Sulleimani, Sirius Jaxon (Book 2 of His Serenity)

Chapter 9

I instantly realized what I did the moment I got inside the house. Kasabay noon ay ang malakas na pagbuhos ng ulan. Nakahain na ang hapunan sa hapag. I didn’t know he had already cooked before approaching me on the shore. Siguro ay inihain na lang nang bumalik dahil sa utos kaya mabilis din na nakabalik. Nakitang wala ako at sumunod sa kubo. 

Kinakain ako ng guilt habang binabalikan ko sa isipan ang nagawa. I admit I was on the wrong side. Hindi dapat ganoon ang naging asal ko. It was wrong of me to throw someone else’s phone just because I got frustrated. Hindi dapat ganoon!

Mabilis akong naligo at naghanda para sa hapunan. Dad was already in his seat when I reached the dining room. Wala si Sirius o kahit ang pabango niya. Sa totoo lang medyo nag-alangan pa akong bumaba sa takot na makita siya rito. I know I can’t properly face him after what I did. But I also know I have to face him. I have to apologize. 

“Wala si SJ?” takang tanong ni daddy. He sensed his missing presence. Kitang-kita ko naman ang bakanteng espasyo kung saan siya madalas nakatayo kahit pa usapan nila ni daddy na dapat ay parang hangin lang ang existence niya rito. I guess that’s useless. Kahit gaano pa kalaki ang isla ay madalas pa rin ang pagkikita namin. Dad is not pointing it out dahil siguro hindi naman ako nagrereklamo. 

I sipped on my juice and swallowed hard. Umiwas pa ako ng tingin na parang makikita niya sa mukha ko kapag nagsinungaling ako. But I don’t resort to making up excuses. “Malakas po ang ulan, dad. Baka po nagpapahinga na. Hayaan na po natin.”

Matagal na kumunot ang noo ni daddy bago marahang tumango. “Siguro nga. Kaya maagang nagluto… I hope he’s not tiring himself doing everything around here… Is he also doing the laundry?”

“Po?” mabilis kong tanong at halos maibuga ang nginunguyang pagkain. I grabbed my juice and sipped again to swallow the lump suddenly in my throat. 

“Bakit? May mga labahin tayo, hindi ba? Hindi mo pa nabibisita?... I know I said you don’t have to do anything here, pero ang bagay ba na iyan ay pwede nating ipaubaya kay SJ? Maybe I should talk to him and ask if he knows how to do the laundry.”

“Dad!” suway ko sa kahihiyan habang iniisip pa lang iyon. Uminit ang pisngi ko. I bit my lower lip as I realized how I overreacted. “B-Bakit naman po pati iyon ay ipinagawa pa sa kanya? Nakakahiya naman po. I’m sure he doesn’t know how two do it.”

“That’s why I’m asking you. It seems like you haven’t visited the laundry. Kung ganoon ay sino ang gumagawa noon nitong mga nakaraang linggo?”

I winced to myself. Kung nandito si Sirius ay lalong hindi ko kakayanin ang usapan. “I’ll check it after dinner po. Tiyak naman po na hindi pa naman ganoon karami.”

“Maybe we should add another employee? A lady? What do you think?”

Mataman ko siyang tinitigan, hindi alam ang isasagot pero dahil naghihintay ay napilitan ako. “Pag-iisipan ko po.” I really have to talk about this matter with Sirius. Mga ganoong bagay dapat ang pinag-uusapan namin at hindi puro pagtatalo. We need to settle this once and for all. 

Pero dahil sa ginawa ko ay hindi ko na alam kung paano sisimulan ang usapan. 

After dinner, I checked the laundry area outside first before cleaning the table. Wala namang sampayin sa labas kaya naisip kong hindi naman siguro ito napupuntahan ni Sirius. Wala rin namang naipong labahin. But then, I suddenly remembered how the laundry basket in my room never got full. Walking further inside the room, I finally noticed the washing machine. It’s automatic but it looks complicated to use. Kailangan kong hanapin ang manual guide para mapag-aralan. 

Malalim akong bumuntong hininga. Bumagsak ang paningin ko sa sulok kung saan ay may iba palang nakasampay. The corner of the room is a little open-spaced with curves that are similar to the one outside the back garden. But the sole purpose of this backroom is for laundry and for hanging clothes indoors.   

Patakbong nilapitan ang iilang sampay na namimilog ang mga mata. I nearly fell down on the floor as my knees wobbled, if not for my hand grabbing the wall for support. These are our underwear! Ilang hanay iyon at magkakabukod ang sa amin ni daddy. 

