Sulleimani, Sirius Jaxon (Book 2 of His Serenity)

Chapter 10

Nang sumunod na mga araw ay ako na nga ang nagluluto ng kakainin namin. I made sure to cook for Sirius naman. I think he ate them but I never really saw it with my eyes. Hindi naman kase talaga sumasabay sa amin at madalas ay mas gusto pa na sa dalampasigan kumakain. I thought he was all fine with the new setting. Ngunit kapag tinatanghali ako ng gising ay nauunahan niya ako sa pagluluto. It wasn’t even that late. Seven AM na ang gising ko ay mas nauuna pa rin siya at nakapagluto na. Kung minsan ay inuunahan niya rin ako sa hapunan kapag nakatulog naman ako sa hapon. Kaya sinusubukan kong gumising din nang maaga. 

It’s not a competition between us. It shouldn’t be. Pero sa ginagawa niya ay parang ganoon na nga ang nangyayari. My dad doesn’t always have to ask who prepared the food. I’m sure he could tell by the taste. At ayaw ko na may mapuna siya roon. 

Araw ng Sabado ay mas maaga akong nagising para masigurong ako ang magluluto ngayong araw. I will do my jogging routine after. Gusto kong pagkagising ni Sirius ay natapos na ako sa kusina. 

It turned out I don’t have to be in a hurry for that day. It was seven-thirty, and he’s still not coming to the house. Strange. Nasa hapag na rin kami at nagsisimulang kumain ay wala pa siya. Dad even asked for him but I don’t know what to answer. Wala rin naman akong ideya. Hindi na rin naman nag-usisa si daddy. He was never hard on any of our employees even before. 

“Let him rest,” sagot niya sa katahimikan. Dahil nagsisimula na akong mag-alala. “I told him he can have a day off or two. Magtatatlong buwan na ay hindi man lang siya umaalis ng isla. Masyado yatang sineryoso ang bilin ko noong una na ang kaligtasan nitong isla at lahat ng nandito ay nakasalalay sa kanya.” He lightly chuckled and shook his head. Mukha wala namang dapat ipag-alala. Siguro ay napagod lang si Sirius. 

Hindi ako mapanatag pero hindi ko rin naman maaaring ipahalata ang sobrang pag-aalala. 

Nang matapos ay binalak ko siyang puntahan agad. I heard a noise from the kitchen. Dad was in his room. Nagtungo ako roon at nakita siyang umiinom ng tubig mula sa ref. 

I know he felt my presence again. Ibinalik niya ang pitsel sa ref matapos punuin pang muli ang baso. Bagong paligo at medyo basa pa ang buhok. He simply looked around the room as if to check what else he could do. Wala pa roon ang mga pinagkainan namin ni daddy. Hindi ko pa nagliligpit dahil sa balak na puntahan muna siya. When he realized it, he walked past me and headed to the hallway leading to the dining room. Dala ang baso. 

“Jaxon?” 

He halted. Mabilis akong nag-alangan pero pinagpatuloy din. 

“Are you okay?”

Mabagal siyang lumingon. Kunot ang noo na tila lito sa naging tanong ko at sa tono ng boses ko. I bit my lower lip as I waited for the answer. Subalit hindi siya sumagot. His reaction was enough to tell me I was acting strange. So does my question. 

Dahil doon ay nakumpirma ko na wala namang problem. I probably just overreacted. Marahil alam niya na gigising ako nang maaga ngayon para unahan siya sa pagluluto? 

“S-Sorry. Dad was just asking about you earlier and I thought… Akala ko magpapahinga ka muna ngayong araw. S-Sige.” I forced a smile and walked towards him for the dining. Subalit hindi pa man nakakaraan ay naramdaman ko ang matinding tensyon. My steps faltered a little when I got closer to him. Hindi naman masikip ang hallway pero dahil naroon siya at nakatayo sa gitna ay para bang biglang sumikip iyon para sa aming dalawa. Hindi ko malaman kung saan dadaanan gayong hindi naman siya gumagalaw. Until I finally chose the left and walked past him. 

Sinisimulan ko pa lang ang pagliligpit ay nakasunod na rin siya. Naubos na ang iniinom na tubig. He put the glass down on the table before he swiftly snatched the plates from me and proceeded to finish it. 

“Y-You can rest for today if you want to…” I trailed off as he coldly glanced at me. Walang nagsalita sa loob ng ilang segundo. Nanatili lang kaming nakatitig sa isa’t isa. Hanggang siya na ang pumutol noon upang ipagpatuloy ang ginagawa. When he left, all I could do was a nod to myself as if I could fully understand what is going on. 

He cooked the for lunch and dad was more than grateful for it. Hindi man niya sabihin, alam ko naman sa sarili na kailangan ko pang galingan ang pagluluto. 

