Journey to Utopia

As the gentle wind blows Someone gives you a rose Under the bright moonlight Think if loving him is right When’ll you realize, my dear His cruel, evil plan is near ••• I AM hugging my grandmother, but she is not hugging me back. Pain tightened its crown, becoming a worse ruler of mine, as I once again realized that her unopened eyes had the last blink, her airless nose had the last breath, and her dried lips had the last word. I witnessed all her lasts, and I wonder if she witnesses all my tears. Her hug would be the best comfort, but how could a dead person hug me? Do I need comfort at this moment, though? Did I ever feel true comfort? Do I even know what comfort feels like? To suffer has always been the meaning of life to me. Cruelty prevails despite all my efforts to defeat it. Grandma’s terrifyingly cold, b****y skin outshines the cool breeze of the dark, starry night that surrounds us, along with a strange feeling piercing every bit of my body. No matter how hurt I am physically, nothing compares to the pain twisting my heart. She was the only one who had cared for me and yet she disappeared too soon. My tears constantly flowed as the moonlight hit her glossy hair, making it glow in a strangely enchanting way. In spite of the grief, something creeps me out. My grandmother did not die of sickness nor age. Her death was neither an accident. Someone murdered her! She was killed by... I don’t know, I don’t remember. I was with my grandma the whole time but something weird is happening to me. I don’t remember who killed her, but I’m sure someone did. I don’t know how she was killed. I don’t know if I tried to protect her. I don’t know why my body hurts so much. I don’t remember the important things at all! This damn brain—did something happen to my hippocampus? We’re in a dark place, but I can still see the surroundings. Amidst the tall grasses dancing along with the wind, grandma is lying on the ground while I’m sitting and crying. I feel weak; I can’t move. I don’t know what to do. Time passed as quickly as my heartbeat. A silhouette caught my eyes, devouring me into darkness and mystery. Someone is coming but I don’t see a face because it's just a silhouette—a shadow. Who is he? Why is he here? Is he going to help us? Or was he the one who killed my grandmother?! “Your grandma is dead,” he whispered in my ear. His deep voice sounded good but creepy. “Do you also wanna die like your grandma?” What?! Is he going to kill me?! He’s a total creep. How I wish I could slap and punch him. He’s probably the one who murdered my grandmother, and I wanted to hurt him for that. However, despite my strong desire for revenge, I seemed to be unable to move. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything. I should have cursed him. I was just frozen like a statue, only that I don’t consider myself a work of art. I wasn’t able to conquer whatever force that kept my mouth shut. In the end, I closed my eyes for an unknown reason and lay down on the ground beside my grandma... my dead grandma. “WAKE UP. Amara... Ara, the moon has arrived. Wake up.” I slowly opened my eyes, hearing someone calling my name. The first thing I saw was my grandmother’s face, causing my brows to furrow as I remembered what had happened. As far as I can recall, grandma was dead, then there was a man, and I lost consciousness. Was that just a dream? Thank goodness! Grandma and I are both safe! Everything in that dream was not real. A smile stretched my lips widely—probably the widest ever—as I hugged my grandmother in joy and shock. When I got her in my arms, I felt something I could not understand and therefore could not explain. A bit of dizziness struck me and my vision got slightly blurry, but I just sighed to ignore it. “I love you, grandma,” I said, still hugging her. She hugged me back. “I love you too, dear, so let us go eat dinner.” We stopped hugging each other, then the weird feeling in me was suddenly gone as if it was grandma's fault. I shrugged, refraining to come up with ridiculous thoughts. Grandma’s death was nothing but a dream so there is no need to worry. I held her hand as we walked outside together, then I felt that unexplainable feeling again. It lingered in me when we hugged and held hands. Was it because of her? I shrugged to stop the ridiculous thoughts, again. Together we went to the dining room. I smelled chicken curry and already knew it was delicious—it’s grandma’s work, of course. I was surprised a little that she cooked meat for dinner because we don’t have much money and we’re saving, though I just did not mind asking her about it. I just hope she won’t spend our savings on this kind of food. I know it’s because of me. She knows I like chicken. She wants to give me the best, but I always refuse because I don’t deserve it. “You have slept for… four hours, I suppose? Are you quite tired?” she worryingly asked while putting rice onto my plate. “Tired, yes, but I’m okay,” I replied. She nodded, then put curry over the rice. After that, she served herself and we started eating. “Oh, dear, you really are. Sleep is rest so do it more often. How’s school, by the way?” I looked at her with confusion. “Grandma? I don’t go to school…” Her smile faded, panicking for a second, but she immediately explained. “Oh, yes! Sorry, dear, I have been very stressed lately. I’m quite old, you know.” That was weird. But I just smiled and nodded. “Forgive me for not being able to afford a school for you…” Now she looks sad. “Grandma, don’t feel sorry! It’s