Call Me By My Name

Ch.1

Royale

*Five Years Ago*

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It was the morning before my twenty-first birthday, and I was ecstatic. Not only am I legal to drink, but I can officially move out on my own. I’ve already packed and loaded my Jeep Wrangler. Instead of preparing for a party-filled night with my college friends, I’m about to make a road trip from New York to Denver. I’ve always wanted to travel but my so-called parents tend to keep me in a cage.

The boyfriend they arranged for me and are pressuring me to marry wants to move in with me, but unbeknown to them, that’s not happening. No one knows I’m leaving today, but I do plan on stopping by my brother Dario’s before I set off for my new adventure. I have a week to spare before starting my new position at the correctional clinic for the mentally ill. Before I jump on that boat, I want to live a little.

These next couple of years are going to be rough and hectic. I only got one week to live my best life. With newfound determination and excitement, I got up and went to shower. After I was done, I got dressed and packed up the remainder of the items left around. Saying goodbye to my roommates for the last time, I got out of there.

Forty minutes left from campus was where the parents lived. An hour right of it was where I’d find Dario’s condo. Of course, I took a right turn and made my way to see my older brother. I didn’t mention I was stopping by when he called to tell me a happy birthday last night. I knew that he wouldn’t tell, but I didn’t want to risk them finding out that I was bailing.

To them, I’m already a disappointment. Let’s not make it any worse. With traffic and a few stops for food and coffee, the hour's drive lasted two. By the time I pulled up in the underground parking lot of the condo, it was already one in the afternoon. I took out my overnight bag and locked up my jeep before walking up to the elevator.

The fxcker knew how much I hated heights, yet he chose to live on the seventh floor. Taking in a deep breath, I pressed the button and did my breathing exercises. When I finally made it to his door, I knocked but no one answered. Not wanting to intrude if he was getting down to the nitty gritty, I called, placing my ear on the door to hear if he was inside.

He wasn’t. The call went to voicemail. I sent a text asking where he was and for him to call me before putting in the pin and scanning my thumbprint to get inside. Everything was as it was from the last time I came here last month. The red and black joker theme of his bachelor pad. I took off my sneakers and picked them up before heading to one of the rooms he had arranged for me.

The lilac and white room was filled with new matching colored orchids. I might not mean anything to the parents, but to my older brother, I was his little princess. No matter where he moved to, I had a room and no matter what I was going through, he was there. He was only six years older than me, but he always took on the role that the parents should have.

Not trying to ruin my mood, I set my bag on the bed and dug out a swimsuit. At least if he returns home with anyone anytime soon, he’ll have enough to know I was here. After all, it was Saturday, and he doesn’t usually work on the weekends unless there’s an emergency. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was, it’s not like his job is all that legal to begin with.

I changed into a yellow two-piece bikini, threw on the see-through mesh coverall on top, and got my towel and book. Knowing he had a full bar; I went to make myself a drink. Vodka and cranberry did it for me. Tumbler full, phone, book, and towel in hand, I made my way to the indoor pool. It was empty when I got there, and I was more than happy.

Placing my belongings on one of the chairs, I put my locs in a ponytail and jumped right in. I can’t tell you how long I was in there or how many laps I did, but when I got out, I was exhausted. I dried off and settled on the chair drinking and reading. I was slightly drifting off when my phone started ringing. Seeing it was Dario, I answered.

“Dee, where are you?”

“Last minute trip to Cali. What’s wrong?”

“Ugh. Surprise visit on my part.”

“Shxt. Why didn’t you mention it last night?”

“It wouldn’t have been a surprise.”

“Fxck, Blue. I won’t be back till Tuesday, and I know if you're there it’s because you need an out.” I could hear him contemplating over the phone. It wasn’t the first time I crashed at his place when he wasn’t around, but this time, he sounded concerned.

“Is me being here a problem? I could just get a hotel for the night.”

“No, but do me a favor. I have a friend on his way there now. Stay out of his way. Lock your door and let him be.”

“Sounds dangerous.” I joked, trying to ease the tension on the phone. It can’t be that bad.

“Promise me, Blue. Stay out of his way, lock your doors, and keep your phone on you.”

“Ok. I was only planning on staying the night before taking off in the morning.”

