Forever and Always

Chapter Twenty One: Archer

Archer

The wind was blowing through her long, beautiful blonde hair as we made our way to Felix and Ollie’s house. It took a few moments for me to get the doors and roof off the jeep so we could enjoy the warm breeze before fall hits. Seeing my girl next to me brings pride to my chest, knowing I have such a stunning creature next to me, and she's all mine. She’s smiling like there’s no tomorrow and my fuckin’ god, she’s absolutely stunning.

I am slightly nervous about this conversation. It’s been a long time coming, but I think we’ll be okay. We just need to be honest with each other. And I will be, no matter how hard it is, because there’s no way in hell I’m lying to her now when I just got them both back.

I kept thinking about tonight's events. Dinner was amazing. I didn’t know she could cook like that and seeing Jamie eat everything that was put in front of him made me laugh. That kid is like a garbage disposal, even asking for seconds, just like me. I couldn’t take my eyes off him the entire time. I couldn’t believe he was here, next to me, with me and he’s all mine.

And I have to say, I was absolutely wrong about Nick. He is actually pretty fuckin’ funny, and I can see why they were best friends, same with his boyfriend. They told me how they met a few years back when Nick was watching his niece and he went to the park with her and Jeremy almost ran them over while he was riding his bike. They got into this argument and by the end of it, when they cooled down, Jeremy asked if they would like some ice-cream and Nick couldn’t say no to the joy on his niece’s face. Everything else was history.

And while Nick was getting their bedroom situated with Jeremy, Jo grabbed my hand, linked our fingers while I carried a half-asleep Jamie upstairs to get him ready for bed. While Jo went to get a bath ready for him, I took Jamie into his room and sat him on the bed.

“Hey bud. You look a bit tired.” I whispered, “Hands up.”

He lifted his hands up as he yawned, “Yeah. Mama’s food makes me sleepy.”

“That’s because you have a full tummy.” I smiled, “We’re going to give you a quick bath and then mama will tuck you into bed. How does that sound?”

He shook his head no, making me furrow my brow, “Can you tuck me in?” he asked, making my heart absolutely turn into mush.

“Anytime you want me to, Jimjam, I will.”

“I like that funny name.” he giggled as I tickled him a bit, “Can mama put my special soap in the water?”

“Of course,” Jo said from the doorway. I turned my head to face her as she leaned against the jam, giving us both a soft smile, “Come on, little one. Let’s get you cleaned and tucked into bed.”

He hopped off his little bed and went to the bathroom where the bath was already waiting for him. I paused in the doorway, cupping her face and turning her to look at me, “You are amazing.” I kissed her lips softly as she whimpered at my touch, “You have done amazing raising him on your own. I am in awe of how well-behaved and kind he is, and it’s all because of you.”

“Not just me.” She whispered, “He gets his softness from you. Everyday, I see more and more of you in him and seeing you two together, it’s amazing.”

“It’s perfect. God, I can’t wait to have this talk tonight so we can move on together.” I smiled, and I stopped her with another kiss before she could say something, “I know. You’re scared, but baby, you have nothing to be scared of. No matter what you say, it won’t change my feelings for you. Hell, if they haven’t changed over the last five years and that’s with me thinking the worst, then all we can do now is move forward and build everything back up.”

“MAMA!” Jamie yelled, “MY HAIR!” She laughed and turned to walk away towards the bathroom, but paused when she was almost there, “You coming or are you just going to stand there and gawk?” she laughed.

And with those words, I rushed into the bathroom with Jo, giving our son a bath together for the first time. Once he was done, smelling clean, fresh and like lavender, his special soap to help him relax, we carried him wrapped in his Pokémon towel, to his room where he ran into his closet and got dressed by himself. And that night was the first night I tucked him in, lying next to him while I read him a nighttime story, The Giving Tree, one of his favorites.

