keep pushing forward

chapter 17

Jenna.

I sat here sipping my drink watching the two of them. I couldn't help but smile, I know it hurt Jackson's feelings that Matthew didn't have him stay the night but at least he's distracted at the moment.

as it started to get late i hollered letting them know I was going to see what I could do about dinner.

I hadn't had any plans to cook tonight since I thought he was staying with his dad.

both of them just gave me a thumbs up.

Thankful I had some chicken thawed out so I grabbed some flavored rice and started cooking my chicken.

chicken and rice would have to do tonight.

I was cooking when Jackson came running threw door crashing into my back, all sweaty hugging me

" eew! you are all nasty"

I faked disgusted and he laughed rubbing his face along my dress.

" mama"

he said and I turned to see the both of them standing there giving me puppy dog eyes. Shane looked like a little kid along with Jackson. I tried my hardest not to laugh, I placed a hand on my hip

" yes?"

" can we ppplllleeasssseee have a movie night?"

I looked from him to Shane, he was giving me the same puppy eyes as he was. I shook my head.

" we will see buddy why don't you go wash up for dinner"

he looked at Shane who nodded whispering in his ear. Jackson smiled big then ran off.

Shane walked to me, he was also sweaty as he pulled me in his arms

" please mama can we have a movie night?"

I giggled at his cute face he was making.

" you know you don't have to do all this. you didn't sign up for this today."

I whispered, I didn't want Jackson to hear me.

he smiled down at me taking one of my hands and kissing it

" I signed up for all of this when I asked you to be my girlfriend "

I sighed out Shaking my head. not this early on he didn't. getting thrown into playing and movie nights. all the drama. all he wanted was to take me on a date.

" if you want to stay I don't care"

he smiled big

" she said yes Jackson!"

he hollered out I let out a laugh as Jackson come running in. Shane's arms still wrapped around me.

" yes! I knew the puppy dog face would work!"

he fist pumped. I shook my head

" I'm going to find a movie"

he hollered as he ran to the living room.

" you have to eat dinner first"

I hollered after him.

" yes ma'am"

Shane lifted my chin and kissed me softly

" smells good in here "

I smiled shaking my head

' just chicken and rice"

he looked at it.

" I'm starved"

" well you go wash up as well it won't be long"

he kissed me once more before heading off.

once the food was done I was about to make plates but he came in kissing my cheek

" go sit I've got it"

I looked at him and was going to say something's but he only nodded.

so I took a seat.

" these are pretty mama"

Jackson said as he was propped up on the table looking at the flowers. I smiled looking at them.

" Shane gave them to me"

he smiled at me.

I still needed to talk with him but I wasn't exactly sure what to say since he technically already knew.

I just wanted to make sure he was comfort with all this.

maybe I'd talk with him tomorrow over ice cream.

Shane brought our plates and drinks and we all dug in.

we talked and laughed as Jackson told us funny stories, he even brought up wanton to visit Mr Tony and his horses.

once we were done Shane helped me clean up the few dishes, I was quite. I wasn't sure what to say in situations like this, I hadn't ever had help from a man around house.

he bumped my shoulder making me look at him

" I could get used to this"

he whispered and I smiled

" what me feeding and Jackson talking your ear off"

he chuckled as he nodded his head

" being in your home, getting to watch you be the wonderful mama you are. being somewhat part of the family"

I smiled at him shyly looking away.

he bumped me again

" hey don't go all crazy in that head of yours I'm not asking you to marry me tomorrow"

I let out a loud laugh Shaking my head

" that's good because marriage is out of the question for me"

he face fell as he put down the rag be was holding and turned to me.

" never again?"

I shook my head bit my lip. I didn't want to have to conversation or this argument.

" no. you see how bad the first one messed me up. I'm not listening myself again"

he took my hand

" then what is the long run here Jenna?"

I could tell by his tone I'd hurt him, I don't understand why it was way to soon to even be thinking about this.

I shrugged.

" being together doesn't mean I have to sign my life away again"

I whispered lookout away.

he gently raised my chin to look at him. he has a soft smile on his face.

" well I'm dating to marry you one day woman. I know it sounds crazy and you maybe against it at the moment but I will prove to you getting married in the city wouldn't be signing your life away."

