Chapter 3
1767 Words
"What do you think taking up our relationship to another level. To be engage, perhaps?" I suddenly choked up the pasta I just swallowed.
My cough hitting me in rapid succession becoming almost uncontrollable. Inigo handed me my glass of water before standing up behind me, giving me gently pats on my back.
"Is there something I can do to help, Sir?" the waiter, suddenly appearing from somewhere near us.
I was still calming my sudden dysfunctional epiglottis when I heard Inigo speaking to the attendant. "Yes, we can use another glass of water."
When I was able to breathe normally. I realized that I was trembling. I knew I cannot avoid this topic. But we've been dating only for what? A year or less than? I don't know. I was never the type to count the days. It's my first relationship though. Iyon kung matatawag na relasyon.
Nevertheless, I knew from the very moment we started this, I made it very clear to him. I don't want marriage. It was never on my plan.
The waiter arrived back, handing me what Inigo requested. I murmured my thanks. My boyfriend made sure I was okay before he settled himself back on his seat.
Damn, I should have known he will be addressing the big elephant I've been avoiding since I agreed to be his girlfriend. Why else should he book a table on one of the very expensive restaurants in the city if there's nothing to celebrate. Let's add that it's hella hard landing a reservation here.
"Babe, how long should we have to wait?" he asked.
I just lost my appetite and look's like he's on the page as me. He had placed his utensils on the side, his Gambas Al Ajillo not even touched.
"Inigo, I've been clear about that part before. Haven't I?" I said that as calmly and lightly as I could.
He let out a sigh, roaming his eyes around before fixing it back to me. "I know that it's only a year today of our relationship." Ah, so today is our first anniversary. "Kailangan pa ba natin ng mas mahabang taon? We're old enough. We're not getting any younger. Mahaba o hindi ang pagiging magkasintahan natin, hindi ko pa rin ba mabago isipan mo?"
"Wala, Inigo."
"Wala dahil hindi na magbabago ang isip mo? So, what are we in the next coming months or years? Or in the future? Just dating until what? Forever?"
I'm not really sure there's forever, maybe for some, but "If that's what you term it, then, yes," I answered, insipid.
Hurt was crossed his face, and I felt guilty. But still, it wouldn't change a thing. My mind is made up ever since papa confessed that he cheated to my mother even they are already married and had Kuya Kenn. Kiara and I was fifteen years old that time. I also witnessed how my mother's relatives, their husbands walked out their marriages to their wives. And just recently, I found out the biggest revelation I never thought that there would be such a kind of event that will come out in our lives.
Marriage. A words so simple but holds so much weight. Some people are sacred of it, some don't care much about it, for some it's just a paper as a form of agreement, there are those that are like who consider it a dream and for some a piece of paper making believe in things that are never true. Imagine spending tons of money for something you hoped that would last forever, and in the middle of the marriage, you find someone you think better and only to find out it is complete and utter bullshit.
"You know what I want, Inigo. 'Yon lang gusto ko wala ng iba." I muttered, reaching for my wine because I really need some alcohol in my system right now.
"We can't. Sinabi ko na rin sa'yo na maibibigay ko lang ang gusto mo kapag kasal na tayo. That and a lot more. It would be a disgrace for me and my religious family if what you want happens before we even get married." I saw how torn he was while telling me those things again.
I like Inigo. A lot. It's not only because he is the only son of Tita Irish. He's very kind and thoughtful. He's patience also in courting me until I agreed to be his girlfriend. Never once did he get mad at me. Maybe that's result of him being raised in a very strict Catholic family or he's really born with innate kindness and a heart of gold. He isn't lacking the looks department either. Well, Tita Irish is beautiful too, even at her age, like my mother.
But what he's missing is the capability of giving me of what I've always wanted.
I swirled the red poison in my glass. I think I've had four refills eversince we have started dinner, which would account to my lack of emphaty to our conversation. I'm not used to it, having alcohol as well.
"Then I guess we're going nowhere. You can't give me what I want, and I can't give you what you want. Pointless isn't it?"
