Journey to Utopia

18: Amidst the Red Light

THE WAY to perfection has become the way to hell.

Before, smiles occupy the day as the sun reigns in the sky, and we sometimes watch the twinkling stars despite the upcoming nightmares. But now, whether it’s day or night, terror fills our hearts.

Utopium is like a country colonized by the Evil, another country that is powerful and ambitious. But I don’t really know what their ambitions are. I am sure there’s something more behind everything.

I realized all of these happened after my birthday.

Am I really cursed? Or I myself am the curse?

I feel guilty even if I don’t have a reason to. I want to help and fight but I don’t know how.

Because I’m all alone.

Now I don’t have anyone by my side. I don’t wanna trust another person anymore because in the end, everyone just fools me.

I know I can’t fight the Evil. They’re too strong. I don’t even know what’s the best my power can do.

“So when are you gonna sign this?”

After crying hard, evil soldiers brought me to my room and I didn’t have the energy to fight. I don’t know why of all places, they wanted me to be here. They didn’t hurt me and that’s so damn suspicious.

“Why would I sign that?” I said, showing no interest. Both my eyes and mind are in the clouds.

“You b***h! I was explaining it the whole time but you didn’t f*****g listen?!” Ivan enraged.

“Why would I listen?” I am still not in the right state of mind.

“I wish I could kill you now!” He screamed.

“Why would you kill me?”

“Because you’re useless!” I don’t know what his face looks like right now. I am not looking at him and I don’t want to.

Useless... Yeah, I am.

“Why am I useless?”

I closed my eyes, literally for no reason. I’m just... I don’t know. I don’t feel well.

“The f**k?! Stop with the whys!”

“Why would I stop?”

I really am crazy!

He yelled one more time and threw the paper at me. I didn’t even flinch. He slammed the door as he left but it’s the least I care.

I stayed frozen for how many minutes, not thinking of anything. My thoughts and problems are too many to the point where they leave my mind hanging in the air. But my senses slowly managed to come back when I felt peace and silence for a moment. I sighed as I looked down on the bed and got the paper beside me.

THE EVIL WITH THE WI-NIX

Dear Lady Amara Flamiva, the Great Wi-Nix,

You are with us. We are not enemies. Centuries ago, you were abandoned by the Flamivas but we were with you. Someone with powerful spells and deceiving crafts got the best you. But you met your man, Ivan Shalarvereau, who made you break the chains. Under the dark sky, you made a promise to be with him always. Now he is cursed. That is he hurts you. But he is just controlled by external forces. He is for you and if you really are for him, save him. Come with us.

Why are we the Evil? Because people called us that. But our intentions aren’t bad. You are also called ‘curse’ and ‘the curse’ but you are not. We are the same. Everyone thinks badly of us. So why not be together and conquer the harsh assumptions?

The moment you sign this with your precious blood, you gladly accept you belong with us. Let’s work together and lead the world. They are lying and fooling you. There is no perfect place. But if we get together... we could make a perfect world.

Shalarve— what?

Shalarvereau... strange to my eyes, familiar to my heart. Weird.

But I don’t really feel anything lovely towards Ivan so why the hell are they saying he’s my man?! What the hell! Never! This is obviously a damn lie to trick me.

I shook my head, refusing to believe what’s written on the paper. I would never sign this. I would never work with the Evil. Cruelty never leaves me but I don’t want to make others suffer as well. Cruelty wants me and only me. Don’t get others involved in my miserable life.

“What the hell...” I unconsciously whispered to myself as I realized something.

Whether I sign this or not, people are still suffering outside my locked room.

If I don’t sign this, the Evil would get angry and... people would suffer more.

Guilt flowed through my veins. Whatever I do, I’m still a curse that makes people suffer. It’s not intentional but I still do... I really deserve cruelty. I am starting to understand my parents’ hatred towards me.

In that case, they knew I’m not human. I am not their daughter. But they didn’t tell me. Why did they keep me? Why did they let me live with them for years?

If my known mother isn’t my biological mother, grandma isn’t my biological grandmother...

It is hard to accept and move forward but I wanna know who my real parents are. I wanna ask them a lot of questions.

If I really am Corvina, then this must be... rebirth?

How about my biological parents? Are they dead... or were reborn too?

Damn... more mysteries.

A SOLDIER brought food to my room for lunch. But how could I eat, knowing that people are suffering outside? I don’t even know if they were given a meal.

“What about them?” I asked him without any shame.

He didn’t expect the sudden question but still answered. “You are the one we serve, lady.”

“I don’t care. Tell your shitty masters to give people food.”

“Apologies, lady. I am not allowed to speak to them.”

I heaved a sigh as I rolled my eyes, not at the soldier but at the fact that he can’t talk with his superiors. So damn feeling holy!

It makes me wonder if this soldier really has an evil heart or just works for the Evil.

But I know they’re just treating me nicely so that I would sign that s**t of paper. Yeah, not sheet but s**t.

