Breaking Her Rule (Jonas Lei & Kaitie Carina Story)

Chapter 20

I was going to go bungee jumping, but I chickened out the last minute. It's a good thing because when I saw that onesie, all I ever wanted to rush to him.

Hug him.

Kiss him.

God, I feel so weak.

Ang tanging pumipigil lang sa'kin na huwag tumakbo papunta sa kanya ay ang galit na nararamdaman ko. I know it's not ideal to harbor and nourish negativities in life but it's the only thing keeping me from fraying. Nourishing my agony? Investing in pain or maturing my stupidity? None of the above is in my list, but trying to look okay even if inside me I was already crushed and crying desperately.

I still can't fanthom how stupid I've been about him. I believed in him. He jammed himself in my life with forced. In turn, I slowly eased down my high tower of defense with blind faith.

But what did he do? He made it look like he's helping me nurse my sore spots about trusting people before he pulled a knife and dug it right where it fücking hurts.

I brushed my palm on my chest trying to lessen the stomping pain there. I've been starring at the mahogany table pushed on the wall, specifically at the boquet of Hyndrangeas seated there. I can see the three notes inserted on it. Hindi ko na kailangan basahin para malaman ang laman. For the span of a week, it says the same thing.

I'm sorry

It's during these moments that it hits me with amain and agonizing force. I don't want to touch any of it, because whenever I do, it's as if I can feel him suffering too but he's sticking on giving me what I asked - a space to think.

I wiped a tear that escaped my eyes.

"Tama na, Kaitie. He's not worth it."

I picked the telephone from the cradle to ask someone from my staff to throw away these abominations. Ayokong makaramdam ng kahit na ano para sa kanya kundi galit at poot lamang.

I dialled the front desk the same time that someone knocked from my door. The creaking sound soon followed then I'm facing Roselyn

"Ma'am Kat, nandito po sila Ma'am Kiara." She says.

I dropped the phone back to its place when I saw my sister Kiara and Jazz behind her. Though I remained unwavered nor did I place any noticeable reaction, I can feel my stomach churning.

I nooded my head. Tinulak ni Roselyn ang pinto upang lawakan ang espasyo.

"Lyn, paki-kuha na lang 'yong mga bulaklak sa mesa bago ka lalabas."

"Opo, Ma'am."

My sister is contemplating what she gonna do if she's going to greet me a kiss or hug but when she noticed that I was still silent they both immediately sat on the two chairs in front of my front desk. Silence hovering above us as we watch Roselyn scuttle and grab all the bouquet in one go.

Once the door shut closed, I zeroed my gaze to them. My sister's face said it all. She looked torn and worried. I didn't get any reaction from Jazz, though.

I cleared my throat. "What made you drop by? May request naman ba ang mga anak niyo na cake?"

Kiara's face softened, glancing briefly to her husband. "No, Ate. Just two days ago, Nanay baked for them their favorite Oreo cake."

"So, what made you drop?"

"We want to know what happened. Jonas deactivated all his social media accounts. We cannot contact his number for a week now. Hindi rin siya pumapasok sa office nila. The guys paid a visit to his condo pero wala siyang gustong kausapin isa sa kanila. He's not doing well and we're worried."

I gritted my teeth. My anger bubbling to rise. He's turning this on me? He's gathering a fücking pity party just so he can get me to talk to him again?

Screw him.

"He's a grown man, lil sis. He's not my responsibility." I hissed. I saw her looking at my clenched fists on top of the table making her wince.

But still, she continued. "It's not that, Ate."

Jazz hands shoot out, placing it on top of hers. She stopped talking to peer at her husband with questioning eyes.

"This is not our battle to fight, Hun." He quietly said, his eyes trained on me. Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto niyang iparating sa'kin, and I'm not bothering to ask what.

"Hindi ka ba nag-aalala kay Jonas?"

He closed his eyes. Once he organized his thoughts, he directed his attention back to his wife. He spoke in a gentle tone. "I am. Bestfriend ko siya, he's done a lot for me, of course I'm worried about him. But I repeat, hindi tayo dapat nakikialam dito. They will fix it, if they want to fix it. If not, then it's on them."

"What?" Kiara exclaimed, shell-shocked. "Then why did you agree on coming with me here kung wala ka pa lang balak alamin ang nangyayari sa kanila?"

"Because you insisted to go here. You're stubborn as hell and I know you won't let me talk to you out of this."

They stared at each other, even though the static of their heated argument is present. I can still feel and see the love they have for one another.

