keep pushing forward

chapter 5

Jenna.

id really enjoyed my night out. nothing had really changed between Shane and I we still texted throughout the day and he hadn't overstepped in anyway or tried to make any s****l comments.

he'd even asked about Jackson.

I was in my comfy clothes after work today folding laundry on the Living room floor while dinner was in the oven and Jackson played his game beside me when there was a knock at the door. I wasn't exactly sure who it could be but I went to answer it and found math standing on my front porch, he'd talked to Jackson over the phone but other than that I never. replied to his messages from the other night, I knew that's upset him but I was trying to make some bouncing for myself.

" hey what are you up to?"

I asked looking him over, he had on a dress shirt and nice dress his hair neat so I knew he was head somewhere other than here.

" I needed to speak with you"

Jackson heard him and came running towards us

" daddy"

he said excited and Matt hugged b before telling him to go play for a bit.

once he'd run off I pulled my front door closed and stepped out on to the porch

" are you serious right now Jenna?"

I looked at him confused

" what?"

he laughed angry

" you are going out now? not replying to me. were you with him?"

I shook my head

" Matthew who I was with is none of your business. we're co parenting that's it"

he stepped closer grabbing my hand

" I thought we were gonna try to make this work. what about our family?"

I sighed pulling my hand from his.

" Matt you and I both know that would never work. we just need to stay the way we are for Jackson's sake"

he looked at me and I watched his jaw clenching

" he won't stick around long with your needy ass. and a child. your used up Jenna you of all people's know they by now, I'm your only options so you better think long and hard before throw me away"

I felt the tears falling down my face as he walked away and got into his truck speedo out of my driveway. I'd heard it all before and you'd think I'd be used to it.

" mama where did daddy go?"

I quickly cleaned my face putting a smile on

" he was busy just came to check on you bud."

his face fell and I felt like crap

" how about we call aunt Macy?"

he perks up

" you go clean up your room and I'll call her."

" yes ma'am "

he ran off excited.

I called her and she picked up as I was sniffing away more tears. I gave her the shirt version and she told me she'd be right over to hang out with us.

I'd finished with laundry and took the chicken and potatoes out of the oven when she came walking through the door. she looked at me giving me a smile before she went to Jackson and let played Legos as he talked her ear off.

letting dinner cool beforehand making plates then we sat around the small table eating, I knew she was ready to talk this over with me but we both knew we had to wait till he was asleep.

after a shower, baking cookies and an episode of ninja turtles I told him it was time for bed, her and I both had work in the morning and he still needed to be up early so I could bring him to my aunt's.

we went to my room and sat on my bed as I let the tears fall, she held me for a moment letting me get it out.

" you can't keep letting him talk to you like this"

I shook my head wiki my tears.

" I may not want to be with him but he is right, I'm used. I have a kid. and hell I'm sure once Shane gets me in his bed that'll be it, I'm some famous mysterious prize to the guys out there."

she sighed out rubbing my back

" I think your being to hard on yourselves and Shane for that matter. stop looking at yourselves like you aren't worthy of real love. Matthew is a d**k and I think you need to just take some time to think it over before you say anything you'll regret to Shane."

I shrugged

" it won't change anything. but thank you for coming for Jackson, he was expecting him to take him"

she smiled

" you know I'll always be here for my best friend"

I laughed, one amazing thing about her is not only did she stick by me when I was pregnant she absolute fell in love with my dude.

we both got changed and snuggled into bed watching TV before she fell asleep. this wasn't our first sleep over since my divorce.

I picked my phone up I'd been avoiding it all evening I knew Shane has probably texted.

shane- hey darling what are you plans this weekend?

shane- I'm sure your busy and I don't want to bother you but call if you get a chance I'd like to hear your sweet voice before I call it a night.

I wiped the tears that had fallen and sent a reply

me-I'm sorry but this isn't gonna work. we'd never be able to be more than friends and I hope you understand and there are no hard feelings. I know you'll find someone amazing and I'm sure I'll see you around.

I put my phone on silent and put it beside my bed, I knew he'd text back but I didn't have it in my to argue with him also. I didn't sleep much that night.

Shane.

I'd gotten the text and read it a few times not understanding what had happened.

me- is it me? have I don't something that has made you uncomfortable or are you just not interested in trying to have a relationship right now?

either way I'm not angry darling I'd just like to know

she didn't respond and I had a feeling she was avoiding me. I'd give her through the night and hopefully she'd text me tomorrow.

I laid awake most of the night thinking of what I could've done to upset her.

the next morning beforehand the sun was even up I called her uncle and he answered still half asleep

Jim- I swear your ass better be on fire

me-no man I'm sorry to bother you so early I just wanted to know if you'd talked with Jenna?

he woke up a bit more hearing that

Jim - not since yesterday why what's wrong?

me- I'm not really sure, she texted out of the blue saying things between us would never work and hadn't replied since.