I sighed shaking my head.

" can we talk about this later?"

he nodded kissing my lips.

before he walked into the living room where Jackson was placing the blankets and pillows out.

" what are we watching bud?"

I heard him ask. I leaned against he counter breathing for a moment. I didn't realize he even wanted to be married. hell my marriage was bad enough thinking of doing that again made me want to run and hide. we hadn't been together long. we hadn't even said I love you so maybe he would just drop the conversation for a bit.

but if a marriage is what he was looking for in the long run then maybe it was best we ended things before he got hurt. or before Jackson got even more attached.

Shane.

I'd enjoyed my date. and I have been enjoying my time with her and Jackson. the way Matthews spoke to her wasn't gonna fly, he could say what he wanted about me but he wasn't gonna talk to her that way. certainly not with me around.

they'd changed into PJs and we all laid on the floor with a bowl of popcorn watching some superhero movie. at first Jackson chatted explain a bit to me but he soon fell asleep.

Jenna well she was staying at least and arms distance from me. I knew that was from our small conversation in the kitchen. f**k I had no idea she didn't ever want to be married again. the thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I mean no I'm not ready right this moment but I mean if things kept going well and we were both happy marriage was a step I figured I'd one day take.

I waited a bit longer to make sure Jackson was out and I reached over grabbing her hand and she jumped a bit.

" come outside with me please"

I whispered. she looked from me to Jackson then slowly nodded, I got up and I helped her up as we made our way outside.

she wrapped her arms around herself and I knew she was running things over in her mind. I gently rubbed my hands down her arms trying to get her to relax.

" talk to me"

she looked at me then the ground then back up at me, I saw the tears swelling up on her eyes.

" I don't see how this will ever work out. I don't want to be married again, I don't want to lose myself again Shane. I lost myself for way to long and I haven't even completely found myself yet. and it isn't fair of me to keep seeing you knowing you have dreams of a marriage one day"

she buttered it all out so fast pulling her body from me and moving to look out into the yard.

I breathe out going to her and turning her to face me wiping the tears that had already fallen.

" you aren't running Jenna I won't let you this time. I'm not saying we have to be married in a certain time frame, hell I'm not saying you have to marry me at all. things may not work out. you may not even like me in a few months. but right now what I'm saying is yes. damn it yes. having you and that little boy to come home to every night sounds like a dream. the rest will work itself out. I know we are still workings through things, and I'm not rushings you. I don't want you to lose yourself in this relationship. I want you to continue to find your voice, continue to find yourself. I want us to grow together "

she looked at me like I was crazy but I just smiled at her winking at her making her shake her head.

" I don't under why you are fight so hard for this when you've seen what comes with it"

I pulled her into my arms, her going aroun my neck

" if I say you have amazing pus.."

she covered my mouth blushing as she laughed

" don't even think about it perv "

she squeaked and I chuckled as she moved her hand

" your heart Jenna. damn it you have an amazing heart and an amazing personality when you let it show. stop trying to run and just be with me please "

she sighed out nodding as she rested her head on my chest. I held her for a bit, happy this didn't turn into something bigger.

" I've gotta go get that massive child in his bed"

I looked down at her with a brow raised

" yes I carry him to bed on nights like this"

I let out a laugh

" how about I carry him tonight"

she smiled nodding. I kissed her lips before we went inside and I scooped Jackson up. he snuggled into me and I'm positive my heart melted.

she followed me to his room and I laid his down where she covered him up, turning on a night light in the small hallway as she turned his light off and cracked his door.

once we were back in the living room I helped her gather up all the blankets before pulling her into my arms and falling back on her couch.

" you can stay if you'd like"

she whispered out and I looked down at her surprised. she shrugged.

" just have to sneak out before he wakes"

with that I scooped her up in my arms and I carried her to her room tossing her on the bed as she giggled. I crawled over her body Kissing her deeply letting my tongue slide into her mouth, her hands running through my beard.

I kissed down her neck before reached down and pulling her top off, surprise to me she wasn't wearing a bra anymore.

sitting up I pulled her pj shorts down lesbian her in on her panties as she bit her lip blushingly beneath me.

