Forever and Always

Chapter Nineteen: Archer

Archer

“I’m crazy, aren’t I?” I asked Art as I sat at the counter in their kitchen as he poured me a cup of coffee, “I’m nuts and I shouldn’t be jumping into this, right? Tell me I’m right. Tell me I’m absolutely batshit crazy to forgive her just like that.” I sighed as I looked out the side door that led to their backyard. The girls were sitting outside on the porch as the kids were still sleeping upstairs. I so badly wanted to go into Phillips' room and see Jamie, but I stopped. I’m terrified. I’m absolutely terrified he would be scared of me, or worse, not want me to be his dad.

But last night was almost everything. Almost. Because Jo was right. We needed to talk about things before we moved forward, it just hurt, so damn bad. Not my heart, well, my heart did, but I can feel it slowly start to heal with her being in my arms, but my d**k, because damn, I was so close to claiming her as mine again and it’s been over five freaken years. It was last touched by someone else that wasn’t me. My hand is tired of the consistent workouts.

But I respected her decision and last night, we just laid there in bed, holding each other. My hands kept rubbing her back as she cried into my chest, soaking the skin because my shirt was downstairs. She kept burying herself closer and closer to me, mumbling about how sorry she was and how she just wanted me to forgive her. I tried shushing her, calming her, anything I could, but it wasn’t until a couple of hours later her breathing evened out and she fell asleep in my arms for the first time since that night when I went to her dorm in the pouring rain. And it was at that moment I felt peace.

I knew whatever she had to tell me; I would listen. I would listen with everything I possibly could, because let’s face it, us men are terrible at that s**t, and I would look at it from her perspective.

Hell, listen to me, being all calm and s**t, thinking rationally.

Having her in my arms felt amazing. I literally felt the anger disappear from me. I felt all the hate, turmoil, everything negative that I have been through the past five years disappear, and it was all because of her. I feel a million times lighter than I ever have before. And I know, for sure, without a doubt, with her being in my arms again, life will work itself out. It always does and I would do anything to make sure that happens.

I would die for her and Jamie. I would do anything possible to make sure they have the best life possible. They come first, always and forever.

Crap. I have a lot to do. I need to find a house for us. I need to make sure Jamie has everything he could possibly want and need and I need to take time off work to make sure they are settled. I also need to have conversations with my parents, aunts and uncles for keeping this secret from me, and not just about Jo, but about Frank as well. I also need to talk to Jo about Tara and what happened with her. I need to see if I can get the same order for Jamie and Jo, because s**t will go down if anything happens to them.

That’s a goddamn promise.

But thinking about everything just pisses me off. If I would have known about any of this, I would have found her by all means necessary. I would have done something. I could have been there for months and known about my son.

The emotional rollercoaster I went through wouldn’t have happened, not the way it did.

When I laid in bed with her, I kissed her forehead and was about to close my eyes until there was a soft knock at the door, “Hey, are you guys…decent?” Ava asked as she cracked it open.

“Yeah. Come in.” I said a bit too loudly, but Jo has always been a hard sleeper. That girl could sleep through the largest tornado and wake up as confused as possibly be.

Art and Ava came into the room and sat at the end of the bed and smiled down at us. These two have been amazing and I couldn’t thank them more for what they did. They didn’t have to do this. Art didn’t have to set the room up all like this for me and Jo. Ava didn’t have to take the kids out so we could be alone. But they did.

“Are you guys good?” Ava asked as she looked around. Some of the candles started to die down because of how long we were lying up there, “This is pretty. Why don’t you do pretty stuff like this for me?” she turned and glared at Art.

“I do more than enough for you, woman, and the last time I did something like this, you got mad because I lit the wrong candles.” He rolled his eyes, “Besides, I do a lot of romantic stuff for you. Just yesterday, I set up the bath with your favorite oils, rose petals, candles I bought, wine, and music, and I massaged your shoulders while you relaxed.”

“And I love you for it.” She smiled and kissed him before turning back to me. She looked down at Jo and gave a half smile, “She looks relaxed.”

“I think we both are.” I kissed the top of her head again as she shifted a bit in my arms, “I think we just needed this. It’s been too long and…”

“You feel like you’re home.” Art nodded, “I get it and this calmness looks good on you. It’s like your coming back.”

“I feel more like me.” I smiled, “But I’m terrified about tomorrow. I don’t know what she will say, but I’m still scared.”

