Heart of Yours

Chapter 32

Samika's POV

I smack my own forehead as I sit at the desk, all alone in the pack house. I don't know how the time passed but before I know, it's already midnight by the time I wake up. And there is already a paper waiting for me in the cauldron. Not just the usual small letters that we write for each other but there is a huge ass essay in this.

It sure as hell looks to be Devon's handwriting but when did he even find the time to write something this lengthy and that too for me?

Just when I am about to read what he wrote, I hear the voice again. It's like a constant buzz right at my ear and it is not making it any easier for me to focus on anything else. Sometimes I really want to cut off my ears just for some peaceful life. But then again I remember that being a werewolf, especially a Madfur, my ears are important to me.

"Kill the one you love the most"

"Kill the one you love the most"

"Kill the one you love the most"

"Kill the one you love the most"

"Kill the one you love the most"

I close my ears for a while until I completely know that the voice doesn't exist anymore, especially right now. And once I remove my hands from my ears there is this peaceful silence again. Never did I imagine that I would want to take revenge for silence more than anything else.

And with silence now and engulfing me, I finally start to read what my mate wrote

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This is for you, love.

Today I did something after a long time. I tortured someone. I made them cry. I made them beg for their life but all I actually did was torture them with even more silver.

But before you judge me when you read this, I want you to understand that it was what needed to be done. I might tell you about it before you even come to read this journal. But if I don't then please do come and ask me about it.

Also I don't know why I feel this way but I feel like we both are drifting away from each other. Please tell me that's not the case. Because the thought of losing you is already making me go insane. I don't want the thought to become a reality.

Tyler just told me that I am slowly turning into something inhuman. But little does he know that I am actually doing this for you. Not just this I would do anything for you. I would destroy the earth and the sky for you.

He told me that Gladys would actually be ashamed of me. But the point is I don't really need her validation. All I need is for you to understand me. For you to trust me that when I do something there is a strong reason behind it.

I didn't beat Brent because I was just interested in violence. At that time I did not know how to make him go away from the Pack lands. And that was the nearest thing I thought of because he was the one who actually punched me first. I thought that would be the easiest way everyone would believe why I hit him.

But you just saw through me. You just knew I did not beat him with no purpose and there had to be something behind what I did. Thank you for trusting me love. I hope I can keep that up forever.

But still at the end of the day we belong to two enemy clans. I know you are already on your way to find out more about why we are enemies in the first place. I don't think this is going to end well. Still I would like to have hope that one day you will come back to me again.

Please don't put me in a position where I have to choose between you and my pack. Because without any second thought I would choose you always. It is true that I was born and brought up here. It is also so that my father was the Alpha here and I am the next one in life. But none of that is enough to stop me from coming to you. None of that is enough to stop me from choosing you. None of that is enough to stop me from loving you.

You are my one and only. And by any chance if by the time you read this we are already apart, then I am sorry that I might have broken my word when I said I choose you.

I know that I am the alpha blooded one but I was ready to male before you Samika. Because that is what you mean to me. And today I did not want to leave you at all in your pack. But I had to because I had things to do in your absence. Things that are related to you. Things that will enjoy your safety. And if it is not clear by now then I would like to make it clear again that I would destroy heaven and hell if that is what makes you safe.

I would fight with devils and Angels themselves. If that is the only way that can keep you safe. But then there is another thought in my mind. What if I have to keep someone else safe from you? Because after all you belong to one of the deadliest tribes in the entire werewolf history. Not just one of them but the only.

At this point all I can say is let us just hope for the best. Let us hope that soon we shall be in each other's arms again. Let us hope that soon we shall be having our morning routines again. My wolf already feels slow without your wolf. And I already feel lonely without you.

I am going to make myself some sausage sizzle today. Because some of my most favorite people on this planet actually love that dish. And moreover it is easy to make so why not.

And today's journal I would like to end it by saying, I love you with all my heart Samika Adams. It doesn't matter what pack you are Alpha to. It doesn't matter if you are an Alpha or not. Because I fell in love with you, not your rank or your race.

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By the time I am done reading, I cannot control my tears anymore. I am crying furiously. I always knew that Devon always loved me but I really didn't know he would love me this much. I tried my best to ignore the first two paragraphs that he wrote here.

But at the end of the day violence makes my skin crawl. It's a different kind of sensation especially when I was a human for so many years and suddenly the transition to become a wild animal is entirely different. I am getting that just a to it but if doesn't himself is saying that he actually top chews someone else then that means it might be serious.

