Forever and Always

Chapter Twenty Two: Archer

Archer

It was getting close to midnight and we had no plans to leave. The fire was dying down and it was starting to get a bit chilly, no matter how close we cuddled together. We still needed to finish our talk, but I think we would be more comfortable doing it from home…well…her home.

Shit, that stung a bit thinking that.

“Come on.” I whispered in her ear. She had her eyes closed when I shook her a bit. She fluttered them open and gave me a soft, warm smile, “Let’s get the horses back to Felix’s and we can head back to your place to finish this talk, because I want to know every damn detail, from the very beginning.”

“I think that’s best.” She mumbled, sitting up and stretching, “I have things to show you that goes with what happened. I just…need to warn you, it’s not pretty. None of it is and I already have things in motion to figure out what exactly happened.”

“Great.” I murmured, “I can’t wait to hear this.” I sighed as she stood up. We quickly packed everything and snuffed the fire so we could get on the horses and ride back, but we took our time. The night was quiet and the stars were out, shining bright against the black sky. It was peaceful and brought a sense of calm to me.

Or maybe it was because I told her everything that happened with Tara. Thinking about it still pisses me off. I hated the idea of someone else having my kid, but at the end of the day, I would have done anything for the baby if it was mine. I didn’t want it to be because I frankly don’t remember s**t that night, but when I found out she lied about the whole thing, I lost it.

I went into a dark phase. It was bad enough that I don’t even remember most of what happened. It was thanks to everyone around me, helping me get out of that darkness, but Tara never let up.

Fuck. I just have this feeling that she’s lurking around. If I see her, it’s the end.

We got back to the stables and put away the horses quietly so we didn’t wake anyone up at the house. “Hey.” I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips and kissed it, “Go and head to the Jeep. I’m going to check things out here and make sure it’s all locked up and I’ll meet you there.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my head down to hers for a soft kiss that sent fireworks down my spine, “Hurry up. There is so much I need to tell you.”

I watched her walk away from me and I couldn’t stop the grin that formed on my face as she looked over her shoulder and gave me one last smile before heading out the door. Shaking my head, I turned back to the stalls and checked the locks. The next thing I knew, I felt fingers tickling my sides, making me let out a high-pitched screech, “Holy s**t!” I turned around and swung, not thinking of who it could be, only for my fist to be caught in the air by Felix. Damn, him and his reflexes.

“You gotta be better than that.” He laughed as he dropped my hand, “Took you guys long enough. I thought for a second you guys got lost or something.”

“Nah. Just had a lot to spill to her.” I shrugged as Felix motioned for me to sit down on the hay bale next to him.

“Did you tell her everything?”

“Yeah. Every detail.”

“Even about Tara in your bed on top of you?” he laughed, making me glare.

“That s**t isn’t funny. That’s almost rape.”

“You’re right. Sorry man, but does Jo know…”

“Everything. I also told her if she sees Tara to call me immediately and get away from her. I don’t trust the psycho and I know for sure she will find out about Jo sooner or later.”

“Why does she hate her so much?”

“Tara went to high school with me, Jo, and Taylor. We were part of the same social circle, but I never really liked her. She had this huge crush on me and wanted to go out, but I couldn’t. There was something about her, I just couldn’t stand, so one day when she kept bugging me about going to get dinner or something, I snapped. I lost it and told her it would never happen. That was before I transferred to the boarding school for baseball.”

“Did she at least stop when you transferred schools?”

“Yeah.” I mumbled, “She stopped, but as soon as I came back home, she started her s**t again. Hell, the first day I walked into school she leaped into my arms and embarrassed herself when I didn’t catch her and she fell flat on her ass.”

“That’s fuckin’ great!” he laughed, “I wish I could have seen that.”

“I guess.” I shrugged, “When Jo came to town, it was like something switched. Her and I, we just clicked and Tara hated that I was with Jo and not her. She did some crazy s**t while we were in school. Hell, our senior year she got expelled and couldn’t graduate with us because she claimed she slept with the captain of the hockey team when she lied about it. It was a whole big mess.”

“Well, let’s be glad that chapter of your life is over.” He clapped my shoulder, “But there was another reason why I came out here.”

“What’s that?”

“Just to stall you while my girl talks to yours.” He winked, “She has something for Jo. I don’t know what it was, but I think they should be done talking now. Anyway, I also wanted to remind you that you need to get the s**t to make the barbeque sauce for Sawyer and Ivy’s birthday party this weekend.”

“Yeah yeah. I got it.” I laughed, “I’m gonna go get my girl. Do me a favor? Don’t call me tomorrow.”