“You two will be fine. And no matter what happens, we are here for you. Now, get some sleep.”

“Jamie…” I asked softly.

“He’s sleeping in Phillips' room. They wanted to build a fort and they fell asleep inside it. You will see him tomorrow as long as you can remain calm,” Art pointed out.

“Promise.”

“We do plan to take the kids to the rink tomorrow. Phil wants to teach Jamie how to skate and maybe that can give you two a chance to talk. Take her to the park, go for a walk or something.”

“Yeah…I’ll think of something.” I mumbled before closing my eyes and falling into a deep sleep as they slunk out of the room.

“You’re not crazy. You’re just a fool in love and it looks fuckin’ good on you.” Art grinned, “What do you plan on doing when you talk to Jo?”

“Well, I want to know why she left me and never came home. I want to know why she kept him away.”

“Are you going to tell her about Tara and what happened?” Art asked as he took a sip of his coffee, “You know she has to know about that, right?”

“Of course I do and I plan on telling her everything and then, after that conversation, I’m going to find my dad and Tony and figure out what the f**k is going on with Frank.” I glared as I tapped my fingers on the counter, “I’ll be back.” I mumbled.

I stood up from the counter and started to go upstairs to go to the bathroom and clean up a bit before the day started, but I paused when I heard whispers from the door of Phillips' room. I turned and leaned against the wall as I slowly cracked the door open a bit and listened to the two boys talk.

“Last night was fun.” Phillip said, happiness in his voice, “Maybe our moms will let you spend the night again soon.”

“I hope so.” Jamie said, making my heart beat hard in my chest, “Mama looked sad last night though. Do you think she’s okay?”

“I hope so.” Phillip said and then paused, “I hope Uncle Archer didn’t do anything to her.” And that made me freeze, “I saw him outside when we ran to the car and he looked scary again.”

“Uncle Archer?” Jamie questioned, that that s**t right there made me pause and a pain radiate in my chest. f**k no, that didn’t sound right, “Is that the man I heard our cousins talking about?” They…they talked about me?

“Yeah,” Phillip sighed, “From what mommy and daddy told me is he wasn’t always mean and scary. He used to be super nice. Miles said so, but he got really sader and sader and then got madder madder and no one knew why. Sometimes, he scares me.”

“Oh…” Jamie whispered.

“Yeah. So, I would just make sure you're very good around him and super nice and maybe he won’t be so scary around you.”

“I’ll try. I don’t want to make anyone mad at me.” He said sadly. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall, listening to what Phillip had just told him. I really have been such a d**k to everyone and listening to the words first hand, from someone so young, absolutely gutted me.

Without another word, I rushed downstairs and grabbed my keys and walked out the door. I heard Art following me and grab my shoulder, stopping me before I was able to open the Jeep door.

“What the hell, Archer? Where are you going?” Art asked. The sound of the door made me look up and I saw Jo and Ava standing there, confused, “What happened and why are you crying like that?”

I wiped the tears from my eyes, “I didn’t know…” I whispered.

“Didn’t know what?”

“I didn’t know how bad things really had gotten until I heard your son tell mine that I’m angry, scary and mean. I didn’t know it got that bad. I didn’t want it to happen like that…”

“Come and talk to us.” He tried to grab my shoulder but I shook his hand off.

“I appreciate it, I really do, but I need a moment to wrap my head around it. It’s one thing to hear it from you guys. But it’s something completely different hearing it from a child.” I let out a sigh as I looked at my girl with a soft smile. She looked worried and started to make her way down here, but I shook my head no, “I’m going to go to the rink and let out some frustrations.”

“You can’t box, Archer. You’re hand…”

“I know.” I grumbled, “I’m going to skate and slap a couple of pucks. The team doesn’t have practice today and I need some other way to let out everything I’m feeling. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Please, let her know that I’m not running, I’m just…I just need to fix myself and fix more damage that I caused and need to figure out a way to do that.”

“Okay…” he mumbled, letting my shoulder go, “As long as you promise you’re not running.”

“Never.” I smiled, sniffling a bit, “She’s back with Jamie. There is no way in hell I’m going anywhere unless they’re with me.”

So, with that being said, I got in my car and headed down to the rink with jumbled thoughts running through my mind on how to fix things. Maybe I can talk to them all and apologize? Maybe I can have them beat me up or something? Do something fun with them? I don’t know. How do you do this with a bunch of kids that you would die for and you love?

