TO BE WITH YOU

CHAPTER 4 - DISRESPECT

ARYNN DELA ROSA

"When's the best time?" Agad kong tanong.

Huminto ito sa paglalakad ngunit hindi humarap sa akin. Narinig ko ang kanyang pagbuntong-hininga. What did I do wrong? Bakit biglang nagbago ang trato nito sa akin? Hindi kaya may nabanggit ang kanyang kaibigan sa kanya?

"I'll message you."

"Youji, if you don't want to see me again, just say so. It pains me when you avoid me after our eyes meet. Halata naman na iniiwasan mo ako," Saad ko bago lagpasan ito para lumabas ng classroom.

Namumuo na rin ang luha sa aking mga mata at ayaw kong makita ni Youji iyon. Hindi pa man ako nakakalayo ay may humawak na ng aking braso— it’s him.

He's dragging me somewhere with a serious face. Tumigil kami nang makarating sa likod ng building kung saan wala masyadong dumadaan na tao.

Youji pushed me on a wall, his arms are on my side. I caught my breath. Ilang sandali kaming nakatitig sa isa't-isa. Naagaw ng pansin ko ang kanyang paglunok nang bumaba ang tingin sa akin labi.

"Youji…"

Pumikit ito ng para bang nahihirapan. "Please don't use that tone when calling my name. I'm going crazy, Arynn."

Kinilos ko ang aking braso at inilagay iyon sa kanyang balikat. He opened his eyes and I want to confirm his feelings.

“Kasalanan ko ba?”

“Masyado bang halata?”

“Pero ang pag-iwas mo lang ba ang tanging kasagutan para hindi ka mabaliw sa akin?”

He sighed and removed my arms on his shoulder, but he didn’t let it go. “Arynn, what do you want? Why do you keep on following me around?”

Napalunok ako at hinayaan na mahigop ng mga mata ang aking lakas.

“Ikaw.”

“I don’t do temporary relationship.”

“So am I.”

Napangiti ito ng mapait. “Sino ang kapustahan mo? Sabihin mo na sa akin para makasabay ako sa trip ninyo.”

“Hindi ko gagawin iyon sa iyo, Youji.” I told him. “I just want to be with you. Kapag kasama kita, pakiramdam ko wala na akong problema at maayos ang lahat.”

“Okay,” He said in a whisper.

Nanatili kaming tahimik at nakatitig lang sa isa’t-isa. Hanggang sa hindi na ako makatiis, gusto ko ng matapos ang habulan na ito.

"Do you love me, Youji?"

"I think so. You?"

"I think so, too."

Nais kong hulihin ang kanyang labi ngunit lumihis iyon at dumampi sa aking pisngi. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal kaming magkayakap ni Youji. Ngunit sigurado akong parehas kami na hindi makakapasok sa susunod naming klase. Bahala na. Manghihiram nalang ako ng notes kay Sassy.

Iniyakap ko ng mahigpit ang mga braso sa kanyang leeg habang nadampi ang labi nito sa aking buhok.

"So, you're avoiding me for a while."

"Sort of. I just want to make sure about something."

"That something is?"

"If seryoso ka or pinaglalaruan lang ako. You can blame me all you want but you're so damn playful."

"I'm aware that I have bad reputation."

"It must be hard for you."

"Pfft." I laughed.

Lumayo ito ng kaunti sa akin at tiningnan ako habang nakakunot ang noo. "Did I say something that made you laugh?"

Humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya at tumingkayad para makalapit sa tenga nito.

"Hindi ko inakalang mafo-fall ako sa uptight na katulad mo. I don't think magiging compatible tayo." I whispered.

"If we're too compatible, where's the fun in that?" He said while showering small kisses on my cheeks.

"Are we official?"

He was grinning ear to ear. "Aren’t you too young for me?”

“Hindi naman ganoon kalaki ang age gap natin. You’re just twenty-six. Don’t make it sound like you’re an old man.”

“How did you know my age? Hindi ko naman nabanggit iyon sa iyo.”

That’s because I’m a stalker!

I avoided his gaze. “I… I have my ways. We got social media, you know.”

“Uh-huh.” Mukhang hindi ito kumbinsido sa sinasabi ko. “Since I’m only here for my master’s, there will be times that I’m not in the university and you’ll feel alone in those times.”

“I have a friend who keeps me company.”

“There will be times that I spend most of my times studying at the library to work on my thesis.”

“Sasamahan kita, mag-re-review din ako para sa pre-boards ko.” I said softly. "I'll be faithful. I promise."

He chuckled and pulled me closer to him. "I will hold on to it."

After our confession, pinakilala na ako ni Youji sa mga kaibigan niya bilang girlfriend nito. I tried my best para pakisamahan ang mga ito at mag-blend in, I didn't do this to my past relationships but I'm really serious with Youji. He brings out the best of me.

Pinakilala na rin niya ako sa mom and dad niya. They're both fine with it as long as I'm fine if Youji prioritize his studies over me. Umayos ako ng upo sa sofa nang dumating ang mga kasambahay na may dal ana juice at sandwiches. Pagkalapag nila ay inabot agad iyon ni Youji at ibinigay sa akin.

"Ano nga pala ang pangalan ng parents mo, hija?"

"Marco and Arianne Dela Rosa po, tita."

"Arianne Dela Rosa, it sounds familiar. Don't you think, darling?" Tanong ni Tita Yuna kay President. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa aking baso.

Kumunot ang noo ni President bago lumipat ang tingin sa akin. "Is she the famous Opera singer, hija?"