Felix and I walked out of the stables and while he headed to the house where Ollie was waiting for him on the porch, wrapped in a blanket, Jo was already sitting in the front of the jeep. I hopped in and turned to her as I turned the car on, “Ready?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, “Yeah, I am.”

“Come on.” She whispered as we quietly walked into the house. She grabbed my hand, linking our fingers and bringing me upstairs.

“Do you want to talk downstairs?” I asked. All of a sudden, I got nervous. I knew she was bringing me to her room, but it wasn’t for what I wanted, but the idea of taking her on that damn bed, the dresser, the shower, god, anywhere she would let me instantly made me fuckin’ hard.

God, I’m going to need a cold fuckin’ shower.

She shook her head, “No. Everything I need to show you is upstairs in my room.”

Jo paused at Jamie’s room, slowly opening the door to take a peak, making sure he was still asleep. When I looked over her head, I tried to hold in my chuckle. There, my son was spread out like a starfish in his underwear, blanket half off him, slightly snoring away.

After slowly closing the door, she knocked on Nick’s and surprisingly, he was still up. He answered the door wearing a full set of flannel pajamas, hair a mess, yawning, “Sorry. I just wanted to let you know we’re home.” She smiled, “I can take the baby monitor.”

“Thank god.” He yawned, “I mean, I don’t mind watching him, but I get all paranoid when you’re not home and I tend to not sleep because I’m afraid I’m going to miss something.”

“Then get some sleep.” She went on her toes and kissed his cheek, “And sleep in tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you more.”

“Come on.” She said, turning to her room at the end of the hall. When we walked in, she instantly went to the closet. I sat on her bed, looking around the room. She still had boxes stacked along the walls. The only thing she had set up were a few pictures of her, Jamie and Nick. I grabbed one that she had on her nightstand and looked at it. It was a picture of her and Jamie, smiling and laughing at the camera with the biggest grins on their faces. They had frosting all over their faces and looked like they had the best time. They looked happy and beautiful, making me wish I were there.

“That was on his fourth birthday.” She said as she sat next to me with a box in her lap, “We had a cake war and he smashed his cake in my hair, so I put some frosting on his face.”

“We should do that again.” I smiled, before it dropped as I watched her hands shake as she held the box, “Jo, what’s wrong? You’re trembling.”

“It’s time I told you what happened from my point of view and I am absolutely terrified that you’re going to storm out and leave. You have every right to, I just…I don’t want you to.”

“Tell me. Tell me what happened.” I turned and took the box from her lap and grabbed her hands, holding them in mine, “You can tell me anything.”

And she told me everything. She told me how, after seeing me with Tara, she ran off and told me to take care of my responsibilities, but then she came back because she wanted me to know she was pregnant.

“I stopped by…” tears were now streaming down her face as she told me how Tara answered the door and the things she said. When she repeated those words to me, I started to see red and it wasn’t until Jo squeezed my hand, snapping me back to the moment.

She told me how she wanted to talk to me about the letter and picture she sent, but when Tara told her about us being together and trying to make it work, she walked away. Then, she pulled out her phone and showed me the messages between me and her, except I never sent them.

“Jo, baby, I would never…” I whispered as my eyes started to water. The words that were said sounded like me, texted like me, but I never said these, “First off, I was never with her. Not in a million years. If, by chance the fake baby was real and mine, I would have been there for the kid, but never her.”

“I got back the letter I sent…it was a picture of the ultrasound and it was torn into shreds…” she sniffled.

“Baby, my god…you really thought…you really thought I wanted nothing to do with you and Jamie? You thought I walked away to the psycho?” she nodded her head.

“I’m blaming my emotions and hormones because thinking about it now, it all seems stupid. I never should have doubted you. I should have gone right to you and demanded you talk to me. I should have…I should have done so much differently.”

“You’re right.” I pulled her to me, “You should have and I would have listened, but it’s in the past and this is now. Better late than never, right? Now, tell me about this engagement that drove me to the brink of insanity?”

“Brink of insanity?”

“Yeah. When I found out you were engaged, I literally drank myself to oblivion. It…wasn’t pretty.” I shook my head, “I was a mess…”

“Nick was going to adopt his niece after his sister died in a car accident and the social worker was telling him how he would have a better chance if he were in a committed relationship, hence, married, so I decided to go with it.” She shrugged before looking up at me, “You were the only one I wanted to be with and if I couldn’t have you, I figured why not? I help Nick. We get married on paper only. He can still be with Jeremy and he gets his niece. But her father had come back from Germany and he has her.” She reached over to the side and grabbed the box I put on the bed, “In here is everything. You already have the two scrapbooks, but here are more pictures, USB drives of Jamie, his take-home outfit, and a bunch of letters. I originally gave them to your dad to give to you, but he never did. Hannah gave them to me the other day before I left from the Sunday dinner.”