okay! I don’t want to go to school; I want to work and earn money.” That was a lie. A part of me desires to go to college. I can study while working, of course, but I decided not to because it will only add up to our concerns. More than that, we need to live secretly as much as possible to not be found by someone. After eating, I placed all that we had used on the sink to wash them. I was scrubbing a plate when I remembered something. “Have you taken your medicine, grandma?” I asked but no one answered. I looked back at the dining table but she was not there. Maybe she went to our room. I finished washing the dishes as fast as I could, then went to the bedroom to see grandma. “Grandma,” I called, expecting to see her lying on the bed. But she wasn’t there. I hurriedly went outside. Maybe she’s there. I hope she’s there. Finally, I was able to breathe comfortably when I saw her sitting on a bench under a tree. I sat beside her so she looked at me. “Have you taken your medicine?” I asked and she nodded. We were quiet for a while, feeling the fresh wind, until she suddenly spoke. “My dear... I have a question.” “What is it?” I smiled. “Will you come with me?” My brows furrowed as I did not understand what she said. “What do you mean?” “A matter of yes or no, dear. Very much easy to answer.” I smiled and held her hand, preparing my British accent. “Yes, of course. I will come with you, my dearest grandmother.” I chuckled. Although I speak in an American accent because I was raised in the United States, I can also do the British accent a little. Grandma taught me, and I still need a lot of practice but I don’t use it every day, only occasionally. She said we will go to England when we get enough money for a flight. It’s really difficult to hide and run away. When grandma held my hand too and gave me a sweet smile, I continued speaking so that it would not be too quiet. “You don’t have to ask that question. I will always come with you, grandma.” “No! Not with your grandma! Never use that word again!” Suddenly, her voice changed. Her British accent which was once sophisticated and admired by our American neighbors turned dreadful. I panicked so I immediately stood up and went away from her. With a voice nobody would wish to hear, she started to sing a song I don’t know in a language I also don’t know. I covered my ears and ran back inside the house. I locked the door as I panted. What the hell is happening?! Is she pranking me or what? I don’t like this prank! That song makes me feel something weird. My head is now in pain. The door cracked because someone was trying to break it. Was that grandma?! Oh no, what’s happening to my grandmother?! Despite my fear, I tried to be strong. I wanted to hide, but I’m also worried about grandma. My thoughts slowly faded when the door opened. At this moment, two red eyes stare at me, creating unfathomable feelings. I don’t know why I also stared into those eyes until I felt weak and collapsed. Before I completely lost consciousness, I heard a voice in a language that felt strangely familiar, somehow, “Bona fortuna in via.” “MY DEAR, it’s time to wake up.” Thoughts flooded me when I realized what had happened—a dream, again. I breathed heavily, caressing grandma’s face until I got satisfied. She’s real, and so I hugged her tightly. Two dreams in a row, wow. Of course, why would grandma turn into a monster? That’s pure nonsense. There’s nothing to worry about. “What's wrong?" she asked. I instantly answered ‘no’. “Very well. I am glad nothing’s wrong yet.” The last word left me frozen. It took me a moment to sink in what she had said, and I slowly moved away—but she grabbed me into her arms. “Don’t end the hug, dear.” I don’t know why a tear left my eye. I don’t know what to do. I can’t fight. I don’t wanna hurt her. However, I felt a sharp thing on my back which seemed to change my mind. Pain struck my head, from the skull to the brain, and I pushed grandma away. She didn’t flinch although I successfully left the bed and am now standing, facing her with so many questions I can’t spit out. She stood up too, with confidence, and raised a brow. “You have the audacity... to push me?” This is not my grandma. There was not a bit of mercy when she stabbed me in the chest using a golden knife that looked antique due to the carvings on the handle—a gorgeous weapon to kill. A GOLDEN ceiling welcomed my eyes the moment I opened them and I was filled with disbelief, seeing everything around. There’s no knife; there’s no blood. I’m completely fine. In conclusion, that was just a dream. How about this one? If this is a dream again, my brain is messed up. Where is grandma? This is absolutely not our house. This looks luxurious. I can’t think of any way a rich person would take me into their mansion. What should I do? Should I shout and see if someone hears me? Or should I just wait for someone to come here? I chose the latter. I should just wait. I don’t know what’s going on outside this room so I might become a disturbance if I shout. This is so new to me as I had never entered another’s home. With all my patience, I waited for a couple of minutes, but there was no one. I can’t control myself anymore. I really wanna know what this place is, why I am here, and most importantly, where my grandma is. I finally walked to the door. Touching the doorknob felt weird because it is certainly expensive, but I still did. I tried to open it but it’s locked! I leaned on the door, thinking deeply, and realized I was left with only one choice. Shout. I