When he was finally asleep, we went downstairs and tossed the monitor to Nick and Jeremy, who were cuddling on the couch watching Grey’s Anatomy. I grabbed Jo’s hand and pulled her out of the house so we could go somewhere special to talk about everything that happened over the last five years and how this whole thing came to be, and that's how we ended up at Ollie and Felix's place.

“Do you remember how to ride?” I asked her as I pulled into Felix and Ollie’s driveway, turning the Jeep off, turning to face her.

“Who do you take me for?” She winked, “Of course I do.”

As soon as we hopped out, Brooklyn was standing on the front porch with Ollie behind her. Felix was holding a sleeping Sam in his arms as he gave me a nod. Brooklyn rushed over to us and bounced on her feet as she looked at Jo.

“You look like Rapunzel.” She said with wide eyes, “You’re pretty like a princess. Mom! Doesn’t she look like a princess? I want hair like hers!”

“You look like Ariel.” Jo bent down to her level, playing with Brooklyn’s hair, “I’m totally jealous of this color. It’s beautiful, just like you.”

“You’re nice.” She smiled and then leaned in to whisper in Jo’s ear, but of course, her being ten, almost eleven, she didn’t know how to whisper, “I like how you’re making Uncle Archer nice too. He used to be grumpy all the time, but he’s smiling a lot, and we all really like it.”

“Good.” Jo smiled, “I like it too.”

“Brookie.” I smiled down at her as she looked up at me, “Wanna take us to the barn and help Jo here pick out a horse?”

With a squeal, Brooklyn grabbed Jo’s hand, pulling her to the barn, chatting away about how she can ride her horse, Midnight, because she’s super sweet and loves everyone, especially people who look like princesses. Jo looked at me over her shoulder with a grin as she went with her. I couldn’t help but smile at her, seeing her like this.

“So, what’s the plan?” Ollie asked as she came down and walked with me to the barn, “You’re going to tell her everything, right?”

“Of course. I’m not holding any secrets from my girl.” I made a small side smile, "She needs to know what she could be up against, because I know the crazy b***h. Once she finds out Jo is back in town, she's going to start showing her face again. It's just a waiting game at this point." I sighed, a bit frustrated with that revelation.

“Good for the both of you. She deserves this and so do you. I like this version of you.” She hip checked me a bit, “We missed it.”

“Me too, and thanks for letting us borrow the horses.”

“Anytime. I hope it all goes well and Archer, remember, when she talks to you about what happened, listen to her and be patient. Try to think of things from her point of view, because I can promise you, no matter how hard it is to hear, living with those decisions most likely almost killed her.”

Jo was getting the saddles on the horses as I walked in while Brooklyn was telling her what to do. Even though Jo knew exactly what to do, she listened intently, humoring her, but Brooklyn would never know otherwise. And when the horses were ready, we got on and made our way outside.

“Follow me.” She nodded, letting me know she heard me, and with a small kick of my heel, we started to make our way into the fields until we got to the woods, where we slowed down to a trot. I looked over at her for a moment, seeing the sun set behind her as the glow of the rays made her shine like a damn angel, and it was like a calling. f**k, she’s beautiful. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

We finally got to the center of the woods where Aiden and Felix cleared out some space by a small pond they found. It was peaceful and not a soul was in sight within miles. While Jo went to tie up the horses, I got some wood together and started a fire in the fire pit, creating a soft, warm glow around us.

I grabbed a blanket off the horse I was riding and set it up on the ground so we could lean against a giant log in front of the fire so we could cuddle and sit, and that’s what we did.

While my back was against the log, she sat between my legs, leaning against my chest. My arms wrapped around her tightly, holding her to me as our breathing matches each other’s. For a few moments, we just sat there, staring into the fire, both of us gathering our courage to start this hard conversation. And I knew I had to start it otherwise I wouldn’t be able to talk to her about it.

