keep pushing forward

chapter 6

Jenna.

we'd made it to the hotel. Macy driving like a mad man and almost killing us on the 7 hour drive here but we finally made it.

Matthew showed up early this morning taking Jackson with him and apologizing saying he was helping out his friend this past week and that's why I hadn't heard from him. I knew that wasn't true but I didn't fight with him, I wasn't gonna let him ruin Jackson's first big trip.

we'd gone on small vacations but never so far away before so he was extra excited.

Macy and I had settled into our room, my aunt and uncle just down the hall and I'm sure Matthew and Jackson were somewhere close as well.

we changed into our swim suits, the plan was to just relax the rest of the day then go eat dinner. tomorrow wed wake up early and go float the river for the day. Jackson loved all things water so I knew he was gonna enjoy this.

my swim suit hid my mom tummy and my c section scar, it was planned and nothing crazy happened. recovery was a b***h but my little boy was perfect so that was all I cared about back then.

my body hadn't ever full gone back to how it was, my thighs and hips being wider, my breast being larger and my tummy having a few stretch marks even my swim suit didn't hid. just black high waisted bottoms and a flower bikini top, Macy and I had found it at the start of summer this year.

she looked hot in her tiny red bikini not a mark on her.

" the tattoo looks so good"

she said as she touched my ribs I smiled looking at it. it was just Jackson's feet prints and his date of birth. another time Matthew went MIA about a year ago when he found out I'd went out and gotten it.

" I love it but the pain was more than I was ready for"

she laughed shaking her head

" you weren't quite drink enough but next time we will make sure you are"

she has gotten a flower on her foot.

we made our way down to the pool and dove in enjoying the water. it wasn't long before Matthew brought Jackson out and Jackson jumped right in and swam to me

" did you put on sun screen?"

he shook his head and I looked at Matthew who shrugged

" I'm not sure why you didn't bring it down if you knew he was gonna need it. I don't pack things like that"

I sighed getting out of the pool

" I'll be right back guys"

I announced as I went to grab it.

his face burns easily without it and I hate to start the trip with him having a burn. Matthews knows this but refuses to remember to do it.

I didn't let myself get angry I just went and grabbed it, fixing myself a mixed drink before heading back down. when I rounded the corner my eyes went wide in shook. Shane was standing next to my uncle chatting as he pulled his shirt off. his side has a huge cross on it and his chest had dark hair along with a happy trail that went down his stomach, he didn't have a flat stomach and he wasn't fat he just looked good.

I shook the thoughts from me head and downed some of my drink.

" Jackson come get some sun screen on "

I called to him and I felt everyone's eyes on me but I kept mine on Jackson as I put it over his face and a tad on his arms before he was diving back in.

I sent my aunt a sharp look and she only shrugged as she smiled she knew he was coming or he wouldn't be here. taking my uncles hand and going towards the pool. I wanted to go the other direction and not gave this today. not tomorrow either not with Matthew here. and really not with Jackson here.

I walked towards the table he was at and even with his shades on I knew he was looking over my body in this swim suit and I wanted nothing more but to his myself from him.

" hey Jenna"

I cleared my throat looking every where but his nice body and handsome face

" hey Shane. didn't know you'd be here"

he chuckled and that made me look at him as he smiled down at me moving his body a little closer to mine

" you didn't honestly think I was gonna just walk away did you? I know the reason your doing this, I know why you want to push me away before I even have a real chance. and this is my way of showing you, ignore me for a few days, have a ex husband and a wonderful son but I'm here waiting for my chance"

I looked at him through my shades but with his on i couldn't see his eyes I couldn't read his face other than the small smile he was wearing

" I don't know what your talking about"

he leaned down and kissed my cheek

" I know Jenna. "

I sucked in air as someone cleared their throat beside us

" Shane I didn't know you were coming."

my head snapped to Matthew who was standing beside us.