“What letter’s Jo?”

“I wrote letters throughout the last four and a half years, ever since he was born, to you, letting you know what happened, so that one day, you would know in detail. I want you to read them, but I don’t want to be in the room with you when you do. They can get a little…intense.”

“I understand.” I smiled at her, reaching over and cupping her cheek, “How about I take these home with me tonight, and tomorrow, I come back over and take you and Jamie out for the day, a family day. I don’t have work for a few more days and I want to spend every day with you guys.”

“Yeah, I think that’s best.” She blushed, “Although, if you want to stay the night, I wouldn’t mind.”

“Jo, if I stay, nothing can happen tonight. It’s already three in the morning and if Jamie is like our nieces and nephews, he will be crawling into bed in a few hours and I really want to read these. Besides, I want to woo the s**t out of you before we go the next step.”

“You…are too sweet. Any other man would jump at the chance to be in bed with their girl.” She grinned.

“Oh, trust me, baby. Saying this s**t is hard, but I need to know what’s in those letters before anything. So, I’m going to take these to my place, read them, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Promise?”

“Forever.” And with one last kiss, I grabbed the letters as she walked me to the door. I sat in the Jeep, watching her in her room move around. I wouldn’t leave until the lights went out, but they didn’t. I don’t know what was going on, but I refused to leave until I knew she was in bed, so while I was waiting, I took out the first letter on top of the pile.

June 26th

Dear Archer,

I wish you were here with me right now. The last nine months have been the hardest I have ever experienced. The morning sickness never went away, so I was consistently sick, and then the doctors were worried about my blood pressure.

I hurt to walk most of the time, it hurt to sit, it hurt to sleep, my emotions were going haywire and I thought for a while about giving up. I wanted to just give up and end it all, because thinking about doing all that alone almost killed me. If it weren’t for Nick, I probably wouldn’t have made it.

My mom was of no help, no surprise there. When she found out I was pregnant with Jamie, she told me to abort the bastard child and move on with my life. I was shocked at her words, but then she started to come around a bit more, acting all loving, acting like the mother I always wanted, but she had other motives. When I found out what she really wanted, I cut her out of my life.

She’s been trying to reach out, but I won’t give her the time of day. She doesn’t deserve it, not after I heard her and Riley talking about the money my dad left me before he died and how I would get it when I turned twenty-five or have a child.

But all the pain and torment led to this moment. I was in bed watching TV, when I shifted and felt the pop and I knew at that moment, Jamie was going to be here shortly. Nick drove me to the hospital and all I wanted to do was hold your hand. I couldn’t stop crying and screaming.

The pain was excruciating. They gave me the epidural, but it didn’t work. I felt everything to the point I was passing out from the pain in between contractions. I begged and pleaded for you to walk through the door, but how could you have known? I never told you where I would be. You didn’t want anything to do with me and our son, but I still held out hope that you would change your mind.

But you never did.

And I never felt more alone.

And with those final screams, letting out all the fear I had, Jamie was born and I instantly lost it, because he looked just like you in every sense of the word. He had your dark hair, your green eyes and even your grumpy scowl.

As I held him in my arms, I cried, rocking him, alone in that room, because Nick went out to get Jeremy who was at the airport. I begged and pleaded for a sign that everything would be okay. I needed to know that someday, it would all work out, but that sign never came.

And every day and night for months, I cried myself to sleep. I felt like a zombie. I would look down at Jamie and stare at him. I felt like I was going through the motions. It got so bad, Nick started to take care of him because I couldn’t physically get out of bed. I would look at our son and wish he wasn’t here. I wished I wasn’t a mom. I wished I wasn’t here. I was telling myself that Jamie would be better off with Nick, not me. That maybe, if I wasn’t here, someone could raise him to be the person he should be.

I didn’t deserve happiness, because I did this to myself. I gave up too easily, listening to the words of a stupid girl who liked to manipulate people. I listened to the crap she spewed that made me run off and give up on the life I wanted.

I didn’t fight for you, for us. I never gave you another chance to listen to me, for me to try to explain to you what happened and to change your mind and try to be in your son’s life. I should have fought for you. I should have done everything possible, but I gave up.

I just hope, that one day, if you were to read these letters, you’re happy. I hope you have the life you wanted. I hope you were able to do everything you want, go where you wanted to visit, and make all your dreams come true, because Archer, you deserve all the happiness in the world. I hope you're happy with your family and that they’re everything you wished for and more, and most importantly, I hope you have someone to love.

Because you deserve to be loved in every way possible.

I’m sorry for the pain I caused both of us. It’s my fault, and if I could have done things differently, I would have in a heart-beat.

