keep pushing forward

chapter 9

Jenna.

when I woke up I was on my side and my back was to his front, his hand was snaked around and holding on to me on my ribs, right under my boobs. skin to skin. i didn't know how to react or what do do in this situation. hell even in my marriage we didn't wake up like this, when we'd slept in the bed together we slept on Separate sides and some nights he wouldn't even come to bed.

" good morning darling"

my body tenses more

" morning"

I squeaked out and I felt him gently rubbing his fingers along my ribs as he kissed the back of my head

" stop freaking out so early in the morning love"

I sighed out wanting to hide away. how could he know j was freaking out inside my own brain

" your heart rate picked up"

his sleepy deep voice says answering my unasked question. I shook my head turning over and running my hand through his dark chest hair

" I'm sorry"

I sighed out and he leaned in kissing my head

" stop apologizing."

I nodded and I snuggled into his body more enjoying being in his arms.

I didn't get to stay there as long as I would've liked as we both knew we needed to get up.

he found out that I'm basically a coffee snob and offered to go grab me coffee and fruit to start my day while I went down to my room, Macy had let me know Calvin had left.

so I was in the shower now clearing my head when I heard her walk in, she wasn't in the room when I got back so I figured she was out finding herself food

' hey hot mama how was your night?"

I peaked around the curtain and rolled my eyes at her

" it was a good night. you know besides Matthew showing up at Shane's door and finding me in his room"

she busted out laughing

" and how did that go?"

I let the water wash over me

" Shane told him to leave. and he shut the door"

she kept laughing and I shook my head. okay it was a little funny if been busted but at the same time I didnt know how things would go today.

once I was out and dressed Jackson came to our room and was bouncing around telling me about his night at the arcade.

it wasn't long before Shane knocked and had my coffee and fruit, Jackson didn't asked any questions about him being here he just asked him to play one of his games on his switch with him which Shane happily did while I finished gathering things for the lake.

it was weird and nice to see Jackson bonding with him as they laughed even if Jackson didn't know we were dating. hell does a 7 year old even know what that means?

....

we'd been back from vacation for a few days now and Jackson and I were back on our normal schedule.

Matthew didn't speak directly to me the rest of the trip. but he also kept his comments to himself which was a nice change. we all enjoyed the lake and that night Jackson wanted to sleep in the room with Macy and I so I stayed in our room. and we watched movies with him. Shane didn't get upset or mad that I couldn't sneak into his room he just told me to enjoy and even had popcorn sent to our room.

we enjoyed the zoo thing and Jackson now thinks he wants a kangaroo. I swear boys are crazy.

but that night, the last night on vacation I stayed in Shane's room because Matthew wanted Jackson since he was working this week.

we made out a bit and we joked around but nothing crazy.

now that we're back home he's working this week also and we've been texting and calling when ever we get the chance. it's odd to me for a man to have so much interest in talking to me.

I was at Jackson football practice when my phone chimed

shane- hey darling. how is your evening?

me- hot. sitting at practicing but he seems to enjoy it

shane-I'm sure he does. most little boys do

me - I know nothing about football ( laughing face)

Shane - trust me he just wants to know you are there

me - ( hearts)

I finished watching him practice then he called Matthew from my phone once we were headed home and he didn't answer. it broke my heart because all he wanted was to tell his dad about his first week of football but Matthew couldn't answer the phone.

when we made it home I made dinner, talked with him about football then we got cleaned up and ready for bed. once he was asleep I started doing laundry, it's piled up since vacation.

me-all he wanted was to talk to his dad about practice and he could t even answer I don't understand why you can respond working your ass off while others are in vacation and doing your normal job but he can't take the time to talk to him.

