Sulleimani, Sirius Jaxon (Book 2 of His Serenity)

Chapter 7

Kinabukasan ay mas magaan ang pakiramdam ko. Maaga rin akong gumising para kahit papaano ay makapag-jogging. It was exactly seven thirty nang makabalik ako sa bahay. Dad was having breakfast on the veranda kaya sinaluhan ko. He was with Sirius. Kaya lang ay umalis din nang naupo ako. Iyon ay matapos niyang pasadahan ang purple sports bra ko at yoga pants.

Sinundan ko ng tingin ang pagpasok niya sa loob hanggang sa tuluyan na ngang nawala sa aking paningin. I sipped on my glass of juice.

“Dad?” tanong ko nang mapag-isa na kami.

“Yes, Princess?”

“Nadaanan ko po kanina ang kubo kung nasaan ang mga old jetski natin. Gumagana pa po kaya ang mga iyon?”

“Oo naman. I let our men used it before para hindi masira sa pinagtataguan. I heard the maids were using them in their leisure time as well. Hinahayaan ko na lang at wala rin namang gagamit.”

Tumango ako sa sarili habang inaalala ang mga iyon sa kubo malapit sa tinutuluyan ni Sirius. Mas malaki iyong ginawang bodega dahil lahat ng ilang salbabida, hammocks, at lifeboats na ginagamit noon ng mga tauhan ay naroon.

“Why did you ask? Hindi ka naman marunong mag jetski?”

“Rowan used to teach me before pero hindi ako natuto dahil natatakot ako na mahuli mo o marinig ang motor.” Mahina akong natawa sa alaalang iyon. Sobrang dalang lang ng pagkakataon na iyon at masyado nang matagal. 

“Speaking about Rowan,” he started. “Have you heard anything from him? Or his family?”

Agad na naglaho ang ngiti ko. Umiling ako kahit hindi kita ni daddy. “I have no news from him. Wala rin po akong ideya kung nasaan siya maaari sa mga oras na ito. I’m not sure if he’s still in the country or if he goes back abroad.”

“You sound worried,” Dad pointed out and I blinked. “You don’t sound mad… Ayos ka lang ba talaga?”

“Dad,” I exhaled, “Rowan is my bestfriend. Anuman po ang nangyari o ang dahilan niya sa pag-alis bago ang kasal ay maiintindihan ko… But I guess, he didn’t know that. I just want closure from him. I will listen. Hindi ko po kase maintindihan kung bakit pati ang pamilya niya ay hindi sinasagot ang tawag ko. I think they are purposely avoiding me. And I’m worrying. Sobrang nag-aalala na po ako sa kung ano na ang nangyari kay Rowan.” Lumandas ang luha sa aking pisngi. 

Rowan and I have lots of memories on this island. Malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa lahat ng pagkakataon na iyon na kasama ko siya. Frankly, I never imagined I would get married to him. Although hindi nangyari dahil biglaan siyang naglaho. I just know he’s somewhere else and avoiding me. 

Totoo na maiintindihan ko ang anumang dahilan niya. Maghihintay ako hanggang sa handa na siyang humarap sa akin at magpaliwanag. We’ve been friends for years. Nasanay ako na palagi siyang nasa tabi ko lang at alam ko na ganoon din ako sa kanya. Being away from each other wouldn’t be easy for both of us. Kaya gusto ko na maayos na ang lahat. At malakas din ang loob ko na hindi niya ito bastang gagawin nang walang sapat na dahilan. If he suddenly lost his feelings for me and couldn’t tell it to my face, I will understand.  

I’m not mad. I just miss him. 

“You must have loved him that much,” sabi ni daddy nang palihim kong punasan ang luha sa aking pisngi. I smiled and turned back to him. But the reply was left in my throat as my eyes landed on Sirius. 

He’s back. Ngayon ay nakatayo sa likod ni daddy at malapit sa pinto. Mariin ang titig niya sa akin. I cleared my throat and straightened up my seat. “He’s my bestfriend, dad.”

Boy-bestfriend.

Tidbits of memories appeared at the back of my head. I blinked and looked away. 

“I’m sure he’ll come back to give his explanation one day. I know he’s hoping you won’t get tired of waiting… I’m glad you’re not holding a grudge against him for what he did. He’s really a nice man.”

Somehow, this conversation has become awkward with Sirius listening with us. Ni hindi ko mgawang muling lumingon sa kanya. Alam ko naman kase ang opinyon niya kay Rowan. Although it’s a long time ago, his eyes right now are telling me something’s the same. O baka guni-guni ko lang at nasanay na sa ganoong katalim at kalamig na titig niya. 

“Can I use the jetski, dad?” putol ko sa katahimikan at para maiba na rin ang usapan. 

Dad frowned at my request. Muli niyang binitawan ang braille book na hawak. “Now? Marunong ka ba?”

