Love From A Distance

Chapter 3 The Therapist

Millicent's POV

I quickly pull up and park at the therapists office building. I'm nervous though, it feels scary to have to talk to a stranger about our personal problems, but if it helps than I'll do anything.

I look around hoping no one sees me, as if I'm embarressed to be here even though I know tons of people who go to therapists as well. It doesn't make it any easier to go and open up my true feelings to a stranger but I'll try anything once.

I let out a nervous deep breath before stepping out of the vehicle to head inside.. well before I change my mind. I get in and walk down the quiet hallway. There is a name besides every door, showing which doctor is where. I finally see the A.Jones besides the door. I stop, lifting my hand to the door, but freezing. I let out another deep breath then hitting my fist on the door before my nerves get the best of me.

It swings open to show the tall lanky doctor. "Mrs.Landly I didn't know if I was going to see you again.. what a pleasant surprise." His eyes bounce from me and around the hallway, seeing that I'm alone. "No husband again?" He asks as I say softly. "He will be joining us soon, we both just had to take separate cars because we work today after this.. but he should be here.. soon." I say not so confidently and I think he hears it in my voice.

"Of course he will.. Ok well come on in and have a seat.. would you like something to drink? I have water, soda, coffee?" He offers as I smile and nod saying softly, "A water please." he nods grabbing me a water from the mini fridge in the corner of the room.

When he gets back to my side I'm already sitting on the big comfy couch, he quickly hands it to me and I say a soft "thanks."just trying to be polite.

He nods and sits in his chair right across from me. It's comfortable on this couch, but his chair looks more comfortable than this. The room has a comfortable homey feel to it that almost makes me feel welcome. If it wasn't for the therapist diplomas reeling me back in, reminding me I'm with a doctor.

"So tell me Millicent.. how has your day been?" He asks me nicely, I think just trying to make small talk in this almost awkward moment. "Not what I expected." I say vaguely, not wanting to mention everything but knowing that it's why I'm here.. is to help me open up.

"How so?" He asks curiously with his hands in his lap holding a paper and pen. He looks ready to go even if my husband isn't here yet. "Well.. I got a gift today." I respond shyly to him causing his head to c*ck to the side. "Well isn't that a good thing that your husband bought you a gift?" He asks me as I shake my head. "It.. um.. wasn't from my husband." I retort making his eyebrows raise.

"Then who?" He inquires as I shrug my shoulders. "I have no idea.. it was left at my front door." I try to explain but obviously he wants to know more. "Well what was the gift, if you don't mind me asking.. did you like it?" He questions my response as I nod. I lean forward as he does the same. I pull the necklace out for him to see since this is what we are talking about. He leans in close as I turn away giving him a good look as he humms and touching the necklace.

"Yeah I liked it.. it was sweet and thoughtful. It was a jewelery box that had this necklace in it and the owl is my favorite animal.. it was placed in a box that looks exactly like my old jewelery box when I was a child.. and the card had a poem to me.. it was really sweet.. I haven't had someone compliment me in a while so it was flattering. I felt bad about liking it though." I explain but that comment causes his eyebrows to furrow. "Why is that? it sounds like it was something to make you feel good, not bad dear." He tried to explain. But I knew the intentions of the person from the content in the card.

"Well it did make me feel good.. but that's the problem.. I felt bad about enjoying a gift and compliments on my beauty from someone who wasn't my husband. I felt as if I cheated, but of course I know I didn't." I reply putting my feelings out there.

"Well that's easy to deal with, you just have to be honest and inform your husband of it to make sure it's not a secret.. so there is nothing being hidden from one another." He states as I nod before replying plainly. "Yes I know, and I did.. but he didn't want to know anything about it.. he sounded annoyed, not by the subject, but just by me talking in general." I say looking down at my watch noticing my husband is now 15 minutes late.

"Oh.. is that how things have been lately?" He asks as I quietly respond. "Yeah for months now." He humms in response. Thinking for a moment. "After he hit you? Is that when you think things really changed for you?" He asks recalling some of the conversation we had at the last session. I nod at him to make sure he knows he is hitting the nail on the head.

I pull my phone out and sending my husband a quick 'where are you' message to see how much longer he will be. "Yeah he just seems annoyed with my presence. He never wants to talk with me about anything good or bad. But is constantly on his phone lately.. because he is not annoyed with whoever is on the other end." he humms again in understanding, writing away on his note pad before clearing his throat to say. "Has the tension been appearing to other parts of the relationship as well? or are you guys ok with everything but talking?"