Ramdam ko ang mabilis na pintig ng aking pulso. Kinagat ko ang aking dila para walang lumabas na kahit anong salita habang unti-unting yumuyuko.

"Is she the one who jumped off the building?"

Patuloy ang pag-describe nila sa aking namayapang ina at hindi ako kumportable na naririnig iyon. Para kong masusuka sa mga naririnig. Bumabalik ang mga alaala ko, ang tunog ng ambulansya, ang kislap na nagmumula sa mga camera, at ang magugulong tanong ng media.

"Usap-usapan lang ito pero, I think the reason was—"

"Mom, Dad, that's enough." Napatingin ako kay Youji nang tumaas ang boses nito.

Nakita ko sa aking peripheral vision na tumingin sa akin ang mag-asawa. Yumuko ako muli, are they looking at me with such pity?

Youji's mother gasped. "Hija, we got overboard. We're sorry if we made you uncomfortable."

Hindi ako umimik. Ayaw ko na pinag-uusapan ang aking ina. Akala ko'y nakasama na ang mga chismis sa libingan nito.

Huminga ako ng malalim at ngumiti sa mag-asawa. "I want everyone to remember my mom on how great she was on stage. She was an outstanding singer, isn't she?"

"Indeed," she answered. Her voice is soft.

Inaya na akong umalis ni Youji, siguro'y naramdaman nito na hindi na ako kumportable dahil unang naging usapan. Nasa loob kami ng Ranger at nilalakbay ang kahabaan ng daan.

Hinawakan nito ang kamay ko na nasa ibabaw ng hita. "My mom can't control her mouth sometimes."

"If she weren't your mother, I would have drowned her in my orange juice." Hindi ko mapigilang sabi. Napasinghap ako nang ma-realize ang naging pahayag. "I... I'm sorry, Youji."

To my surprise, he laughed. "This feisty girl will lead us to jail eventually."

"I hope not." Pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon ay nagkaroon ng mahabang katahimikan sa loob ng kotse. Wari'y hindi alam ni Youji ang sasabihin nito.

O kaya nama'y hinihintay nito kung mag-o-open up ba ako sa kanya about sa pamilya ko. Tanging ang best friend ko lang ang nakakaalam sa totong nangyari. Ngunit bago pa lang kami ni Youji, tama ba na sabihin ko sa kanya?

"Youji." Huminga ako ng malalim.

"No, Arynn. You don't have to if you're not ready. Hindi kita ino-obliga na sabihin sa akin kaagad." Pigil nito sa akin at pinisil ang kamay ko. "We can take one step at a time."

"Thank you, Youji." I muttered.

"Do you really have to go home? You can stay at my pad tonight."

"I have to. My father will order a Search and Rescue if I don't go to home tonight."

"He seems to love you very much, Arynn."

I smiled at him; it was empty. My father only loves the money my mom left us.

Nakarating kami sa harap ng gate ng aming bahay. I asked Youji to meet my father and he approved. The housemaid opened the gate and we got out of the car. I felt Youji squeezed my hand, and I restrained my laugh because he looked so constipated.

"Youji, relax. I only want this relationship to be official. Whether he object or not, it doesn't matter to me." I said as we are getting close to the entrance door.

"Love, he is your father how can I relax?" Sagot nito habang inaalis sa pagkakabutones ang taas na bahagi ng kanyang polo.

"I like it when you call me 'love'. If this wasn't my father's house, I would have pinned you down and make love to you."

He let out a small laugh. "I am so glad we're here. And, love, r**e should not be romanticized."

“It isn’t r**e if you’ll like it.”

“Love, you’re still young to think like that. Let’s change the topic. Do I look okay?”

“You look dangerously good.” I smiled.

"Arynn? Are you home?" My smile fade when I heard her voice. "And who's with you?"

Tumingin ako sa gawing hagdan at nakita ko itong naglalakad pababa. Hindi ako umimik.

"Goodness, Arynn!" Napalingon ako sa natatarantang boses ng aking ama. Patakbo itong lumapit sa akin at mahigpit akong niyakap.

Hindi ko ginantihan ang yakap nito. "Arynn, why did you turn off your phone? You left your car at the university. Sassy doesn't know where you are. Where have you been, child?!"

Bahagya itong lumayo at hinawakan ang magkabila kong balikat. "Where have you been?! Answer me!"

Lumingon ako kay Youji. Kumawala ako sa hawak niya at nilagay ang mga palad sa braso ni Youji. "I would like you to meet my boyfriend."

Youji cleared his throat and offered his hand. "Youji, sir."

Hindi iyon tinaggap ng aking ama at ipinaloob lang nito ang mga kamay sa kayang bulsa. "Where the hell did you take my only daughter? Do you have any idea what time it is, young man?"

"Why are you so mad? I'm not eighteen anymore!" Bahagyang tumaas ang aking boses.

"Arynn, we can't solve anything by raising our voice." Pigil sa akin ni Youji. His voice was calm and soothing.

Papa's eyes were observing Youji. Then, he let out a sigh. "Young man, you should go home. It's getting late. My apologies, we can't offer you any refreshments because our housemaids are all taking a rest."

Youji nodded. "It's alright, sir. Have a good night."

Ihahatid ko pa sana si Youji hanggang sa gate ngunit pinigil ni Papa ang aking braso. Napahakbang ako paatras dahil sa pagkabigla.

"It isn't a big house, darling. He can see his way out." Seryosong sambit nito.

Marahas kong binawi ang aking braso at matalim itong tiningnan. "Thank you for disrespecting the man I only love."