“Tell me at least how they’re doing.” It sounded like an order.

“Some soldiers of Utopium have surrendered to the Evil and some are still fighting. High-ranking officials are nowhere to be seen. People are following everything the Evil tells them.”

Oh, I didn’t expect he would really tell me.

“I’m... I am one of those who surrendered. Apologies, lady... I can’t fight. I don’t want to die,” he added with an apologetic voice. I was shocked when he kneeled down. “Call me weak, Lady Wi-Nix! But I’m just trying to survive.”

He then stood up and bowed down like he didn’t say anything that has impacted me.

When the soldier left, I shook my head to disregard what I heard. It just made me more anxious. I don’t know if he was just lying to me for empathy or he’s telling the truth. It’s hard to trust. It’s hard to believe.

And I have something more important to think about... more important to do.

I quickly stood up and got Eliza’s diary.

I know what I’m about to do is risky but... I love taking risks, right?

I sighed as I looked at the food. Is it bad to waste it? Alright, I’ll taste it a little. I’m kinda hungry too.

I was about to put the food in my mouth when something suddenly came into my mind.

Poison... Is this poisoned?

I quickly put the spoon back to the plate and consecutively released deep heavy breaths.

Alright, I won’t eat.

The only useful thing I could do now is... explore Corvina’s life.

Corvina made a spell to secretly meet her man. She thought I won’t discover it but I did. Indeed, she is a great witch but I am greater. However, what’s with this spell? I can’t break it.

That’s some sentences in the diary.

“Zestasiá efchón. Flamiva, Corvina, me mávra malliá. Roses, stars, and chains... let your memories flow through my veins. My heart is in pain but I want him to remain.” I nervously recited, reading the spell Corvina made.

I felt my eyelids getting heavy, making me close my eyes. I know what’s happening so I didn’t resist. I just let my body follow the process.

A FIELD of roses under the night sky welcomed me, along with the fresh wind giving comfort to my skin.

I slowly stepped forward and continued walking until I realized this field is an island so it is surrounded by water... crystal-clear water. How beautiful. My lips moved on its own, flashing a smile. I don’t why but it feels great to see this place, clean and peaceful.

Roses in this field are fresh and blooming, while the roses in my cruel life are dry and dead.

“I found it!” a female voice broke the silence.

I looked around and on my left side, I saw... Corvina, who is meters away.

“Really? Where?” a man yelled back. They’re a few meters away from each other.

“Here!” Corvina responded as the man walk towards her.

I froze on my spot as I saw his face. Ivan...

What the hell?! The Evil wasn’t lying!

Couldn’t believe the scene, my eyes went down to the roses. No damn way! Why would Corvina fall in love with Ivan?! It makes no sense!

Now I understand why Eliza is strongly against their relationship. Me too.

I let out a deep breath, encouraging myself to move closer to them. And I managed to. As I walk towards them, I see they’re talking but not that loud anymore so I don’t know what they were saying.

I stopped a meter away from them. This should be enough.

“...swim in the water?” I heard a part of his dialogue.

I blinked twice as I slowly realized something.

British accent... the masked man’s voice...

This isn’t Ivan!

“How about just the feet?” he sweetly smiled.

I swear, he acts differently right now. He isn’t Ivan. He isn’t the masked man whom I thought was bad.

Corvina nodded. The masked man gently put his arm around her shoulder as they walk to the edge of the island.

I’m just watching them but deep down my heart, something makes me feel at peace. I don’t know why but seeing them like this touches my heart.

Now I don’t know what I should really believe. Eliza’s assumptions or the masked man’s actions. He looks genuinely happy with Corvina... I don’t see a reason why Eliza would think he doesn’t love her goddaughter.

But yeah, what I see might be fake.

The fact that he killed my grandmother and strangled me multiple times still lingers in me. However, the day I was shot and then I woke up with my wounds treated by him... it makes me doubt what really are his intentions.

Everything is overwhelming to the point where I can’t even describe how happy and sincere they are. My heart is warmed but my mind is in chaos. Dave or the masked man?! Who really is destined for Corvina... for my soul?!

Oh my goodness! Did she fall for two men?! What the hell!

I went closer to them, seeking to hear their conversation.

“Mama... doesn’t like you.” Sadness was evident in Corvina’s voice while she’s holding a white rose and her head is on the masked man’s shoulder. They are sitting on the island as their feet are in the water. This looks... romantic.

He heaved a sigh. “I know... she thinks I’m bad.”

“But you’re not,” Corvina defended. “She just doesn’t know that... oh, sorry.”

Eliza doesn’t know what?! Why didn’t Corvina say it?!

“Let her think that way. The right time will come and the truth will prevail. For now, we need to sacrifice... for that world she made.”

Why does the masked man sound like a kind person now...? It feels weird but... somehow familiar. Here it is again, strange and familiar. My feelings are so complicated.

