Sulleimani, Sirius Jaxon (Book 2 of His Serenity)

Be careful who you hate, or you will be one of them.  But I was never careful. Reckless, yes. If I had been a little careful, I wonder how my life would have been. Would it be like this? Devastated?  If I was able to claim my position as the real heir of our family clan, perhaps I'd be dead now because I'm not as smart as Zion. He's clever enough to get free from certain death. I could imagine Satan's annoyed face after all his preparation to accept him in his hell. Disappointed. Seething. Frustrated. Perhaps proud of his baby. While I'd be dead for being so weak. Krista's right. Walang may ibang karapatang mamuno sa tirahan ng masasama at kriminal kundi ang siya ring pinong hinubog para rito. Hindi pa ako lubos na hubog nang agawin iyon ni Zion. I hate him to the bone. I wished countless times for his death. Ngayon ay higit ko siyang hinangaan. Nagpapasalamat sa pagnakaw niya na sa akin man ibinigay ay hindi naman nararapat.  Had it not for him, I wouldn't have met the only reason I wanted to be locked up. Finally. After years of being in an unwilling prison, I soon wanted to be chained.  Walang tao ang gugustuhing makulong habang sinasabi nang marami na para iyon sa sarili mong kaligtasan. It was f-ucking absurd to steal someone else's freedom because you want to 'protect' them. F-ucking selfish. Liars. And then I met her.  Zion must have given her to me because I was sure I was willing to be barred on the campus as long as she's locked up with me, too.  But she's not a gift. She's a taste of the wrong prescription and I overdosed. Ibinigay ngunit hindi nararapat na para sa akin. How f-ucking rude! Kung hindi ko lang alam ang totoo, iisipin ko na sinadya ni Zion at Krista na dalhin siya rito para may paglibangan ako. Para may ibang mapagtuunan ng pansin at hindi na maging sakit ng mga ulo nila.  But the girl is f-ucking evil. A fake. Heartless. F-uck her.  My hands clenched against the steering wheel that the veins on my knuckles protruded. No, she's a grown-up woman now. Stepping out of her car, moving to the backseat to retrieve boxes and paper bags. I caught a good side of her curvy hips. I don't remember it having that kind of curve before, but I do know she has a nice body, no doubt going to be a killer once she grows up. And she did.  I wished I could walk right behind her and squeezed her so hard I could turn her frame to the young girl I know. My eyes narrowed, waiting for her short skirts to tear up with that movement, but it didn't. Of course, it won't. Of course, it's expensive.  She made three routes to get all her stuff inside the one-story house. But has an enormous gate because why not? Her safety is daddy’s top priority. She ran to the gate to close it. I did not look away to get a clear glimpse of her face and regret it when I started to realize how that face will keep me awake the entire night. But I couldn't help it. My eyes were fixated on her. It's not enough. Her familiar eyes stared at my car, brows slightly furrowing. Her lips turned into a thin line before she moved to close the gate.  I take note of the light colors on her face. Of course, she has make-up on. Once a little girl is now a grown-up woman. Leaving a normal life. Working her ass off like it's a natural thing to do. Pretending to like the stars. Forgetting about the past for a better future? F-uck you, sweetheart. F-uck you.  What's her word again? 'Thank you for everything'? She was being grateful after she announced she's getting married to the man I warned her about after ten years of not coming back.  Raz's right. It's stupid to wait for someone who runs away from you. F-uck, family-oriented. Brayl's right. I should accept the blood that runs in my veins, or I'll have no choice but to die. Now, I accept it. I feel so alive. And my little sweetheart will regret ever being such a heartless freak. I stayed outside for more minutes, fighting the urge to break into those gates, and showed myself to her. Maybe record her expression and make her watch it on repeat. Should I kiss her? Or better choke her 'till she lost air. Make her utter those words again?  What? Getting married?  Ten years I waited in vain only for you to announce your fairytale wedding with your best friend because I have gone crazy waiting? Or not. You have everything prepared for the wedding. You planned to say goodbye before going to me. You wanted to end everything like our story is some cheap unwanted, free indie film. You wanted to forget me like I'm a classmate from kindergarten. Blurred from the memories. Unimportant. Too childish.  How heartless of you to just leave me in that state and continue your fairytale with f-ucking Romeo.  Hindi ko maiwasang isipin na paano nga...? Paano kung natuluyan na nga akong masiraan ng bait? Gan'on-gano'n lang? Maiiwan na lang akong mag-isa roon na parang anino ng nakaraan? Ang taong pinag-alayan ko ng higit na pagmamahal ay naisipang iwan ako na para bang ganoon lang sabihin na iiwan niya ang lahat sa lugar na pinangyarihan ng lahat.  I will make you wish you take any medical operation to forget me instead, sweetheart. It'll be a lot easier.  Chilling sounds resonated inside the car. It took me seconds to realize it's my own laughter chilling me to the bones.  But then, she never loved me. That truth was once heartbreaking, like a pathetic fool that I was. Now, it's like a rare, priceless ecstasy. I knew now she only used me. Took advantage of my misery. Pretended to be innocent. Laugh at my agony. She must have known there's no way she could get a chance to get out of the campus if it's not me. 'My love for you is not as strong as your love for me.' F-ucking devil, he played me.  I swallowed hard and stepped on the gas before I felt the strong tug at the bottom of my chest. Pathetic. I drove away from the house despite the fact that my body's terribly shaking. Dust trailing behind me. I bet the village's security will drive after me. I bet they will. I hope they will. I have my gun lying on the headboard.  Yes, sweetheart, I'm good at it now. Promise you won't laugh at me once you see me with it. If you only have an idea of how I wanted to clasp you around my fists, pressing the life out of you. Married? What now, little Juliet? Your Romeo ran away from you as if being chased down by a raging horse. Who knows, it could be the devil's horse. It must have been hard for you. Painful. Heartbreaking. You must know now the feeling of being left alone, huh? Wait, and your nightmares will come back to you soon. Guess you didn't bury them deep enough.  I'm back, sweetheart. And we will change our setting to your most favorite, lovable place ever.