Journey to Utopia

22: Truth in the Dark

TO COMPROMISE the soul-stirring fact of eternity in this nightmare, let’s just consider it as exploring the shadows of my past life. Stories of mysteries, darkness, and war in this world will detonate my whole self, not just my mind.

Things seem to happen fast. I reminisced about my life with grandma, and it made me miss the peaceful life in the countryside, away from the busy city where I had always felt anxious because of everything I went through there. The only great experience I remember is when my parents and I celebrated my 7th birthday with simplicity, but it felt special. However, they changed after that day. Everything was ruined in a snap. At least I enjoyed... even just for a day.

For some reason, I also enjoyed painting a while ago. I’m not really good at painting but it somehow filled a little blank space in my heart before negativity fully occupies me. But now I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I let myself get stressed out of overthinking or do something I might enjoy? Or even if I don’t enjoy, I hope will be useful.

Honestly, I have the best choice for now and it will certainly trigger my curiosity. But why not feed my mind? I really need information.

“Zestasiá efchón. Flamiva, Corvina, me mávra malliá. Roses, stars, and chains... let your memories flow through my veins. My heart is in pain but I want him to remain.”

It didn’t take me long to see a new place, the seaside. The gentle breeze of the cold wind gave me a nice feeling of something unexplainable, nourishing my pale ivory skin. The moon is glowing brighter than my anticipation.

Corvina is standing a few meters away from me, staring at the calm sea. I know she’s thinking deeply about something... or someone.

I sighed and gazed at the sea. This night feels peaceful, the complete opposite of my nightmare. Actually, my whole life. It’s so chaotic.

I lost track of time as I got too focused on the once-in-a-blue moon peace. It makes me wonder if I can experience this too in real life, not just in a memory from the past I don’t even remember.

When will I regain my memories? Or will I ever do?

I think destiny hates me...

My lips formed a bitter smile as painful truths came to me. Why am I being dramatic over this, anyway? It’s not like I’m not used to being hurt.

Oh, right. I’m used to it but it’s not okay. I’m indirectly killing myself if I continue accepting the cruelty I’m not even completely sure if I deserve.

But why do I kinda feel I do deserve it...? Pathetically funny.

There was a presence behind me so I quickly turned around and saw Navi who just walked past me. Because I was preoccupied with my thoughts, I didn’t immediately realize that the little girl is here as well! She was walking slowly, though.

Do I know the little girl during my past life? I suddenly remembered her name. But I won’t call her by that.

A damn taught entered my mind.

What if the little girl is the child version of Corvina? It makes sense because Navi takes care of the kid. But how the hell would someone’s younger version be alive at the same time as the present self? So confusing!

Navi handed a bouquet of roses to Corvina.

I went closer to them to hear their conversation. The little girl stopped walking as I did the opposite. I was confused for a second because she didn’t even look at me. She just froze on her spot, like what I do whenever something’s unexpected. But then when I saw her face, there is no hint of shock. She’s just staring at the two lovey-dovey.

I ended up shrugging that off. There are more important matters right now.

“We reached a month… how amazing,” Navi smiled.

Oh, this is like a monthsary or something?

“Secretly…” Corvina elegantly chuckled.

So whenever did this happen, their relationship was still a secret. I wanna see how Eliza found out about them…

“Look at the sky,” Navi said as they both raised their heads. “If you go further enough, you will reach the space, where millions of secrets are still hidden behind the darkness and the supreme silence. Meanwhile, millions are not meant to be known so they will forever stay as secrets. I believe that even the greatest human mind is not well-capable of solving these mysteries. We are not supposed to know every single thing. There are… limitations. There are boundaries keeping the distance between how much actually exists, how much we can, and how much we deserve.”

“Look at the see.” Now they’re facing down. “We only know a little about what’s beneath us… beneath those waters. Some are not meant to be discovered because it might bring… danger… and destruction.”

“Too deep,” Corvina chuckled. “How about you? How much do I know you? How much do I deserve to know? Do you have secrets not meant to be revealed?”

I thought Navi would be pretty startled by that but he was calm.

“I have a secret exclusive for myself… only to myself. And I’m sure, you too. Everyone has.”

“That’s right,” Corvina nodded. “I love your… honesty.”

Navi licked his lower lip. “Oh, my honesty? For me, I love your… I mean, silent r.”

It took me a few seconds before getting what he meant.

How? Am? I? Supposed? To? React?

He was basically saying that to me because I am Corvina! So what the hell?! Why is my heart racing?! I should be… aromantic. But why is this happening?

If he just didn’t kill grandma, I would risk myself trusting him.

His words and actions seem genuine, but those might be fake since a lot of people are great actors and actresses. They are not acting in films and series, but in real life instead.