“Seeing you that first day when Tara sprung that test on me, the look in your eyes, the pain that radiated off you will forever be etched into my mind. I’ve had nightmares, over and over about that look on your face.” I sighed as I kissed the back of her head as she shifted a bit closer to me, listening, “I wanted to go after you, but I was frozen. After you ran off, Dylan told Tara to leave so he could talk to me. He kept asking what happened between us, me and Tara, and I told him I didn’t remember…

…I told him about the night at the bar and what happened the next morning. He thought it was fishy and it didn’t make sense. He knew I could handle my alcohol, so for me to black out like that was unlikely. Then, one day, Tara showed up at my place telling me she was getting kicked out and had nowhere to go. I was stupid and let her in, telling her she had until I was out of the shower, and then she had to go. I didn’t care. Something about everything felt wrong. I felt like that kid wasn’t mine…

… She kept showing up. At Thanksgiving, she was at the house and caused a bunch of drama where some cop, Monroe, had to take her out and she gave some sob story to him. Come to find out, they knew each other and were in cahoots. The asshole cop actually paid someone to destroy Felix’s property, and we had her and Monroe on camera together where she didn’t even look pregnant.” I paused.

“What happened? I thought for sure…I mean…I can only assume what happened.” She looked up at me with teary eyes, listening to everything I was saying.

“I just need to say this first, Jo. I never stopped loving you. I never stopped looking for you. You have always had a piece of my heart, and it was always you.”

“Archer…you’re avoiding….”

“I know. This is just hard to talk about out loud.” I mumbled, “I found out she faked the whole thing and a part of me felt terrible, because even though I didn’t want her to have my child, if that child was mine, I would have been there for them no matter how I felt about the mother. I felt like a part of me went missing. When I found out about her faking the pregnancy, I stormed to her parent’s house and demanded to talk to her. It just happened that her mom and dad were home too…

…I pounded my fists on the door and when they opened it, I barged my way in. She was lying on the couch, texting on her phone with a flat stomach, and it just pissed me the f**k off. I demanded to know why she did what she did, and she pretended to not know what I was talking about. She tried to make it look like I was going crazy, that it was in my head. She manipulated the situation to the point where I almost thought I was crazy and when I started to yell at her, her dad called the cops…

…Gage and Aiden had to come and escort me out of the house. They took me to Gage’s place, trying to calm me down, and when I told them what happened, they believed me. I mean, they all saw what she did with the pregnancy and everything. They saw the belly themselves. But overall, they think she wanted me to look crazy to get to me as payback for not being with her. I have messages from her, telling me the baby was mine, but when I showed them to her parents, her dad claimed I faked it…

…Over the next few months, she kept messaging me, telling me ‘how does it feel you killed your child’…’it’s your fault that we can never have the family we deserve.’…’if you would have just manned up and took responsibility, maybe the world wouldn’t see you as batshit crazy.’ The messages didn’t stop, and when I went to talk to my boss and our lawyer at the precinct, they said there was nothing they could do because she wasn’t doing anything physically…

…but the words got to me. She kept saying things like ‘how does it feel to never know your child.’…’you lost the best thing that could have happened to you because you couldn’t keep your d**k in your pants.’…’she’s better off without you. The whole female population is.’. I just...thinking about it now, I didn't know she was talking about you.”

“Oh my gosh…” she sat up and turned to look at me. As she sat on her knees between my legs, she lifted her hand and cupped my cheek, “Everything she said isn’t true, Arch.”

“I know that now, but then, I took everything to heart. I lost you and the messages I got from you were heartbreaking. On top of this, it really f****d with my mind.” I sighed, placing my hand on hers, “I was in a really dark place for a while. I’m not proud of what I did. I tried everything to find you. I stalked you basically. Then, one night, I found out where you lived, and I drove to your place and saw you holding a baby and in the arms of another man. I lost it. I absolutely lost everything in me and got pretty violent.” I sighed, “But the things Tara said, what she did, she didn’t stop. She did take a break for about a year, on and off, but then I came home from work one day after taking some time at the rink, boxing, and she was sitting in my living room, half naked in some slutty lingerie, hair braided and on her knees in the middle of the floor like some kind of sub s**t you see in Fifty Shades of Gray.” I shuddered.