“It didn’t look hard maneuvering it before. Tingin ko naman po ay makakaya ko na ngayon.”

“Sigurado ka ba? Hindi ba delikado?”

I lightly chuckled. “Marunong naman po akong lumangoy. Saka magpa-practice po ako. I won’t go anywhere far.”

Matagal na nag-isip si daddy. I was smiling in excitement as I waited for him dahil alam ko na papayag siya. But my smile faded when my eyes met with Sirius. Sinubukan ko naman na kumilos ng normal at muling ngumiti pero hindi naging madali dahil sa reaksyon niya. He looked like a statue standing there unmoving. 

He’s not supposed to be here. He could take a break. 

I looked away as his blank face remained to me. 

“SJ?” Dad suddenly called. Mabilis kong nilingon ang paglapit ni SIrius sa tawag ni daddy. So dad knew he’s with us. Ako lang pala ang hindi nakapuna sa pagbalik niya. 

“Yes, sir.”

“Maari bang tingnan mo kung alin sa mga jetski ang gumagana pa ng maayos? My daughter would like to try one.”

Mabilis akong umiling. “A-Ako na, dad! Ako naman po ang gagamit kaya ako na po ang kukuha.”

Kumunot ang noo ni daddy. Ganoon din si Sirius na nagsalubong ang kilay sa akin. 

“It’s heavy,” sagot ni daddy na nagtataka. “You can use a cart to take it to the water but you need the effort to get to the cart first.”

That’s when I realized my reaction was indeed confusing to them. Lalo na kay daddy. Hindi naman ako nagpiprinsita sa mga ganoong gawain kapag nag-uutos siya sa mga tauhan. It’s just… nahihiya akong utusan si Sirius. Hindi naman siya pangkaraniwang tauhan ni daddy. 

“I’ll get on it right away, sir,” sagot ni Sirius na hindi na hintayin ang opinyon ko. Tumango si daddy kaya naman agad siyang iniwan niya kami para sumunod sa utos. Sa harap ang daan niya at dahil madaraanan ako ay nagtama ang mga mata namin. It narrowed on me but I didn’t get what it meant. Nilampasan niya ako. 

Hindi lang basta kinuha ni Sirius ang jetski. Sinubukan niya rin iyon sa tubig at mula sa likod ay dinala sa harapan. We heard the motor so I informed my dad I’d go check it. Patakbo akong lumapit doon. Pababa pa lang si Sirius kaya bumagal ang paglakad ko. 

“Thanks.” I smiled. He shrugged. Lumaki ang ngiti ko dahil kahit papaano ay may nakuhang reaksyon mula sa kanya. “Pwede ko na bang subukan?” Lumapit ako roon at siya naman ang tumayo sa dati kong kinatatayuan. He said nothing so I turned to him for a question. Matagal bago siya nakasagot kaya matagal din kaming nagkatitigan. 

“I’d never allowed you if I were your dad.”

Napakurap ako hindi lang sa lamig ng tono kundi pati na rin sa pagkaseryoso nito. Tipid akong ngumiti at muling itinuon ang atensyon sa jetski na sigurado inalisan pa niya ng mga alikabok. 

“My dad trusts me. Hindi ko naman ipapahamak ang sarili.”

“You think the driver who crashed his car, or a man who accidentally fell on a clip wanted it to happen to themselves?” seryosong tanong niya na nagpatigil sa akin. But his eyes lingered on me. “No one would want to harm themselves. But no one can’t tell when danger is about to happen.”

“Jaxon…” mahinang tawag ko. Kumuyom ang kanyang panga at mabilis na nag-iwas ng tingin. Sa di-kalayuan naman ay napuna ko ang paglapit ni daddy kaya agad ko siyang iniwan at ang jetski. “Dad! Bakit po kayo sumunod?”

“Kabisado ko ang isla, iha. Stop worrying.”

Marahan akong tumango. Nang lingunin ko si Sirius ay nasa malayo ang kanyang tingin. Tumatak sa akin ang mga sinabi niya kaya hindi ko maiwasang isipin na nag-aalala siya. And it was such a satisfying feeling as if I never had anyone care for me. Somehow, his reaction reminded me of that Sirius I know. 

“Are you trying it now?” putol ni daddy sa katahimikan. Doon pa lang muling lumingon sa amin si Sirius.

“Kung… Kung ayos lang po sa inyo.”

“Hindi sa pinagbabawalan kita. I’ll support you in everything as long as you promise me your safety… I remember how your mom used a jet ski to escape before. I know she’s not good with it. Pero nagawa niyang makarating sa kabilang isla. And there was danger awaiting her. I know you’re not going anywhere without telling me, o kung may naghihintay na masasamang tao sa iyo sa labas… But I’m worried something might happen while you’re in the water… I’m not stopping you. All I want is you reassure me you’re going to be fine.”

