To Want You

33

Father leads us to a grey van parked at just the front of the parking space. The windows tinted, depriving me from seeing anyone inside. But I can hear little chatters of boys yelling back and forth the walls of the vehicle. With his knuckles, father knocks on the shell of the van and whoever was inside finally swung the door open. I almost experienced a heart attack when a slivered haired boy’s unraveled sitting on the seating. Deep brown eyes, cherry glossy lips and he unknowingly shows us the sharpness of his jaw when he hisses to whoever sat behind him. He’s almost looks the same age as me.

“How are the boys, Mark?” Father asks. “It sounds rowdy in here.”

This ‘Mark’ rubs the back of his head, smiling nervously. “We were playing a game.”

I think Mother mentioned about Mark one time when we were talking. If I remember correctly, he’s a family friend who constantly watches over my brothers when they’re busy at work. A few months older tha me and is attending the same school I’ll soon transfer to.

“Mommy! Where’s noo-“ Clever stops mid sentence when he pushes himself in front of Mark, shooting his eyes wide like saucers. I copy the same reaction he has on without even knowing it. I’ve only ever seen Clever through pictures mother would send once a year and sometimes faintly hear his voice through phone calls. That baby from before, is him? If he was cute when he was a few months old, then he looks so adorable now. I suddenly have the urge to pick him up and hug the life off of him. I shake my head and disperse the thought. No. I might scare him. Had mother and father stayed all those times, he would’ve probably be best friends with Loona’s brother.

Clever has big black eyes that appears hypnotic when he stares, adorable baby fats accentuating the sides of his face and black hair that’s kept in place with a cute flower rubber band. He’s fit out in an adorable pink sweatshirt, safari beige shorts and topping it all of with some converse for his feet.

At the sight of me, he scurries back into the van like a mouse caught stealing cheese. Mother giggles before gently pushing me inside. Clever’s head pokes from one of the backseat together with my other brother, Nathan.

I want to laugh at the situation. Not only do I have to try to win the affection of one brother back, there’s also the other one. I think I’ve got my work cut out for me. Nathan’s only seven years younger than me. So that makes him eleven this year while Clever’s turning five. I don’t know why I feel so awkward right now. It’s not like I’ve done something bad to them. So why on earth do I feel like pissing my pants? Then again, I did choose to stay back even after he begged me to come along with them. Now I feel back. Had I known the situation would turn out this way, I’d have followed them back then.

“Everyone set?” After helping father load my stuffs, Mark appears in front on the entrance. His silver hair reminds me so much of Abel. He glances my way with a warm smile as mother gives him a nod, seconds before he finally slides the door close and hops to the front seat with father taking the wheel. Clever’s hiding somewhere behind the multiple seats at the back.

“Boys, come say hi to noona.”

“Ah. Wait.” I did manage to pick up something for them on the way here. I fumble inside my back pack before pulling out a box filled with all sorts of expensive chocolates. I hope they have a sweet tooth. Instead of them coming my way, I avoid the risk of them tripping from the motion of the van and approach them.

“Hello.”

“Hi.”

Nathan used to be so wild when he was a kid. I remember how he’d always follow both me and Abel around and would throw a fit when he isn’t allowed to join us. It’ll surely take time getting used to this new timid side of him. I occupy the empty space in front of them, propping my chin above the surface of the seat.

“Do you remember me?”

Nathan nods his head apprehensively, nudging the silent Clever sitting beside him by the elbow. They exchange words with just a glance and I hold myself from cooing at how adorable they both look. Clever ends up looking up at me with a pout on his face, Nathan obviously winning the game.

“N-noona?” The youngest one starts off while fiddling the tips of his fingers, gazing down.

“Yes?”

“W-why did you l-leave us?”

Innocence drips his words endlessly. He's just asking out of pure curiosity but it's making me feel bad. In all honesty. Back then, I just didn't have a reason to go with them.

Nathan hisses before nudging Clever once more. The boy turns to him with big innocent eyes showing pure confusion.

“You can’t ask her that.” He tells the youngest one before flickering his eyes to collide with mine. “You don’t have to answer that, Noona. Clever can say a lot of useless questions and we just ignore it. “

“But I’m curious.” The boy whines, finally sounding like he’s snaked out of his hiding shell. Confusion contouring his face, he narrows his eyes and fixes his gaze towards Nathan. “I just want to know why Noona left us."

Nathan’s expression suddenly flicks like a light switch, showing something I can finally recognize.

Back when he was still a kid, Nathan would always clench his jaw as a sign to indicate he was about to explode.

I recall avoiding him at all times back then whenever I notice him do that because he would be just too much to handle.

Right now, he’s annoyed and is about to lash out at his brother. I don't think I'll be able to handle two boys fighting.

I’m about to step in and hopefully stop the next event but what he does next surprises me. Nathan closes his eyes, takes in a deep breath before reaching his hand to gently pat Clever on the head.

I’m reminded how time had indeed passed. The boy who used to be so lively had finally matured to an understanding boy and I feel proud he turned out this way even without me.

“Guess what.” I finally speak, bringing the box of chocolates over the seat. Clever’s eyes brightens up at the sight and stands up to take it, looking up at me expectantly.

“ What is it, Noona?”

I smile. “Why don’t you open it and find out for yourself."