I let my hands roam over her chest Massaging her big breast Making my way to her thighs as she squeezes them together.

I shook my head pulling my tee over my head then I let my hands fall back to her thighs parting them as I moved between them. rubbing them, squeezing them as she softly moaned out.

my hands sliding to her hot core and she squeezed her legs to together once more. I shook my head lookout up at her as she blushed turning her head

" why are you so scared of me seeing you wet baby girl?"

I whispered out and she shrugged I parted her thighs letting my hand run along her panties, I could feel she was wet. I groaned out.

I hopped up and she sat up in surprise, I wish winked at her as I went to the bathroom.

I grabbed a towel and came back. she looked at me confused but I just smirked at her.

" lift up"

she did as I said and I placed the towel under her pullover panties off and spreading her legs again. taking in the site below me.

" your gonna learn that me finding you wet is one of my favorite things"

I said as I spread her pink lips, swirling my fingers around in her juices as she gasped.

I squeeze her thick thigh with my other hand, she still hasn't full relaxed but I'd get her there. at least I hoped.

letting my fingers sink into her slowly her breath hitched my eyes focused on her wet p***y could help but Groan out.

I worked her slow and gently before I felt her leg full relax and I let me eyes find her face, she was laid back complete at my mercy as she bit her lip.

I knew she was holdings back her moans.

I let my thumb put pressure on her clit as I found her sweet spot and her body jerked.

" you have to be quiet"

I whispered out

" I know"

she softly moaned out.

I began to work my fingers faster, rougher squeezing her thigh with my other hand as she bit down on her own hand.

my c**k throbbing at the sight in front of me.

I pumped my fingers faster letting my other hand out pressure on her clit rubbing it fast as her head shot up and she moaned my name.

" that's it baby girl. let it out"

I groaned feeling the pressure feelings her beginning to tighten around me.

when her legs began to shake I pulled my fingers back rubbing her clit fast. watching as she fell apart, making a mess of the towel I put under her

" Shane"

she called out softly as her hips jerked, I let my fingers dip back inside her helping her ride it out.

before I pulled them out again and licking her juices from my hand groaning

" f*****g amazing "

her breathing was fast as I hopped off the bed and pulled my pants down quickly looking for a condom.

I got between her legs again and stroked myself as her wide eyes fell to my hard member

" what the hell was That?"

she breathed out

I winked at her

" that was me making you squirt for me"

she shook her head her legs still shank slightly.

her eyes went wide

" Shane?"

she called out as I was stroking myself, my eyes taking in her amazing body

" hm?"

I hummed a reply

" uh when did that happen?"

she was now sitting up a bit looking at my c**k with wide eyes. I'd forgotten I'd put in my piercing.

I smirked up at her taking her hand and making her touch me. her soft hand felt like heaven as my head fell back

" surprise"

she stroked me touching the piercing

" I had no idea"

she whispered out

I smiled at her biting my lip

" I don't wear it all the time. crazy idea when I was younger"

she licked her lips still staring at it stroking me softly. killing me.

" will it hurt?"

I smirked at her

" oh no baby girl it'll feel good"

she nodded her eyes going to mine

" I don't know if I can handle much more after that"

she breathed out and I rolled the condoms on running my c**k along her dripping hole

she moaned out

" oh I think you can handle way more than you know"

her eyes watching my as I slowly slid into her, she stretched around me and her body fell back on the bed as her hips raised to meet mine.

" oh f**k"

she moaned out.

I nodded even though she was no longer looking. I felt the exact same way every time I entered her.

I rocked my hips slowly as her hands ran up my chest.

" harder "

she called out

" you can't scream"

I grunted out and her head nodded I leaned down taking her lips with mine as I began to pound into her over and over.

her nails scratch I down my back as I did my best to swallow her moans.

it wasn't long before she began to shake again and I knew she was close.

I kept the pace Making her c*m all over me as I came right behinds her.

I slowed my pumps kissing her neck and chest.

before I fell beside her pulling her into my arms.

" holy f**k"

she breathed out

I kissed her hair

" you are telling me"

she giggled as she snuggled into me.

I held her for a bit before getting up and cleaning us both and remove the towel. she blushed like crazy as she pulled my tee over her head.