After that, they didn’t talk about anything mysterious and suspicious. What I’ve heard and witnessed was love. I even looked away when they kissed once. It was a long and passionate kiss. It made me feel like they loved each other so much.

I’ve seen the kindness the masked man possesses.

But... why did he kill my grandma?

I CAME back to the present with another flood of thoughts. But I must admit, watching Corvina and the masked man having a peaceful and intimate time was great. I have witnessed a love in the past amidst the Red Light.

Now I want to know more about what really happened to them. I just don’t know where and how to start.

I looked down at the paper from the Evil. I deeply sighed before I tore it up. Final decision, I won’t work with the Evil.

They want to use my power... for their evil goals. I won’t let that happen.

I opened the Tales with Wings to find stories about Phoenix.

But they’re literally just tales. There are no ways mentioned on how to use my powers as a Pheonix. It’s frustrating to not fully know myself. I really wanna transform into a Phoenix!

And my real parents... I wonder how a witch and a Phoenix fell in love with each other, and abandon a girl like me. Corvina owes Eliza a lot for taking care of her and treating her like her real daughter.

I know someone’s outside this room, guarding the door, so I knocked a few times.

“What can I do, lady?” The voice was baritone.

“I wanna talk to someone.” I sounded like a strict boss.

It took him some seconds to answer. “Apologies. You are not allowed to go out of this room.”

Oh gosh, this gives me stress. “That’s why tell your master, Ivan, to come here. I didn’t say I’ll go out.”

“Apologies again. I will do it.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

After a couple of minutes, Ivan really did come.

“Looking for me, huh?” What an annoying greeting.

“Yeah... I wanna try something,” I slowly nodded.

“Might as well try signing the paper?” He changed the subject.

In your dreams.

I sarcastically smiled and walked towards him. He was just smirking the whole time until I made my move.

I gave him a sudden and hard slap.

“What the f**k?!” he looks so furious. I like it!

“My fellow witch taught me to slap annoying people. It’s your fault for bringing me there.”

He scoffed, frustrated and amused. “You’ll regret this... I don’t like wasting time.”

“Stop impersonating Corvina’s man. You can never fool me.” I said, now serious.

I saw how he was caught off guard at that. He was obviously hesitating to answer and ended up not saying anything.

“Get out. I’m done. I wish you bad luck for your,,, supernatural colonization.” Then I casually went back to bed.

The next thing I heard was a gunshot.

It surprised me but I tried si hard not to flinch. He must know that I am not someone they can control.

“I’ll come tomorrow. If the paper is still not signed, you will meet your special guests.”

The door was slammed.

What? Special guests?! That was so random!

I shook my head and just let the afternoon pass as my mind is about to explode in curiosity.

I HAVE a nightmare tonight! Finally!

The moment I realized that, the masked man was the first to come into my mind.

Please... I hope he’s here.

“Cor-- Amara...” I heard his voice from behind.

I slowly turned around and I saw his face. I missed this... I missed him.

Wait, what?!

I shook my head and found something else to look at.

“You’re back...” I heard footsteps along with his voice.

“Y-yeah... hello.” I don’t know why of all things, that was what I said.

“I will be straightforward, my dear... before we run out of time.” He is now close to me.

That ‘my dear’ thingy is making my heart race! After discovering his relationship with Corvina, everything just felt different.

“You will m-marry... the Son in Power?”

I slowly faced him upon hearing his question. What...

“Please!” He shook his head. “Don’t do it! What about me? My sacrifices? Your promises?”

I just looked at him, speechless. What am I supposed to say? He suddenly became emotional.

I was more speechless when a tear flowed down his eye.

This is the first time I see him cry...

More and more tears came out of his eyes as he held my hand. And I let him.

“It is hard to explain everything all at once so... let me tell you everything slowly. H-how could I do that if you go with... a-another man?” he sobbed.

“I will help you remember everything! Just please... d-don't marry h-him...”

For an unknown reason, I started releasing a few tears too. He causes pain to my inner self...

“You forgot me in your mind... but I’m engraved in your heart.”

“You got a new life but you are still Corvina deep down your soul. And I’m still the Navi you knew, my dear.”

“Navi...?” I was finally able to speak with my brows furrowed.

“Your man, Navi Shalarvereau. We felt the gentle wind together. We plucked roses together. We watched the stars together. We conquered the chains together. We were together... And we can be together again.”

My heart seemed to have been touched by what he said.

But it’s hard to believe! I don’t know what to believe!

“No...” I shook my head. “E-eliza said... you’re evil.”

“I’m not... You know me the best and you know the truth...” He went closer to me.

“I suffered for centuries, my dear.” He cried harder. “Now you’re about to marry the Son in Power... I can’t accept it.”

“Why not me? I did... everything... despite the pain.”

It’s hard to believe but I feel his sincerity right now.

The sacrifices he said on the island... those are true...?

What really happened to Navi and Corvina? Who is Ivan? If I loved Navi... what about Dave? If I marry Dave... what about Navi?

***