The rink was empty. I had no idea where anyone was, but it made me ease up a little, knowing I could skate around and think in peace until I could come up with a plan.

I strapped on my skates, grabbed a bucket and a stick and headed to the middle of the ice, dumping the pucks. I would skate a circle and then slap a couple at the net with a grunt or scream every time.

They’re scared of me.

They think I’m mean.

They think I hurt people.

They don’t want to be around me.

Now my son thinks that I might have hurt his mom.

I can’t lose him.

I can’t lose any of them.

With every slap of the stick, I felt a bit of tension ease from my shoulder. With every cry and scream, I felt the emotions rush out of me until I couldn’t breathe. I don’t know how long I was there, but I was drenched in sweat, my chest was heaving and I dropped to my hands and knees, my shoulders shaking as I let out the tears.

Fuck, how did my life come to this?

“Uncle Archie?” I heard a soft voice behind me. I didn’t hear the sounds of the skates until I opened my eyes and sat on the heels of my feet. I turned, looking over my shoulder, and saw the kids, most of them, behind me. It was Eliana who spoke, “Uncle Archie…why are you crying?”

“Hey sweetheart.” I smiled as I wiped my cheeks, “Hey guys, what are you doing here?”

“Dad called everyone and had them bring us here.” Lucas shrugged, “I watched out my window when you ran out, so dad came and talked to me.”

“Yeah, he did?” Lucas nodded.

“Uncle Archer…” Trey said, coming a bit closer to me. Harper was right next to him, who was holding Ivy’s hand to help keep her steady on the ice, since she wasn’t that good at skating yet, “Why are you crying like that?”

“I’m…like this because I’m hurting.”

“Did someone hurt you?” Brooklynn asked, tilting her head to the side. I chuckled a bit. She might not be Ollie and Aiden’s blood daughter, but the look in her eyes are all them, one hundred percent. I shook my head, no, and looked over to the stands where I saw everyone sitting, watching what was happening.

“No, Brookie. No one hurt me but myself.”

“Well, that’s stupid.” Ivy rolled her eyes and let out a breath, “Why would you hurt yourself?”

“Ivy.” Miles grumbled, “That’s rude.”

“No, it’s not. Mom says if I speak the truth, then it isn’t rude, it’s just hard honesty and sometimes, people need the hard truths of life to help them grow.” She stuck her tongue out at Miles while Lucas just laughed and threw his arm around Ivy. She shrugged his arm off and glared, “Don’t touch me like that. Gross.”

“Besides, daddy doesn’t want you to hold her like that.” Harper stuck her tongue out and I laughed.

Those two are going to be trouble, I know it.

“Uncle Archer,” Miles said, skating forward and dropping to his knees, “Is this about what we talked about a little bit before?” I nodded, “I see.” He sighed.

“I…I’ve been lost, guys.” I paused, “I’ve been lost a long time, because years ago, I was hurt and heartbroken. You know how your mom and dad’s love each other?” they all nodded, “I once had that and I lost her. I thought I lost her for good and I couldn’t find her. And each time I looked and couldn’t find her, I got more and more angry and I guess, I took it out on everyone because you guys are my family and I thought you would always love me no matter what.”

“We do, Uncle Archie.” Kennedy smiled, “We always loved you. You’re just…scary.”

“How am I scary, darling?” I asked, when Mark pushed forward and stood in front of the girls, forever the protector of the group.

“You punch things until you bleed. You’re always scowling, never happy. You’re always picking fights with our dads and moms and say mean things before storming off.” He crossed his arms over his chest, “It’s mean and scary.”

“Mark.” Miles sighed, looking over at him, “He gets it, but I know Uncle Archer, and he’s going to get better, right?” he smiled at me.

“Yeah. I need to and I’m going to, for all of you.” I smiled, “I promise, I’m going to be better. I’m not going to be so scary anymore.”

“Archer!” I heard someone yell my name from the bench. I looked over and Dylan was standing there with Jordan and Finn.

I turned back to the kids, “How about you all go play hockey. Everyone against Miles.” I grinned.

“YEAH!” The little ones yelled while Miles groaned, saying, not again, but with a smile on his face as he went to the bench, strapped on some pads and went to the net so they could shoot at him.