I saw his eyes widen in shock. "You're b-breaking up with me." It wasn't even a question.
He knew the answer, so we didn't even need to ask.
He reached for my hand, the one not holding my wine, giving it a gentle squeeze. My gazed zeroed there for a while, before I managed to stare back to his teary eyes.
"It's going to be lonely not having someone to grow old with, Kat."
It's even more disconsolate if that someone whom you promised to share everything will cheat on you in the process... with bails out on you in the long run.
But I never said anything. I stayed quiet, urging him to talk more.
"I wish you would tell me why you feel this way towards marriage. Hindi 'yong ganito, I'm left going in circles trying to figure out. You're not allergic to it. 'Yon nga ang trabaho na pinalit mo sa paging policewoman officer mo, eh. Magplano at siguraduhin na perpekto ang kasal ng ibang tao. But still, it's ironic. Because when I start associating it to you, you become this distant person. Closed-off, with no opening for a bargain."
I again took another sip of my wine. Working my head around what he just said. This is the longest conversation we ever had regarding marriage. Whenever this is brought up before, he never pushed it when I shut it down. I don't know what's different this time.
"Sinabi ko na sa'yo ang rason dati, Inigo. I don't believe in marriage." My voice was flat.
He closed his eyes. "But why? Ninang Keira and Ninong Khian happily married for more than three decades now. You're sister Keanna, got married twice to her husband already. And your twin sister Kiara, will get married in the church soon for the second time. Kenn is happily engaed, too."
"Hindi lahat ng bagay may rason. I just don't believe in it."
He's right, too, but still.
He sat there motionless. He let go of my hand and moved to reach something in his inside breast pocket. I was shell-shocked while I stare at the black velvet box in his hand.
He opened my palm and placed it there. I felt hot in my hand that I wanted to pull away. My body's buzzing from tension and I feel like I may pass out.
"You can open it, you can chose to hide it, you can even throw it away. The decision is yours, babe. Just promise me one thing," he paused. He stared at me, as if searching for something I guess he found because he continued. "That when you changed your mind, you'll come back to me and I'll be the one to slip this ring on your finger. I love you, Kat. I wish you can finally tell me that you love me too."
My hands were shaking after he finished. I thought he never noticed. But I guess from the very start, he was letting me get away with it. I never did tell him I love him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. O baka sadyang pressure lang din ako dati kaya pumayag ako sa kanya. Like I said, I like him. But loving him? I'm not quite sure.
When silence was all I can give him, he close his eyes, as if accepting defeat.
He raised his hands to signal the waiter and asked for the bill. After he's done paying, he stood up. He went on my side and bent to place a kiss on my forehead.
"I love you, Kaitie." Then he was gone.
I looked at the box on my open palm, not wanting to move it as if it might explode like a ticking time bomb.
Finishing my half glass of red wine, I eventually found my courage to gently put it inside my bag. What am I gonna do it? I still don't know.
I stare blanky at the painting in front of me, listening to the low chatters around. Am I already single? f**k, I don't even know. I stayed there a bit more until I decided to go home, drink some more wine, and think about what should I do with the damn box and the ring.
I book an Uber going home since Inigo picked me up eralier. I stood outside the restaurant, beginning to feel kinda dizzy because of the alcohol I just consumed. I looked down and the road started to skew making me feel unbalanced.
This is not good.
Mapapatay ako ni Nanay na uuwi ng ganito.
I held my head, wishing my Uber will arrive sooner than later.
"Done with your date?" I head a familiar deep voice from behind me.
"Huh?" I was about to face him when my foot got tangled with the other making me fall. Good thing, he was quick to catch me.
"Jesus Christ, how many glasses of wine did you drink?" his voice was worried, but he looked really angry. Sexy but angry.
God, he smell so good. I savor more tume in his arms before I managed to pull away from his hold.
"Are you stalking me, Sir Jonas?" I slurred. My vision getting blurry.
"I asked first. Sino yong kasama mo kanina?"
Before I can even answer, I projectile vomited on him before my mind went blank and my surroundings turned black.
- Writer