Kulang na lang ay hilingin kong kainin na nang lupa habang iniisip kung paano ito nilalabhan ni Sirius. O kung ano marahil ng nasa isip niya. Sa sulok ay may maliit na mesa kung nasaan ang malilinis na damit at nakatiklop na. Mariin akong napapikit. Kuyom ang kamao kong tinakpan ang bibig upang mapigilan ang inis na pagtili. Ni hindi ko man lang nalaman ang tungkol sa bagay na ito!

I was a little shy facing him with my bathing suit tapos ito naman pala… siya pa ang naglalaba ng mga iyon!

Seriously, Sirius!

I wished to get the courage to come to his cabin and confront him regarding this. Pero ano namang sasabihin ko? Mas lalong hindi ko alam kung paano siya haharapin matapos nang nalamang ito. Should I ask him to stop it? That I’ll do it from now? How can I do that without looking too appalled? Tatanungin ko ba kung ano ang pumasok sa kanya at naisipang labhan iyon? I’m sure he knows it’s not on his list of agreements with my dad. Okay lang bang tanungin kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip niya kapag nilalabhan niya iyon? 

Mahigpit kong sinabutan ng sarili. I’m losing my mind! It’s not like I had no one to do all the laundry for me my entire life. But a man never did it. Definitely not Sirius of all people! 

God, the humiliation! 

First, his cellphone. Now, this. 

Kahit hindi pa naman gaanong tuyo ang underwears ay kinuha ko ang lahat ng akin at inakyat sa kwarto. I laid on the bed with nothing but that running in my head. 

I have no idea what time I exactly fell asleep. But I remembered how I kept waking up in the middle of the night to think about it again like it is the most mortifying thing that ever happened to me. Or it probably is. 

Ngunit nang mag-umaga, sa kabila nang hindi maayos na tulog ay mas maayos naman ang pag-iisip ko. I skipped my jogging routine as I convinced myself I had to clear things out with Sirius. Hindi ko na kailangang ungkatin ang tungkol sa paglalaba. I guess it’s time we talk about how long he’s planning to stay here. I closed my laptop after finishing one last cooking video. I’ve also decided to work on the kitchen now. I need to properly learn to cook para sa amin ni daddy kung hindi man kaagad na makabalik sina Ate Candy at maiwan kaming dalawa rito. 

Masyado pang maaga nang lumabas ako ng silid dala ang cellphone. Medyo madilim pa rin sa labas. Sirius was already up. Kita ko siya mula sa mas maliit na terrace sa itaas. Iyon nga lang ay halos kasinglaki lang siya ng daliri ko dahil sa distansya. But I could tell he was exercising and doing some stretching in front of the beach with nothing but his sweatpants. It would be scandalous if he’s on a private beach or anywhere with people to watch. It’s good that he’s here. 

Napakurap ako sa iniisip at mabilis na lumayo roon. So he woke up at this hour here to start his day. Sigurado na hindi pa siya nakapaghahanda ng agahan kaya naman pinanguhan ko na. Dinaan ko ang silid ni daddy. Bahagyang nakabukas ang pinto. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed and facing the large portrait of my mom. Inilipat iyon roon mula sa kwarto nila sa itaas simula nang ito na rin ang maging silid niya. 

I moved away from the door before he could feel my presence. Iyon ang nasa isipan ko nang tunguhin ang kusina. It still amazed me how much my dad loved my mom. Ganoon nga siguro. Anuman ang mangyari ay hindi basta-bastang namamatay ang tunay na pag-ibig. Even if one was taken by death. Even one goes blind.

That’s the case with my parents and one of the many reasons I give them my undying respect. 

Muling pumasok sa aking isipan ang nagawa ko kagabi sa cellphone ni Sirius. Kasalanan ko. I don’t think I would get to cook anything because of it. Total naman giing na siya, maybe I can apologize? 

Kaya naman tinakbo ko ang hagdan upang makabalik sa kwarto agad din na bumaba at lumabas gamit ang pinto sa likod bahay. I didn’t let my mind wander and think. Basta ay nag-focus ako sa plano.

He’s done with his stretching. Nagpapahinga at nakaupo sa duyan at hawak ang kanyang cellphone. Sinusubukan niya iyong ayusin kaya tama ang hinala ko. It wasn’t waterproof like mine. Kumalat ang guilt sa aking dibdib. He was engrossed with that he hadn’t noticed my presence yet. Nang humakbang pa ako palapit ay saka lang niya napuna. He barely threw me a glance. He stood and walked away so I quickly followed him. 