I heard him sigh out

jim-I can't help if she isn't interested Shane

me-look I'm not trying to sound like an ass and maybe I've been reading things wrong with her but she was definitely fine with our talking nothing more and I was fine with that but now she's cutting the talk I off. I'm just worried

Jim - I'll keep an eye on her, I'm sure my ol lady will talk with her today when she picks up Jackson after work. I'll let you know I'd you should be worried or need to just back off

me- that's all I'm asking. thank you

he hung up. I went about my day, I had some laundry I had to go do, and I looked at a house that was listed as well as grabbed some groceries.

it was about 6 before Jim ever called and I had started to worry maybe she'd told him she just didn't want to hang out with me anymore. but I also knew she worked until about 430 today.

I sat down next to Duke answering

me-hello?

jim- alright brother here's the run down and I swear if this comes back to hurt her I'm kicking your ass. I'm done with the bullshit for one and she seems to be the only one that gets hurt in the middle of it all.

now mel agreed with me on this or I wouldn't be calling you.

I breathed out. I could tell he was pissed off and I wasn't sure if it was directed at me.

me- I'm listening.

jim- at first she played it off as she wasn't interested in you. but mel saw right through that, the girl blushed liked she was in highschool again the day after she went to the rodeo.

mel finally got it out of her after I stepped away.

apparently she had a conversation with Matthew, she doesn't want to be with him so don't jump to that. but she doesn't think she is good enough for a relationship. thinks she is to much trouble.

I know this has to of been something he has said to her. now I'm not telling you to force your way into her life and I'm not saying you need to step back but I am saying whatever it is you do you better be ready for a fight, her walls are up and she is stubborn.

me- trust me I'm aware her walls are up. I don't want to upset you but I'm not ready to give up, if she interested in this the same way I am then I'd like my chance. I understand she may turn me away and I'll respect that but I'm gonna need her to actually tell me this is what she wants and not him.

jim- yeah well he's gonna give y'all hell if you try this. it's technically his weekend but she hasn't heard from him to get Jackson. this is gonna be his way of punishing her even though it's really only hurting Jackson in the end.

me- do I need to step back for his sake Jim?

I hate even considering it but a boy needs his dad and I know they have a pretty good relationship, it isn't fair of him to punish him just because his mom wanted to date.

he sighed heavy on the phone.

jim- I respect you more for even saying that I really do Shane. this isn't the first time he's done this, any time he doesn't get his way he throws a tantrum worse than Jackson and goes mia for a bit. it's completely up to you and her at this point.

me- I've got a lot to think over. thank y'all for letting me know, either way just know I will try to do what's best for them both.

we said our goodbyes and hung up. I sat there petting Duke. I didn't want to lose her before I ever even got her but then again what could I do.

I made myself some dinner and tried to think of the best way to go about this. it was late when I took Duke for a walk trying to clear my head, I put him inside and grabbed my keys I knew it was late but I needed to talk to her face to face I knew she wouldn't reply or pick up my call.

I texted him and asked for her address, I knew showings up might not be the best idea but he didn't fight me on it and texted me right back.

I stopped by the store and picked up her favorite snack peanut m&Ms and a small frozen daiquiri she told me she liked. once I pulled into her drive I smiled, there was chalk art behind her car, toys on her front porch and balls scattered in the yard. you could tell she was a boy mom. there was also another car parked beside hers but I wasn't gonna think to much about that.

I made my way to her front door knockout lightly hoping if Jackson was asleep I wouldn't wake him.

I tall blonde answered with her hand on one of her hips as she looked me over. I was in just jeans and a tee morning special and I hadn't cleaned up my beard since getting back from the rig, maybe not the best first impression

" uh I'm Shane. I was wondering if Jenna was home"

the girl smiled big

" well it took you long enough to show up. I'll get her, Jackson is asleep in our fort. I'm Macy by the way"

I stuck my hand out for her to shake and she did

" thank you"

she only nodded and disappeared as I stood there.

it wasn't long I heard the two whispering on the other side of the door but couldn't make out what was said before Jenna wash pushed through with wide eyes. the door shutting Behind her.

" uh hey"

she said as she wrapped her arms across her chest. she had on a baggy tee and some shorts I figured she was ready for bed.

" hey darling I brought snacks. Hoping we could talk"

she only nodded lightly and lead me to the porch swings as she took a seat I handed her her things and she smiled at me softly as I took a seat next to her but not to close.

she looked beautiful, but by her puffy eyes I knew she'd been crying at some point.

I watched her as she started sipping her drunk playing with the cup.

" I'm sorry if I upset you"

she whispered and it broke my heart.