I'd sent the message and set my phone down but then soon got a reply

Shane - I'm sorry he acts this way now that I'm in the picture. if I thought it'd fix things I would definitely bow out but it is t fair to either of you if I do. what can I do to fix this?

it broke my heart he wanted to fix things that weren't his to fix

me-it isn't yours to fix, unfortunately he's used to this over little things I'm sure Matthew will come around soon enough like he always does.

he didn't reply right away so I was sitting in the floor folding our laundry. I was about done when. my phone vibrated beside me.

shane-have you seen the moon tonight?

me- no I haven't.

shane-you should definitely go look at it.

I finished folding the laundry beside me when my phone started vibrating again. but this time he was calling.

me- hello?

shane-hey darling. you looking at the moon yet?

me-no I just finished with some laundry but I'm headed out now. is it full or something?

shane- or something.

I got up from the floor and made my way out my door to my porch and started looking up but knew I'd have to walk all the way out in the yard to see it.

me-I swear if something gets me out here I'm gonna kill you.

he laughed. I was walking down the front steps when I saw head lights and froze up. confused as to why someone would be coming to my house so late.

then I realized it was Shane's truck.

me- Shane?

shane-yes darling?

I was looking at his truck as he put parked behind me

me-what are you doing here?

he laughed as he got out of his truck, he was in his shorts and a tee I could tell he'd showered after work but I just wasn't sure why he was here.

shane-I came to see you.

I watched him walk around his truck, I guess I was still in shock because I was still talking to him over the phone even though he was now it my yard.

me-Shane you work 2 hours away from here.

he chuckled as he walked closer hanging the phone up and putting it in his pocket. I pulled my from my ear also.

I waited from him to walk to him. I was in and over sized tee and shorts since my shower, definitely wasn't expecting him to show up in the middle of a work week.

" what are you doing here?"

I asked as he got closer and he smiled at me

" I came to see you"

he was now right in front of me and I could see he was tired but he still has a smile on his face.

I guess it finally clicked that he was actually right in front of me and I let myself be wrapped in his arms as he held me.

" are you insane?"

I asked into his chest and I felt the vibration of his chuckle

" maybe a little. but hell I needed to see my girl"

I blushed shaking my head as I pulled back looking him over, he was so handsome and so tired.

" your exhausted. I know you're pulling double duty this week with guys out"

he held me close as he shrugged kissing my lips softly

" it isn't a big deal. just wanted to hold you for a bit, I know it's been a rough week on the both of us. more so you with all his drama"

I sighed out shaking my head. this man might actually be crazy.

he didn't let me think to much as he cupped both sides of my face claiming my lips with his, the butterflies went crazy in my stomach as his tongue explored my mouth.

" you crazy"

I breathed out and he chuckled

" a little less sleep won't kill me"

I smiled I couldn't believe he'd drove back just to see me.

" wanna come in? I mean you've gotta get some kind of rest"

he nodded his head

" will Jackson wake?"

I shook my head

" he shouldn't as long as you don't start a party or anything he was pretty exhausted."

I took his hand and his kissed the back of mine as I lead him inside. my head started going crazy. I hadn't ever had a man stay over like this, hell no man has slept in this house. I tried not to let my emtions show as I lead him through our small house. and he stopped at a picture in my living room, it was Jackson and I right after he was born.

he smiled at it and squeezed my hand

" are you thirsty or anything?"

he nodded

" okay tea? water? or I may have a soda hidden "

he smiled

" I'll take tea "

I nodded as I lead us to the kitchen. Jacksons room was in the other side so I knew he needed to be quite, but he didn't make a sound as I poured him a glass. and he took it as I took his hand and lead us back through the living room to the other side of the house where my room was located.

I got even more nervous as we entered. I'd gotten. a new big bed and a black comforter with grey sheets even I moved into my own place, I liked having a place to unwind after a long day.

he looked around as I pulled the covers back my hands shaking, I didn't know what to do it what he expected. he came behind me Kissing the back of my head then be sat down pulling his shoes and shirt off and pulling me between his legs, my body froze as he held my hips looking up at me

" do you have a certain side?'

I bit my lip nodding trying to find my voice

" this one."

he nodded and crawled over the the other side and I knew he was waiting for me to get in as well, but my head was spinning I didn't know what to do I was frozen in place.