“OK, I’m on the road right now. Call or text me if anything.”

“Bet.”

I hung up and was quite perplexed about the conversation. I’ve met a few of his rockheaded friends and none of them were as bad as he claimed, at least not to me. Plus, I don’t make a habit of being around them or even acknowledging them unless necessary. So, I wasn’t all that concerned. Yet this was the first time he sounded that worried about me being near one. Maybe because he wasn’t anywhere around.

Either way, I planned on taking his advice and minding the business that pays me. It can’t be that hard. Dario had a three-bedroom and his was in the middle, so I wouldn’t be disturbing his friend. To be on the safe side, I order dinner to avoid cooking and making any unnecessary noises. One can never be too careful around the company my brother keeps.

After another session in the pool, I dried off under the human-size dryer and went to pick up my food from the front desk on the first floor. I didn’t miss the looks from the few that walked around, but I was too focused on having to go up and down that elevator. Dario spent over a decade trying to help me with the fear of heights and keeping my senses always open, especially when facing my fear.

I’m sorry to say that I failed. If I hadn’t, I would have noticed the man glaring at me while the elevator went up. I would have noticed him getting off the same floor as me. It wouldn’t have taken me opening the door and him stopping it with his foot for me to notice. It was at that point my survival instinct kicked in, but it was already too late.

“Hmm. You must be the famous Blue.” That husky yet smooth voice laced with a hint of annoyance. From the tone and mention of the nickname only Dario called me, I can assume it was the friend I was supposed to stay clear of. However, I was pissed off at myself for not being able to keep track of my surroundings. That I was still chicken shxt when it came to facing that height problem of mine.

“Negative. You are?” I replied with an annoyance of my own, still trying to close the door in his face, one that I refused to even look at. He chuckled behind me and pushed it open along with me inside.

“Legend. Your brother didn’t tell me you’d be here.”

“He was just notified.”

Following the directions I was given, I rushed to my room, closed, and locked the door behind me. I went straight to the bathroom to shower. After making sure my body and locs were squeaky clean and free of any chlorine, I got out of the shower, dried off, did my skincare routine, and got prepared for bed. Dressed in my short black silk pajama sets, I sat on the bed, turned on the TV, and ate my food.

Seeing how the restaurant forgot to send my drink, I finished the rest of my vodka cranberry. But we all know how liquor eventually makes one thirsty. Dario forgot to refill the mini fridge in my room. Hearing no movement outside the door, I went to get myself some water before I brushed my teeth and called it a night with Netflix and my bed.

“Today’s your birthday, right?” That voice again came from behind as I opened the fridge, trying to collect drinks for the night.

“Tomorrow.”

“Happy early birthday.”

“Thanks.”

I still haven’t put a face to that voice. It wasn’t out of fear, it was out of lack of giving a damn. Dario had a no-face-no-case policy when it came to me and his crazy friends. I can count how many I’ve met and can actually put a face to their names on one hand. Just like I didn’t know many of his friends or those he associated with him, it went the same for them.

Even though this Legend character knew my nickname and birthday, I was warned to stay away; I’m going to do just that. It would be better if I didn’t add one more face to his list of associates. Since I didn’t hear his steps coming out, I assumed that I also didn’t hear his steps going in. After I collected some water and cranberry bottles and the bottle of vodka I had opened earlier, I turned around to head to my room.

I probably shouldn’t have done that because I’m sure my jaw was on the floor. The chiseled physique of a Greek god at a height of six-eight, muscular but lean. Light brown curly hair that touched his shoulders, smoldering deep blue sea eyes, and full kissable lips. The guy was well-proportioned and a dream to look at.

His eyes held mine and it was like time stopped. It took everything in me to break whatever spell I was under. He might have been a dream to look at but something about him screamed danger and promised nightmares. Yet it was hard to focus on the bad when the man looked that damn good. I don’t even remember making it to my room, but I did, and I finally released the breath I wasn’t aware of holding.

At this point, I’m thinking that I should have driven straight to Denver or stopped at a motel on the way. I’ve been out of it a lot today and I wasn’t happy with myself. It’s not like me to be like this. Deciding to go to sleep and leaving earlier than planned was the best way to go, I took a few gulps out of the liquor bottle and laid down. I’m not a drinker, so it didn’t take much for sleep to creep in.