…She looked up at me and honestly thought I would come to her and want her. She thought that's what I wanted. She thought, because of my new-found violent tendencies, I wanted a Dom-sub relationship, but she was fuckin wrong on every level. When I told her to get out, she just stood up and walked towards me, trying to be sexy, but it was repulsive. I told her to get out before something happened she would regret, but she just laughed. I don’t believe in hitting women, but f**k, Jo, I should have. But thank god Taylor was on her way and when she walked in the door, she grabbed Tara by her hair and threw her out…

…the guys came over and changed the locks to some new ones they swore were the best on the market, and I started the process of getting a restraining order. She kept sending me pictures of a baby with notes saying ‘this should have been us.’ And then she sent a photo of a baby in a casket, asking me how it felt to know I caused the death of our child. She was literally going psychotic and it was f*****g with me, because all I could think was she was right. I did this. I caused the stress, I killed my baby.”

“Why didn’t you just block her?” Jo asked.

“Baby, I did in every way possible. The messages she was sending me weren’t over the phone. It was in envelopes she would slip under my door.”

“I had no idea she was so crazy.”

"I went through months and months of therapy. It helped, and I was trying to get to a better place. She helped me understand that everything that happened wasn't my fault, and she helped me cope with loss," I looked down at her, "Because I needed the help because I lost you."

"Archer, I am so sorry." She whispered as tears fell from her eyes. I wiped them away with my thumb before pulling her back to my chest.

“It gets worse.” I sighed as I held her tighter to me. I closed my eyes, remembering the last time I saw her, “I was sleeping. Jo, I was sleeping and…I was dreaming of you. I was dreaming of our last night together, the night we conceived Jamie and how amazing that night was. Every movement, sound, moan, gasp, I have it all in memory, and I was f*****g dreaming of you and how…” I paused.

“You can talk about it.” She whispered, her face heating up just a bit, and it wasn’t from the fire.

“I was…I was dreaming of how you were on top of me and slid down on my c**k, taking it all in. I dreamed of you bouncing up and down as I gripped your hips, helping you take me deeper. I remember that night and it was amazing. I felt so fuckin’ real until you went to let out a moan, but it sounded wrong. It wasn’t your voice. I sat up, snapping myself out of my dream, and saw the crazy b***h straddling my lap, rubbing herself on my hard-on over the blanket. I freaked the f**k out and pushed her off me. She fell off the bed and hit her head on my dresser as I grabbed my sheet and wrapped myself up with it, calling the cops and sending an SOS text to everyone. Within minutes, they were here…

“How…how the hell did she…”

“She paid a s**t ton of money to the locksmith who got me my new locks and got copies of the keys. She decided to break in. I guess she’s been coming in a couple of times a week, watching me sleep. I’m…I’m scared to know what she did while I was sleeping, but that night was the last straw. I finally was able to get that restraining order. I had all the proof I needed from all the police reports and text messages. We had a court date set, but that didn’t stop the crazy b***h. She tried breaking into my apartment one more time, but when she broke that order, they arrested her and threw her in jail until the hearing…

…her mom and dad begged me to drop the charges. They told me they were going to send her away to get help, but I didn’t believe a damn word they said. I had our family lawyer represent me. She was able to get a court order for Tara’s medical records, proving she was never pregnant. It was a brutal trial, but we made it through, and she was sentenced to one year in jail and I have a restraining order against her for five years, so I have two and a half years left.”

“I am so sorry you had to go through all that. I wish…I wish I knew. I wish I had been here to support you. I should have been here.” She whispered, starting to cry.

“It was a terrible time in my life, but if it weren’t for the family, I don’t think I would have made it. The messages and letters she sent really messed with my mind. I didn’t know what to believe for a bit. She’s manipulative and knows how to twist things to make people believe almost anything. She’s, unfortunately, still around. She lives with her parents, but she doesn’t come out much, so if you see her, I need you to turn the other way and call me immediately. She can’t touch or talk to you if I’m there.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious, Jo. Dead serious. I can’t…if something happened to you or Jamie, I would literally lose my damn mind. The idea of you two getting hurt kills me.”

