keep pushing forward

chapter 12

Jenna.

it's been a week and I'm just going through the motions. this weekend is 4th of July and I am happy to have a long weekend. my aunt and uncle rent is a cabin right on the beach every year and it's only about an hour away. but man am I looking forward to a little relaxing. my mind has been all over.

when Shane got hurt I was so worried. and he's of course been texting me and Ive texted back asking if he was okay and how he was healing. I want to see him I really do but what if I end up hurt? and damn if I don't want to just throw myself at him. he does something to me and ever since I woke up in his RV his hand touching me just a little has had me needing things.

Matthew well after the rodeo he informed me I needed to get my head on straight I couldn't be running after broken cowboys because I had a son to raise.

I want to say I hate him. I really do but I can't because he's the father of Jackson but God does he make me made!

he messes with my head in ways only he can and he makes me second guess every single thing even things that have nothing to do with him.

I really hope he gets his own cabin so I don't have to see him constantly this weekend.

I'm currently making dinner as Jackson plays with Legos at the table

" mama do you have Mr Shane's number?"

I turn to him and look at him curious as to where this is going

" I do why?"

he smiled

" can I call him? you know to see how his back is and see when I can see his friend with the horses"

I chuckle

" yes I'll let you call but he's worked today so I'm not sure if he will answer"

he only nods as I go find my phone and dial Shane's number he if course picks up on the second ring

Shane - hey darling everything okay?

his voice brings a smile to my face

me-yes everything is fine. there a certain little boy who needs to talk to you

he lets out a laugh

shane-well why are you waiting for put him on

my heart flutters and his excitement to speak with Jackson.

I jand him the phone and he puts in on speaker setting it down beside his Legos

Jackson - hey Mr Shane

his deep laugh comes over

Shane - just Shane buddy. we're friends

this makes Jackson smile

jackson- okay.

Shane - what are you up to? I hope football is going good and I also hope your being good for mama

Jackson - oh football is fun. I get to tackle people. I'm doing Legos right now and mama says I'm always good.

Shane lets out a laugh

Shane - I'm sure she does. I'm pretty good with Legos. what are you building?

my heart beats faster and the butterflies in my stomach go crazy as I listen to the two of them talk back and forth like best friends going from one subject to the other. Shane doesn't act like it bothers him and he isn't rushing Jackson off the phone be just lets him talk.

I get dinner finished up and tell Jackson it's time to wash up and he pouts

" but mama"

I give him a look

shane- go wash up for dinner bud I'm gonna do the same but you can call me any time okay?

jackson-yes sir. hope to see you soon.

and with that he hands me the phone and I bite my lip taking it off speaker.

me-sorry about that he just said he wanted to talk to you.

shane-and he can call me whenever he wants to talk Jenna. same for you.

I sigh out looking over my kitchen trying to find the words.

shane- how was your day mama? ready for the long weekend?

me-yes I definitely am. are you going to be off for the holidays?

shane-oh yeah gonna try to relax myself.

we make small talk about a few things before I tell him I need to go and have dinner with Jackson.

I think since things come so easily with him it's what makes me question everything so much more. I don't understand why hes so easy going with me. why he doesn't push things when I know he clearly wants to have s*x.

I just don't know if I can be in a relationship, if I lose myself in it I'd only hurt Jackson in the end and Matthew is never gonna let up.

I try to clear all my thoughts as I crawl into bed that night cuddling with my pillows, I wish I could simply just be with him in all the ways because it's what I want, heck my body craves it but I'm just feel so broken.

Shane.

I'd been working and trying not to pull the stitches out myself because they itch like a b***h.

but I'd finally made it to my long weekend.

I knew that Jenna and her family were already at the beach, they'd gone down yesterday.

Jackson had called me two more evenings and he and I just talked, well mostly he talked but I enjoyed listening to him.

and at the end of each call I'd get a moment to talk with Jenna before she went to have her dinner.