" are you coming to bed or are you gonna watch me sleep?"

I shook my head blushing

" I don't know how to do this Shane"

he chuckled and leaned over pulling my hand and helping me crawl into bed. we settled and I was laying on his chest as he rubbed circles on my arm

' you don't know how to sleep? or you don't know how to sleep with me? we shared a bed s few times in that hotel"

his deep voice was doing things to my body once again as I was so close to him

I breathed out playing with his chest hair

" I haven't ever had a man in my bed like this. I don't know what you want"

he held me closer before he moved so we were face to face

" I want to sleep next to you. I want you to tell me what's bothering you and how I can help. I just needed to see you. I know you aren't ready for s*x and I'm not pressuring you darlin "

I breathed out again nodding. why would a ma. drive two hours after working a long shift? surely he didn't really want to hear about my problems.

" has he spoken to you?'

he deep voice brought me from my thoughts and I looked up into his sleepy eyes

" no. Jacksons tried called a couple times and he's off next week so I'm sure he will see him then. he doesn't ever really have contact unless needed when he working"

he nodded his head.

" so he doesn't check on him while he's away?"

I shook mine biting my lip

" he's always told me work is work and he has to focus. same reason he didn't have much contact with me while he was away"

I sighed out and pulled my closer to his chest

" he's a real piece of work. no Matter what's going on he should still at least check in on him from time to time. hell even knowing he has a good mom isn't an excuse not to be a dad for a week at a time"

I sighed out fighting the tears. I knew this was true but I also knew if I brought this up it'd be a fight, I'd done it alot while we were married and it always ended the same way. I was a nagging wife.

" hopefully he sees him next week."

do you want me to step back Jenna? am I making this harder for you? because I honestly don't want that"

I sighed out.

" no I don't want you to. honestly this is the way things have always been. i mean yeah I'm sure he's gonna be an ass next week while he's home. but this right now is normal for him, I guess it's why I am so confused when you send a simple text or things like this you just showing up."

he held me closer

" why are you here Shane? if not for s*x are you checking up on me?"

he chuckled and pulled back so he was looking at me. his hand came up and traced my face then his fingers traced my lips softly

" I came to kiss you. I came to hold you. I came because I could and I came because I wanted to Jenna. no other reason behind it"

I looked him over and it didn't look like he was lying or like he was playing me. I nodded and he kissed me, my hands running through his beard as we made out. one of his hands in my hair and the other holdings my hip.

I could feel his hard member poking me and I blushed, I felt bad because I knew he was a man with needs but I just wasn't ready for that. what if he got s*x and was done? I didn't know if I was ready to give up what we had started yet.

when we finally settled down he held me close as we both fell asleep. I had so many questions running through my mind but sleep finally took me.

Shane.

damn it'd seemed like forever since I'd gotten to hold her and kiss her. I knew showing up here was a leap, and I wasn't sure how'd she react.

honestly it'd been a long few days, a couple of my guys are out for vacation so I've been doing it of extra hands on work, on top of my usual work. my body was tired but I knew she was having a rough time, Matthew wasn't taking our relationship well, I could see that as we finished our the vacation. I really think he always thought she'd wait around for him to settle down and see that he wanted his family back. it isn't my fault he couldn't see what he had while he had it. if she would've told me she needed me to step back, yeah it would've hurt but I would be done it for her, for Jackson. that little boy deserves better than bes giving him and honestly it seems Jenna has always deserved better.

I was gonna do my best to be the man she needed me to be, take this as slow as she needed me to take it. and id be there for Jackson, as a friend, or role model whatever he decides. I know he has a dad I know I could never take Matthews place in his eyes, and I don't want to. i just want to be apart of their lives.

