keep pushing forward

chapter 8

Jenna.

after floating for most of the day we made it to the end and then we all went out for hamburgers.

the plan for the night was Jackson would be with my aunt and uncle as they were gonna rest up a bit then take him to this massive arcade.

I wasn't sure exactly what Matthew was doing, and Macy, Shane and I were gonna go ado and hit a few places that she has found that had love music playing.

we had showered and gotten ready, she has on a really cute right black dress and I have on a black lace romper with some wedges.

I had done my makes up and even applied lipstick.

my hair was straightened and I sighed out sitting on the floor looking in this large mirror.

" what's wrong Hun"

Macy asked and I shrugged

" do you think I'm doing the right thing? I mean I'm a mom for Christ sake I shouldn't be getting dolled up trying to impress some guys"

she came behind me and looked at me through the mirror

" look the way I see it is you don't have Jackson tonight, he's with his family's either way no matter what you do so you aren't hurting him."

I sighed biting my lip

" and what if he doesn't like what he sees? or how insure I am?"

she fluffed my hair smiling at me

" he likes you the way you are and he's willing to help you work through things Jen. you look hot! and honestly you need to just relax and get out of your head"

I nodded breath in deep. I needed to remind myself he Matthew. maybe my efforts into my appearance wouldn't go unnoticed and maybe tomorrow wouldn't end in an argument.

..

we found a little outside fair type thing, they have live music, food trucks and a few rides for the kids.

Macy has been bounciest excited since we got here and I'm just trying not to make a fool out of myself. Shane walks up and hands me a shot and clicks our glasses together. we both take it and he smiles down at me

" wanna dance?"

I bite my lip nodding and he grabs my hand leading me to the area where everyone is dancing to a fast song and we join in. at the end he spins me big pulling me into his arms as I giggle

" I know I've told you already but damn you look good night"

my hands resting on his chest and I have no where to hide my blush

" thank you"

he kisses my forehead and we fall in line dancing once again with the crowd, this time Macy joining in as we enjoy our time out.

Shane looks very good tonight as well, he's got on a light yellow polo shirt tucked into his jeans with his belt buckle showing, but honestly whatever cologne he uses I'm becoming addicted to. he smells so good I just want to be wrapped in his arms, I know my brain or heart isn't ready for all that no matter how much my body is yelling at me to just jump into it.

" I'm gonna grab another drink"

he whispers into my ear as one song ends and another begins. I nod and hold my finger letting him know I'd like one also, he gives me a wink before headed off. Macy pulls me to her and we dance together like crazy laughing

" it's been way to long!"

she yells over the music and I laugh

" yes I know!"

we dance crazy until another song comes on a guy asks her to dance and she looks at me not wanting to leave me but I nod and push her towards the guy , it's her night to have fun as well.

I feel a tap on my shoulders and a guy is standing behinds me smiling

" care to dance?"

he's cute and doesn't look like he'd try anything crazy. but out of habit I look around wait for Shane to pop up and get upset. when I don't find him the guy in front of me chuckles

" it's just a dance."

I sigh out and take his hand as we begin two stepping, it's fast and our bodies aren't really touching other than hands and arms his never grabbing me any where inappropriate. I try to enjoy the moment but I'm so worried Shane will get the wrong idea once he sees me and end up upset.

the guy in front of me fake bows at me once ithe song is over and I cover my mouth laughing

" thank you for a fun dance"

he says and I give him a smile

" care for a drink?"

I shake my head my eyes finally landing on Shane who is at one of the small tables they have out sipping a beer

" no thank you I have one waiting"

he nods as he smiles

" maybe I'll find you again for another"

I shrug

" maybe"

" there you are cain!"

I voice says from behind us and Macy loops her arm with mine

" Jenna with is Calvin, Calvin Jenna."

I smile and shake his hand

" I see you met my brother Cain "

I smile towards the two guys and nod

" she's a hell of a dance partner "

Cain says and I blush a little

" alright guys I'm going to get my drink"

I say and Macy turns us towards the table Shane is at sipping his beer. when we get close he stands and I'm not sure if it's because he's upset with me or if he's leaving, but he's out ride so I hope he isn't leaving.

