Sulleimani, Sirius Jaxon (Book 2 of His Serenity)

Chapter 8

I jogged a little earlier the next day. Maaga akong nagising at alam kong hindi na ako makakatulog pa kaya naisipang simulan na ang araw. It surprised me to see Jaxon already up. Nasa dalampasigan at kaharap ang cellphone. Alam ko na kaagad kung sino ang kausap kaya hindi ko na inabala. Hindi na rin ako nagpakita pa.

He probably loves his girlfriend that much. Kulang na lang ay palagi silang magkaharap sa buong araw. If he resigned from here, they will have a lot of time with each other. Maaari pang magsama at hindi na kailanganin na palaging mag video call. 

Sa likod ng bahay ako ng jog. Muli kong nadaanan ang kubo na bodega at ang tinutuluyan ni Jaxon. I would go there if he didn’t consider it as his own. May alaala din naman ako riyan dahil kung minsan ay diyan kami nagtatago ni Rowan. Also, the last time Sirius escaped me from here. But I won’t go there now for his privacy. 

Pabalik sa bahay ay nasalubong ko ang paglabas naman ni Sirius gamit ang backdoor. I halted from jogging my way there to at least greet him. Bahagyang bumagal ang paglakad niya nang mamalayan ako. Ngunit marahil ay napuna niya ang balak kong pagbati. Umiwas siya ng tingin at binilisan ang paghakbang hanggang sa tuluyan na nga akong nalamapasan. It left me speechless and had no choice but to watch him retreating. It reminds me so much of our days in Qud’s School. Same old feeling. 

Pero dati naman ay hindi siya umiiwas sa akin ng ganyan. Ako pa nga ang tumatakbo palayo sa kanya noon dahil madalas na curfew hours na kaming magkita. Until I learned what he was for that school. 

I sighed and searched for my dad. Sa kusina ay nagkalat sa hangin ang nilutong almusal ni Sirius. Dad was on the veranda again. Tahimik. Hawak niya ang braille ngunit hindi binabasa. Nakatgil ang kanyang mga daliri dahil sa malalim na iniisip. I was thinking how I was going to make my presence known without startling him, or without making him know I caught him in his deep thoughts. 

Subalit palapit pa lang ako ay naramdaman na niya. He straightened up from his seat and moved his head to the side. Marahan niyang inilapag sa mesang nasa gilid ang braille. 

“Good morning, dad.” I smiled and crouched to kiss him on the cheek. Bumati rin siya pabalik. When I sat on the sofa, I knew he had something to say.

“I’m sorry I made you worry yesterday.”

“It’s fine, dad… Hindi mo naman po kailangan na humingi ng paumanhin. I’m here to take care of you. It’s my fault. Hindi ko na po sana pinilit.”

“No, please.” Kumunot ang noo niya. “Huwag mong sisihin ang sarili mo. I know what’s coming. I just can’t help but let the memories of your mom get to me. I miss her every day. I think of her every day. I know my condition gets worse overthinking, but that certain memory of your mom was so precious of me… I’m glad. You remind me so much of her. Thanks for coming here, Princess.”

Tipid akong ngumiti at inabot ang kanyang kamay upang marahan iyong pisilin. Bumalik sa alaala ko ang usapan namin kahapon ni Sirius at ang mga sinabi niya. I believed my dad’s words. But Sirius' words were also true. 

Perhaps I’m too insensitive. 

“Dad? I was thinking of asking Ate Candy and the rest to come back here.” I bit my lower lip as I think of Sirius. He will have to leave dahil tiyak na pamilyar ang mukha niya sa ilang mga tauhan namin. Lalo na ang mga matatagal ng guards. 

“Are you sure?... You don’t have to decide right now. Alam kong ganitong katahimikan ang gusto mo. Kung pababalikin mo sil dahil nag-aalala ka pa sa akin, I promise not to let it happen again. I will take care of myself, Princess. I want you to do what you truly what to do.”

“I want your good health and safety, too, dad.”