was about to yell when somebody knocked on the door. Perfect timing. However, I can’t open it since it’s locked from the outside. The person who knocked shall do so. After a few seconds, the door opened! Finally! I froze the moment I laid eyes on the woman in front of me. She is so gorgeous, wow! Is she a model or something? She smiled at me and went inside the room without a word. I closed the door and went to her. “Excuse me,” I can’t wait to ask her questions. “Yes? I’m sure you have a lot to ask right now!” she laughed elegantly. Well, she’s right. And her voice sounds pretty. “How did I get here?” was my first question. She sighed and smiled before answering. “I will be straightforward. We saw you lying down on a grass field. We thought you were both dead but it turned out to only be the old woman.” My brows furrowed. Grass field? Old woman dead? Those were in my dream. I started to feel something inside me that made me tremble and paranoid as my body slowly weakened. This feeling again... I often feel this because of trauma. I tried to convince myself that my dream—nightmare, rather—coming true was on the top list of impossible things, but my inner self really hurts. “W-what do…” I was hesitating to say it because it’s so uncomfortable to ask if my grandmother is still alive or not. “What do you mean? My... grandma is... is d-dead?” I can’t calm my heart down. “Oh, she’s your grandma? Sorry to say that, yes, she’s dead.” What the hell is happening?! Those were just in my dreams! Grandma is not dead! I don’t understand! These are all lies! “W-where is her body?” I asked nervously. “Secret,” she laughed. What the hell? Is she crazy? Why is she laughing? “Excuse me?” I called, frustrated. I wiped my tears and stared directly into her eyes, examining her. Is this a dream or what? Oh, yes, I think this is just a dream! This is just a dream! Grandma is not dead and this crazy woman is not real! Four dreams in a row, wow! But all my hope, up to the tiniest bit, faded away when the woman’s voice turned into something like the voice grandma used as a monster. “If you come with me, you might see her…” She flashed a creepy smile, then laughed hysterically. It only took her a few seconds to transform into a monster. I covered my mouth in shock when I realized that my grandmother had also transformed into that. She walked towards me while I walked away from her. I honestly didn’t know what to do and just tried to open the door. Unfortunately, at the most unfortunate time, it’s locked again! What the hell! “Come with meeeee,” she screamed, and the little fear in me had worsened. I am not normally scared of anything or anyone, but this one just feels so different, probably because of what happened to grandma. Right, grandma... I closed my eyes when she was very near to me. My grandma is dead, so why should I still be alive? Why would I live without her? After a moment of hopelessness, I suddenly had a change of heart. Did this crazy woman kill grandma? Should I let her kill me too? Those thoughts angered me, and I found myself fiercely opening my eyes to fight. However, the monster is gone already. Maybe she's hiding. I looked around, hoping to find her but instead, I saw a man and a different woman smiling at me with worry beside the bed. “Are you okay?” It was the woman. I did not reply. They started to walk towards me so I leaned closer to the door. “Don’t be scared,” said the man with a smile—a sweet one—but I’m worried he’s just deceiving me. Will they also transform into monsters? “We will not,” the woman said. What the hell? Did she just read my mind? “Won’t you go away from the door? I bet your back hurts,” the man chuckled. I ignored him. “Don’t be scared of your friends, Amara.” The woman is still smiling at me. Her face is not scary. In fact, she's beautiful, but I'm worried she might also transform into a creepy creature. "How did you know my name?" “We know everything about you,” claimed the man, and casually sat on the couch. I don’t know what to say. How did they know everything about me? Do they have superpowers or something? The woman sighed, seemed like controlling herself. “Amara, we have many things to do. Please don’t be scared. We need to talk properly,” she stated in a serious manner, looking into my eyes. I don’t know why I also looked at hers. I blinked twice when I felt something in my body, like electricity—not sure what it was. I am still not certain about who they are, but I need answers to my questions. Maybe they can answer those, right? I sighed, then slowly walked towards them. They both smiled when I sat on the couch but with a space between me and the man. If they transform and try to hurt me, I'll fight. “I am Sarah,” the woman introduced. “And I’m Jacob,” the man added. I did not say anything. They already know my name, so I don’t need to say it. “You failed the opening challenge,” Sarah said, kinda looking disappointed. “What?” I finally spoke, with brows furrowed. “The monster you met a while ago. You didn’t even bother to fight against her. You just... you just gave up.” Sarah sighed. “Amara, you need to be strong here. If not... you will be in trouble—deep trouble.” Well, in fact, I was about to fight but she disappeared. “Please explain,” I simply said. “You are in Utopium, the way to perfection!” Jacob proudly answered, gesturing his hands dramatically. “Are you kidding me?” I frowned. I want to say so many things but I don’t know where to start. I do not understand them. “Let’s wrap things up.” Sarah had already lost