“I’m going to be fine, dad,” mabilis kong sagot at lumapit sa kanya upang marahang haplusin ang kanyang braso. “But if you’re worried, I’m not gonna do it today. Siguro ay magbabasa muna ako ng mga tungkol diyan o manonood ng videos para mas may alam na ako. 

“I’m sorry. Ayaw kong isipin mo na pinagbabawalan kita.”

I smiled to reassure him but he couldn’t see it so I squeezed his arm. “So mom used to escape from here?”

Naikwento ni Mamita ang maraming bagay tungkol sa mga magulang ko dahil na rin sa pangungulit ko. Iyon din ang paraan niya para pagaanin ang kalooban ko kung minsan. It was different to hear it from my father. Although he had told me stories abroad, being home and hearing all the stories that happened exactly in the same place was different. I could almost feel the memory of my mother with us. 

“I was protecting her.” Kumunot ang noo ni daddy sa kawalan. Malayo ang isip. “From everyone. From me. There are so many dangers around her… I tried my best.”

“Yes, dad,” I agreed. “You did your best. I’m sure mom knows that. She loved you for everything.”

Sumang-ayon naman si daddy pero lalong lumalim ang pagkunot ng noo. His face turned sour. Kita ko ang paghihirap sa kanyang mukha kahit itago pa niya. Nataranta na ako nang kumuyom ang kanyang kamao sa kanyang dibdib. I glanced at Sirius for help and he’s already walking to us as he noticed what’s happening. 

“Dad?”

“I f-failed. In the end, I failed.”

“D-Dad…”

“Sir?” Sirius called out to him. Tumulong na rin siya sa pag-alalay sa akin. I could see the tears forming in the corner of my father’s eyes. I know he’s filled with memories of my mother. My heart broke watching him. 

This wasn’t the first time but knowing my father, I know he was doing his best not to show it to me. Kaya naman alam ko na hindi niya lang kinakaya. 

I was glad Sirius was with us. Tinulungan niya si daddy na makabalik sa bahay. Tinakbo ko naman ang kwarto ni daddy para kunin ang kanyang gamot. I was seconds away from calling his doctor. He soon gets better at kinailangan lang na magpahinga na sa silid. I stayed with my dad for almost an hour. 

The moment I left his room, my body nearly gave up. My knees wobbled. Kaya imbis na umakyat sa kwarto ay nagpahinga muna ako sa sala. I sat down heavily on the sofa, exhausted. I felt like I lost all my energy for the day after what happened. I got so worried and scared. Pero kahit iyon ay hindi ko maaaring ipakita kay daddy dahil natatakot akong lumala ang lagay niya.

This is one of the reasons why I choose to leave my work to live with him. Gusto ko siyang mas maalagaan dahil kung minsan, kapag hindi kinakaya ang mga ganoong memory ay inaatake siya. It was my fault this happened. I know about the jetski and him and my mother. Hindi ko na dapat pinilit.

I quickly suppressed my sobs as a shadow moved on the side. Marahang inilapag ni Sirius ang malamig na baso ng tubig sa mesa. Nanatili akong nakadungaw doon at hindi hinayaang makita niya ng buo ang itsura ko. I waited for him to leave but he didn’t. Nanatili siya roong nakatayo at nakadungaw sa akin. 

“He’s going to be okay,” he reassured in a gentle voice. It almost made me want to agree but I know I shouldn’t. Mabilis akong umiling at pinalis ang luha sa aking pisngi.

“It’s my fault. Dapat mas binantayan ko ang mga ginagawa ko sa harap niya.” I finally looked up at him with a plea. “We should ask the employees back. Mas makakatulong kay daddy kung narito sila. Lalo na ang nurse niya. They know better what to do at times like this.”

His eyes narrowed. 

“Jaxon, please. My father needs them. We should stop this. You should…” umiling ako, “let us our employees go back. We don’t have to cut them. We have enough money to pay for all of them. What matters is my father’s health… Please, Jaxon, you should stop this.”

“You’re doing it again,” he pointed out in a cold tone. Napakurap ako. 

“Doing what?”

Kumuyom ang kanyang kamao at panga. He looked away to gain some self-control. He wanted to say something so I waited. Ngunit hindi niya iyon hinayaan. He looked back at me with his eyes like a dagger directed at me. Cold. Merciless. 

“You’re right.” He nodded and smirked. “It’s your fault. What happened to your father just now was all your fault. You’re insensitive. Too insensitive than you ever know.”

“What?”

He rolled his eyes at my confusion. Aminado ako na nagulat at nasaktan sa sinabi niya pero higit sa lahat ay ang pagtataka ko. He’s surely coming from something. Tumalikod siya nang wala ng ibang sinasabi. I stood and called for him. Diretso siya sa paglakad. Malalaki ang bawat hakbang na animo ay may gusto takasan. May gustong iwasan. 

At ako iyon.