TEARS IN RED STRING

BREAKDOWN

CHELSEA

I felt so happy because finally, there is a high possibility that I and Curchi will be friends. I really want to befriend her. I liked her personality. Other people are afraid or scared to approach her because of her intimidating looks. But I know that she is a kind-hearted one.

I admit I get to pissed at her. I felt being trash. I am her seatmate yet she is ignoring my presence. To her, I am just a no-one ---which the saddest thing I felt. I know that she already told me that she doesn't want a friend. That she can manage to be alone. But I just can't bear seeing her lonely.

But now, I am glad. I can feel that she also wanted to be friends with me. I have so many friends and to be honest, Curchi is the most interesting one. Can't wait to bond with her more.

"I'm home!" I joyfully uttered as I entered our house. Mom and dad were sitting on the couch, watching their favorite movie.

My dad is Jhonny Dreilos, the famous and most notable martial artist of all time. He is the one who trained me and taught me combat moves which I applied to those five men who attempted to hurt Curchi. Honestly, I felt bad for myself for saving her late. I mean, I already saw her walking on that narrow street yet I did not follow her immediately. I'd just continue to practice for my sports in intrams.

If something bad happened to Curchi, I cannot forgive myself. But luckily, there wasn't.

Mom and dad stood up and gave me a peck on the cheeks. "How's your school?" Mom asked right after.

"Totally fine, mom," I answered with a smile, holding the slings of my bag.

Dad caressed my head. "Seems like there is something else in your smile, honey. Spill that. Is that because of your guy?" his baritone voice teases me. He even raised his brows repeatedly. My mom on the side just smiled widely.

"Dad," I shoved his hand from caressing my head and seated on the couch. They followed.

"What's with 'your guy'? I don't have any. You said study first, haven't you?"

"What's with your smile then?" he asked, smiling. They sat on both sides with mom on the right side.

I make face. "Huh? What's wrong with my smile?" I slowly let out a laugh.

"Hmm, your smile is different today, honey." Mom seconded and looked me closer. "And, you are blushing---"

"Mom..." I swayed my head. "Nothing, okay? Maybe I was just happy because I think I can have another friend." I told them.

"Is that really? Hmm, okay." they still teased but suddenly I felt something weird.

Silence suddenly filled the house. I just don't know why but the silence seems odd. I then looked at my mom and dad who was now---out of my knowledge---watching the movie.

Unconsciously, I suddenly hugged my parents. They looked shocked at what I just did because I rarely do it but I just felt doing this right now to them.

"Why, honey? Is there something wrong?" my mom asked without breaking the hug. I want to respond but I can't! What is happening?

"Ugh!" I suddenly groaned after I felt my heart feels like being twisted. I tightened my hug.

"Honey, what's wrong?" my dad asked. His voice is full of worries. I couldn't respond because seems like my mouth would not cooperate. I instead let out a groan.

"Chelsea!" My mom panicked when my groan mixed with moan went loud. They're bothered now.

Extreme pain in my heart is what I experienced right now. They both panicked and called my name many times but all I could do right now is to hug them tight. I did not break the hug because I just felt I needed to feel them.

My sight becomes blurry. My dad walks away to call for help so I focus more on hugging mom. I dig my head into her neck. I felt weak. I cannot able to move my lips to utter a word. I want to say something to my parents but I can't.

"Chelsea... hang on! What happened?!" my mom cried, sounded like a whisper while caressing my back. I don't know either why it suddenly happened to me.

I felt series of tears escaped into my eyes. My heart is aching so much. Then my body began to tremble. Unbearable pain conquered my whole body and suddenly, I could not feel my hands anymore. I just noticed it suddenly falls and breaks free from hugging. I cried hard, yelling in pain.

I could not totally hear my mother anymore. All I can hear is her sob which made me feel so down and weak. Then it feels like a large needle suddenly thrusts my heart.

"Urghhhh!" One long moan and groan escaped from my lungs to my mouth.

"Chelsea!" said the man's voice. It is my father's. He moves closer to me and right after a tear suddenly rolled over his face, my eyes suddenly shut.

I heard their cries and I still feel their hugs. The loud siren of the ambulance came and before I totally lost my consciousness, I forced myself to speak. The last three words I wanted to tell them.

"I l-love you..."

LOVEFUL

I COULD NOT help but to locked myself in my bedroom soon as I got into my house. I wanted to have someone to tell about the feelings that I have right now. I want to have someone with whom I can share my guilt and sympathy. But no one... I know.

Suddenly I heard the static noise coming from the television in my bedroom---which I don't remember I opened it. My eyes widened and my heart is throbbing again and again after I saw the content of the news.

"THE DAUGHTER of the famous martial artist, Chelsea Dreilos unexpectedly died because of a heart attack---" I immediately grab the remote control beside my bed and turned it off.

Tears began falling into my eyes like waterfalls. It's my fault. It is all my fault! She would have not died! Damn this red string! Damn this cursed life!

I slowly touch the red string that is still tied on my right ring finger. I slowly fading until it totally vanished from my sight. All I can do right now is to lie alone on my bed, crying. Crying in vain. That should not happen!

"Ahhhhh!" I shouted in guilt and madness. "It happened again," I whispered out of frustration. "It happened again. It happened again. It happened again, Curchi!" I repeatedly said to myself.

This is what I really feared the most. This would not gonna happen if I am brave enough to fight those five men. This would not gonna happen if this damn heart wouldn't felt the forbidden. I promised myself that I should be loveless. That I should be distant to other people. That I should not let other people get attached to me. But I failed. I did not expect that this would happen to Chelsea. This life is such a piece of s**t that I want to end.

I pulled the pillow beside me and cover it on my face. I cried so hard. Screaming in sympathy. The guilt inside me was overflowing. I can't hold it anymore.

What if I just let those five men r***d me? Chelsea should not be dead right now! Chelsea would not be able to save me. This life of mine is useless trash.

Damn it!

Many nights I wanted to end this cursed life. I sometimes stabbed myself but, I don't know why I can wake up again the next day. I tried all the things that can end my life but I failed. Maybe, my life wanted to make me suffer even more.

Many people who committed suicide yet they are deserving to live. While me, I am not deserving to live anymore because of the trouble I have made yet here I still am. I want to end this but I don't freaking know how.

Only if I have parents to guide me. Only if I have parents to explain why I have this kind of life... maybe I can consider myself as deserving to have life. But I guess they all gone because of me.

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