" hey Matthew. yeah Jim invited me and I can't turn down a chance to see Jenna or Jackson"

I watched as Matthews jaw clenched

" well I'm sure we can all have a good time. but I'm sure Jenna will be busy, being a mom on vacation after all"

and Shane chuckled

" I'm sure we will all be busy but hanging out is fun and I don't mind"

Matthew nodded his head and headed back for the pool as Shane turned his body towards mine

" I think someone thought I was out of the picture"

I held back a laugh. it was inappropriate to laugh at but I'm sure this is what Matthew thought.

" see things won't be so bad darling. until you can actually tell me you aren't interested in me and it isn't just your ass of an ex messing with you then I'm going to continue to show up for you"

my heart was beating out of my chest, this guy was insane why would he put up such a fight just for me?

he chuckles

" I see the wheels turning. meet me after dinner and we can talk darling?"

I couldn't find my voice I just nodded grabbing my cup from the table and making my way to the pool I needed to cool off, I needed to clear my head.

Macy raised her brow at me and I shrugged sinking into the water. she took my drink and we shared it as I watched Shane dive into the pool.

I knew Matthew was glaring at me. but I knew as much as he did at this point.

I watched trying to relax as Jackson and Shane seems to get along, they raced from one end of the pool to the other and I knew he was letting Jackson win, every time he'd win he'd pick him up and throw him in the water making Jackson laugh.

" bringing boyfriend on vacation?"

Matthew said as he came beside me

" actually I invited him"

my uncle said as he came up also Matthew glared at him and my uncle didn't back down

" why would you do that. this is family time Jim"

my uncle shrugged

" I don't see how he's stopping you from being with your son that's why your here isn't it?"

Matthew shook his head

" you know Jim for some one who is supposed to be my friend you sure are making things difficult lately my uncle laughed

" no Matthew you are the only one making things difficult" Matthew swam off and I sighed out glad that didn't go any further than it had. I watched as he and Shane both threw a football around with Jackson. I knew Matthew hadn't said the last of it to me but hopefully he saves that for later.

" why didn't you tell me he was coming?"

I asked my aunt and uncle and they both shrugged

" didn't see the point isn't like you could back out "

I sighed shaking my head

" I did what was best for him guys"

they both looked at me then each other and Macy hit my arm

" no you did what was easiest on Matthew and that isn't fair to your heart pumpkin.

until Shane does something I don't agree with at the moment I agree with him right now"

I groaned

" gee thanks man"

they laughed and I couldn't help but smile

thankful we were able to relax and enjoy the pool for a while until we all started getting hungry and we headed back to our rooms to get cleaned up for dinner.

I was walking with Macy when I felt him come up besides me she smiled at the two of us and then walked a little faster leave me with him and I rolled my eyes at her.

he chuckled

" at least I know who my wing man will be with your stubborn ass"

I sent him a glare but he just smiled at me

" you know you look amazing in that swimsuit, can't wait to float beside you all day tomorrow and enjoy my view"

I blushed holding my towel tighter

" what are you doing Shane"

he knocked my shoulder with his

" I'm about to go have Mexican food then I plan on having a very important conversation with you"

I looked at him shaking my head he clearly wasn't gonna get the picture until I laid it out for him.

we stopped in front of my door and I turned to him

" this is me"

he smiled

" I'm on top of you"

I blushed I knew that wasn't what he meant but damn it sounded dirty.

I cleared my throat

" I'll see you"

he winked

" you can count on it darling"

I opened the door and let myself kn the cold air making me shiver, Macy was already in the shower and I swung the door open

" thanks for the back up"

she laughed

" I never said I was your back up. he is clearly into you so just see where it goes"

I groaned throw my head back and ended up nitro the wall

" I know where this goes. it goes with Matthew acting an ass. me having my son all the time and Shane not getting the attention he wants or thinks he needs so then I end up heart broken

"

she got out grabbing her towel

" or you could get your cute ass in the shower, wash away all the negative and let's go have dinner and drinks. stop worrying so much about things you don't actually know the endings to yet"

I rolled my eyes

" I'm wearing my comfy clothes so don't even start with me"

she laughed

" me too. it's first night of vacation. but if things go well don't worry I'll doll you up"

I rolled my eyes again and started the shower

after I got out Macy did my hair in a simple side braid only so I wouldn't pull it up on a messy bun. I put on a Tshirt and mu comfy shorts. Matthew would absolutely hate that I was weariness my comfy shorts in public, they cover everything but he always has something to say about them.

and Shane, well I don't even know what to think of how he will think of me, I'm not even sure what he expects from this.

as I was putting on a little mascara there was a small knock on our door. Macy winked at me and I tried not to roll my eyes at her, but when she opened it Jackson was standing there.