The first time I came to the pack and saw Devon, he almost killed a man because, had mocked Devon as he was distracted looking at me. And there was another incident where he killed his own pack's warrior just because he spoke something against me. That is not just against me against my character. So yes one should understand that when Devon actually says that he tortured someone that means it is a full fledged season of violence in the air.

I debated if I should ask him about it or not. But then decided to go against it. He asked me to trust him and that is exactly what I am going to do. If he feels that this distance is going to make us drift from each other, then it is also on me to make sure that our relationship stays successful. The distance between us should never matter, when we love each other beyond the distance.

Originally I planned on getting back to sleep again but it was my stomach that made uncontrollable noises. I went down to the kitchen to find something but everything is rustic here except the wrong room that I am staying in. My room is cleaner just because I informed them of my arrival this morning and they had enough time to make sure my room is clean.

I didn't know the way to Arnold's house. But I just took a wild guess and entered the second biggest house in this pack. I knocked on the door once and waited for them to open the door. As long as I am getting the food I am fine. How quick I went from being an Alpha to being a beggar.

Indeed Arnold himself opened the door. And he was a tad bit surprised to see me here. He is not rubbing his eyes again just to make sure if it is a dream or real that he is seeing me.

"I am real Arnold and I am hungry as well," I tell him and his top suicide making me some way to walk in.

I don't know if his house is naturally very clean or because I saw all the dusty places in the pack house that this house is actually appearing to be cleaner than anything ever is.

"So are you hungry?" Arnold asks me again. I couldn't after another word so I just nodded.

"Would the leftover sandwich be good for you?," Arnold asks me again.

"At this point anything edible would be appreciated thank you," I say and watch him disappear into his kitchen.

Meanwhile I take my time looking at everything. Looks like he doesn't have a mate because there is no one else here other than him. I don't even catch any scent for me to at least think she might be sleeping or something.

I stand up and walk to the kitchen along with him and I see he is heating the sandwich up for me the traditional pan method and just like that, I now miss my microwave Oven that made so many things easier than ever.

"I am sorry it slipped our mind, I guess" Arnold says and now I am actually noticing his raspy voice because of his sleep. This guy might be dumb but he is at least hot.

"Where is your mate?" I asked Arnold, to which he just laughed out loud.

"I lost her, during a hunt. She was killed by the hunters," he says and suddenly, I have this newfound opinion on him that he is not even imprinting on someone else after his mate died. Not everyone could be this loyal.

That makes me wonder if Devon would ever stay loyal or find someone else after I die. But then again, his letter earlier says a lot about how much he loves me. Sometimes I forget that this is reality and I am actually loved by so many people here. Back in human lands, I was an outcast even though I was rich. You can call me a rich outcast at this point.

Arnold plated a sandwich along with some soup and handed it to me. It smells heavenly and I don't mind whatever taste it is like, I would still eat it.

But one bite from the sandwich actually showed me what heaven looks like. I look at him wide eyed and he laughs again. This man really laughs and chuckles a lot, and not that I am complaining either.

"Did you really make this?" I ask him and he nods.

"When I lost Lowen, I had to learn everything. I still couldn't do many things on my own. But Ivy helps me here and there. She's been of great help," Arnold tells me and I nod, taking it all in.

"So Ivy?" I ask him as I raise my eyebrows to which, once again he laughs and as much as I told you it was cute to see men laugh more and chuckle more, now it is starting to get on my damn nerves.

"Ivy already has a mate who is very much alive, and has two kids as well" Arnold tells me and I nod again.

"I teach her kids archery in return for her help," Arnold says again.

Maybe these people are not as dumb as I thought them to be. Maybe because they have been trapped here in the old century that they didn't know how far the world went.

And maybe it is really on me, to help them move forward. Tomorrow I need to ask Devon how to bring electricity here because that is the first and foremost thing. I still have several credit cards in my name with bank balance enough to buy an entire city. I would buy electrical appliances for everyone here.

And maybe, just maybe, make sure to educate them too. Arnold didn't really find a difference between my writing and my father's even though the one I wrote was still wet with ink.

I finished everything that's on the plate and drowned myself in the taste of the soup before giving him the plate back. He put that in his sink . He would probably wash it all by hand tomorrow morning.

"With all these chores, when do you get enough time to actually practice war skills?" I ask him and he just shrugs.

"We just find time," he says as he hands me a glass of water that I quickly drank again.

"There is so much I want to change here, Arnold. And I need your help," I ask him and he looks at me, searching my face for something.

