After three-fourths of the bottle, I eventually fell asleep. Like most nights away from home, the nightmares took over.

The only difference was this time, I started hearing a voice that was never there before. It was almost soothing. I kept hearing it telling me to come back to her and somehow it became a mantra. The more it replays, the closer I felt to the surface. It became my guide until I opened my eyes. When I finally did and gathered my surroundings, I panicked.

My hand was wrapped around her neck. I never understood what possessed me to taste her tears, what took over for me to hold her, or what the hell got into me when I kissed her. All I knew was that around her I had lost my mind, found it, and lost it again.

I’m not sure if it was because she was insane or just one of a kind. Since the time Mel died, other than the crazy woman I called mom, I’ve never had anyone willingly stand before during my night terrors. Not even the dads would come near me, let alone stand in my way. She did more than stand in my way, she invited me and my demons in.

I pride myself on being a rational guy, but around her, I found myself losing all rationality. It went out of the window when she asked me to stay. She knew what could have happened, that she wasn’t safe with me. Yet she commanded that I stay, and not only share her bed but herself. For two nights and two days, she gave me all of her and she got all of me. Then she snuck out to never be seen again.

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*Current*

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“When we said take your time, we didn’t mean a fxcking lifetime.” Gunnar

“Gun, can you shut up and let the boy explain? Yeager

“There’s no need. The reason I agreed for him to take this job was because I already knew it wasn’t as simple as it seemed. Hence, why I extended his time frame. But Matty, I do advise you to wrap things up before your siblings make their move.”

“Fair enough. There’s a wedding coming up, it’ll be handled by then.”

Mom gave me a knowing smile before putting an end to the meeting call. Even though Gunnar tried to pester me, mom wasn’t having it. Everyone knew who the head of the house was, and she just happened to be my best friend. Mom was my secret keeper, protector, and mastermind of our lives. So, she knew what was holding me back from completing this mission.

She was right, things went farther down the rabbit hole than we all expected. What should have taken a year, took five. If I wasn’t mentally fxcked up before, this job would have been my undoing. In the end, it didn’t really matter. I had a job to complete and a position I had to claim. I was three years behind schedule and my brothers were aiming for my spot.

In a family like ours, there is bound to be competition. Honestly, we thrived on it. It’s one of the things that made us close, but mom has been holding on to my position by sheer force and I knew she was tired of dealing with my siblings. Especially when she’s been less lenient with them than she has been with me.

I wasn't the only one who had lost Mel. But our bond went further than that and my siblings always hated it. If only they knew that it was nothing but horror and trauma that sealed our bond. There's always more than what meets the eye with my family.

Chuckling at the thought of how they were going to react when I got back, I got up to get myself ready for this trip to the Bahamas. I found myself thinking about her, wondering if she'd finally show up. She’s been MIA but I can’t lie and say that I’ve actually been looking for her. I’ve tried to push her into that forgotten box over the years, but every now and then I’ll find myself drifting to the moment we’ve shared.

Sometimes it’s easy to believe that the weekend was nothing but a fluke. A rare occurrence that can never be duplicated. I didn't want to delude myself into even thinking there were any possibilities that it could be more than that. I guess that’s why I agreed for mom to choose who would publicly stand by my side when I officially took over my dad Yeager’s position and one-fourth of her company.

I didn’t need love or someone to understand me, I needed someone capable enough to handle the farce of the public image. Nothing more and nothing less. Something about that weekend five years ago pushed me to give up on the slight idea that there could be someone out there who could fill these holes within me. I've only added more over the years and it's just impossible to contain now.

I can say that the memories I have of Mel and the ones I have of her were quite enough. Now, I needed to hurry up, complete this mission and get back to the life planned out for me.

I know it’s a cop-out, but I would rather be on a path planned out for me than planning one myself and ending up more fxcked up than I already am. At least then I can pretend to be somewhat normal. The life I would have chosen was already taken from me and the one I briefly found myself imagining with the strange woman I met five years ago was impossible. She shouldn’t even be a thought, especially after Mel, but even if briefly, she was, nonetheless. I needed to let that go the same way I knew it was time I let Mel go and be the son my parents needed me to be.