It’s not hard for Corvina to fall for Navi. It’s not a sin to get swayed by a man’s tongue of fluttery because it gives butterflies starting in the stomach until they colonize the entire body, which can affect us physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s terrifying how lies can become a big influence on us. That’s why we should be careful.

The sweetest words come from the best liars.

FINALLY I have decided what to do for my remaining hours of freedom.

Even though I don’t really know the exact location of where I usually meet Navi in the forest, I still tried to find it. Of course, this is so difficult. I’ve been walking for almost an hour, but I’m still confused at the tall, enchanting trees with their leaves dancing along with the warm wind as the sun is about to set. In a few hours, darkness will cover everything again. But I hope there will be even just a bit of light like the stars twinkling in the night sky. Bits of hope may be little but surely they will shine brightly through unity.

As I continue to walk with my legs aching in exhaustion, I heard a whisper but it’s almost nothing like a volume of 1/100. I looked around but saw no one. What the hell is this? I don’t have time for ghosts or whatever. There was another whisper and I would consider the volume as 10/100.

“Just talk to my damn face!” I got frustrated as I heard multiple whispers consecutively.

“Sorry.”

My unwell soul almost jumped out of my sore body when someone suddenly apologized. But the feeling of surprise was replaced with relief and lowkey joy hidden in my heart when I saw the face of who I wanted to meet.

“You’re back,” Navi smiled.

“Y-yeah… I promised.”

“How long will you stay today?”

I swallowed hard. I only have limited time. “A few hours…”

He nodded and offered his hand. I noticed how his clothing improved, though I’m not really into style and fashion. It just looks good. What’s bothering me is that he reminds me of... Dave. Just a little bit. But still, I can’t ignore the resemblance.

I wonder how’s Dave right now…

I want to see him but I don’t know where he is.

Navi is the only person I want and need to meet that exists in this nightmare… or let’s say, my new world, new home.

I miss people in Utopium. Even Blue. Even Naomi. Even Ivan, honestly. They caused me pain, but they had contributed to my development. I hope they have developed too… I also hope they defeat the Evil. I know there are other supernatural creatures more powerful than me… Hoping is the only thing I can do for them now that I’m stuck here forever.

Sorry, I failed the nightmare challenge.

Just like before, it was tiring to reach the house. My entire body, especially my legs, hurt so much. Without a word, I pushed the door, entered the house, and sat down on the first couch I saw.

Navi asked me some questions and I answered despite the exhaustion. I was really glad when he stopped speaking. Thank you, please let me rest.

I really did take a rest. As far as I remember, I slept on the couch, but when I woke up, I’m already on a bed. My eyes wandered around and realized I’m in the little girl’s room. I don’t know how long I slept. I didn’t care until I remembered my limited time!

Quickly my feet stepped forward and forward out of the room. I’m not yet on the stairs when I heard a slam from the first floor. That made me nervous so I walked faster.

“Oh, shit.” My breathing got heavy upon seeing blood scattered on the floor.

What the hell is this?! Why do I encounter blood every damn day?!

Navi is bleeding! I rushed to him and asked what happened but he didn’t answer me. He just kept on pointing at somewhere. I sighed and followed his finger, which points to the doorway. I kept walking until I got out of the house.

Poetic sentences in a thriller novel are not enough to describe how my heart shattered in breath-taking shock, brain-wrinkling disbelief, and spine-chilling terror when I witnessed the b****y face of a young man, whom I thought is now excruciating in the cruelty of the Evil.

The sacrifice is back… with a heinous twist.

“D-dave…” I struggled to speak because of my mixed emotions. “W-what the hell… h-happened here?”

“Protecting you…”

Hearing his voice sent warmth to my heart but the negative impact of the brutal mess I see right now is much more overwhelming.

“W-what do you m-mean… protect?” I let out a heavy and anxious breath.

I don’t see anything soft in Dave. All are hard and intense. He seems like a knight ready to do everything for his master.

“You need to know something… right now.” His voice was full of seriousness and determination. “This is not a nightmare. This is a real world. Everything you experienced from the very beginning is really happening in Dystopium.”

“W-what?” He was too straightforward! I couldn’t take it all in!

“This is not just a nightmare. This is the parallel world of Utopium. This is Dystopium, the way to cruelty.”

Cruelty…

Is this cruelty worse than my life?

“This is the way to the worst…” he continued, and that made me start to tremble.

If I’m not mistaken, I have read a story in Tales with Wings about the worst place, where all the evilness exists. No one with a good heart can survive there. Even if just 1% of your heart is good, you still can’t. You need a hundred percent evilness.

I thought nothing could be more cruel than my life but look at me now in this damn place.

I am a half-witch, half Phoenix, who was cursed and destined for the worst.

***