A Promise to Live Again

Chapter 3: Pain and Broken

“You have to let me go!” I was two and a half years old back then when I remember my mother shouting in front of my father.

“Why do you have to leave, Angelina? What about our son, Eugene? Who's going to take care of him?” He was also shouting, and I was the only who does not know why they were arguing.

“You know the reason why, Ruf. You promised me a good life. You told me that I will live in a beautiful house with you and our son. But it never happens! We are still living in this squatter's area in Pasay for more than two years. I even gave birth to Eugene here. And you? You are still the same person who never understands why I was like this. How long are we going to live in this noisy and smelly place? Not even a single wish of mine has been fulfilled. I would rather leave than die here hopeless!” It was a question on my part and I do not know what else to feel. But in the end, I just cried.

“I did promise all of that to you. You know why I was not able to fulfill it. I thought you understand. Please, don't leave me. I can't live without you, Angelina.” He was already kneeling in front of my mother while I continued to cry watching the two of them.

“You know how much I love you, Ruf. I love you and our son, but I can't do it anymore. I have to do this. The marriage I even ask from you was not fulfilled. I have been with you for about seven years until the Eugene was born. I can no longer breathe in the same world you live in. I have to go, Ruf.” She was pushing my father away, and she was rushing into the door to get out.

“I BEG YOU, ANGELINA!” My mother stop after hearing my father's plea. Then she saw me crying silently. She walked towards me and hugged me. All I can remember that time was the words she told me. I don't understand it, but her words sends a message to my innocent mind and heart in peril.

“I love you, Eugene. Mom is going far away and you have to wait for me, okay? I'll come back for you. I love you and please be a good boy.”

She hugged me tight and kissed me one last time in my cheeks and forehead. Then, she immediately grab her suitcase, walk away, and left without saying goodbye to my father.

Days became weeks and weeks passed by suddenly, but my mother never returned. Then a contagious and deadly disease called measles slowly eating my flesh and bones. I was rushed to the nearby hospital to see what was happening. That time, my father was already with someone else. And she called herself my stepmother.

My eyes were reddish. My skin was full of rashes. My fever keeps flaring up and I have difficulty of breathing. The doctor said that I have also and asthma and a pneumonia. My life that time was hanging in the loose thread. And I feel that any moment, an angel will hold my hands and pull my soul away from my body.

I was young, skinny, and bedridden. What I only think of that time was my mother. I weep every day and calling her name. I prayed for her existence to show in front of me. She was about to lose her son and I wanted to see her badly.

“What are you doing here? You left me, right? How dare you visit your son!” I heard my father outside shouting. Then a familiar voice ring into my ears.

“I am here for my son, Ruf and not for you. If there is one of us who should not be here, that is your mistress!” The door of my room suddenly open and the face of the person I was longing to see that time was running towards my bed. She hug me right away and I was crying.

“Mom. Mom.” I call out her name. My mind keeps calling her name. I wanted to hug her but I can't even move a little.

“Don't cry, Eugene. Mom is here. I’m here, my baby.” She continued hugging me, not so tight but enough to make my body warm. She's not even afraid of my sickness. She just let me fall asleep in her arms while singing a song she used to sing to me.

Remember me, my son.

Remember our own longings.

Our love will never fade away.

I love you until the end.

Whenever you are in distress,

Close your eyes and pray.

And you'll see me in your dream,

Embracing and singing you a lullaby.

Remember me, my son.

Remember our own longings.

Our love will never fade away.

I love you until the end.

Whenever you are in distress,

Close your eyes and pray.

And you'll see me in your dream,

Embracing and singing you a lullaby.

I remember that time, I slept in her arms. But when I woke up, I was alone in my bed. Until then, I never saw her again. She never saw me slowly recovering. My stepmother only conveyed a message for me from my mother.

“You have to live. Be strong and healthy. Smile always. Do not worry her anymore. One day, you'll get to see her. The only thing you need to do now is to fight, for you to live. Your mom stayed with you all night. I heard her singing a lullaby. She loves you very much, Eugene.”

Tears running down my cheeks and I was tongue-tied. My stepmother just caressing my head and I can't help myself to cry because my mother left me again.

I was thankful that she was there during my worst day of my childhood years. God answered my prayer and I get to see her. She gave me all the more reason to fight my sickness and to live. But at the end of the day, I was brokenhearted because of her.