Wild Rage

Kabanata 18

Bumalik na kami sa Tarlac matapos ang bakasyon namin sa Boracay. Alam kong napapansin ni Mariya na palagi kaming magkasama ni Janessa simula noong sabihin ko sa kanya ang dahilan ng pag-uwi ko sa Pilipinas.

Hiniling ko kay Janessa na huwag sabihin kay Mariya ang nalalaman niya dahil pareho naming alam na hindi siya papayag na maikasal sa kahit kanino.

Ni hindi ko alam kung handa na ba siyang magpakasal. All I know is that the man she is to marry has to be none other than me.

“Hindi ka ba naaawa kay Ysa, Rage? Kada mapapatingin siya sa gawi natin kitang-kita ko yung lungkot sa mga mata niya. Ayaw ko naman ng ganito,” ani Janessa habang nasa kusina kaming dalawa. Tinutusok niya sa toothpick iyong sliced fruits na nasa platito niya. Nakatayo siya sa tapat ng conrete na mesa na mayroong sink sa gitna habang ako naman ay nakaupo sa stool at nakadaop ang dalawang kamay, malalim ang iniisip.

“Hindi ko pa siya nakakausap simula nung nakapag-usap tayo sa bar sa boracay. Sigurado akong tatadtaran ako ng mga tanong ni Ysa kapag nagkausap kami nito, tsk tsk,” umiiling na wika pa ni Janessa.

“Just don’t tell her anything, Jan,” I told her.

“Hay,” ipinatong ni Janessa ang tinidor sa platito. She gave me a tired look. “Ano pa nga ba.”

Nang pumasok si Leo sa kusina ay tumahimik kami ni Janessa. Leo looks pissed. Seryoso ang ekspresyon ng kanyang mukha. Dire-diretso siya sa paglalakad papunta sa fridge. He took a can of soda there and he closed the fridge with a thud.

“Mainit ang ulo natin, ah,” ani Janessa sa kanyang panganay na kapatid. I simply looked at Leo.

Habang nilalagok niya ang soda na hawak niya ay matiim siyang nakatitig sa akin. Hindi ako nagpatinag. Hindi ko inalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. Nang maubos niya ang kanyang iniinom ay hinagis niya iyon sa trash can sa tabi ng fridge at saka niya pinunasan ang kanyang bibig gamit ang kamay niya. Pagkatapos ay tiningnan niya akong muli ng seryoso na tila may panghuhusga bago siya tuluyang lumakad palabas ng kusina.

“Sh*t. My big brother is having a bad day. Huwag na muna natin siyang kausapin for today. For sure pagod yan sa byahe,” komento ni Janessa.

I’m thinking otherwise.

“Magpapahinga na rin ako. Masakit pa ang sunburn ko sa noo,” dagdag pa ni Janessa at saka na niya ako iniwan.

I didn’t hesitate finding Leo who’s sitting on the couch in the living room. Pasalampak siyang nakaupo doon nang lapitan ko siya at saka umupo sa couch na kaharap niya.

“You have a problem with me?” diretsa kong tanong kay Leo. I wasn’t mad or anything. I only stated what was obvious.

Napunta sa akin ang tingin ni Leo. He still looks mad. Alam kong ayaw niyang makipag-usap but I don’t have time to play hide and seek.

“Rage,” aniya habang matiim na nakatingin sa akin. May halong talas ang paraan ng kanyang tingin ngunit hindi ko iyon ininda. “Alam mong inaalagaan kong mabuti ang pamilya Fuentes. I don’t want anybody in this family na mayroong alitan o kagalit sa isa’t isa. You’ve known me since we were kids. I only tolerate peace and happiness in our family.”

“Your family not mine,” I remarked. “Kaya kita kinausap dahil kilala kita.”

“For the first time you talked to me while I’m mad. Wrong move, Rage. Hindi sana kita tatanungin at balak kong isipin na hysterical lang si tita Valeria because we know how dramatic she is. But now that you came to me all of a sudden while I’m mad? You just gave me the reason to set aside lahat ng pinagsamahan natin.”

I let him talk. I didn’t say a word.

“Let me ask you this, Rage. May habol ka ba sa lupain?” seryosong tanong ni Leo. I laughed at his question.

“Now, that’s hilarious, Leo,” saad ko sa pagitan ng pagtawa ko. He gave me a deadly stare as his response.

“You’re acting insane right now, Rage.”

