Tears of love

3. Discouraging future.

CHAPTER 3: Discouraging future.

I hold the basket in my hands tightly as I knock five times on Jeremy's bedroom door. I don't know if what I'm doing will work, but I genuinely hope it will. Jer has been so low in spirits since what happened with Sabrina, I just want to bring him some joy in the midst of that sadness he seems to carry in his heart.

When he opens the door for me, I am met with his freshly awakened face. I smile at him and walk in without asking his permission.

"Rora, today I don't want to do anything..."

"You're not going to die for a girl, Jeremy" I carry the basket behind my back and look at him with a big smile. "Sit down on the bed" I indicate him, but he just looks at me as if I was crazy. "Sit down" I repeat. "I have a surprise for you."

Finally, he obeys me.

"What's the matter?"

"Close your eyes, Jer."

Jeremy lets out a snort, but ends up obeying me anyway.

When I verify that he can't see anything, I take the little Beagle puppy out of the basket and place him on his lap.

"Surprise!" I shout, staring at his expression so I don't miss any of his reaction.

Jeremy's eyes widen suddenly as he feels the little guy move in his lap and he stares at him numbly, hands at his sides, as if he doesn't know what to do.

"You brought me a dog?"

I nod with great enthusiasm, but my smile is wiped away when his lips turn into a thin line.

"What?" I ask, afraid he didn't like it.

He scratches his head, looking uncomfortable.

Oh, no.

"I don't like dogs."

"Don't be an old man" I roll my eyes as I put the basket down. I sit down next to him and take the puppy in my hands. "Dogs are man's best friend, didn't you know that?"

The little puppy looks at me with lazy little eyes and then yawns, so I nonchalantly put him down on Jeremy's bed to sleep.

"What are you doing!" Jeremy shouts, startling me.

"Are you blind? Well, I'm putting him to sleep," I tell him obviously. "Can't you see he's sleepy?"

"But not in my bed!" He tries to put him down, but I hit his hands hard.

"Leave him alone! Your bed is too big, there's room for both of us. It's not like the little one is going to knock you down or something" I take the puppy to the corner, against the wall, so he won't fall off. "Guess what name I gave him?"

When I look at Jeremy, I find he has a grimace on his face, his eyes fixed on the dog.

"What did you name him?" He asks with disinterest, lying back down on the bed and taking care not to touch the cute little puppy.

"I named him Jeremy" my voice comes out sing-songy.

His eyes widen wildly and I revel in the sight of his deep blue.

"My God, Rora, you named him after me?" He sounds incredulous.

What's so weird about it?

"Sshh..." I throw a pillow in his face. "You're going to wake Jery."

"Jesus Christ, Aurora," he growls, running a hand over his face. "You're out of your mind."

I shrug and sit nonchalantly next to her. Jer looks from me to the dog, then back to me and denies with a small smile on his lips.

"If you want I'll help you take care of him" I tell him looking disinterestedly at my nails.

"Helping me with him is not an option, it's an obligation. He will be more yours than mine and we both know it... seriously, butterfly, you are crazy."

"Does that mean you'll stay with him?" I ask, curious.

He opens his mouth to say something, but regrets it and in the end just nods with a grimace. Effectively, I throw myself on top of him in a big hug. Jeremy laughs as his hands wrap around my waist.

"I knew that, under that cold exterior of yours, lies a sweet, soft heart" I cup his face and place quick, effusive kisses on his face, making him laugh harder.

"You're drooling on me" there's nothing but amusement in his voice.

"You love it when I fill you with drool" I whisper trying to get up, but his hands hold my waist tighter, keeping me on top of him.

I look at him confused, he just gives me a shy smile.

"I like having you around" he seems to say it without thinking, because when he lets the words out, his eyes widen wildly. "I mean... you know... you are you and I..."

I laugh at his nervous attitude.

"Yes, I understand" I finish for him. "But, don't you think this position is uncomfortable?" I ask him because practically all my weight is on him.

"It doesn't matter" he wraps his arms around me tightly. "You know very well that you are the only one who can calm me down."

I know that.

"What happened yesterday with Sabrina?" I ask him, resting my head on his chest and I'm surprised to feel his heart pounding.

"In the morning we were fine, she told me we had something important to talk about and that she would tell me when she left my father's office. Do you remember I was supposed to talk to him?" I nod against his chest. "When I got out of there I went to see her again and she told me everything" his voice is absent, as if his mind is in his memory. "She met a boy where she is doing her internship, she said she doesn't want to hurt me and she prefers to end things before she can cheat on me."

He finally lets out a snort.

"You mean she didn't cheat on you?"

"No, no... But she wants to give herself a chance with him" he mumbles absentmindedly as his fingers make gentle caresses on my waist.