" mama daddy says he needs to talk to you"

I sighed getting up and kissed his head

" stay where with auntie Macy I'll be right back.

he nodded and was already bounciest from one bed to the other. Macy looked at me and I shrugged I knew this was coming and wasn't any use avoiding it.

I opened our door and walked towards his room I now knew he was staying in with Jackson, when I knocked he opened it. he was dressed to the nines even had his shirt tucked in as he smirked at me

" come in please we need to talk"

I breathed out

" no we can talk here I'm sure it's for the best and we're leaving soon"

he grunted as he leaned against the door

" what are you doing Jenna? I mean really the new boyfriend or whatever he is. acting like getting our family back together isn't important. and you look a hot mess"

God I wanted the floor to swallow me, I didn't want to have this conversation and I really didn't want to deal with him judging me

" Matthew we've been over this countlessly times, you aren't willing to change and you don't even like me for who I am I don't want to have this argument on vacation "

he pushed himself from the doorframe and towered over me

" you running around giving it to anyone who gives you attention doesn't look good on you or me"

my mouth fell open, talk about the pot calling the kettle black. before I could say anything someone cleared their throat from a little ways down the hall and we both turned towards it.

" Jenna darling your aunt and uncle are waiting in the lobby "

Shane said his eyes never leaving mine and I just thought I wanted the floor to swallow me a moment ago now I really did. he looked good, shorts a tee and his loafers on. I nodded

" is Jackson riding with you?"

I asked Matthew and he grunted

" yes send him to me."

I nodded and headed towards my door I didn't dare look at Shane I have no idea what he thought was just happening and I wasn't in the mood to argue with him also. when I got the door open Jackson was laid across my bed watching TV with Macy

" that was quick"

Macy said as I walked in and then she saw shane and nodded

" Jackson your daddy is waiting for you I'll meet you at the restaurant "

he nodded and got up bouncing back out as he fist bumped Shane

" so?"

Macy said as I was gathering my things

" so let's go I'm hungry and so is Jackson"

I said and I turned bumping into Shane

" ride with me?"

I raised a brow and looked from him to macy

" she can ride also"

I cleared my throat Bei so close to him I could smell his cologne

" sounds good let's go boy toy"

Macy said Hooking her arm into mine and leading us out. Shane right behind us.

when we got downstairs everyone was already in their vehicle and we got into Shane's truck him opening the door for both of us, me in the front but Macy was hollow her phone to his speakers

as we pulled out behind my uncle Macy broke the silence

" what's Matthews want?"

I groaned throwing my head back not wanting to have the conversations now

" he is pissed I'm here but he will have to get over that"

Shane said and my eyes went wide looking at him as Macy laughed in the backseat putting on some old school Nelly.

I was surprised when they started rapping along together and couldn't stop the smile on my face.

maybe tonight wasn't complete gone.

Shane.

damn I knew being here was gonna be crazy but his damn attitude is unreal, he really thought I was out of the picture. why? because he decided to be a jerk and not see his own kids for a few days. yeah I'd spoken with Jim and I knew what was going on.

he was finally able to put things aside and at least throw the football with Jackson and I.

I knew he couldn't keep his eyes off her in her bikini hell I couldn't either.

