The journal of deep thoughts

Sunday April 16

1:00 A.M

I can't sleep. I don't know why but something tells me not to, like if something is going to happen but what exactly? I get up from my bed and sit next to the window, its raining. I don't know why but something about the rain makes me think about my life, we only have one... Sometimes we look at life as the most boring and normal thing in the world but then I remember all those people that are no longer here and are... in heaven? I'm not the kind of person that thinks that when we die we go and live in the clouds like angels and all that crap, I believe that there is SOMETHING but just don't know what it is yet, I guess I'll find out when I die.

1:04 A.M

After staring at the rain for I while I get up to get my book but beside it there was Damien's phone number, I had completely forgot that he had given it to me. I sat beside the window looking at the handwritten phone number, usually I would ask my friends for help and advice in these situation which have actually never happen but it was really late, should I call him? Sure, why not? ... But what if he answers?... What if he gets mad?...

1:10 A.M

You know what, I'm going to do it. Its not every day that someone gives you his number right? I just  hope I don't blow it...

I dial the number and wait...

It starts ringing...

After the third tone someone answers...

"Thank you for calling to Pizza Hot, what can I get for you?"

Oh my f*****g god I had been played, millions of thoughts started flooding my brain and I could barely think, the only thing I could get out of my mouth was:

"s**t"

As I was about to hang up  I heard a laughter that sounded familiar

"HA, you believed every single word! You just made my day"

I felt huge relief, it was Damien

"Oh my f*****g god I'm going to kill you"

He continues to laugh and I join, it was pretty funny

" I'm surprised you called"

"I'm surprised you answered"

"Yeah my sleep schedule is pretty f****d up, what's you excuse for being awake?"

" Don't know, I'm not tired at all. Usually in these situations I would call my friends but one is dealing with her period I think and I have a mental discussion with the other"

"Well I'm glad that you called, I was starting to fear that you threw my number in the trash or something"

I smile as I say

"I would never do that"

"Yeah, I know"

We both went silent but it wasn't uncomfortable at all, I would bet anything that he was smiling 

"Were are you right now?"  

"I'm sitting next to my window, you?"

"Same, watching the rain I guess?"

"Yep, I don't know but I love it when it rains, its really beautiful actually"

"I totally agree with you, I always love to watch it"

Damien 1:14 A.M

I still can't believe that she actually called me, a few minutes ago I was writing a letter to no one in particular about how great she is, guess it was meant to be.

Also still can't believe how great she took that joke I made that could've literally ruined the call. Right now I'm sitting next to my window with my clothes on because I really don't even bother changing because I know that I won't fall asleep for a long while. I have my phone on speaker so I can hear her like if she was actually in my room next to me, I know it may sound weird but I actually like her voice, it makes me feel relaxed.

After a while of talking I look outside my window and see that it stopped raining, then an idea popped in my head but I don't know if I should ask her because I might be taking it too far. My heart starts racing when I take the decision to ask her, I swear if I lose the chance to know her because of this I'll hate myself forever.

"Hey the rain stopped"

"Oh I hadn't noticed, I guess I was to focused talking to you"

I smile and start doubting my decision 

"Hey...umm... I was wondering... since the rain stopped would you like to take a walk with me?"

"You mean right now?"

"Yeah"

Shit, I think I messed up

"Sure but you'll  have to come to me, I'll feel safer walking in places that I know"

Wow. She actually said yes.

"Yeah don't worry, you just send me your address and I'll be there"

"Okay but don't take too long"

"Okay"

I hang up as I start running out of my house, this was actually happening.

1:20 A.M

Oh my god did I just say yes? And to think that I would say no in a normal situation, I'm amazed.

I start getting dressed because hell wasn't he going to see me in my Snoopy pijamas. The good thing was that it wasn't the first time I had sneaked out of my house, the thing was that I had never done it with a boy, great.

1:30 A.M

I get a message from Damien letting me know that he had arrived, I look through my window that faces the street and there was that green eyed boy using a hoodie and jeans smiling at me when he saw me at the window. I smile at him and head downstairs towards the door. Once I left my house I headed towards Damien that looked even more hot under the weak lights of the streetlights. I was prepared to start this adventure.