I hope Matthew changes his attitude and gives more of himself to Jackson and stops giving Jenna such a hard time but only time will tell, and in the time being I'll be here to listen to her and hold her when she lets me.

waking up to my alarm, I shut it off quickly hoping it wouldn't wake her. she was wrapped around my body tightly and I definitely didn't mind it. it was nice waking up with her next to me. I get the feeling she definitely wasn't used to it by her reaction each time we woke up together in the hotel.

she moved a bit as I held her a moment longer after shutting the alarm off.

" I hate that you have to get up so early"

her very sleepy voice said and I sighed holding her close. it wasn't a big deal, hell a few years ago I was partying half the night before rolling into work. I didn't understand why Matthew lead her to believe he couldn't do small things like text her or call her in the evenings. or just run home for the night and hold her. I guess I would never understand why a man would do his wife that way.

hell I've watched Jim run home plenty of times.

my dad always made time for mama as I was growing up, even if it was just the two of them sitting on our back porch. he'd fix dinner, help her relax after she'd been dealing with everything with us kids and the house all day and they'd just talk or sometimes dance. looking back on my childhood I know that's the kind of love I want, I want that life with my wife and kids. I want them to look back and know how much their mama meant to me.

" trust me it was worth a good night's sleep next to you"

she sighed as she kissed my chest. I held her a bit longer before Kissing her head and I slipped out of bed throwing my shoes and shirt back on

" please be careful on the road"

I crawled into bed not getting my feet on it and kissed her lips

" I will darling. you have a good day at work"

she sighed out as I let my hand run softly against her smooth skin on her thigh

" you too"

she whispered out still half asleep.

I kissed her once more before I slipped out of her house locking her door on my way out.

I made my way back to the rig, I was tired but felt rested with a smile on my face I got my things together and got changed before letting Duke go for a walk and getting his food for the day.

it was a few hours later my phone chimed and I pulled it out smiling at her name

Jenna - still can't believe you drove all this way to sleep next to me. I hope you got back safe and please be careful out there.

me- hopefully it will be the first of many. I made it back in no time, Duke was happy to see me.

Jenna - I'm sure he was.

I got busy and around lunch us guys were sitting down for lunch and they all started talking.

" you know Matthew on the other crew said Jenna had her boyfriend on vacation. he's pissed"

Ronnie said to ben

" yeah well I still haven't met miss Jenna but damn do I want to. I'm sure this new guy is just a fling, she's trying out dating. maybe I'll talk to Jim and see if I can get introduced"

Ben said back.

" he has a different chick all the time I don't see why he's upset. hell he was a fool to let her go. my ole lady cheated countless times before I figured it out. he doesn't know how good he had it"

Ronnie said. I just listened as they talked.

the conversation moved to what their plans were for their time off and I added a little here and there but my mind was on Jenna. I knew I wasn't a fling for her, hell I could tell now hard just her trying to date me was. but I did worry if maybe she was concerned with me stepping out on her while I was away at work. I knew I was gonna be fighting an uphill battle of trust but I was gonna show her not all men were the same

me- hey beautiful. hope you're having a good day. let me know what next week's schedule looks like maybe you can come over and I can grill for you and you can meet Duke.

Jenna - so far so good. Matthew texted saying he'd call Jackson tonight so we will see.

hope you day is good and you aren't working to hard.

that sounds nice. if Matthew gets Jackson during the week I'll let you know for sure.

me- I hope he does keep his word.

just let me know and I handle the rest.

Jenna - ( heart)

....

the week and weekend was about the same. I worked and we texted back and forth.

I was happy to be back in my trailer. yesterday I caught up on laundry and had dinner with my mama, she if course asked if I had a lady in my life yet. she's worried I'm gonna get lonely. I thought about telling her about Jenna but decided to keep it to myself a bit longer, I wanted to make sure I didn't get her hopes up. hell after Just a few weeks of knowing her my heart was already on the line I didn't need mamas there also

I just got back from the store, I got the stuff to grill some chicken and a salad as a side. I wasn't much of a cook but I could grill and honestly I was just looking forward to spending some time with her.

she'd let me know earlier that Matthew had texted and told her he was getting Jackson from her aunt's for a couple nights so she was free to have dinner with me. I cleaned up my RV and showered.