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Hindi ganito ang kailangan ko ngayon. I'm an emotional wreck and my emotions are riding wild and inconsistent waves. The last thing I want is to lash all my frustrations to other people. Iba pa naman 'pag ako ang nasa limit ko na.

Muli akong nilingon ng kapatid ko. "Just please talk to him, Ate."

"Lil sis, I get that you're worried about him but I'm licking my own wounds, too. Hindi ko lang kayang ipagsigawan na nasasaktan din ako. At hindi lang kami parehas ng pag-cope up sa mga ganitong bagay, but it doesn't mean I don't feel sh!t."

I saw her eyes widening but determination is still there. She really won't let this one go. Real nga din talaga to.

Gusto ko umalis na lang sila. I pulled in a giant breath. If it's the truth they want, then I'll freaking slam it out there.

"He have seëx with another woman, Kiara." I grounded. My heart clenching and various images of Jonas and Mia together flashed inside my head.

Jesus Christ, get it together, Kaitie Carina.

She didn't see that one coming because she gasped so loud, it echoed inside my office. Jazz, though, doesn't look surprise.

"I didn't ask him for space because I'm thinking how I will approach this problem. I wanted time away because I want nothing from him anymore starting that from night. You know my issues with trusting people and what he did gutted me. At hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya haharapin na hindi ako namamanhid sa sakit."

"I'm sorry, Ate. I didn't know that is the case. You never talked about this during our family dinner the other night. I - "

"Does he know?" Singit ni Jazz sa asawa niya.

Napalingon ako sa kanya. Wala pa rin na kahit anong emosyon sa mukha niya. Nakatitig siya ng mariin sa'kin na para bang balak niyang himayin ang bawat salitang babanggitin ko.

"Does he know about what?" Sagot ko sabay lunok.

"Your trust issues. Did you mention that to him?" He doesn't sound accusatory, but I found myself rearing my defenses up.

I looked at him dead in the eye despite my anxiety creeping and swallowing me whole. "It doesn't matter now, does it? Nangyari na ang nangyari, wala ng babalikan."

He squinted his eyes and continued to cast me his scrutinizing stare. "Isn't that a bit unfair?"

My hackles elevated with his words. My fury oozing from my pores. Ano? Ipagtatanggol niya ang kamalian ng kaibigan niya? I clenched my fist tight, para mapigilan ko ang sarili kong batuhin siya ng kung ano mang malapit na madampot ko.

"That's not the point, Jazz. When you build a relationship with a person, it follows that you'd do everything not to break their trust. Whether they have issues with it or not. It's a foundation, not a fücking add-on."

He didn't falter. His stance unmoved and unshaken. Matamaan pa rin siyang nakatitig sa'kin.

"Walang nangyari sa kanila ni Mia."

What he said knocked me off balanced. I held the edge of my table, my head spinning. Kahit si Kiara mukhang gulat sa sinabi ng asawa niya. Hindi na niya ako hinintay sumagot. Nagpatuloy siya.

"Ako ang sumundo sa kanya nang gabing 'yon. He called me when they were on their way to the hotel, telling me to pick up his car at Triple 8 bar since he's in no state to drive it."

"When was this? Bakit hindi ko alam?" Kiara inquired.

Jazz shot her a glace apologetically. "A week ago. It's when I slipped out of the bed at two-thirty in the morning. Sasabihin ko sana sa'yo pagkagising natin pero nang binulabog tayo ng maagang tawag ni Carl na walang Jonas na kasama niyang mag-biyahe para tignan ang lote na patayuan ng bagong warehouse di ko na nabanggit pa. When I learned that something off to him, I kept it a secret. Because I know you'll tell Kaitie and I want her to know it straight from Jonas. Also, because I don't want us get involved with their feud. Kaitie is your sister and Jonas is. . .well, my bestfriend, it may create a rift between us, and I don't want that to happen."

Kiara's face softened and I saw how her face bloomed into that of an understanding.

"Sinundo mo lang siya, Jazz. It's a mooth point." I croaked. I averted his gaze since I'm closing to crying.

He shook his head. "I got there on time. Kahit na nakipagtalo pa muna ako sa receptionist dahil ayaw niyang ibigay nang una kung anong kuwarto sila pumasok. Mia was the one who answered the door. Jonas was at the bed partially undressed, no shirt and his pants undone. But I'm positive nothing happen."

I felt like my soul just left my body. I feel cold, my hands are numbing, and I can't feel any sensation while I drum my fingertips on my table.

"Pero sinabi niya. When I asked him, he even. . . " I swallowed the lump on my throat. God, it hurts to rehash his words. "Even said what happened to them it didn't mean a thing."