I heard just about everything he has to say when I went down to meet her for dinner and I'm not surprised, although I am a little taken back at how he speaks about her looks. she's on vacation for one and two of the woman wants to wear shorts and a tee to a damn Mexican restaurant so be it.

the ride over wasn't so bad, Macy has good taste in music and I even caught Jenna smiling a bit.

now that I was seated beside her while we waited for our food she drank her margarita and I enjoyed my beer, my arm propped on the back of her chair as we all talked about the table and ate chips and salsa. she didn't say much and I let my fingers play with the ends of her braid. her face was a lot flushed either from the drink or the sun or maybe both but either way I knew she didn't have any make up on and she looked stunning.

she began to release a bit and we all enjoy our food before it was time to head back.

when we reached the hotel we'd 3 had had a small karaoke party in the truck and I was happy to see her smiling. I opened both their doors and helped them out as we told her aunt and uncle goodnight. she then bent down and hugged Jackson telling him goodnight. I could feel Matthews eyes on me the whole time and I didn't let it bother me I just smiled in his face. I'd he wanted to be miserable that was his own problem at this point

" don't forget the sunscreen if you want him to have it tomorrow so don't blame me I'd he doesn't have it Jenna"

is all he said to her as he turned to head inside the hotel. she shook her head and breathed out

" alright you two I'm going to our room y'all do whatever it is needs to be done and I will see you bright and early in the morning"

Macy said as she hugged a wide eyed Jenna and I chuckled

" I'm going up as well"

Jenna squeaked and Macy shook her head lookout at me and I smiled nodding as I took her hand

" I'll bring you back down once we've talked darling"

I watched as she breathed deep and nodded

" room key?"

Macy asked and Jenna nodded. Macy winked at me and kisses Jenna's cheek as she walked away.

" alright darlin I'm taking you to my room so we can talk. nothing more and nothing crazy so don't work yourself up"

she took in air as she nodded biting her lip. she had no idea how badly I wanted to do that.

I lead her to my room, I was glad I'd picked up before I left. she sat on the small couch looking around, I'm sure she had a similar room.

she pulled her legs to her chest as I brought over two beers and had ed one to her as I sat next to her throwing my arm on the back of the couch

" ready to tell me the truth?"

I asked and her eyes went wide.

" I don't know what you mean"

I smiled shaking my head

" I like you Jenna and I think you like me too, I could be wrong but I don't think I am. I don't think it's fair you not actually giving me the chance I deserve just because your ex husband is a d**k. I know what I'm getting myself into and I'm not stupid. hell I understand why you want to pull back from This but at the same time if he's gonna be a d**k either way why can't you be happy at the same time? I won't overstep, I won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable around Jackson and for as long as you want he can believe I'm only around because of Jim. and I will keep my mouth shut with Matthews comments towards you for as long as I can but I can't promise that one day I won't put him in his place for the way he speaks to you. its uncalled for"

she looked at me and she had tears in her eyes

" I'm used Shane, I'm no good for you and I may never be enough. I may never be able to have s*x with you because of my own mind, hell I can't even seem to think straight when your this close to me. he may say a lot of mean things to me but he is right about that. I'm used goods and I have way to much baggage for you to be putting this much work into me"

I took my hand and gently pulled her smooth legs into my lap and moved closer to her as I wiped the tears that had fallen

" you aren't used Jenna. you are a hell of a woman who has overcome so much more than you ever needed to. when I look at you I'm in awe of your strength and your beauty and your grace at how you handle things for your son. you put him above everything and don't get me wrong I asked your uncle if things would be easier with Matthew and yourself for Jackson's sake if I bowed out he let me know he didn't think so and thought that you needed to let yourself be happy. the same thing I think. in all that rambling you never once said you didn't like me as well so I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that you do. I'm not asking for s*x, I'm asking for a chance to show you that I'm not him, that I'm not gonna run away just because he thinks he owns you"

she sucked in air and I could see her wheels turning

" I don't know how to do this Shane"

I smiled as I ran my fingers down her soft cheek

" just be yourself, talk to me the way we have been. occasionally see me when you have time. see me when Jim invites me aroun until you are ready for me to be introduced formally to Jackson"

she looked over my face biting her lip

" and what do you want out of this?"