I never brought up is over the phone or over message. when she's ready she will let me know and I'm just gonna keep letting her know I'm here.

the last phone call Jackson was overly excited because his mama had agreed his friend Jacob could go to the beach with them.

I spent the day with my mama and sister and her husband yesterday as they were announcing their pregnancy, mama of course is over the moon.

and I helped her a bit around the house on a few things she needed.

now today just pulling into the beach, no I'm not surprising her this time. although Jim had invited me and told me he didn't know what was going on between us but I was more than welcome.

I decided to ask her, she needs to have a voice in all of this and if she wasn't comfortable with me coming then I was gonna continue to keep my distance even if it hurt like hell to do so.

I already had my trunks on so I parked and headed down to the water, I figured with the boys she'd be there and honestly I'm dying to see her.

I see the back of Matthew, his shades on head thrown back as he relaxes in a chair. when I look out I see Jackson and his friend along with Jenna making her way across the beach.

her body is already a little sun kissed, the bikini she has on holding her body perfectly.

thank the Lord for my own shades covering my eyes.

once I've walked a bit more and so has she she sees me and smiles

" hey do you mind keeping an eye out while I run to the rest room?"

I hear her ask Matthew.

" I told you when I found out you agreed the extra kid would come I wasn't watching him Jenna"

he replied back never moving from his spot and I see her sigh out

" I've got them "

I tell her and his head snaps up realizing someone else was around to hear him act an ass.

she smiled softly to me beforehand she runs off towards the cabin saying she won't take long.

" oh Shane is here to save the day"

I roll my eyes and throw my shirt off and into the chair beside him

" if only you wouldn't be such a d**k"

he scoffs

" stop chasing her she clearly isn't interested"

I let out a chuckle

" you keep telling yourself that. and if me letting a woman know I'm around to help her as she needs is chase then guilty as charge"

he throws his head back again and I take off towards the boys who are jumping over there waves in the water.

I tossed the boys over the waves as they laughed and she'd come back and sat right at the edge of the water letting it wash over her.

I knew she was keeping an eye on them.

" boys let's go eat lunch"

she called out and they both groaned

I chuckled shaking my head I remember these days very well as a little boy

" come on guys I'm starving too then I'm sure she will let y'all come back"

they nodded and raced off towards the shore.

as I was walking towards the shore I could feel her eyes watching me and I was happy she was.

I knew she was interested in me but her own mind was holding her back.

as licked my shirt up she wrapped a towel around herself

" I'll find you a towel once we get in"

she said and I smiled at her

" sounds good to me the one thing I didn't think of"

she giggled

" yeah well uncle Jim keeps it freezing so"

I laughed

" that won't bother me none you already know I like to keep it cold as well"

she looked back at me blushing a bit as we made our way towards the cabin and nodded.

I wasn't sure where Matthew had run off to but I hoped he came back with a better attitude

once we were inside she ran to grab me a towel and the two boys sat at the counter chatting

" so are you his dad too?"

little Jacob asked and at first I was shocked at how bold the kid was but I smiled

" no I'm just his friend"

he nodded and Jackson pushed his shoulder

" I told you he and mama are dating"

my eyes went wide and Jackson looked at me the. be shrugged

" I'm not as naive about things as she thinks"

I smiled shaking my head he obviously wasn't upset if this was true and I wasn't about to try to explain things to him without her here. she walked back in and Jackson looked at me. I sent him a wink and he nodded. i guess me letting him know his secret was safe with me was what he had needed.

she handed me the towel and I dried myself a bit as she got things out

" alright boys turkey and cheese?'

they both agreed and she started making the sandwiches

as she put the grapes on Jackson turned up his nose and she sent him a look. she didn't say anything just placed them on his plate then a few chips

" eat the grapes as well or no more chips"

he groaned a bit as she slid his plate over and she pulled it back

" yes ma'am"

she smiled at him sliding the plate again to him

" can we eat in the deck?"

he asked and she nodded

" do not go towards the water until someone is with y'all"

they'd both grabbed their plates and hollered " yes ma'am"

as they headed towards the door.