"But did he answer your question with a direct 'yes'?"

"N-no. But still, hindi na niya kailangang sabihin 'yon. What he uttered afterwards

were enough to cement that something did happen between him and Mia. If only I recorded his words and used that in a court he will automatically found guilty."

Jazz ran his fingers in his hair and looked away. He stared at his wife for a long while before he sighed and diverted his attention back to me.

"You have trust issues, you mentioned." He begun. I nodded my head, "What do you know about Jonas?"

I crinked my brows together, not really expecting this question. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, did you bother to ask things about him? As to why he's like that? Why does he always have this habbit of fleeting? Why doesn't he give two sh!ts about anything and just do whatever he damn well please?"

"I-I don't know. W-wala siyang nabanggit."

He's right. I know nothing about him except the obvious. I suddenly feel bad and mad at myself for not putting an effort to know about Jonas. Samantalang siya walang ibang ginawa kundi suportahan at alamin ang lahat ng ako.

"I met Jonas when we're second year high school. My parents decided to transfer me to another school because my two siblings are both in college. Naiwan akong mag-isa sa dati naming skwelahan na magkakapatid, kaya nagpalipat ako sa ibang eskwelahan, mas malapit sa bahay. I didn't take the sudden shift lightly. I found it hard to make friends when I started schooling to a public school. Given also that those years I was an introvert teenager. There is this one time, three of the higher year students started to bully me because they've always saw me alone, I don't have friends. One morning during recess time, I was eating my snacks in a corridor, they cornered me there. They are asking for money which I don't have but they refused to believe. Kasi para sa kanila marami akong pera dahil transferee ako galing sa private school."

He paused when Kiara rubbed his palms for comfort. He gave her a reassuring smile. Obviously this is not a known and common fact.

"I can't remember the flow of their silent conversation then, basta alam ko nagsimula na nila akong minura-mura. Hanggang dumating si Jonas at lahat sila'y nagtakbuhan. Doon nagsimula ang pagka-kaibigan namin. Jonas being an extrovert he had a lot of peers, but he promise me he kept an eye on me since that day that I was subjected to bullying because I'm a loner. Jonas came from different section and building. As I don't want to stand his way to be with his friends. I pushed him to spend more time with them and to not worry about me. But he didn't gave in. Nagsimula noon nawala na ang tatlong estudyanteng nambully sa akin dahil tuwing recess at lunch break pinupuntahan ako ni Jonas sa building ko.

Pero isang beses, the same students who bullied me cornered me again at the field after class. Tinaon talaga nila na walang Jonas sa paligid ko, hiningian ulit ako ng pera, pero katulad ng dati wala akong maibigay. Hanggang sa pwersahin nila akong maglabas ng pera para ibigay sa kanila, nagmatigas ako kasi nga wala naman talaga akong maibibigay sa kanila hanggang nagsimula na nila akong pagsusuntukin at pagtatadyakan. I defended myself as hard as I could. Pero anong laban ko kung three versus one. Hanggang sa may makakita sa'ming teacher."

"Oh my God." Kiara gasped. Again, Jazz gave him a smile telling him that it's just a far memory. I kept quiet, not sure what to say.

"I had broken wrist, a blackeye and a swollen cheek. I was in a bad shape when my parents arrived after they summoned by the principal together with my bullies' guardians. When Jonas found out what happened to me, he blamed himself. Though I told him that it's not his fault, but it didn't stop him to pin the fault at himself. He took it hard. The Jonas I used to know before that incident lost his natural radiant aura and he would always lock himself in their classroom during breaks. He chewed the incident over and over again without the intention of swallowing and letting it pass. It took him awhile to talk to me about it, he apologized for not being there for me when I needed him. Sabi ko sa kanya hindi ko naman siya sinisisi, that I didn't expect him to be there for me all the time. But the thing was, even though he didn't vocalize it, I knew he expected himself to do just that. Because he always says 'that's what bestfriend's are for'."

I casted my eyes down and started to knit my fingers together. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang lunukin itong mga sinabi ni Jazz sa'kin. It's too much.

"After a while, he became okay. Just okay. There was an elusive change in his attitude. He made sure he did it a gradual pace. I notice it though. Hindi nga nursing ang course na gusto niya noon bago kami mag-college. Gusto niyang maging engineer, pero nang nalaman niyang BS Nursing ang kukunin kong kurso, iyon na rin ang kukunin niya. Kaya kami nag-sabay nag-take ng university entrance exam at sabay ding pumasa. Sabay na nag-enroll sa parehong unibersidad. Doon din nabuo ang grupo namin."