"I love your cooking and glad you're doing well at it…” panimula ni daddy nang hindi niya nakontrol ang papuri sa luto ni Sirius. He had to suppress it when he realized I was with him and listening. Kaya sa aking muling napunta ang atensyon. 

Sirius was with us and once again standing in the corner of the room like one of the huge vases. Nilingon niya si daddy nang magseryoso ang tono nito ngunit sa akin bumagsak ang mga mata dahil kanina pa ako nakatanaw sa kanya. 

“But, Princess… if you're doing this so we can cut off our employees again, I might have to stop you. SJ is the only one left here. If this is still crowded for you, I asked him about the distance already. I will ask him again to move like he's not here at all next time… I don't know why you're doing this, but you can't do all the work here by yourself.”

Umiwas ako ng tingin dahil sa titig ni Sirius. Kapansin-pansin ang pagtalim noon dahil sa sinabi ni daddy. Para bang matapos ang ilang araw ay ngayon lang nakumpirma na may ginagawa akong masama. I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong though. Pero sa tingin niya, animo ay sigurado na siya na may motibo ako sa pagpiprisinta sa pagluluto. 

It was like magic but I could almost see him remembering what I said when I gave them the supposed money for his phone. It only just made sense to him now. Mabilis akong umiwas at umiling sa sarili dahil sa naiisip. It probably just in my head. Nandamay pa ako ng iba. 

“Dad, it's n-not…” I bit my lower lip. I have to admit. I thought my reason for doing this would be too obvious for him. That… I wanted him out. I bit my lower lip and could no longer dare meet his eyes. I cleared my throat and raised my confidence as much as I can. "I'm just… showing you off my skills. Besides, we don't want to get used to his cooking, right? Perhaps we'll miss it someday.”

Dad frowned as if I had spoken a foreign language. “I don't think he plans to leave anytime sooner. Are you, SJ?”

“Certainly no, sir,” mabilis na sagot niya na nagpatindig balahibo ko. Malalim akong bumuntong hininga upang hindi na makapagsalita ng kung ano pa. But dad continued.

"Tell me, did our men from before traumatized you? Were you suffocated then? Kaya ba pinaalis mo ang mga tauhan natin?”

This time, I glanced at Sirius but his expression didn’t change. If anything, he looked like he was ready to pounce on me at any moment. His stance alarmed me. 

“No, Dad. It's not like dad,” I whispered. Hindi naman talaga sisante. It wasn’t my doing. Yet, I couldn’t tell it him. Kahit pa kasama namin si Sirius o hindi sa mga oras na ito, I know hindi ko bastang pwedeng aminin iyon kay daddy. 

That’s why I was hoping to talk about it with Sirius again. Mas maayos na usapan sana. 

Iyon nga ang nasa isip ko nang lumabas sa teresa para magpahangin. I needed to be brave. To make things clear. So I can stop lying to my father. Darating ang panahon at malalaman niya nag katotohanan tungkol kay Sirius at ayaw ko na abutin iyon nang matagal. And I want it to come from me. I don’t want to break his heart thinking I wanted to lie to him.

With a heavy heart, I turned my back from the coast to talk to Sirius, who’s working in the kitchen. Ngunit laking gulat ko nang makita siya sa sala. Papalabas at diretso ang mga mata sa akin. When he exited the door, I knew he was heading to me. Striding. Malayo pa man ay napaatras na ako sa barandilya sa aking likuran. I gasped as he advanced to me. So close his frame blocked my view of anything but him. 

“I know what you're doing.”

I blinked. “I don't know what you mean.”

“You can't make me leave this place,” matigas niyang sinabi dahilan nang paggalaw ng kanyang panga. The drastic movement suddenly paralyzed me. I have to pull myself together before it completely hypnotized me. 

Matagal bago ko naproseso ang sinabi niya. He sounds determined. Saka ko napagtanto na ito na ang pagkakataon na hinihintay ko. “Why?” I breathed out but my supposed-to-be gentle question came out a little harsh. Umahon ang pagtataka at marahil ay galit sa aking dibdib. I stared back and reflected the same intensity his eyes were directed at me. “Why are you doing this? Nothing of it is making sense. Why stay on this boring island when you can be somewhere else fun. You can be with someone you want to be. Be happier!”

“You don't tell me where and whom I belong to.”

I pursed my lips as I thought of how I must have given away with my words. Wala namang akong ibang ibig pakahulugan pero pakiramdam ko ba ay pumasok din sa isipan niya ang imahe ng girlfriend niya. It was in my head so he must be thinking of her now, too, because of how I have said my words. How reckless of me. 