I grabbed the things and started on our sandwiches remembering how she liked hers and she watched. I slid her to her and she walked around grabbing us a drink.

I felt her small fingers along my back

God you are burised to hell"

I nodded enjoying her touch

" it isn't as bad as it looks"

" are you taking anything?"

I turned to her slowly our bodies touching

" no just a little over the counter pain reliever I don't touch anything stronger anymore "

she bit her lip nodding before her eyes met mine

" I'm sorry it isn't my business "

I took both her hands

" it is your business. the pain isn't bad. honestly the stiches is the worst"

she nodded as her eyes went to my lips and I wrapped an arm around her waist making her body mesh with mine

" I'm gonna kiss you Jenna"

her heart beat increased as she nodded and I leaned in taking her lips. God it'd felt like forever since I kissed her. but I pulled back resting my head on hers

" I need to know you are in this Jenna my heart is on the line"

she gasped a bit her eyes still closed and I knew she was running things over in her mind

" let's just eat okay?'

she sighed out nodding

I placed a small kiss on her forehead before we both dug into our food.

" so where is everyone?'

she shrugged

" aunt mel and uncle Jim are on a date and I'm not sure where.."

I bumped her shoulder

" you don't have to explain him to me"

she breathed deep nodding

we ate our lunch before heading back out to the beach with the boys.

I know when I was that age I was full of energy but man they never seem to get tired.

Jim and Ms Mel came back but Matthew still was gone and no one said anything about it, we all just went about our afternoon and I got the feeling this was normal.

that evening Jim and I grilled and the Jenna and Mel got the boys cleaned up and they were playing board games on the deck until it got dark.

we ate and I helped them clean up before heading up to the room Jim was letting me use and getting cleaned up myself.

I was walking back down the hall when I ran into Jenna.

" oh uh um the boys are all watching movies until they pass out. I was just going to clean up"

I could tell she was flustered and I smirked I couldn't help it

" you go relax I'm sure the three of us can handle them until you get back"

she blushed nodding before she opened the door right next to mine and went in.

I shook my head I wasn't sure if Jim did it on purpose or not but I was definitely thankful for that.

settling down on the couch the small boys had blankets and pillows with popcorn piled up on the floor. it wasn't long before they both passed out.

him handed me a beer as he sat down

" how are things?"

he whispered and I looked around seeing it was just him and I and the sleeping boys.

I shrugged

" she's working through things and well I'm here so that's good. I asked her before I came this time"

he nodded sipping his beer

" she's let him get in her head."

I sipped my beer nodding

" Jackson told Jacob I was dating her. but I feel like it maybe a secret him knowing"

Jim chuckled before covering his mouth hoping not to wake them

" he isn't stupid. he knows more than he lets on. if he had a problems trust me he would've already voiced it"

" he's called me a few nights. just talking "

he smiled over at me as he raised his beer

" he likes you Shane or I wouldn't be so okay with all this."

I sighed nodding. now to just get Jenna out of her own head

" I'm sure he's out messing around now. he does this, disappears then pops back up like nothing has happened "

I shook my head

" honestly I'm still shocked she stayed married to him so long"

he sat up and dropped his head a bit

" I think she was trying to keep everyone else happy and in the process lost her self. I blame myself for that."

I patted his shoulder

" she's out now. she's strong man. that you should be proud of"

he gave me a small smile

" trust me I am. I'm thankful everyday she's got such a good head on her shoulder because the good Lord knows if this was up to Matt I'd be raising that boy"

I grunted. I couldn't imagine someone else raising something I'd made. someone so amazing and he honestly is so good.

" hey dear you coming to bed?"

Ms mel came in wrapping him up in her arms and he sighed as he downed his beer

" the lady has spoken. don't worry about them. I'll see you in the morning "

I raised my beer as he got up and walked away as I quietly said goodnight to Ms Mel.

I finished my beer, Checking the boys were asleep before I headed to my room.

I pulled the covers back and grabbed my smokes heading for the deck doors.