I took her hand gently and she jumped a bit

" you didn't upset me Jenna I just came to talk face to face figure out what's really going on. if you can honest tell me you don't want to do this talking thing anymore I will respect that."

she looked at me for a moment and pulled her hand away as she faught back tears.

" I don't. I've got to much on my plate"

her voice cracked a bit and I nodded

it broke my heart to see her like this.

I leaned over and softly kissed her cheek then her forehead

" if things change you have my number"

I whispered out getting up.

Jenna.

God why did it hurt so bad, I hadn't even properly kissed the man but watching him walk away I let the tears fall as I gathered my knees to my chest and buried my head.

it wasn't long before Macy came out and put an arm around me

" why'd you do that?"

I shook my head

" it's for the best. he deserves so much more than I can give him"

she sighed out before telling me how she felt

" I don't believe it was the right thing to do. a man who is willing to drive over here with your favorite snack in the middle of the night to talk to you because you're avoiding him deserves a fair chance Jenna"

I cried harder. I knew that was true I did, but I also knew I had a petty ex husband who wasn't any where near done playing his mind games and it wasn't fair of me to drag Shane along into those.

when I finalize calmed myself down I went and got Jackson in his bed then I climbed in bed myself, even with all this going on I still had to be a big girl and go into work tomorrow.

I didn't sleep well, going over things in my head wonderingly if is done the right thing. and maybe I hadn't for myself but for Shane I did. I was a mess, my life was a mess and he needed someone who could give him more than I could.

when I dropped Jackson off the next morning my uncle was up and wait for him.

I knew he had to of known Shane came over last night or else how else would he have gotten my address.

he didn't ask questions just hugged me tight.

I got myself through the work day and checked with my aunt that Jackson was still there and Matthew hadn't by some chance come and gotten him. but if course he hadn't

before he and I left for home my aunt reminded me of the trip we were all taking this weekend. Jackson was so excited we were gonna go float the river, take him fishing and see some sights as well.

I had a long weekends with work so I had been happy to be able to be able to plan this for Jackson.

since it's technically going to be Matthew weekends Jackson is supposed to ride there with him and Macy is riding down with me.

now I didn't know what Matthew was doing, I figured he'd come this weekend still. he maybe still playing petty towards me but I know he will show up to make face with my family and at least see Jackson for his vacation.

this isn't the first time he's done this. any time I've ever told him I didn't want to try again with our relationship or I wouldn't crawl back in bed with him for a night he gets a hurt ego I guess and stops speaking to everyone for a few days.

Matthew.

I was so pissed when I knew she was out with him. then to tell me it wasn't really my business. hell if it was she was my ex wife it was my business who she was f*****g around with and why would it have to be him? I know him hell I've worked with him before, he's always looked down his nose at me and always thought he was better.

he used to snort coke like it was a life line he was no better than I was.

I'd been hanging out with my friends and going to bars I knew I should see Jackson, Jim called to remind me it was still my time with my son and I would see him this weekend on vacation but right now no I was gonna take him so what she could have her boy toy come hang out?

no she was gonna realize she needed me in her life, I was the only man that would deal with her having a kid around and I'm sure after he figured that out this week because I know her, I know she want bring him into the house while Jackson is there so I know he won't last long.

James hits my shoulder as he has a me a beer the chick I'm talking with bat's her lashes at me

" you know I never thought I'd see the day I'd see you with our Jenna"

I thought I'd see this girl neck and if she knows of me and Jenna that means I definitely wasn't wrong. she clearly was hot so that wasn't gonna stop my dun for the night

I nodded my head

" ya know Emily things change sometimes"

she smiled as she ran her hand up my chest

" well I'm glad they do"

James chuckled beside me, hell sometimes things like this we're far to easy.

" I'm gonna go freshen up don't go away"

she purred into my ear as she got up and I just nodded

" damn it boy I don't know how you do it"

I chuckle

" it's easy man they see a man who probably has a broken heart and they think they can fix it."

he laughs as we clink our beers together

" so vacation with the family this weekend "

I nodded sitting back

" how are you gonna handle that one?"

I shrug downing some of my beer

" I'm sure by then this new dude will be gone and I'm gonna be there with open arms to heal her broken heart. you know as I'm being the best dad I can be"

he laughs shaking his head

" yeah you're gonna knock some boots but I don't know about heal her heart"

I chuckled

yeah that was the plan, I'm sure she'd fall back into bed with me on this trip. get her a little tipsy and show her I'm not as bad as she's made me out to be.

" you know how she is. hell you know how good she looks I can't sit back and let this dude try to take my place she was mine to begin with and I ain't going anywhere."

he nods hell he's even flirted with Jenna a time or two. the girl has always had something about her that has guys falling at her feet but it's me who she married all those years ago. now to show her I can still be that guy