While the kids started to skate around and play, I went over to my brothers, “Thank you.”

“Kids….they are forever happy and always forgiving. They will forgive almost anything, but they knew it wasn’t you. Miles has been talking to the kids when he’s with them.” Finn smiled, “He has your back, man.”

“I’m glad but still, thank you for getting them here. I needed to apologize to them and I promise, I’ll make it up to them.”

“All you have to do is be yourself.” Dylan gripped my shoulder, “Now, I need you to come with me.”

“No.” I shook my head, “I need to head back to Art’s house and see Jo and meet Jamie.”

“They’re not there.” I froze at those words. No. They didn’t leave, did they? I started to panic and Dylan shook his head, “Crap. No. They’re still in town. s**t. I didn’t mean to make you panic. They just wanted to get Jamie out of the house so Jo could talk to him. They found out what Phillip and Jamie were talking about in the room when Art went to talk to them. I’m here to take you to your family.” He smiled, “I’m here to introduce you to your son…”

And I never felt so happy and nervous before in my entire life. Everything happened on autopilot. I skated over to the door, changed out of my skates and headed to Dylan’s car, leaving my jeep at the rink. I don’t know what he was talking about. I wasn’t listening. All I kept thinking about was holding Jamie for the first time in my arms.

We pulled into the school playground that was deserted. Not a soul was around except for the sounds of laughter coming from one child. And there, running around and climbing up the stairs to go on the slide was Jamie.

I was like looking in a damn mirror. Now, seeing him during the day, clear and free, I could tell, he was all me. It was stupid to think that I thought he was Dylan’s. We might be similar, but his eyes are brighter than mine. Mine are more of a matted color, like Jamie’s. My hair is a bit wavier and he has my skin tone, but his smile, his smile is all Jo and I melted when I looked at him.

“He’s beautiful,” I whispered.

“He sure is.” Dylan gripped my shoulder, “Congratulations, you’re a father and you’re going to be an amazing one at that. What you did today with the kids, Archer, was something that needed to be done, but it also takes a lot of guts to admit faults like that and apologize. You and the kids will be just fine.”

“What about what Jamie heard Phillip say?”

“Art took care of that and Jo talked to Jamie. Now, go and say hello to your son.”

With timid steps, I walked towards them. Jo heard the crunching sounds of the grass and stone under my feet, turning her head over her shoulder to look at me. She had the softest, most beautiful smile on her face as she held her hand to me and to Jamie.

“Jamie!” she called. He rushed over to her, tackling her a bit as she steadied herself.

“Hi, mama.” He grinned.

“Jamie…sweetheart…remember when I said you had a daddy and he loves you, but he was busy saving people?”

“Yeah! You said he was an important cop and one day, I could say hi when he’s done saving people.” He smiled and looked up at me. He tilted his head to the side as I dropped to my knees, tears streaming down my face.

He was smiling at me.

He wasn’t scared.

He wasn’t terrified.

He was smiling.

“Jamie, my love, this is Archer.”

“Oh! Your uncle Archer.” He smiled, “Mama and Uncle Art said you were sad and that’s why you looked angry but I shouldn't be scared of you because you will always be there to protect us.”

“I will.” I choked out, “I will always be here, forever.” I held my hand out to him and he placed his small hand in mine. I wrapped my fingers around his hand, feeling his warmth, “My gosh…I can’t…Jo…” I whispered as I looked at her.

“Jamie…this…this is your daddy.” Jo whispered, cupping Jamie’s face, “Archer, this is…this…is your son…James Austin Nicholson…after both our dad’s.”

The emotion I felt in my chest made me burst. She named him perfectly…everything about him was more than perfect, and he was mine.

“This…is my daddy?” He asked, excited, “Are you done saving people? Is that why we’re here, mama? Can we stay? Please?”

“Hey bud….yeah…right now, I’m done, but I’ll still have to save more people, but I will always be right here.”

“Promise?” he whispered, looking at me, “I always wanted a daddy and people made fun of me because of it. I don’t want you to go away again…”

“Never, Jamie.” I held my arms out for him and he walked over to my arms, hugging me around my neck and that right there, that made me lose everything. I cried like a b***h, holding my son as my girl looked at us with tears streaming down her face. I held my arm open for her and pulled her into this hug with us, holding my family for the first time ever, “I will never leave either of you, ever again…”