"I didn't know. I'm sorry." I whisper.

Jazz shook his head. "You don't have to apologize. Hindi ko naman talaga gustong manghimasok sa kung ano mang mayroon kayo, but what you said warranted me tell you these things. I understand you have issues and reservations, Kaitie. But so does my bestfriend. He may pose a happy go lucky guy, but he only does that to bury his flaws and imperfections as well."

"Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan." Bulong ko habang nakayuko. "All you said had nothing to do with that night and the fact that you're sure nothing happened between him and that woman. Bakit naman niya sasabihin ang mga bagay na 'yong kung wala naman talagang nangyari sa kanila?"

He sighed, raking his hands again on his unruly locks. "Mia gave him hickeys on his chest. I caught sight of it when dressed him before we left. I'm sure he panicked when he saw it when he woke up. He doesn't want to lie to you, but he doesn't have a clear recollection of the night either. So, he stewed the worst of the worst. He hates expectations, Kaitie. He rather take people thinking bad sh!t about him instead of them putting him in a pedestal."

"I don't know what to say." I hushed out. I met Jazz's eyes and I'm surprised he didn't show an ounce of anger in them. His face was that of sympathy.

"You don't have to say anything. Hindi rin kita pipilitin na kausapin ang bestfriend ko kung ayaw mo. It's still your choice. I told you these things because I wanted you to understand him, he's an enigma to a lot of people. He's picky and he doesn't let people in that easily. But he let you. It's enough for me to know that you're someone he doesn't want to lose."

---

I wasn't productive after Kiara and Jazz's visit. I kept on jerking my knee up and down, nipping my own thumb, sighing every now and then.

Lahat ng sinabi ni Jazz sa'kin, paikot-ikot sa utak ko dahilan ng pagkahilo ko. A part of me doubts the story, but majority of my brain cell shouts that it's too real to be fabricated.

And I know Jazz, it's not in him to concoct things in the hopes of saving face.

By three in the afternoon, I have enough of my fidgeting. I left the shop in a rush and went home. Nagulat pareho sila Papa at Nanay ng makita nila ako pero wala akong oras para makipag-usap sa kanila. Dumiresto ako sa kuwarto ko at hinalungkat ang cabinet ko.

When I found what I was looking for. I sprinted downstairs and into my car. My heart was speeding as I hit the gas. My eyes are misty while I repeatedly and harshly wiped my tears away. He lives a a good twenty five-minutes drive away from our house but my trip there seemed like forever.

My breaths are labored when I reached his door. My mind's haywire, my thoughts scattered everywhere. Hesitation started to creep out of me, so I pressed his buzzer. Bago pa magbago ang isip ko, bago pa ako balutin ng takot at pangamba.

A short second, I heard the locks unlatching. My body went rigid and rigid and chilly. My palms are clammy and I'm sweating all over. My knees are turning loose, my heart slamming like a Gorilla trape in a cage.

When the door opened, I heard him taking a sharp breath. He looked pale and a week worth of stubble had grown on his usually shave face.

"B-aby?" He whispered. He blinked a couple of times as if he had seen a ghost. His eyes glisten as tears started pooling there.

I nodded my head. He looked down and saw the packaged I brought with me. I didn't know it was possible for him to get more pallid. His face shown horror and fear.

Inabot ko sa kanya ang paper bag na hawak ko. He did nothing to accept it.

"Wh-why? You're giving it back to me?" He faintly said. Muli akong tumango. Bumagsak na ang luhang namuo sa mga mata niya. "Baby. . . no," then he dropped to his knees and clasped his hands together to plead. "Please, give me a chance to make this right. Don't give up on me yet." He sobbed.

My own tears stung. "Jonas, stand up." Pero hindi niya ako pinakinggan. Patuloy siya sa pag-iyak at paghingi ng tawad.

"I'm beging. . .Just shoot me in the head if you decided to give up on me." Mas lalo siyang humagulhol. I can't see him like this anymore, and I can't bear the words coming out from his mouth.

I buried my hand inside the bag and pulled out the last blue note he had given me. It took his attention because he stopped squabbling his apologies.

With shaky hands I hold it in front of him.

Albeit red-rimmed and swollen, I didn't miss the questioning look in his coffee-colored eyes. He languidly took and open the small paper.

DAY 28

ARE YOU ALREADY IN LOVE WITH ME? TICK ONE

○ YES

○ NO

✔️I'M GETTING THERE