Wild Rage

Mariya Ysabelle Margarita "Mariya Ysabelle Margarita Fuentes, tulala ka na naman diyan. Ilang araw ka nang ganyan, ha. Baka mamaya makita na lang kitang nagdadakip ng langaw diyan," wika ni Janessa, isa sa mga pinsan ko. We were having lunch together in our favorite restaurant. Hinihintay kasi naming dumating ang aming mga inorder na pagkain. Hindi ko rin naman namalayan na natulala na pala ako kakaisip sa isang taong matagal ko nang hindi nakikita at nakakausap. "Napansin ko, simula nung malaman mong uuwi na sa Pilipinas si Rage, naging tahimik ka na at tulala. Alam naman namin kung bakit, eh," dagdag pa ni Janessa. Hindi ako kumibo. Hinayaan ko lamang magsalita si Janessa. She is my best friend among our cousins and she knows what really happened back then dahil ikinuwento ko sa kanya ang lahat. "Let's not talk about it, Janessa. It doesn't make sense anymore," saad ko. "It does matter, Ysa," pagpupumilit ni Janessa. "It has been ten years simula noong umalis si Rage papuntang London. Galit ka pa rin ba sa kanya?" Hindi na naman ako kumibo. Inalala ko ang nangyari way back ten years ago. When my dad took the responsibility of raising the eight years old Rage as his own, I also accepted him wholeheartedly. I was only five back then. Ang tanging nasa musmos na isip ko lamang noon ay may makakalaro na rin ako sa wakas. Kuya Rage was my hero and I was his princess. Kapag umiiyak ako dahil sa mga batang nambu-bully sa akin noon ay ipinagtatanggol niya ako. He always carries me on his back when I feel tired. He taught me how to play piano and guitar, he taught me how to swim, play badminton, and other things. We were inseperable even in our teenage years. When I turned thirteen, I realized I was having a crush on him. I even told kuya Rage na crush ko siya noon. But him being nice just laughed at me. He told me I will be his princess forever. That same year, nangako siya sa akin na hindi niya ako iiwan at palagi kaming magsasama kahit saan. He told me he is going to protect me until the end. But not until I turned fifteen. Narinig ko silang nag-uusap ni daddy habang nasa kusina sila. Kuya Rage is going to London to study and live there. I was devastated and heart broken. Hindi nila alam na narinig ko sila. Tumakbo ako papunta sa likod ng aming lumang bahay kung saan maraming puno. "Mariya!" tawag ni kuya Rage sa pangalan ko. Niyakap ko iyong puno habang umiiyak. "Sinungaling ka! Sinungaling!" sigaw ko sa kanya. Naramdaman ko na lamang ang paglapat ng katawan ni kuya Rage sa aking likuran. I felt his warmth and care for me that made me cry even more. "Princess," aniya. Sa tuwing tinatawag niya ako ng ganyan ay lumalambot ang puso ko and I hate it right now. "Hindi ko alam na ipadadala ako sa London," paliwanag pa niya. "Pero nangako ka, hindi ba? Ang sabi mo hindi mo ako iiwan, na hindi tayo maghihiwalay!" sigaw ko habang humihikbi. Hinawakan ni kuya Rage ang mga braso ko at iniharap niya ako sa kanya. I looked up to his sad face. "Sabihin mo sa akin na hindi ka tutuloy sa London," pakiusap ko. Iniwas ni kuya Rage ang kanyang tingin at nang mapagtanto ko ang kanyang ginawa ay tinulak ko siya palayo sa akin. "Liar! I will never forgive you, kuya! I hate you! I don't want to see you ever again!" I yelled at him and I ran into woods. I cried my eyes out beside the lake where kuya Rage and I were usually swimming. Narinig ko pa si kuya Rage na tinatawag ang pangalan ko. I was waiting for him to come to the lake at sabihin sa akin na nagbago na ang kanyang isip. But I was wrong. He stopped calling my name. Ilang oras akong namalagi sa tabi ng lake and when I went back to the house, wala na si kuya Rage. He left me. And I was never the same. I started to hate him. Since then, wala na kaming komunikasyon. I didn't even dare to find him nor ask about him. I don't even know how he looks like right now. And he's coming back after ten years. "There will be a gathering in your old house. Doon mamamalagi si Rage, sabi ni Jacob," wika ni Janessa na nagpabalik sa akin sa reyalidad. "Sa old house? Bakit doon?" pagtataka ko. Nagkibit-balikat lamang si Janessa. "On the way