" Calvin, Cain , this is Shane Jenna. uh well Jennas"

Macy goes to introduce him to the guys and I blush bit my lip Shane sticks his hand out and shakes the guys hand before taking mine and smiling down at me

" hopefully her boyfriend soon enough. nice to meet you guys"

the guys laugh

" I knew she had to be taken can't find two beautiful girls in one place with out a man some where near"

Cain says and I bit my lip normally this is where things go really bad. but Shane chuckles

" can't say I'm sorry brother"

Cain nods and smiles at me

" she's a great dance partner "

Shane squeezes my hand as he smiles down at me

" that she is even though it's been a few years I'm getting her back into it"

I blush. the guys stick aroun as we all have a few beers and walk around looking at things and enjoying each other's company, apparently Calvin and Cain are into ropping so Shane and them had something to talk about as Macy held on to Calvin's arm smiling like a school girl. I have a feeling Calvin is getting lucky tonight.

shanes been holding my hand but once we made it back to our table her wrapped his arms around my waist and I let my body lean into his as the others went to the dance area.

I take a moment and just enjoy it. I hate the dread I feel but I also hate that I have it, I hate how my brain works. he kisses my check setting his beer down and taking mine from my hand as I slow song comes on and he leads me towards the open area of Leo and he pulls me into his arms Dancing me slowly as our bodies moved together. one hand resting on my lower back and he has my other holding it to his chest.

I let my head rest against his shoulder as he hums the cover of the song " fire away" that's playing

" are you enjoying yourself"

his deep voice breaks my thoughts and I look up smiling at his handsome face

" I am. I hope you are"

he pulls me closer to him if possible and kisses my hand beforehand setting it back on his chest

" I really am. you two girls are a box of crazy after a couple drinks"

I blush looking away but he raises the hand that still holds mine and moves my chin to face him, he's smiling down at me

" I love watching you let loose darling"

I bit my lip nodding. I want to blurt out all my negative thoughts I've been having waiting for his meltdown but I don't. he looks me over our bodies still moving slowly

" I'm gonna kiss you now Jenna"

my breathing picks up and I nod as he moves his face closer to mine.

we've made out a little, this isn't like it's our first kiss. but it's the first one in public. its not normal for me, Matthew wasn't affectionate he just used to keep his arm around me when we were out to show everyone I was his, never a small kiss or a stole look of need.

but I could feel the need in Shane's body as he held me. his lips falling on mine gently, his tongue slipping in the taste of cigarettes and beer with a light mint mixed in making my head spin and a small whimper to leave me.

the kiss ended all to soon for me but I knew we were in public. he kisses my lips 2 times before Kissing my forehead

" I can't be getting to worked up out here"

I giggle and hit his chest

" oh whatever"

he smirks down at me shaking his head

" you honestly don't know what you do to me do you?"

I look at him confused and he kisses me again before leaning next to my ear

" trust me Jenna having you this close to me is killing me. I've been hard since I first saw you tonight "

he kisses below it Making my body shiver

and I gasp blushing at his words as I bit my lip hard.

I don't think I've ever had a man tell me I made him feel this way.

I don't know what to say but I don't think he needs a reply he just holds me close as we continued to dance.

once a faster song comes on we dance to it beforehand going to find drinks.

I've had a few now and I finally blurt it out

" are you mad I dance with that guy? are you waiting till we aren't in public to say something? and what did you mean hopefully I'd be your girlfriend soon I thought we sorta are worked that out. what are we? what are we doing?"

he chuckles as he stands from his chair and offered me his hand and I take it nervous but he pulls me from the crowd of people and I look around nervous waiting.

" you danced with him and from what I could see had a good time. he respected you and I respect that. no I'm not mad. it was just a dance. and I meant that when I ask you to be my girlfriend property I'm Hoping you will say yes"

I bit my lip nodding

" when will you ask"

I whisper and he chuckles

" are you ready?"

I shrug

" I honestly don't know"

he nods and lifts my chin.

" will you be my girlfriend Jenna?"

I breath out my heart picking up

" I don't know if I'll be a good girl friend"

he smiles at me shaking his head

" nothing will change other than the fact I'm not gonna warn you before I kiss those lips of yours. I will still respect things in front of Jackson of course but when we are alone I will have you wrapped in my arms and I will be Kissing those lips alot more"

I blush nodding and he smiles as he picks me up spinning me then he places his lips on mine, we get lost in a kiss until we hear a throat clear and we part to see Macy smiling at us

" you two can't just disappear you are my ride"

she says her hands on her hips and I giggle hiding my face in shanes neck as he chuckles.

" sorry we just needed a minute"

he says and she laughs

" uh huh. I'm going to get food figured you were hungry Jenna"

I hope down from Shane's body and she loops her arm with mine as we walk towards the food trucks, all the guys following behind us.