“I want to apologize," mabilis kong sinabi. Tumigil naman siya at mabagal akong hinarap. Ibinalik niya ang cellphone sa bulsa ng sweatpants. Humakbang pa ako palapit hanggang sa tatlong hakbang na lang ang pagitan namin. Saka ko inilahad ang perang binalikan kanina sa kwarto. “This is all the cash I have.”

Hindi siya gumalaw kaya pilit kong inaabot ang pera. I kept my eyes to the ground in case he doesn’t want me to see him accepting it. Umihip ang hangin ay ala pa rin. I was losing hope. Knowing him, sigurado ako na hindi niya iyon tatanggapin. Ngunit may kasalanan ako. Tama lang naman na bayaran ko  ang nasira. 

“I’m really sorry. Hindi ko dapat iyon ginawa. But… I don’t think you should stay here. I’ll talk to my dad. Pababalikin na namin ang lahat ng tauhan dito… You can buy a new phone with this.” I offered the money again. 

Nabigla pa ako nang lumapit siya at mabilis iyong kinuha. It happened in a blink. He strode to the shore and threw all the bills on the water. Dahil sa hangin ay tinangay ang iba pabalik ngunit mas marami ring nabasa at naabutan ng alon. 

I gasped and stared in disbelief. 

I followed suit and stepped next to him. “What did you do?”

“That’s not even half of my phone’s prize!” balik-sigaw niya sa nanlilisik na mga mata. Isang beses akong napaatras. 

“But that’s money. Mas mahalaga iyon.”

“No. Mas mahalaga ito para sa akin.” He took one step to me and brought out his phone from his pocket, waving it to my face. 

I frowned. “What’s so important with it? You can buy a new one. That’s not even the one you used before. Just buy…” words were stuck in my throat as he advanced to me. His eyes penetrated to mine. Gustuhin ko mang tumitig pabalik ngunit hindi ko magawa nang matagalan. 

I could tell he had something to say. Ngunit imbis na ganoon nga ay tumalikod siya at pumasok sa kanyang kubo. That’s how he ended the conversation. Nang balingan ko ang mga pera ay wala na. Tinangay na ng alon ang mga napunta sa tubig at ang nasa lupa naman ay hinangin palayo sa akin. Kung pupulutin ko ang mga iyon ay tiyak na hindi ko na magagawa ang planong magluto.

Sa kusina, inihanda ko ang lahat ng kailangan para sa pagluluto. Sirius surely made sure our supply was full. Ganito naman talaga ito kahit noon pa. Noon na marami kaming kasama. Ngayon na mag-isa lang siyang namamahala ng lahat ay nakakamangha. 

The issue about the laundry nearly penetrated my thoughts. I quickly dismissed it and focused on cooking. I opened my cell phone and searched for the video I was watching on my laptop earlier. It’s a recipe for an omelet. Alam ko naman kung paano lutuin but this will be the first time I’m cooking for my dad and leaving him with no choice but my food. Siguro naman ay hindi na maghahanda pa ng iba si Sirius kapag nakitang nakapagluto na ako. 

He should stay there and keep his body fit until I finish here. 

No one granted my wish. Sa palagay ko ba ay galit pa rin ang universe sa ginawa ko sa kanya kagabi. Dumagdag pa ang nangyari kanina. 

I inhaled his fresh shower gel first before he walked in from the backdoor. Mabilis na nagtama ang paningin namin ngunit mabilis din naman akong nag-iwas ng tingin. I kept my expression hard as I pretend not to be affected by his after-shower scent. White shirts and maong shorts. Natigil ang pagsusuklay niya ng medyo basa pang buhok gamit ang kamay nang matanaw ang ginagawa ko. 

“What are you doing?” he asked right away as if the answer was not glaring back at him. Ramdam ko ang matalim niyang titig na nakadirekta sa akin. Hinayaan ko lang iyon. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m still frustrated, guilty, and abashed about everything that helped me gain this courage. Alin man sa mga iyon ang tunay kong nararamdaman ay nagpapasalamat ako. 

I paused the video and turned the phone down. It was late. Siguradong nakita na niya na hindi ako kasing galing niya sa pagluluto. Wala na akong magagawa sa bagay na iyon. 

“I can do it alone. You should do other important things,” sagot ko nang hindi siya nililingon. I only have to finish this and we’ll talk. Kailangang mapatunayan ko muna na kaya ko nga itong gawin para sa amin ni daddy para mas maipaliwanag ko sa kanya ang mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin. 

But Sirius Jaxon will always be Sirius Jaxon. 

“I will do it,” matigas niyang sinabi. Mariin akong napapikit. Of course, ipipilit niya ang sarili. 

“No, it's really fine. I'm cooking our breakfast today,” I replied, “and lunch and dinner.”