her patience. “You are Utopium, where we do the nightmare challenge. Every night, you have no choice but to sleep. Every night, you will have a nightmare and you need to escape from those nightmares. If not, you’ll be trapped in that nightmare forever,” she explained so quickly. “But if you escape from all of the nightmares, then you’ll be in Utopia!” Jacob added. He even stood up to emphasize the last word. I almost jumped on my seat when Jacob came closer. He whispered, “Utopia is the perfect place.” My brows furrowed even more. Perfect place? Is he kidding me? I lost my temper so I stood up and looked at them with evident confusion. “Can you please stop spitting nonsense? Utopium? Nightmare? Utopia? Perfect place? Seriously, where am I? Are you... YouTubers doing a prank?! I hope you lose subscribers!” “Amara, we are saying the truth. Clueless humans like you really won’t believe in things like this but here you are, in a supernatural place.” I still don’t believe them. “Your dream... about your grandmother. That’s not a dream; it really happened… As in, really. It’s real.” Jacob now looks serious. “How... how did you know about my... dream?” I was startled, my heart beating faster. Why do they know that? I didn’t tell anybody about that. Jacob was about to speak up but Sarah cut him off. “Let’s go, we’re late! We’ll be scolded again!” “What?! It’s already time?!” He panicked and then they both hurriedly went out of the room. “Wait!” I called but they didn’t listen. “See you later!” They shouted before leaving completely. I was left dumbfounded. I tried to open the door but it’s locked again. They were hurrying, right? How were they able to lock the door? “Damn,” I whispered to myself as I accepted the fact that I won’t be able to go outside this room. Where is my grandmother?! She’s dead?! No! This is just a bad dream! I need to find a way to wake up so that I won’t have to be in this crazy dream anymore. I sat on the bed for a couple of minutes, thinking about what to do. I felt like a genius when I saw the window covered with curtains but a part of it is visible. I went to it and moved the curtains without further ado. “What the...” I did not expect I would be this enchanted. Strange creatures, animals, and humans roam around a big and beautiful garden lighted by the dazzling rays of the sun. None of the animals, even the wild ones, are fighting. There is no trace of terror. Everything is magical. Everything enchants me. I had only expected this scenery to exist in fantasy. I kept looking outside until someone looked at me. I was shocked so I immediately looked away and covered the window with the curtains. I waited for almost a minute, trying to sink in everything I have witnessed. Then, I opened the window again. But the first thing I saw was a face. He was the one who looked at me a while ago! It was such an awkward moment so I just smiled a little and acted like I was just casually looking at the garden. He knocked on the window. I raised my brows, asking what he needed, but he just knocked again. I finally understood what he meant. He wants me to open the window! No way! I don’t even know him. He’s probably a monster, too, who is disguised as a human. Oh, yes, he’s certainly a monster or another supernatural creature. The window is high from the ground, so a normal person cannot climb up that fast. I knew it, he is not human. He's probably floating in the air, ignoring gravity. I covered the window and lay down on the bed to talk to myself. I slapped both my cheeks over and over again, but I'm still in this room. Is this not a dream? This place is... amazing. I thought Sarah and Jacob were just lying about supernatural stuff. But now, I have realized that a supernatural world really exists. I stood up and walked around the room as I thought it wouldn’t be bad to explore this room a little. Curiosity is hard to resist. I didn’t want to open the cabinets and drawers so I decided to look at the paintings. If I’m not mistaken, there are five paintings in this room that are so exquisite as if they were made by famous and historical painters. The painting near the corner caught my interest the most. The golden palace in the middle is captivating, but the dark sky filled with winged and horned dragons outshines it. There is a forest on the right and a garden on the left wherein people are having fun. Meanwhile, a little girl is looking up in the sky. She’s the only one who sees the dragons, but she’s not scared. In fact, she is smiling. I stared at it for a moment until I finally formed a theory—what the painting probably means. I’m pretty good at giving meaning to things because I’m an overthinker, though I’m not always correct. I have had this ability since I was a kid and understood the bad side of life. The painting probably means that everyone does not know something bad will happen, but there is someone who does. However, that someone decided not to tell others about the upcoming tragedy because they love to see people suffering. No matter how positive one’s perspective is, nobody can deny the evilness flowing through the veins of some who want to bring pain to others. The little girl is smiling at the dragons who are about to attack. Only those wicked can be happy for their own kind. My theory is dreadful but possible because we live in a cruel world with lots of cruel people, making it hard to believe that a perfect place exists. It’s hard to believe in the so-called Utopia. But what if it’s true? What if Utopia really is a perfect place?