" alright Duke. let's hope our small trailer doesn't scare her off."

I knew she was a material girl, but hell I was a grown ass man living in an RV. I mean yeah I had plans but still I just hoped she didn't less of me.

there was a small knock on the door and I breathed out smoothing the tee I had on and opened it. she was standing there biting her lip the way she does when she nervous, she looked beautiful. her hair was down and she had on cut offs and a tee.

I smiled at her as she smiled at me blushing

" hey"

she breathed out

" hey darling come in. I show you around"

I said as I offered her my hand and she took it.

as soon as she walked in duke was at her feet wagging his tail and she bent down to pet him

" oh my goodness aren't you handsome!"

and cooed at him a I laughed watching him lick her then roll over for her to rub his belly

" hey now. don't go stealing my girl"

she laughed as she pet him before standing

" he just might. he's adorable"

I smiled taking her hand and showing her around. I had a small living area next to the kitchen then a bedroom and bathroom and on the other side a bunk house area that never got used anymore

" when I traveled some of the guys crashed with me. now it's just me and Duke"

she smiled at me as she looked around

" it's really nice!"

I rubbed the back of my neck

" I know it isn't much but hopefully it isn't forever"

she smiled at she took my hand

" I love it really."

I sighed out nodding

" well let's go out and get the grill ready. I have beer if you want to sit and enjoy the evening "

she smiled nodding.

she sat and I got us a a beer and got the grill going before sitting next to her.

" it's so peaceful "

she sighed

I took her hand kissing it

" it's nice out. here. most of these guys are like me working out of town so it doesn't get real crazy"

she nodded as she sipped her beer.

we talked some about her day at work and I talked about my dinner with mama. she blushed when I told her I hadn't told her just yet about her

" will she be upset? I mean finding out I have a child?"

she wasn't looking at me as she asked and I closed the small grill I was standings over and walked to her taking her hand and pulling her into my arms.

" trust me mama wouldn't judge that. she'd just be happy to know I was happy"

she nodded biting her lip

" what is it?"

she shrugged

" why didn't you tell her?"

I took her chin and made her look at me

" because once I do she's gonna be dying to meet you and I know you want to take the slow. I promise once you are ready I will be screaming it to the world "

she smiled nodding

" I'm trying Shane"

she whispered I kissed her lips and started swaying us to the music playing from my speaker

" I know you are and I'm not rushing you. I'm enjoying having this time alone with you. getting to know you Jenna"

she sighed out leaning her head on my chest.

I danced her a bit and she laughed as I dipped her back big

" told ya I'd get his dancing again"

she hit my chest

" you do like dancing"

I smirked at her

" I like dancing with you"

she blushed as I kissed her forehead going to get the chicken off the grill.

we sat outside and ate, duke joined us begging for food which she gave him making me Shake my head she was gonna spoil him.

then we took him for a walk before she insisted on helping me clean up.

now we were cuddled up on my sma couch watching TV. nh ar. was around her as her head rested on my chest

" stay with me tonight"

she looked up at me with wide eyes

" nothing crazy."

she thought for a minute before nodding

" I don't work tomorrow"

I kissed her lips

" does that mean you don't have plans?"

she shrugged

" unless Jackson calls"

I nodded

" sounds like we may hit the lake "

she looked at me like I was crazy

" aren't you busy."

I shook my head

" not at all. I was gonna look at some land but I can do that any time. a day on the water with you sounds like more fun"

she kissed me. I wasn't expecting it, hell half the time I was the one kissing her first but I definitely didn't mind it.

her small body made it's way straddling me as her tongues danced. kissing her was definitely becoming on my my favorite things to do. I held her hips tight not wanting her to stop, not wanting her to freak out once she saw the position we were in.

my member already getting hard having her close. I kissed down ber neck and she let out a small moan as her head fell back.