“It's my job.” Naramdaman ko ang paglapit niya. This won’t be good for me. Ngayon pa lang ay nalilito na ako gayong itlog pa lang naman ang niluluto ko. He should leave. 

Sighing heavily, I bravely glanced at him and almost took a step back at the close distance. But I kept myself together, determined to win on this one. “I'm not talking to you as a friend. This is not a request. I'm asking you to leave me here and do your 'other' jobs as the daughter of your boss.”

It’s time to look away, but I didn’t. I may fail if I do so. I stared back at him to let him see I’m determined to do this. His eyes narrowed down at me. It reminded me of the silent orders he used to give me before. It sent chills down my back. Lihim akong lumunok. Nang hindi na kayanin ay kaswal akong nag-iwas ng tingin upang pagtuunan ang niluluto. 

I prepared myself for his remark and his persistence. Ngunit ilang minuto lang ay umalis din siya nang tahimik at hinayaan na nga ako sa gustong gawin. 

Simula nang umalis siya ay para bang mas bumagal ang oras. Dad will leave his room to stay on the veranda at six and take his breakfast at seven. Ngunit tila masyadong mabagal ang isa’t kalahating oras na paghihintay. Sirius will surely take over the kitchen once I’m done. 

Kaya naman kahit wala sa plano ay nagluto ako ng pasta. Nang matapos ay oras na para sa agahan. 

“I heard you’re busy in the kitchen?” bungad ni daddy nang batiin ko sa hapag-kainan. Natigilan ako at nilingon si Sirius na dinala ang niluto ko at marahang inilapag sa mesa. Hindi muna ako naupo. Mainam kong binantayan ang ekspresyo ng mukha niya para sa niluto ko pero nanatili iyong blangko. 

He’s done and I’m still standing. He curiously glanced at me. I cleared my throat and finally took my seat. 

“Marunong naman po akong magluto. I’m just practicing to get your taste bud, dad.”

“Tiyak na magugustuhan ko ang lahat ng lutuin mo, iha. Isa pa, this is not the first time I’ll get to try it, right?”

I nodded and smiled. “Pero kasama ko po noon si Mamita. In fact, I don’t feel like I was the one who cooked when she’s with me. Natataranta lang ako dahil palagi akong napapagalitan.”

Dad chuckled. Nagkatitigan kami ni Sirius. “Alam mo naman ang Mamita mo. Ayaw noon na nagsasayang ng pagkain.”

I looked away because of dad’s words. ”Hindi naman po ako nagsasayang.” I would have pouted if Sirius was not with us. Nakakahiya lang. I will try to convince him I can manage the things around here tapos ganito pa ang maririnig niya. Besides, that was a long time ago. Natuto rin naman akong maglutong mag-isa nang magtrabaho. 

“It's good,” dad finally commented. “Though I don’t think it’s a perfect combination? Pasta for breakfast?”

Tumatango-tango ako at sumasang-ayon sa sinasabi niya nang maalala na ako nga pala ang nagluto. Muli nagtama nag paningin namin ni Sirius. I hope he would smirk or roll his eyes at me para naman kahit papaano ay alam ko ang reaksyon niya. Mas nahihirapan akong hulaan kung ano ang naiisip niya. I’m no longer confident with my cooking skills. 

“I'm glad you like it, dad… Medyo nag-crave lang po ako sa pasta kaya iyan ang naluto.” It was a lie. 

Sirius knows when I was lying. I tried to break the habit before but it has been my nature. Iniwasan ko na lang na tumingin sa kanya. 

I cleared my throat to get everyone’s attention, especially him. “We can manage from here. Please leave us for now.”

Ang reaksyon ni daddy ang binantayan ko. He only moved his head to the side where Sirius was standing and waiting for our order. Wala namang sinabi si daddy at hinintay lang ang pagsunod ni Sirius. 

But he took longer than he should. Kinabahan pa ako sa pag-aakalang hindi siya susunod at maaaring mapansin iyon ni daddy. It was normal of me to order our employees around but dad knows I don’t order them to leave us because I was too shy to say that. Madalas ay alam na iyon ng mga tauhan. 

Ilang segundo pa nga siyang nanatili roon na parang walang narinig. Hanggang sa napilitan na akong lingunin siya. Finally, I got a reaction from him. Pinanliitan niya ako ng mga mata na tila nagbabanta. But he could do nothing. Wala rin naman akong magagawa kung hindi siya susunod. Sana ay hindi iyon halata sa mukha ko. 

Throwing me one last glare, he clenched his jaw and walked away. 

Now I’m not sure who is making my plan to talk things clear with him impossible. Ako ba… o siya?