****

It was a little after midnight when I woke up to the sound of crashing items against the walls. It took a second for me to gather myself and remember where I was at. Having just finished getting my master’s in psychology and done my internship in a mental asylum, it didn’t take long to figure out what was going on. I got up and went to wash my face, preparing for the night that awaits.

He was at it for twenty minutes from the time I got up, took a breather, and picked up again for another thirty, then repeated. After two hours it was dead silence, then I heard the cries. I know that I shouldn’t intervene for personal reasons, but the agony in his sobs was killing me. I opened my door to find him already a few steps from it.

His eyes were glazed over, no longer that deep blue but a greyish light blue. No one was home in those eyes. They were fixed on me, but they weren’t looking at me. I stood in place, slowly raising both hands. I didn’t know anything about him, so I had nothing personal to use to bring him back. Checking to see if my door was still open, I took a gamble and hoped for a miracle.

“Legend. I’m going to call you Lee. I know you’re in there. I just need you to follow my voice. My name is Royale. I’m your friend Dario’s little sister. I just turned twenty-one a few hours ago. My favorite color is blue, like your eyes. I can listen to anything other than heavy metal. I am petrified of heights and thunderstorms.”

I started rambling about all types of information about myself, hoping something would click. His eyes roamed over me and every now and then he’d take a step closer. I stood my ground, hands still up and still rambling. Telling him things only Dario would know, if at all. I can’t tell you how much time passed, but I can tell you it took a total of ten steps for him to reach me.

I should have gone back to the room a long time ago. Hell, I should never have left it, but doing so now would only make matters worse. I knew the look in his eyes, the predator waiting for his prey to run. I was no one’s prey. When he hovered over me pushing me back into my room, I didn’t try to run nor did I back down.

In a facility, I’d probably get fired for my behavior, but I’d never do this anywhere else with anyone else. I’m not sure why I was willing to do it now, but here my dumbxss was being reckless. As his body pressed against mine, and he reached for my throat, I didn’t cower or step back. Instead, I held his gaze and, unbeknownst to me, I finally reached for his face, brushing off a loose tear.

“Lee, I need you to come back to me.”

I wasn’t pleading, just a simple request laced with authority. I could see the internal struggle playing in his eyes. I kept making that request, calling out his name. Even when his hand squeezed around my neck and I could feel the pressure around my windpipe, there was no struggle. My eyes locked on his continuing that request that I needed him back. As if I ever had him.

I’m starting to think that I have a secret death wish I never knew of or that I might be just as deranged as those I’ve counseled. Here I was getting choked out and I was trying to bring back a man I didn’t know from a can of paint back from the abyss. I could feel the tears streaming down my face from the lack of oxygen. As if that was what he needed from me, he released me, pulling me into his arms before licking my tears away.

“Shxt. I’m sorry, Blue.”

“Don’t be.” I replied, gasping for air. He tried to let me go but I wrapped my arms around his waist and just held him. Something is definitely wrong with me. He shook in my arms; his silent cries could be heard over the low volume of the tv. There we stood, two strangers sharing a moment like no other.

“Why?” he finally spoke when he got himself together.

“You needed it.”

“But...”

“There isn’t one.” When the shaking stopped, I let him go and so did he. He took a few steps back, looking at me as if it was our first time meeting. In a way, I guess it was. Seeing that he was fully back to his senses, I took a few steps back, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him.

“Thank you.” Before I could tell him there was no need, his lips crashed onto mine. So much hunger in that one long kiss. He claimed my mouth as if he had always owned it and I let him. He gripped my locs as he deepened the kiss, taking my soul with him.

“I should go.” He broke the kiss and released me, taking a few steps back with my hands still clung to his shirt. Gasping for air once more, I had no words, just the shaking of my head telling him no. Yeah, let me be honest with myself real quick, something is seriously wrong with me. Cause when he kept backing away, I found myself not only following but pulling him back towards me.

Maybe it’s the liquor or maybe I just need to be committed. Either or, I ended up asking the visibly disturbed man that I just met a few hours ago to stay. Stay in my room, and my bed. At this point, my own actions and thoughts were beyond me. All I could say was that for the first time in my life, in that moment, I felt alive.