I leaned against it taking a drag just taking in the night view.

" oh um sorry I had no idea anyone else was still awake "

her small voice came from behind me and I turned to find her standing there in a small nightgown.

the deck wrapped aroun the whole upper level so she had walked out her room door as well.

I have her a smile

" there plenty of room. trouble sleeping?"

she sighed as she slowly made her way towards me.

" yeah I guess so"

I nodded outfit my cigarette out and I waited for her next move. she stood right in front of me looking up. I looked into her eyes and I could see all her emotions going insane.

her small hands rubbed up my bare chest and we sighed out together

" I have no idea why you make me feel this way"

she whispered out

" Jenna you are mine. you know this right"

her eyes flicked back to mine as she bit her lip nodding.

that was all I needed I picked her small body up and crashed our lips together as I walked us so her back was against the wall.

she gasp and I slid my tongue in tasting her both of us groaning as her hand held on to my shoulders.

mine holding her thick thighs around my waist.

Jenna and Shane.

I'd faught this for so long and damn my body just needed him. I don't know why but I felt like I couldn't breath with out his body pressed against mine.

I'd been craving this for so long and watching him today with the boys. watching him laughing at my stupid jokes. I knew I wanted to be his I was just scared.

but in the moment his rough hands holdings me as he kissed down my neck my mind was clear.

so moaned out his name as he bit me gently

" tell me to stop Jenna"

I held him tighter following my hips

" I don't want you to"

that was all be needed to hear because his lips took mine once again and I felt is moving and then I heard him shut the door with his foot.

my body fell to the bed and his came along with it. his hands working up my nightgown and I shivered.

he let them run up my sides before her grabbed both my breast making me gasp. he squeezed them roughly before sitting up and pulling it from my body. I laid bare other than my panties with him looking down at me. his eyes going over every flawed inch of my body, but as his but his lip letting out a moan I wasn't self conscious in the moment.

no I just wanted him to take me.

his body came back to mine as he covered me in kisses workout down my body. stopping at my breast he sucked and played with my hard n*****s with his fingers and tongue.

I moaned out and he looked up at me

" you've gotta be quite"

I nodded biting my lip.

I have never felt this way I wasn't sure I could be quite.

he kissed my body again Maki his way down to my panties and he looked up once again.

I ran my hands through his hair nodding, I knew he was making sure I was okay.

he slowly pulled them from my body kissing my legs then biting my thighs gently.

I waited for him to get undressed and start s*x but he took me by surprise.

he sunk to his knees pulling me to the edge of the bed my legs over his shoulders. my dripping core in his face.

and he kissed it making my head shoot up and look at him.

he sent me a wink before he ran his tongue over my folds. me Miami out as my head fell and him moaning into my core as he began to eat me.

my hands holding on to the blankets trying my hardest not to scream his name.

I had no idea if this was a good idea but the both of us seemed to have a craving for each other in this moments. seeing her completely laid bare for me I was dying to have my way with her. but tasting her, f**k I wouldn't have ever guessed it'd be this amazing.

her hips rocking against my mouth chasing her high as I ate her p***y.

" Shane"

she called out quietly as she came all over my face.

I licked her a few more times before Kissing my way back to her mouth, wanting to memorize every inch of her body.

taking her lips her hands went around me as she moaned out.

" I'm not done with you yet"

I whispered looking down at her swollen lips and flushed face, her mouth fell open as I sat up pulling my sweats down and her eyes went big seeing my hard member.

" do you want this Jenna? if not I completely understand"

I voiced out as I pumped myself in front of her, her eyes glued to me c**k.

" I want you Shane"

she whispered out eyes connecting. I nodded grabbing a condom before taking my spot between her legs. running my c**k along her wet p***y she shivered rocking her hips and I smirked at her

" when we're alone and I take you I'm gonna make you scream my name"

her eyes went big and I slowly started sliding myself into her, moaning out at the feeling.

her hand scratching down my back as I filled her up and she moaned out

" oh f**k"

" this p***y is squeezing me"

I thrust slowly watching her trying to see what she liked.