I shake my head. "We are not good anywhere on this relationship.. we haven't slept together months.. Almost a half year... and he won't even sleep in the same bed as me.. he makes me feel disgusting.. today was the first time that I felt something besides anger, in a long time and it was sad that it wasn't because of my husband.. but because of someone else." I explain to him as he quickly asks, "how did the gift make you feel?"

"Happy, loved and appriciated.. it was flattering to know that someone actually finds me attractive because I haven't felt attractive in a long time.. but then I felt bad knowing I'm thinking this about whoever was the one that put together the gift for me." I throw my feelings out there as he nods at that explaination.

"Well you do need to have some positivity in your life to balance it out. You can't have good without bad, but you can't have bad without the good either.. You need to have both or the scales will tip.. and we would hate for you to go back to the depressing feelings you had before, that brought out the cutting abuse you did to yourself." He states bringing up more from last time. I nod knowing he is right about this as I instinctively rub over the scars I have on my wrists.

I don't want to go back into my depressive ways. That's part of the reason why I came here, because I want to change on multiple levels.

"I know.. and that's part of the reason I put the necklace on that the stranger got me.. It's to remind me how the gift made me feel.. I like feeling special.. I never thought I would have a secret admirer and I would've assumed this person made a mistake, if it wasn't for my name on the card." I reply looking down at my phone to not see one response.

"I don't think he is coming." he says to me as I feel my body drooping more into the couch from sadness. "I was hoping he would this time, because he promised. I don't want to give up.. I'm not a person who gives up and quits. I just want to know why he has.. I don't know.. maybe he has a good reason for not being here." I retort as he quickly inquires. "Or maybe he doesn't have a good excuse at all.. because he shouldn't have to have an excuse at all and shoukd be here.. But just chose to not show up.. If you want my professional opinion.. I don't think it's giving up.. it's just sometimes saying enough is enough when you're the only one working on the relationship.. you can't do this on your own.. you both have to work together to make this work.. so since he hasn't been helping.. What will you do now that he hasn't show up for the second time when promising both times?" I shake head thinking about just that. I should do something but what.

"I don't know.. I'm not a person to give up but I'm tired of being the only one trying.. there's a part of me that thinks I should just leave." I explain as he asks, "So your leaving him?"

"Ugh." I grunt out playing with my fingers nervously thinking about just that.. "I can't right now financially.. but I think I need to start getting ready for it.. I feel like I have done so much and he hasn't done anything except get madder at me for whatever reason.. maybe he found out I have been going through his things.. I dont know." I comment about everything that's in a jumble at the moment.

"Why are you going through his things?" He asks in a judgmental tone, making me feel worse about it. "Well I just know something is happening with him, to make him switch like this.. I don't know if it's his drinking because he has been doing it a lot lately, or if he has gone back to drugs when he hasn't done them in years.. or maybe cheating on me since he has been protective of his phone.. or maybe something with work since he has been working so much lately." I try to explain as best as I can. I see his features soften at my explaination.

"And you haven't found anything?" He asks as I shake head. "Therapy to try to talk things out was my last resort and you can see how that's going.. but I don't have the funds to leave yet.. he makes way more money than me.. but if I give it a little bit, I can save up the money at my bartending job.. then maybe move out." I think about this next step and it makes me so much sadder now that I'm even considering it.

"I guess that means it might be time to get the divorce papers together." He says as I nod responding softly. "I guess so.. I just don't know what else to do.. and I feel that if he truly cared for me than he would be here.. I told him we needed to fix our relationship in therapy or I'm leaving.. and I think he made his decision not showing up here.. again."

I look down at my phone again to not see one response. I sent another message. 'the session is practically over and you're still no where to be seen.. really?'

I slam my phone onto my lap and I think he knows why. He looks at me then my lap. "no response?" He asks as I shake my head not saying anything else. "Well I would understand if you didn't want to keep coming to me if your husband won't join.. but I'm not just a couples therapist, I'm just a regular ol'therapist too.. so if you want to keep talking about everything after this than we can." he explains to me. I nod letting out a deep breath and answering. "I think I would like that.. I feel better after talking with you today Mr.Jones." I reply as he shakes his head and standing up with his hand extended to shake mine.

"Call me Ashton." I nod and replying. "Ok in that case call my Milly.. everyone calls me Milly." he nods still shaking my hand as he asks. "So same time next week Milly?" I nod at him before letting his hand go and grabbing my things on the couch so I can leave to head to work.

"Thanks again for everything.. I really appreciate it." I say to him as he smiles and waves at me. I quickly walk out of the door, then out of the building. I need to get to work so I can start saving money apparently.