“Is it still because of your phone?” I continued to glare. He’s glaring so much, anyway! Para ba talagang gustong tunawin. Of course, he remembered his girlfriend, he would remember his phone, too, and what I just did with it. Siguradong iyon ang dahilan kaya lalong sumasama ang tingin sa akin! “I told you I'm willing to pay! I'm going to order you a new one if you want. No, I'm going to order it now! I apologize. I said I didn't mean it.”

"You? Why are you doing this?”

Startled, the question left me speechless. Sigurado rin ako na namumula na ako sa galit at sa sobrang lapit niya. His eyes roamed my face like he could see every reaction. 

"Is it because of Amari? You purposely looked for my phone because of her.”

I pinched my fingertips on my sides. This is not what I imagined this conversation would be. Tila may batong namuo sa lalamunan ko ngunit kailangan kong magsalita. "That… that's…" Now the girlfriend is finally named. 

How should I react to this? Hindi ko inaamin sa sarili na ang girlfriend nga niya marahil ang dahilan kung bakit ko iyon nagawa. I know it was petty, so I never entertained my own reason. But hearing it from him sounds like I committed a crime. Hindi ko naman… 

"Are you that jealous of her?” he breathed to my face. Sa lalim ng tono ay halos mapapikit ako upang damhin iyon. It surely brought back old ten years old memories despite the changes with him and his voice. 

"W-What?” was all I could say. I feel like I was caught red-handed. 

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I felt like a dagger was struck on my chest. Hindi ko siya magawang titigan ng diretso. I can’t be jealous of his girlfriend! It wasn’t like I have the reason. I wasn’t the young Serenity. Hindi na rin naman siya ang dating Sirius. Marami nang nagbago, hindi ba? 

This kind of feeling would be acceptable to the past. But now? Hindi na pwede ang ganito, hindi ba? Especially that he has someone else special to him. 

Marahan ko siyang itinulak upang makatakas sa pagkakasandal sa railings. Umatras naman siya at pinanood ang bawat kilos ko. Nang makalaya ay saka ko naramdaman ang matinding kagustuhan na makaalis doon. 

I must face this conversation but I suddenly turned a coward. Hindi ko yata kaya na…

“This is childish, Serenity!” sigaw niya bago pa ako tuluyang makalayo o makapasok sa loob. Namilog ang mga mata ko nang tingnan ang loob ng bahay. Dad doesn’t need to hear us talking about this. Not when we’re both mad. 

I spun around to face. I’m indeed mad! Childish? 

My lips trembled before I could say anything. Dahil sa ginawa ko sa cellphone niya, tama naman ang sinabi niya. "R-Right! Then stop it and leave! This is not your place. You don't belong here!”

Wala sa sarili ko iyong sinabi. Gusto ko lang makabawi. Ayaw ko lang ipahalata na nasaktan ako. I don’t have the right. Hindi tama. Ako ang may ginawang mali kaya bakit ako pa ang masasaktan? But I don’t want to show I am hurting. 

Hindi ko naman inaasahan ang biglaang paglapit niya. Sa laki ng paghakbang ay hindi na ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon na makapag-isip o makaiwas. In a blink, he was cornering me again. But this time, the glass wall was behind me. His hand on either side of my head. Ngayon ay sobrang lapit na namin sa isa’t isa. His body was pressed against me and I won’t be surprised if the wall behind me suddenly collapsed. But I don’t want that to happen.

"I have a perfect plan coming here. Don’t make me do it,” he breathed the threat to my face. His eyes were a ball of fire. “Don't, sweetheart. Just don't."

Sa hindi malamang kadahilanan ay namuo ang mga luha sa gilid ng aking mga mata. Nilabanan ko iyon ngunit hindi ko magawang umiwas ng tingin. He narrowed his eyes at them as if threatening them to fall. As if he meant to do worse if they did. 

Nanginig ang labi ko para sa gustong sabihin na hindi maisatinig. He immediately noticed my poor attempt. He lifted his hand to my face and let his thumb gently graze my lips while slowly pushing down on them for a warning. Then he moved it to his lips. From the right going the left in a deliberate motion. He pressed it evenly that they reddened. His eyes never once leaving mine. 

He got hold of my breath and he’s aware of it. The satisfaction reflected in his eyes. I was frozen and was left with no choice but watched.

It all happened for a minute. When he left, he left me with nothing. I lost my strength and leaned all my weight on my glass. Mabuti na lang na matibay iyon. Kung hindi, tiyak na mabilis akong matatauhan sa nangyari. 

But it didn’t. 

I stayed there staring at nothing. It wasn’t long. But felt like it was. When I finally get to compose myself, I still have no idea what just happened. One thing I was certain of. The threat surely shook me to the core.