“Archer, I promise, if anything happens and I see her, I will get as far away from her as possible and call you immediately.” She kissed my chin, “Did you…I know you said you weren’t with anyone, but Archer…”

“Honest.” I whispered, “The only action I got was with my own hand. I went on dates, but they never made it past date two, and I never even kissed them. I couldn’t. It didn’t feel right.” And I started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“The night of the dinner I told Ava I was ready to start dating to try to get over you. I told her to pair me with one of her coworkers I went out with last year.”

She shifted a bit, trying to get out of my hold, but I just held her tighter, “Oh.” She mumbled, trying to squirm, “If you…if you want to date, that’s fine I guess. I mean, we’re not dating. We’re not exclusive.”

“The f**k we aren’t.” I glared, “The moment I laid my eyes on you, that was it. You are it for me, woman. I won’t be with anyone else. I won’t see anyone else. No other woman will ever cross my mind but you and there’s only one other girl I will fall more in love with, more than I am with you...” I cupped her face.

“Oh…so, there is someone else…”

“There will be, in time,” I whispered, “And the only girl I will love more than you will call me daddy, and she will have your beautiful eyes and hair. She will melt my heart into mush and want to cuddle with us every night.” She couldn’t help but let out a small sob and smile as I said that, “I truly mean it, Jo. Our future daughter will be the only other girl I will love more than you.”

“Good. Because honestly, I would shove you in the way to save our kids.” She chuckled.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I grabbed her hands in mine and whispered, “I have more questions and…fuck…this hurts just thinking about it,” I sighed, “Why did you send me those messages?” I asked her, “You told me to move on and take care of my responsibilities. But you knew you were pregnant with Jamie. You were also my responsibility. You were always my responsibility.”

“I sent that message because I was over-emotional.” She sighed, “I just…I saw you with her and I lost a part of me. I couldn’t stop seeing you two together with that test in your hands. Part of me felt like if I let you go, you could have the life you always wanted. Hell, Archer, we’ve talked about kids and family before, and you said you wanted a huge family. I thought…I was giving you what you wanted.”

“And you did, sweetheart.” I pulled her to me, “You did, and you didn’t even know it, because you and Jamie are my family, my dream, and you both are perfect in every imperfect way possible. I think it’s stupid what you did, telling me to move on, when you know damn well I didn’t want to, but I’ll chalk that up to hormones.”

“Yeah, let’s go with that.” She chuckled.

“But then you blocked me…” I mumbled, “I tried to reach out to you, but nothing ever went through.”

“I didn’t block you.” She looked up at me confused, “I was still texting you that entire time. I have the messages at home to prove it, and they were from your phone number.”

“No. That’s not possible.” I mumbled, “I tried to call you, and it said you were disconnected. All my messages were delivered, but they were never read.”

“Archer, I promise you, I never blocked you.”

“Okay, we’ll come back to that because I want to see those messages I apparently sent. I have more questions and I need them answered.” I sighed, “Were you engaged? Is what Taylor said all those years ago true?”

She paused for a moment, her body went tense and I already knew the answer. It fuckin’ stung knowing she was about to marry some other fucker, but can I fault her for that? We weren’t together, but she did say she was never with anyone else but me. So what the hell do I believe?

“Jo…”

“I can explain everything, but yes, I was engaged, and it was to Nick.” And my shoulders instantly sagged in relief, knowing there had to be more to that story.

And that started the conversation about her part of the story, and with every detail she told me, I saw red. And if it wasn’t for her being in my arms right now, I would have purposely broken that restraining order and taken care of the b***h myself, but right now, I needed this night with Jo, because our vulnerabilities were hardcore showing, and we needed each other now, more than ever. But I knew, in the end, this conversation would make us stronger than ever before.