I feel a bit of relief at hearing his words. I know she wouldn't be able to cheat on him. What I don't understand is why she ended a relationship of years for a guy she just met.

"I can't believe that..."

"That she would break up with me for someone she just met?" He says, reading my mind. "That's what I asked her."

"And what did she say?"

"That's the problem, I didn't even understand her words because they don't make sense," he sighs heavily. "She said our relationship wasn't meant to be because I was never one hundred percent in the relationship."

"What?"

"Yes," he laughs bitterly, making me feel the movement in his chest. "Can you believe it? I guess she used it as an excuse to end it all. You know I was devoted to her, Rora, I never looked at another girl and except for hanging out with you or the guys, my time was hers."

I think about it for a moment.

"And you didn't have any arguments?" I lift my face, settling my chin on his chest and look at him.

"We never argued about anything."

"And did you feel her different with you in the last few days?"

"No" he denies. "Everything was fine, normal."

I guess it is strange the way she ended things and my curiosity wants to dig deeper into the subject, but when I see that his mood is getting darker, I change the subject.

"And what did your father tell you yesterday? What did he want you for?"

"What I told you would happen, he wants me to take over the company," he says tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.

"That's great, Jeremy!" I exclaim with a smile.

"Yes..." his voice sounds hesitant.

"What's the matter?"

"It's just... it doesn't matter," he says, denying.

"It does matter, tell me," I insist.

His eyes carefully detail me.

"What if I'm doing it wrong? What if my dad is making a mistake in giving me the company? What if...?"

I click my tongue and deny, shutting him up.

"Don't say things like that, you'll do great, I know," I tell him confidently.

"Why are you so sure?"

"Because I know you and I trust you" I murmur, closing my eyes as I lean back against his chest. "Your qualifications are perfect and I believe there is no one better than you to run the company."

"I don't know..." I feel his breath on my hair and I think about how, if I lift my face again, his lips might collide with mine.

"We all feel fear when we're about to start something new, Jeremy."

He doesn't answer me at all.

Suddenly and very slowly, his fingers reach inside my shirt and begin to caress my bare skin.

I freeze for a moment.

"There's a new disco opening tonight" he says absently, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his fingers are caressing me in a way he hasn't done before. Jer and I have always been affectionate with each other, but not like this, never like this.

"Yes" my voice comes out shaky, so I calm down before I continue speaking: "Tyler told me to tell you, that was the other surprise."

"Oh, did he?" His voice sounds amused.

"Yes" I say laughing. "Do you want to go? Look, just so my brother will let me go out dancing..." I sigh, remembering how strict Tyler is when it comes to nights out. "Shall we go? That'll clear your mind."

"Okay, Rora," he agrees quietly.

I don't know if he's still conscious or not, but his touch is definitely making me very nervous.

His fingers trace lines down my back and with each one, he reaches higher.

"Jeremy..." I whisper as his hands reach the edge of my bra and carefully outline my skin.

His touch feels so warm.

"Mmmm...?"

"What are you doing?" I swallow, nervous.

His hand is still for a moment, but then he continues his tour as if nothing unusual is happening.

He and I have always trusted each other, but definitely not to this extent.

"I don't know," he whispers softly. "I just... I didn't know your skin was so soft."

I close my eyes and tell myself that everything is fine, nothing weird is going on.

It's just Jeremy... touching my bra.

"Aunt Anne was worried about you yesterday" I tell him so he remembers she's home.

"I know" his hand travels to my side and I squeal when I feel where he wants to go.

"Jeremy, don't overdo it..." I tell him breathlessly.

He seems to react and brings his hands quickly to my hair to stroke me. He lays a soft kiss on the crown of my head.

"My mom will be mad when she sees the dog," he says, clearing his throat and changing the subject.

I try to calm my rapid breathing.

"I convince her, you'll see how Jery will become the joy of this house."

"I wouldn't be too sure about her accepting the puppy, really."

"Shut up, I know what I'm doing" I get up off him and sit next to him, then reach out and grab his hand as he looks at me with that special fondness in his eyes.

"Thank you for this."

"Don't even say it" I play down his words.

"No, really" he squeezes my fingers, "I've been a disaster these last few days, not even my mother would come near me anymore. But you've always been unconditional with me and I want you to know how much I appreciate it, Rora."

I swallow the lump in my throat and nod, smiling silently without daring to say anything else to him.

I wonder if it will always be like this, if I will always be unconditional for him, that person Jer has by his side for everything, while he goes on with his life and I'm just there, in the corner, one more spectator who lets life pass her by while she pines for a boy who will never see her.

Sigh... the signs are discouraging.