" so I think I'm gonna room me aunt mel tonight" I tell her and she blushes

" you don't have to do they but I also figured you'd be with Shane"

I shrug

" I don't think we're there yet, last night was honestly just us falling asleep"

she nods and squeezes my arm

" don't worry about sleeping in their room I won't ditch you for a guy"

I sigh shaking my head, she needs to live her life even though I'm to scared to live mine. we drop the subject when we get to the food trucks.

when I place my order Shane places his and pays for our food. I shake my head slightly, I've grown very used to being independent and even before I was used to doing things mostly on my own do this will take some getting used to.

once we all got our food and went back towards the tables they had one with 3 chairs, Calvin took one with Macy in his lap and Cain took one, I let Shane sit down and I was standing eating my funnel cake until he pulled me gently to sit on his lap. I blushed but he didn't say anything he just kept eating like he hadn't done anything.

Shane.

I've been enjoying our night out, it's nice to see her let go a little and enjoy herself.

she officially my girlfriend and honestly nothing changes for me, I mean as long as I was talking to her and we were interested in each other that was it for me I wasn't one to talk to multiple people.

I knew she was still a little hesitant it with her past I knew that was to be normal, I'd just have to show her I wasn't her ex husband.

hell I never wanted to be her ex anything and I sure an hell didn't want to be like him.

I'd started drinking soda a while back knowing I'd have to drive these two girls back to the hotel and I knew they were both a little tipsy by now. Macy was definitely feeling the guy she was hanging out with and me and the other guy made small talk here and there while we all snacked.

once we were done Macy and Calvin went to get more beer and the other guy went along so they left me and Jenna sitting here and I was enjoying having her so close. she was biting her lip, I knew that was because she was nervous now that we were alone

" so how about we have another sleep over? I think Macy maybe using your room tonight?"

I offered and she blushed shaking her head

" you don't have to worry about it. she said she wasn't bringing him back if I couldn't bunk with my aunt"

I shook my head pulling her body a little closer to mine as I ran my fingers along her collar bone making her blush more

" it's just sleeping darling. we've already done that's

she sucked in some air and I was happy to know I effected her the same way she affected me.

" are you sure Shane? I mean I'm not even sure what I'm ready for and I don't want to upset you"

I kissed her lips gently

" what did he do to you to make you feel this way darling?"

she looked away downing some of her beer

" alot of our s*x life was him getting his and then it was over. we never really did much and I always tried to please my husband's needs. I'd been with him since I was 16 and he told me it was basically my job was his wife not to leave him needing things in the bedroom."

she never looked at me as she talked and it broke my heart to hear this, I wanted nothing more than to punch that piece of s**t in the face.

I grabbed her face with both my hands Making her look at me

" one. if you aren't ready for s*x then okay now pressure. two. no you don't just have to please a man even if he is your husband it's a man's job to also make sure a woman is pleased as well. and three. don't ever think of your self so low again. if we both decide it's something we want to do then okay but it will be for both our pleasure not just mine. and four. if there is ever a time I want to just please and tease this body of yours because you need it then that doesn't mean you owe me. that doesn't mean anything other than you are my woman and I am your man. we are here for each other not just for my needs."

she looked at me and I saw the tears in her eyes as she cleared her throat

" this is gonna take a lot of getting used to"

I kissed her forehead and held her body to mine as she tested against my chest

" and that's fine. we will work through all of this"

she rested there for a moment before sitting up and kissing my lips

" I am so scared right now"

I smiled kissing her

" don't be. mama raised a man not a boy"

she sighed nodded as everyone made their way back.

we all danced a bit more and when we were getting ready to leave I noticed Macy talking with Calvin, we didn't actually know this guy so I knew either way she was safer in the hotel with all of us if she needed us that going back to where ever he lived

" Macy how about Calvin gives you a ride. Jenna and I need to do s little talking alone tonight "

her eyes went wide as she liked from me to Jenna who was tucked under my arm.

Jenna nodded and Macy looked at her for a moment longer before pulling her in fro a hug. I heard her tell her she was gonna text her and Jenna agreed before we all went out Separate ways.

Cain was still some where looking for his fun for the night, he's a single guy so I don't blame him.

the ride back to the hotel was quite and as I helped her from the truck and held held her hand her hand all the way to my room.

I knew she was nervous I could feel her over thinking.

when I opened my hotel room door she looked around with wide eyes biting her lip.

I stood in front of her backing her slowly into the wall pinning her there with my arms as I looked down at her. letting my lips take hers and she responded by wrapping her and around my neck as our tongues explored each other's mouths.

I slowly and gently moved her hair as I kissed down her jawline and her neck and she let out the sweetest moan I'd ever heard.

I pulled back kissing her lips softly

" I'm gonna find you a shirt. you make yourself self comfortable and I find us a drink and a few snacks.

she nodded her breathing fast. her lips were slightly red as I kissed her one more time.