"Ready little one?"

"I hate being called like that but yes, I'm ready"

Damien 1:37 A.M

This night couldn't get better, I was walking on the lonely and silent streets with a hazel eyed girl talking about life, death and other s**t. I'm surprised of the perspective she has of life, she doesn't sees it as a regular thing, she sees it as something magical, a gift perhaps. She'll clearly enjoy every single moment of it even if its small and simple like for example, the moon,  I've never met anyone who watches the moon with such delight and wonder like she does. When she does, her face starts glowing with joy, she even told me that when she was little she would wake her mother just to show her the moon, that really made me smile. Then as she talked I noticed something, what I felt for her wasn't only physical like it happened with other girls, just her way of being made me smile. I bet that I would never get bored of her stories, because there would always be a new one... I'm glad I had the idea of inviting her for a walk.

1:40 A.M 

I can't believe how much fun I'm having, even though I'm mostly always the one that talks when I look at him he look so interested in what I have to say. I'm glad that I agreed to this, I thought he would be the typical i***t that just wanted s*x or something but he didn't act like that.

After I finished talking we went silent but he wouldn't erase his smile, he was enjoying this as much as I was...

We started getting close to an apartment in which apparently someone was having a party, but we weren't that close to fully hear what was going on. I wanted to go away from there because I wanted to go though silent streets but he insisted on getting closer. There was nobody on the streets but you could clearly hear the music, I'm amazed no one had called a complain yet but the good thing was that at least they were playing good music. 

The music started to get higher and higher until at one point Damien started fooling around and move at the music's rhythm, I couldn't let him make a fool of himself on his own so I slowly joined him. Then a song that we both knew but didn't know the name started to sound.

At this point we we're dancing and jumping even though we were the only ones in the street.

Damien 1:50 A.M

A song we knew started playing and we looked at each other in excitement. I've never had so much fun in my entire life, not even in parties were drugs and alcohol were included. This was actual fun, not something caused by some chemical. We didn't care how weird we looked because the world had disappeared for us, the only thing that existed was us and the music.

1:50 A.M

I can't believe that I'm actually dancing, I would always cringe and never dare to dance at parties but now I feel free from others judgment because, who was there to judge?  I've never had so much fun, I really can't believe that from a call I went to dance in the street in the middle of the night with the boy I liked, yes, I liked him. Every single thing he did made me feel safe and happy. This is what feeling alive is, doing random s**t like dancing in the street with a person that I barely know but feel like I've known for ages. I forget about how weird we must've looked, I forget about how worried I am for my friends and I forget about that homework that I didn't do.

Then he grabs my hand we start running though the streets at the music's rhythm and shouting the lyrics to the world like we were the only ones in it...

"YOU'RE THE ONLY FRIEND I NEED!!!"

"SHARING BEDS LIKE LITTLE KIDS!!!"

"AND LAUGHING 'TILL OUR RIBS GET TOUGH!!!!"

"BUT THAT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH!!!"

We stop running but we don't stop laughing, we still can't believe that happened. Damien doesn't let go of my hand and I don't let go of his, we breathe loudly trying to recover. He gets in-front of me and we look at each others eyes while we smile and without even doubting it I hug him.

Damien 2:00 A.M

I hug her as hard as I can without hurting her, that moment that we had will forever live in my mind as a treasure. I burry my nose in her dark brown hair, it smells like lavender, if I could I would stop time and live forever in that moment were that shy girl is between my arms. After a while I hear her say:

"Thank you for reminding me how it feels to be alive"

I just laugh and hug her harder, god I was falling really hard for her.

2:30 A.M

We headed back to my house without letting go of each other, when we arrived I gave him a hug and he kissed my forehead. Things were going to change, but I wasn't scared, I was sure that I would be happy. The good thing was that my family was deeply asleep so no one heard me come in. When I got to my bedroom I saw there was a message on my phone, it was from Damien: 

"See you tomorrow little one"

He knew I hated being called like that, but I just smiled, I guess I've got a new nickname...

Lost teenager:)