Jamie is crying right now. He’s been fussy with an ear infection and poor guy, right on his first birthday.

Archer, if you’re reading this, just know I love you. I always have, I always will, and I’ll never stop.

Love, Jo.

The tears were silently falling down my face as I read those words. She went through so much pain, torment, guilt, and it killed me. My hands were shaking when I put the letter down and reached for the next one, slowly opening it.

Inside the letter was a picture of Jamie, sitting on top of a small pony with Nick holding him. I smiled at the sight, proud of my boy for being so brave.

October 24th

Jamie is about three and a half. He has grown up so much in such a short amount of time, it’s like I blinked and boom, he was three.

I don’t know why I keep writing these letters to you. You’ll probably never read them, but I guess it’s therapeutic in some messed up kind of way.

Mom stopped by and started more drama. She was telling me how she stopped by Crossdale so Riley could see Taylor…

I paused at that part. The hell? They never stopped in town. Riley pretty much disowned Taylor when she went back to Tristian. What s**t is her mother trying to pull?

She wanted to know what I planned to do. I’ve talked to Nick and Jeremy about this over and over, I just needed to get the courage to actually go through with it. I wanted to go back home and see you. I know it would be hard, but at the end of the day, the words you said were just that, words. Actions would speak louder, right? I figured, if you saw Jamie, you would change your mind and want him in your life.

I was about to leave with Jamie when mom stopped by to visit. I should have slammed the door in her face because all she does is like to start drama, but when she said she went to Crossdale, I let her in.

I told her what I wanted to do, but she told me not to bother. She spoke with Tristian, and they were happy. They pretty much cut me out of their lives and don’t even talk about me and act like my name would burn their tongues. When she asked Tristian if he would like me to come home, he told her no, that I made my bed and I must lie in it.

Then she told me she saw you and some girl heading into town and looking at wedding cakes. My face paled when she told me that and I lost all my composure. She showed me pictures she took. You had your arm wrapped around this girl's shoulder and kissed her head. I didn’t see her face, but she looked familiar. But seeing you two outside the bakery that was well known for their wedding cakes, I knew I had lost you.

But maybe, one day, if fate is on my side, we can cross paths and you can meet Jamie, because watching him right now, riding the horse with Nick, it is something amazing. I can’t help but feel like you would have loved to see this. He has your laugh, Archer. Every time he laughs, it brings me to memories of you. And I know for sure, you would love him more than anything in the world.

But I end this letter because Jamie is calling me to go riding with him. I hope you’re happy, Archer, and I hope for all the happiness in the world for you.

I love you.

I didn’t want to read any more letters. They hurt. They fuckin’ hurt. Everything these bitches did was to keep us away from each other, but why? I know Tara wanted me, but why did she want me so bad she wanted to destroy my life? And why was her mom doing this s**t? Is she still after the money James left Jo in his will?

I threw the letters in the passenger seat and looked up at her room. There was a soft glow from her window that looked like she had turned the television on. So, without thinking, I ran to the front door, ready to pound on it until she came downstairs and opened it, but before I could, it swung open.

“Took you long enough.” Nick huffed, letting me in, “How many did you get through before you came back? Four? Five?”

“Two. The one right after he was born and one when he was horseback riding and her b***h of a mom came to her house spewing some bullshit about me getting engaged.”

“Oh, you didn’t read one…never mind.”

“Tell me, Nick. Please. I can’t read those letters.”

“That is her story to tell, but I promise everything is alright.”

“You promise she's okay?" He nodded.

"Of course. I know there is more she needs to talk to you about, but it's hard, but everything she has to tell you won't affect your relationship at all negatively. She has done amazingly with Jamie. She is one of the strongest people I have met and continues to surprise me every day. Just, don't hurt her."

"Never. I will never hurt her, ever again. I need to go to her…” and without saying another word, I rushed up the stairs and opened her door, only to see her lying on her side, hugging a pillow while watching reruns of Chopped, “Jo…”

“Archer?” she whispered, sitting up, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m home.” I shrugged, walking over and taking my shirt off and throwing it at the end of the bed as my hands went to my pants to unbuckle them. She watched me intently as my pants slid down, leaving me in my boxer briefs, “I’m right where I need to be, because baby, those letters, the two I read, destroyed me and then Nick telling me about another one….”

“I’m fine.” She smiled, “It was nothing, really, but I can tell you tomorrow what happened.”

“Good, because baby, if anything happens to you…”

“Nothing is going to happen to me.”

“Good.” I whispered, crawling into bed and lying next to her. I pulled her to me as she placed her head on my chest. My arms wrapped around her, pulling her to my body, even closer before, “Because, like I promised, I’m not going anywhere…”