I grabbed her one of my tees and handed it to her.

she nodded taking it and went to the bathroom as I pulled on some comfortable shorts throwing my shirt off and getting comfortable myself as I made us a drink and happy I had some popcorn from the vending machine downstairs to pop. I was a late night snacker bad habit I'd say I picked up once I got off the stuff.

there was a knock at my door and I wasn't sure who that could be.

but since it might be Macy I went to open it and found a drunk Matthew standing there swaying

" look who it is"

he slurred and I raised a broe crossing my arms over my chest

" this is my room"

he scuffed

" yeah well i just came to tell you to back off my wife"

I laughed he had lipstick stains on his shirt and smelled like bed bathed in cheap perfume.

' last time I checked she was your ex wife"

he scoffed

" she belongs to me. so I would just suggest you back the f**k off"

before I could reply her sweet voice rang out

" Shane I'm borrowing your tooth brush"

I turned and saw a beautiful sight of her standing there in my tee holding up my toothbrush as she blushed.

she squeaked once she saw I had the door opened and jumped back behind the chair making me chuckle

" what the hell are you doing Jenna?!"

Matthew hollered and I saw her visibly shake as her face fell. I turned back to him

" looks like she's busy for the night. I'd suggest you going to bed. your son is expecting a fun day tomorrow" with that I pushed him back s bit and closed the door. locking the deadbolt.

when I turned she hadn't moved from her spot her eyes wide.

" darling?"

I called out trying to see how she was going to react. she didn't move for a minute but then she fell back laughing hard as she fell to the floor and I went to her sitting beside her as she laughed I couldn't help but laugh along with her sweet laughter even though I wasn't sure what was funny

" I can't believe I was just caught by my ex husband in your hotel room!!"

I laughed shaking my head as I grabbed her hand

" are you okay?".

she finally calmed down and shook her head

" God I never thought I'd be here. but yes I'm okay. I just didn't expect him to see me. well like this"

I smiled at her kissing her cheek

" I knew it'd alot and I know this may sound crazy but are you over him? I mean my heart is on the line here Jenna and I need to know I'm not just some rebound to get back at him for the horrible way he's treated you "

she looked at me her eyes roaming my face and she smiled as she crawling in my lap, my hands going to her waist as she kissed my lips.

" trust me when I say I'm over him, the things he said and did still making me over think things, like tonight and the dancing with the other guy I just knew you were gonna flip out on me. but no I don't want to be with him and this isn't getting back at him. I ei always have a place in my heart for him because he is the father of my son and so far he hasn't let Jackson down enough to actually hurt him. when. he goes MIA Jackson always thinks hed at work and I don't say any different."

she sighed and she smiled as I squeezed her hips

" I haven't even wanted to date but then you came in to my life and threw my all kinds of ways. I'm not sure how to do this but I promise me trying to date you ahs nothing to do with him"

I kissed her lips. it turned heated and my hands ended up feeling her big round ass under my shirt she was wearing with only her panties as she moaned into my mouth, as much as I wanted to take her and have my way with her show her how a real man would love this body I knew I didn't need to over step tonight she'd had a little to much to drink.

I pulled away resting my head on hers

" we will work through this"

she nodded her eyes still closed

" go finish getting yourself together and I will be waiting with snacks and drinks"

she sighed biting her lip as she opened her eyes. she blushed slightly

" yeah it's probably best"

I chuckled nodding as I gripped her ass roughly

" we will get there I promise. no rush and maybe whe. your sober I'll have a bit of fun with his body of yours until your ready to go all the way with me but not tonight not while you've been drinking"

she leaned in and kissed me

" in so glad you are such a good man because you could totally take advantage of me right now and I wouldn't complain I just don't know yet how my head would feel in the morning "

I smiled and held her close

" I know love trust me I do but I don't want you to have any regrets with us "

she sighed

" I already do"

I pulled back looking at her confused and she got up from my lap

" I regret being so messed up you have to second guess everything a normal man wants to do"

I got up and grabbed her in my arms

" you aren't messed up and there isn't anything wrong with not f*****g tonight Jenna. I'm a big boy I can handle not having s*x for a bit"

she nodded as I kissed her head and she went to finish her business as I got things ready for our movie night.

we cuddled in the bed eating popcorn and watching her show, she seemed comfortable with me. being like this so close and so intimate even with out the s*x. I knew if I wanted this for the long run it wasn't just about s*x with her, she has a a boy and responsibilities and we'd figure this out. and we'd have fun along the way.

who knows maybe tomorrow I can talk her into another sleep over and if she hasn't been drinking I'll blow her mind a bit. and if she had I will gladly take the cuddles she gives me until we fall asleep