"This pack needs help. And as the new Alpha, let me take that on me. All I need is your cooperation in making the pack members believe that change can be good," I tell him and even though he takes a couple of minutes to think , he eventually tells me that he would help me.

I hug him and thank him while his chest vibrates with laughter once again. I asked him if I could crash here for the night because I really feel all alone in that pack, and he told me he doesn't mind.

So I take the guest room in his house and even the guest room is clean with no spots of dust. How do people here even manage all these and then take their training sessions as well?

I guess before jumping into conclusions on what I want to do with this pack, I guess I need to understand how this pack works. I need to walk in their route for them to listen to me and at least attempt walking back in my route some day.

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Devon's POV

I see Arnold feeding Samika a forkful of noodles with a smirk on his face, that I bet is directed towards me. I want to smash his face so bad right now, I don't know why I am not doing it already.

I tried my best to move my hands farther but all I could do was grip my plate harder. What's wrong with me? Why can't I move my body like I want it to?

I grip the plate even harder and break it into pieces in the process. That brought attention to me and Samika's eyes are wide as she finally notices me standing just a few feet away from the living room.

Her eyes then fall on the broken pieces of the plate and the bits of food that's on the floor and then looks at me again.

"Devon. When-"

I raise my hand cutting her off and rush outside because I know that if I stay even a minute longer, I am going to kill Arnold and then feed him to the Rogues in the dungeons waiting for food. Or maybe I'll unleash their wolves on to him someday.

I get to the pond and I let out a roar mixed with a cry.

I should have known.

I f*****g should have known.

Everyone I like has the tendency to leave me. To walk away from my life.

And Samika, is just another example of how worthless I actually am.

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I jolted awake and looked around to see I was in my room and I was just dreaming. I look out the window and it is about time for the sun to rise.

Usually I have my morning wolf run along with my mate samika. I am terribly missing her. And I know that she hasn't written anything to me yet. Is she thinking about the person who was tortured? I wrote repeatedly asking her not to pay any attention because there is a reason why I did that. But if she is still upset about it I guess I have an explanation to that and I would like to tell that to her personally.

I walk to the pond all alone and it feels terrible that I don't have Samika with me. How am I being affected this much just within one day? What will I do by the time she decides she wants to live with The Madfurs? There is no way I am joining that pack, especially when our blood runs cold for each other.

I sigh as I shift into my wolf. My wolf is a midnight black wolf while Samika's is a white one. Many pack members told me that they felt delighted to watch our race every day and they were even more delighted that Samika won every single time.

"Hey, do you remember the time you killed Landon?" Wolf asks me and I try recalling that day. One of the worst days of my life because he was talking about Samika like he knew things about her.

"Yes. And what did we do after killing him?" My wolf asks me again, as he slows his running down. He ran off faster thinking it was a race but then he understood the point that Samika is not here and her wolf Ava isn't here either. It actually sucks!

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I start walking towards the pack house but Gladys gives me a handkerchief. I take it from her to wipe my bloody hands. And for the first time in my life, I am seeing someone smile at me.

Gladys smiled at me and left for the pack house. A smile that came from her heart. No one smiles at me.

Now I sort of understand Samika's point on being kind, loyal and truthful.

Damn I miss her already.

"Shall we go to her?" Wolf asks me and I think about it.

"Come on. Let us surprise her. She is gonna love it!" He says again and with a smirk on my face, I turn my heel and walk towards the borders where I left my car.

"Where to now?" Cassie screams as I am already far from her.

"To my mate," I scream back and everyone makes way for me.

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"So are you actually telling me that this is the right time for us to go and surprise her especially when she is in the enemy pack?" I ask my wolf and he falls silent.

"Okay. How about we wait for her outside the borders and you can call her through the letter system," my wolf says again and I give it a thought for a minute.

It actually does not sound that bad. But there are negatives equally as well. Then again, the doctor said John Adams might take another day or two to get back to normal again. I don't have anything to play with.

Okay. Maybe we can do that. Maybe we can meet just outside her pack borders. And I can come back by evening. One day trip doesn't really sound that bad either.

I got back to pack house to check the cauldron and I still did not find anything yet. Is she angry with me or is she hurt? I can calm her down if she is angry, but if she is hurt I don't know what to do.

She might be having a tough time adjusting there. She is going to be so happy when she notices I came to surprise her. The smile on her face when she actually receives surprises is so priceless!

Ooooh! I cannot wait!!