I pulled on my boxers beck climbing in behind her pulling her into my arms once more.

we shared a slow kiss before her head rested on my chest.

" I had no idea"

she said

" about what?"

she shrugged

" that this is what s*x could be like"

I squeezed her in my arms

" trust me it blows my mind just as much Everytime I'm with you"

she kissed my chest before we both fell asleep.

jenna.

I woke slight like to his alarm and he turned it off Kissing me softly.

" I will see you later today"

I only nodded I was still exhausted.

I felt him climb out of bed. then a short time later he kissed me again.

I was still half asleep.

when I woke up I rolled over sad he was really gone but I knew it was for the best, I didn't need Jackson findings him in my bed.

my hand hit a paper and I grabbed it running my eyes findings a note and I smiled like an i***t.

darlin,

amazing date, amazing dinner, and an amazing evening. all of it. including my time with Jackson.

I hope to spend many more days like it

I hated leaving you this morning but I know I had to. I'm gonna do a few things and walk Duke.

I plan on seeing you later. maybe I'll bring Duke by as well if that's okay. text me once y'all are up and moving. thank you for letting me in your life

shane.

I giggled readings it once more beforehand findings my phone and sending him a message.

me- thank you for everything. thank you for being so understanding and patient.

I'd love for Duke to visit. I plan on having an ice cream date with Jackson to talk things over with him but other than that I'm gonna be catching up on laundry.

I sighed out before pulling myself from the bed.

I headed for the bathroom to do my morning business and shower. my body ached as I did and I smiled to myself.

I could get used to this.

once Jackson was up I made a simple breakfast and he was a bit sad that Shane had gone home.

but I told him once he cleaned his room we'd go out for ice cream so he perked up.

I started some laundry and cleaned duo the breakfast mess while he did that. I didn't tell him Shane may come over later just in case his plans changed.

my phone dinged and I found myself rushing to it.

shane-

let me know how it goes and like I said if he wants to chat with me as well I'm all ears.

catching up on a few things as well but let me know when you make it back and if it's okay to come over.

I smiled biting my lip and sent him back a message before Jackson came out dressed and ready to go.

we went to the small ice cream shop in town and we ordered finding a seat and digging in.

" so I hear you and Shane have been keeping a secret"

I said and he looked up at me smiling as he shrugged

" so have you mama"

I laughed

" true. how does all this make you feel? I mean are you okay with me seeing him? are you okay with him being around"

he nodding taking a bite.

" you are smiling more mama and he likes to hang out with me too."

I smiled nodding

" any questions bud?"

he thought for a minute before shaking his head

" okay well if you ever do or you ever aren't comfortable you can talk to me"

he nodded

" I know mama"

I gave him a smile

" can I talk to Shane too? can I still call him when he's away at work"

I smiled at my boy he was handline this so much better than I ever thought would

' of course buddy. he wants to continue being your friend as well."

he smiled big and we continued to eat our ice cream.

once we finished we headed back to the house and be took of in the yard and I went in to start laundry.

I had sent Shane a text that we were headed back home but got busy once we made it so I hadn't checked my phone.

I folded a load and started another before grabbiness myself a drink and Jackson as well and beading outside. when I walked out I found Duke and Shane out in the yard with Jackson. he and Shane were thrown the football.

I smiled at the sight and took a seat letting them have a moment.

they only realized I was here when Duke ran to me asking me to pet him.

" hey beautiful"

Shane said as he came up on the porch I smiled up at him as he walked to me Kissing my cheek

" someone said y'all talked"

I nodded and he smiled

" he said he got ice cream in the deal"

I laughed shaking my head

" yes he did. he seems okay"

he smiled at me

" everything will work out darlin"

I sighed nodding

" well I brought pizza"

he said as he pointed to the boxes in a chair I hadn't even seen.

I stood hugging him

" you didn't have to do that"

he wrapped his arms around me squeezing

" let's enjoy our day together"

I smiled up at him nodding

" mama Duke is so awesome!"

Jackson said as he ran up on the porch Duke chasing him now and I laughed

" maybe he can keep up with you huh?"

he laughed and fell to the ground in the yard now Duke standing over him licking him.

maybe me dating wouldn't hurt him the way I thought it would.