I smiled

" I want to enjoy you. enjoy our time when we get it and go with the flow of things. I know this will take work and I'm not worried about that. we don't have to worry about tomorrow or the next day just now."

she nodded

" okay and what do you want now?"

it was only a whisper and I knew she thought I was about to try to sleep with her I smiled at her as I got closer to her face letting my nose run against hers and I felt her breathing pick up

" right now I want nothing more than to kiss you Jenna"

her eyes went wide again

" then kiss me Shane" I smiled as my lips crashed into hers, enjoying it for a moment then pulling back just to have her crash her lips back into mine this time I couldn't stop I bit her bottom lip gently making her mouth open and a small gasp come out as she opened I slide my tongue in tasting her. she tasted so sweet and damn it if it wasn't worth the wait I'd take to get here. my hand cupped her face as she held on to my neck and we both for lost in the kiss.

she pulled back and I rested my head on hers

" that was everything"

she giggled

" now what?"

I chuckled

" now we watch TV and enjoy each other's company"

her head moved back as she looked at me confused

" trust me darling two people can watch TV with clothes on"

she blushed as she giggled nodding

I pulled my shirt off as she threw her sandels off getting into my bed I smiled at her as I crawled in the other side and I pulled her to snuggle into me chest as she took the remote and flipped through the channels

" really? law and order?"

she giggled

" it's my guilty pleasure"

I chuckled Kissing the top of her head

" I'll be sure to watch out for you then"

she hit my chest playing and I breathed in the smell of her shampoo.

we laid there way home the show before she looked up at me

" is this what dating is?"

she whispered into my chest and I smiled nodding

" for us yes. no need to rush anything we will get to the rest when we get there."

she blushed and turned her head back to the TV.

I got lost in my own thoughts before I pulled her chin gently to look at me

" how long has it been for you?"

her eyebrows shot up

" how long for you?"

I smiled

" well probably a few months, I was seeing a girl but turned out she just wanted me because I was a bull rider, she didn't realize it was just a hobby"

she bit her lip

" did you love her?"

I shook my head

" no I don't know If I've ever actually been in love"

she nodded her head as she looked back down

" I thought I was with Matthew, God we were so young and he made me feel like I was safe. like I meant something. it all happened so fast and then I was pregnant and the next thing I know I had a baby finishing school and getting married. I thought because he stuck around he loved me and I loved him but when I look at my aunt and uncle I can now see the difference in the relationships.

I know people think I was stupid for saying so long but I wanted my son to have a family. and there for a while Matthew was my best friend besides Macy, everyone else dropped me when I got pregnant"

I pulled her chin to look at me again

" you aren't stupid. you wanted what everyone wants a family for your child. but end the end he was the stupid one for not seeing the Amazing woman he had by his side, he took that for granted and I won't lie to you I'm happy he did. because now I'm here with you "

she smiled at me softly biting her lip and we ended up making out again. I kept my hand tangled in her hair one squeezing her hip as she held on to my arm.

when we pulled apart for air I kissed her nose smiling down at her her eyes still closed

" you didn't answer the question"

she breathed out never opening her eyes

" I'm not really sure. a bit before he cheated."

I faught back a groan as I squeezed her hip. I wanted nothing more than to show this woman what a real man could do with all this body she had but I knew she wasn't ready for that.

I kissed her forehead breathing out

" when the time comes I promise to make it worth the wait you've had"

she blushed as she let her head fall back on to my chest

" that's a conversation for a lot more alcohol"

I chuckled

" what conversation? I'm telling you how it will be"

she looked at me and rolled her eyes

" just trust me when Ive had a bit more to drink we will talk about this but right now no I can't because you will think I'm crazy"

I smiled as I kissed her lips

" I will wait until you are ready then"

we settled back down and it wasn't long before she'd fallen asleep in my arms.

I knew she'd probably freak out in the morning but it wasn't like we'd done anything wrong. so I let her sleep as I laid here looking at her thanking God she's heard me out. we still had a lot of work to do but a least this was a start and I was happy with that.

I rolled over holding her small body close to mine as I drifted off myself