" faster please "

she begged wrapping her legs around me

he was stretching me in ways I hadn't felt in so long, or maybe ever.

he started to go faster and I held my moans in the best I could but it felt way to good. was s*x supposed to always feel like this?

" s**t this p***y is so wet"

he grunted out and his dirty talk made things so much hotter.

usually it was just quick and quiet.

my head was spinning at all the sensations.

he sat up a bit holding my thighs

" don't scream Jenna"

I nodded biting my lip

" good girl"

he thrust into me hard over and over and I felt around for a pillow needed to cover my face. finding it I let my moans out

" I'm gonna c*m"

I said I had no idea if he could understand me but he never let up he moved his hand and started playing with my clit making my legs shake

" that's it give it to me"

his deep voice demanded as he pounded into me

I fell apart his name como out of my mouth over and over. my body falling to the bed as he thrust a few more times before grabbing my thighs roughly and grunting my name.

he removed the pillow kissing my face then my lips softly and falling on the bed next to me our breathing fast.

he took my hand kissing it and I knew I needed to get up and clean myself before I ended up falling asleep, I have never had my body feel this way and I just wanted to sleep.

I went to sit up but he sat up quickly

" where are you running off to?"

I blushed turning my head, surely he didn't really want to know I was going to clean myself.

he lifted grabbed my chin kissing my lips

" stay right here. I'll be back"

I looked at him confused but he just winked as he got off the bed and headed for the bathroom.

I sat there not sure what to do. he came back with his boxers on and smiled at me

" lay back darling"

I scrunched my eyebrows

" excuse me?"

he raised the rag

" let me take care of you"

I shook my head

" Shane really.."

he pushed my shoulders gently

" don't argue"

I laid back as he parked my legs softly before running a warm rag along my legs, then over my core. he kissed my feet, ankles then leaned down and kissed my lips

" I'll grab you a shirt"

I was speechless so I only nodded as he got up and went to get it. once he came back he put my panties on me then helped me sit up as he pulled his shirt over my head

" I've got water if you're thirsty, and I will help you to the bathroom if needed"

I looked at him still speechless

" I'm sure I can manage going to the restroom"

he looked at me

" and I'm sure I just said don't argue"

I sighed out.

" I do need to use the restroom" I whispered and he scooped me up on his arms carrying me across the room setting me down at the bathroom door kissing me again.

I turned and walked in closing the door, realizing my body was actually sore

doing my business I opened the door and he hopped up from the bed and scooped me up again placing me on the bed handing me the water so I took a drink thanking him.

he then crawled into bed and grabbed my body holding me close to him

" are you okay?'

I heard him whisper and I nodded playing with his chest hair

" a little sore. and trying to wrap my head around things"

he kissed the top of my head

" I'm sorry you are sore. as for the rest nothing changes love. you are mine, I am yours"

I sighed out kissing his chest

" now what?'

he chuckled

" if you need to talk about things then we talk"

I looked up at this man who was just smiling down at me.

" um I'm sure I will need to but I think I'm to tired at the moment"

he pulling me closer kissing me. our tongues dancing once more before he kissed my forehead

" then now we sleep"

I nodded snuggling into his body.

I felt like I was still floating from cumming not once but twice. then he took care of me, holding me. giving me the chance to talk. surely this was all to good to be true.

laying here holding her after such amazing s*x I couldn't stop smiling. I could tell she'd never experienced being taken care of but she would from now on.

she comes before me in all things. and that definitely means s*x. I knew she had fallen asleep and I was greatful, I didn't want her freaking out. I wanted her to just enjoy this as I had.

Tomo we could talk about whatever she needed. what ever she had to say I'd listen. but I was gonna make it clear she couldn't run anymore. she was mine now and I was gonna hold on to her.

if she lost feelings that is one things but she can't run anymore because of her d**k of sn ex husband. no I was gonna continue to show her what a real man is like, and if I get more of that in the process I will definitely die a happy man.