na nga pala sina tita Valeria at ang ating mahaderang pinsan na si Courtney. Pati na rin pala ang iba pa nating relatives and cousins. Naroon na si Jacob sa old house ninyo. Sigurado akong nagtatatalak na naman si tita Valeria na kesyo hindi naman natin kailangang salubungin si Rage dahil hindi naman raw natin siya kadugo. Ewan ko ba. Nakakapang-init talaga ng ulo si tita Valeria," naiinis na wika ni Janessa sabay subo sa kanyang kinakain na kani salad. Hindi ko alam kung bakit lumuwag ang aking kalooban nang sabihin ni Janessa na hindi naman namin kadugo si Rage kahit na parte na siya ng aming pamilya. "Oh, tulala ka na naman diyan. Lalangawin na yung pagkain mo, oh," ani Janessa sa akin. Hahawakan ko na sana iyong kutsara at tinidor nang mag-ring ang phone ko sa aking white hand bag. I took my phone out from there and looked at the screen to read the name of the person who is calling me. It's my dad. I answered it right away. "Hello, dad." "Ysa, anak," panimula ni dad. "I assume na alam mo na." "Na uuwi si Rage?" wala sa mood kong wika. Janessa stopped eating and she looked at me. "Rage? I don't recall you calling him by his name only. He's your kuya Rage." "Not anymore, dad," malamig kong wika. "Ysabelle," tawag ni dad sa aking pangalan bago siya bumuntong hininga, "it's been ten years. I want you two to reconcile already. Malaki na kayong dalawa." "Yes, I'm twenty-five years old now, dad. But I don't forget. I clearly remember everything na parang kahapon lang nangyari lahat. Please, stop asking for reconciliation between me and Rage because it won't happen ever, dad." "What if I tell you I asked Rage to go back there for you?" wika ni dad. My lungs caught up in my throat. Tumigil sa pagbuga ng hangin ang aking baga dahil sa narinig ko mula kay dad. "Ano raw?" Janessa mouthed in silence. I pursed my lips and didn't dare to speak because I don't know what to say. "Wh-what for? May kanya-kanya na kaming buhay, dad. I'm not a little girl anymore," wika ko. "You will always be my little girl, Ysabelle. And so I asked Rage to go back there on my behalf." "Why him, dad? Sana ikaw na lang po ang umuwi." "I can't do that right now, anak," malungkot na wika ni dad. He has been living in London with Rage for three years now and he hasn't come back yet. "Why? Hindi ko po maintindihan, daddy," naguguluhan kong wika. "Maiintindihan mo rin, anak," wika ni daddy. "I have to go. Gusto ko lang sabihin na umuwi ka muna sa old house. Doon ka muna tumira kasama si Rage." "What?!" I shouted. Napatingin tuloy ang iba pang mga customer na nagdi-dine in sa gawi namin. Pinanlakihan tuloy ako ng mata ni Janessa. "Dad, no!" I refused. Narinig kong umubo ng malakas si dad at saka na namatay ang tawag. Pasaldak akong huminga ng malalim dahil sa habilin ni dad sa akin. "Oh, problemado ka diyan. Anong sabi ni tito Hermano?" ani Janessa habang sumusubo ng kanyang pagkain. Napahilamos ako sa aking mukha dahil sa frustration. "Gusto ni dad na tumira ako sa old house." "Oh, sh*t," aniya. "Sh*t got real," natatawa niyang wika. "Baka gusto lang ni tito na magkasundo kayo ni Rage. Don't forget that your father is the eldest offspring of our lolo and lola. Meaning, tumatanda na siya. Your father is getting old, Ysa. Isa siguro sa mga wishes niya na magkasundo na kayo ni Rage." Hindi ako nakaimik ngunit maasim pa rin ang ekpresyon ng aking mukha. I just can't accept it right now. "Hindi naman kasi yon ganoon kadali," saad ko. "Just try, Ysa. Isipin mo na lang, gagawin mo yung habilin ng father mo because you respect him." Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako sa sinabi ni Janessa dahil hindi ko na alam kung paano pa ako magdadahilan na ayokong makipag-ayos kay Rage kahit na kailan. But somehow, I want to see him. I want to know how he looks like after ten years. And as much as I want to deny it, the little voice in my head keeps saying that I miss him badly. I want to know if he has really forgotten about me. Dahil ang totoo, walang araw na hindi ko siya iniisip. He never left my mind. And sometimes, I wished I wasn't his little princess. Sometimes, I wished I was Rage's woman.