A Promise to Live Again

Chapter 2: Loneliness and Pain

July 7, 2013

It was a cloudy day. The weather was fine and dandy. And I am in the mood of seeing my ENT Specialist for my scheduled check-up. Even though my ears were itchy and a little aching that time, it's still tolerable. Upon arriving at the Gateway Health Clinic—downtown area of Dasmarinas City, Cavite, I went directly to my doctor. I wanted him to clean my ears because it was a bit stuffy and disgusting. It was also giving me headaches every time I was stressed. He did his part to clean both ears and flushed out the dirt inside.

However, when he tried to clean my right ear, and he cannot remove the earwax, I felt dizzy. I told him to stop, but he just said that it's almost done. Grogginess seems to embrace my entire body. I can't even open my eyes. I was only blinking. After that, he just prescribed a medicine or ear drops to soften the wax inside my ears. After my doctor's appointment, dizziness continued. I even wanted to vomit and everything was spinning. I can’t seem to walk straight, trying to keep my balance.

“It's okay, Eugene. You are fine. There is nothing to worry now.”

I calm myself as I try to relax. Although, dizziness and vomiting were already present that time, not even an hour has passed after my appointment from the doctor, I went to a nearby mall to roam around. But it got worst the moment I get inside the mall. I hurriedly went to the nearest restroom and occupied one of the cubicles. After locking the door, I threw up everything. There’s this sharp throbbing pain in my head, which makes everything to spin. My body forced me to vomit every single food I ate until there’s nothing more to come out.

During that time, I was already praying to God for help. I do not know what else I should do that time. I cannot move my fingers to get my phone inside my pocket. Dizziness outnumbered my body. I was crying already. I prayed and prayed to stop the pain, the vomiting, and the grogginess. I feel weak, unable to move even an inch. I did my best not to pass out or else, I will end up unconscious inside the mall's comfort room.

“God, please help me get through this. If you at least touch my head, so I can hold it a little longer, please ease the burden I am currently facing. Let this pain and vomiting stop, so I can go home. I have no one here with me. Please, my dear Creator.”

A few minutes after I prayed, the dizziness and pain stopped. But I'm still unable to redeem my composure. I immediately go out of the mall trying to find a jeepney to ride on right away. I almost gave up that time because I wanted to throw up again. I prayed again and again until I reached home then my best friend saw my situation. I was getting groggier when I arrived home. Then, I puked right away on the sink.

I felt that my intestines and other organs wanted to go out. My body is getting weaker and weaker. I was thinking that it was my time to leave. I am on the verge of death. The reaper is now coming to take me away and my strings of life is about to reach its end.

The pain and dizziness continued and that time I have no money to send myself into the emergency room. My health card can cover the cost of my stay, but I was reluctant to move. I just told my best friend that I don't want to go. I have no money to pay for the other prescribed medicines needed. So, I stayed in my apartment for three consecutive days. I have no appetite. My ears were aching inside. And I cannot balance my body to move. Whenever I stand, I needed someone to assist me.

In my fifth day at home, I cannot take it anymore. My best friend accompanied me into the nearest hospital—University Hospital of Dela Salle in Dasmarinas City. In the emergency area, I felt like dying anytime soon. I would vomit and even spit some blood. Three nurses were assisting me one by one, my body was entirely weak. I complained about the pain I feel in my ears. Tears were running silently from my eyes and all of them saw me.

Back and forth, the nurses and doctors were checking my vital signs. I can feel the needles injected three times in the different parts of my body to get samples of my blood. Then, in the emergency room, I fainted.

The next day in the hospital, I complained again. My ears were still aching. So, another dose of medicines were injected in my veins. It was itchy, but I have to endure it for I don’t have any choice. I was in a dire situation. My body and mind were weak, both physically and emotionally. My family never even dared to call me. Only my best friend was there to comfort and console me.

On my third day at the hospital, after taking a lot of medicines and eating healthy food, the pain subsided and bit by bit, I was able to redeem my balance. That time, the doctor told me that I have Congenital Chronic Suppurative Otitis Media with Labyrinthitis and Cholesteatoma.

I was told that during the course of otitis media, the patient complains of intermittent attacks of vertigo, nausea and vomiting, which is accompanied by deafness and tinnitus. Pressure changes in the external auditory canal produce vertigo and nystagmus (positive fistula sign). The symptoms become worse disabling the movement of the patient. The patient falls to the opposite side. With progression of the disease, all symptoms fade away as the sensory cells in the labyrinth become destroyed and compensation of vertigo occurs from the healthy side.

Chronic Suppurative Otitis Media was defined as an inflammation of the middle ear; causing conductive deafness and discharge from a perforated drum while Cholesteatoma is a bag-like, cystic, foul smelling mass. It is formed of keratinizing desquamated squamous epithelium, pus, cholesterol crystals and proteolytic enzymes.

Those medical terms were new to me, but the level of pain within me is slowly eating me alive that I even wished not to wake up anymore.