“You are the one who is acting irrationally,” balik ko sa kanya. This time, I gave him his own medicine. I looked at him just like how he’s looking at me. “I think you forgot how I act abd behave, Leo. I won’t explain myself here if that’s what you’re about to ask. Ikaw na ang nagsabi, we’ve known each other since we were kids. You know me very well too. And I’m disappointed that you are doubting me for the first time.”

Siya naman ngayon ang natahimik na tila ba nagising siya sa kanyang galit at umurong ang kanyang dila. I was half satisfied with Leo’s reaction. I wasn’t done yet.

“I couldn’t believe you’re doubting me right now. But that’s fine. I understand where your anger is coming from. Mahal mo ang pamilyang Fuentes at ikaw ang nagsisilbing panganay na lalaki kahit si Sebastian ang unang lalaking apo sa inyong henerasyon. Don’t let me start with you, Leo.”

“Don’t warn me as if you know everything about me and my family.”

Humalakhak ako sa kanyang sinabi. “Are we going to argue right now, Leo? Seriously? Wow, this is new,” I said in amazement or maybe disbelief habang umiiling.

“I’m going to let this pass, Rage,” Leo warned. “Sa pangalawang beses na malaman kong may kinalaman ka sa alitan ng mga kapatid ng daddy ko, I’m not going to let it slide. Family comes first. At ikaw na rin ang nagsabi, you’re not a Fuentes. You’re not a family.” Leo stood up from the couch and left.

Sakto namang pababa si Mariya sa hagdan. Tumigil siya sa kalagitnaang baitang ng hagdan habang pinapanood si Leo na papalabas ng bahay. Leo closed the door with a thud.

I remained seated. Alam kong nag-aalinlangan si Mariya na lumapit sa akin dahil sa nangyari sa boracay. Ngunit alam ko ring hindi siya matatahimik kapag hindi niya ako tatanungin sa nakita niya ngayon.

I felt her presence on my side. Then she spoke. “Anong nangyari?”

“Nothing,” I answered as if it doesn’t matter. I leaned my back against the couch and closed my eyes.

“Narinig ko siya. He told you you’re not a Fuentes. You’re not a family,” seryosong saad ni Mariya. “Bakit siya galit?”

“I told you it’s nothing,” pag-uulit ko.

“Rage, ano ba. Hindi na ako bata para tratuhin mo na walang alam. I know what I heard and I’m demanding an explanation. Ngayon ko lang kayo nakitang nag-aaway ni Leo. Anong nangyari?”

“You don’t have to know, Mariya.”

“Are you protecting me again?” aniya.

“Yes,” I answered.

“Then, I don’t want it kung hindi mo sasabihin sa akin ang dahilan ng pag-aaway ninyo ni Leo,” may halong pagbabantang wika ni Mariya.

Iminulat ko ang mga mata ko at tumayo papunta sa kanyang harapan. I clenched my jaw to control myself from releasing my rage. “You’re old enough to know what’s happening in your family, Mariya. Have you even asked your dad how he was? Ang rancho? Ang pagawaan ng tela? Ang palayan? Do you even know what’s happening in there? No? Because you’ve been running away from your responsibilities for years,” I hissed at her. “You love your family? Of course, you fvcking do. Then, find out on your own what’s happening because clearly, as what you dear cousin, Leo, have said earlier, I’m not a Fuentes. I’m not a family,” I told her sarcastically.

Mariya is tearing up and it made me feel guilty for lashing out at her. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily. “I’m not telling you anyting because it might hurt you. I always protect you. I have always been. And will always be. Sinabi ko na sayo na po-protektahan kita kahit sa pamilya mo pa. Wala akong ibang hangad kung hindi ang kaligayahan mo. That’s why I’m here.” I held her shoulders and stared at her beautiful eyes. Nakikita ko ang pangamba sa kanyang mga mata.

“I don’t want to lose you… nor my family..” aniya.

“Then, be strong. Stand firm. I will always be your knight in shining armor. I will stand beside you until my last breath. I promised your dad that I will. And I will keep that promise in my grave. Isa lang ang hinihiling ko sayo,” saad ko.

Umiling si Mariya dahil alam niya iyon simula noong mga bata pa kami. “I will keep choosing you. You will always be my hero, Rage. I promised you that.”

I smiled at her and hugged her. Then, I kissed the top of her head as if it would be the last that I could do it.

Because I know she will break that promise soon.