“Kung ganoon ay bakit mo pinaalis ang mga tauhan natin bago kami bumalik dito?” tanong niya na hindi ko masasagot. It wasn’t me. It was Sirius. But I couldn't tell that to him. “I think I’m slowly understanding your reason. You want this kind of peacefulness. You want us to be alone here… Kahit papaano ay nagpapasalamat ako na hinayaan mong nandito si SJ. He’s indeed a big help, don’t you think?”

Marahan na lang ako na tumango. 

It was another usual day for us. Pagkatapos ng tanghalian ay nagkulong ako sa silid para sana matawagan sina Leah at kamustahin pero mga abala sila sa trabaho sa ganoong oras. Seyer called, nangangamusta. Ngunit hindi pa halos nag-iisang minuto ay naputol din ang tawag. I know it wasn’t the signal because we have our own tower and Sirius was always in a video call. Kaya naman muli kong tinawagan at tumatawa pa nang sinagot. 

“Are you okay?” tanong ko sa namumungay niyang mga mata. I couldn’t tell where he is but the room was barely lit. Sa ganitong oras. “Are you drunk?”

He laughed. “Hell, no! Hang-over, yes… Sorry, I’m going to call you some other time. Bye!” And he ended the call. Kumunot ang noo ko. Naisipan kong tawagan si Uncle Steve para sa kanya kamustahin si Seyer pero tiyak na may gulo na namang pinasok ang isang iyon na hindi alam ng daddy niya. 

I don’t want to put him into more trouble by informing Uncle Steve of his unusual call. 

Saglit lang akong nakatulog pagkatapos noon. Bumangon din at nagpasya na maligong muli sa dagat. Dad was sleeping in his room and Sirius was nowhere inside the house. Wala rin siya sa dalampasigan kaya marahil ay nagpapahinga sa kubo niya. 

This time I brought the robe with me. Kumuha ako ng isang bato mula sa garden ng veranda at ipinatong iyon doon para hindi mahanginan. Sirius’ part of the island is the best place to idle here. May benches at naroon din ang ilang hammocks. May rock foundation din. But that’s his private space now. 

Wala sa sarili akong napairap nang maisip na marahil ay kausap na naman niya ang girlfriend niya. I’m doing him a favor. Kapag bumalik na rito sina Ate Candy ay pwede na rin siyang umalis. He can stay with his girlfriend. No need for an LDR. 

But my own thoughts made me feel bitter. I’m happy for him, I do. Kaya nga ba may pagkakataon na hindi ko maunawaan kung bakit ganito ang reaksyon ko. I helplessly stared at the jet ski on the side. Dahil sa nangyari ay hindi ko na muna susubukan. Siguro ay sa susunod na lang. 

I dipped in the water, and once again enjoyed it. While at it, naisipan ko rin na magtayo ng tent one day sa labas. Siguro ay aayain ko si daddy for a barbeque party. Sigiro naman ay papayag siya na magtayo ng tent at doon matulog ng isang gabi. I will check for the best night, and for where there’ll be lots of stars. 

Nang magising si daddy ay muli siyang naupo sa veranda. Sirius brought his snacks with him. Nang makaalis siya ay umahon ako para samahan si daddy. He immediately knew I was swimming. Alam ko na si Sirius ang nagsabi sa kanya. 

“You really enjoy swimming?... Basta ay huwag ka lang magpapagabi. Umahon ka rin kung masyadong lumakas ang alon… Your mom never wished to swim there before. At least not as much as you want.”

“Dad,” tawag ko sa pag-aalala dahil baka may hindi na naman magandang nangyari. 

He smiled to reassure me. “I’m fine, honey.”

“Your mom was a little stubborn, then. Mahirap kontrolin ang pagiging pasaway. It’s not easy to gain her trust but once you do, you’ll have it for a lifetime. Unless you break it.”

“Sa inyo po pala ako nagmana kung ganoon?” I joined him since I noticed he was enjoying the topic. “Ang sabi nina Mamita ay kay mommy. But I see, it’s you.”

“You’re wrong,” pagtanggi niya. “You’re as stubborn as your mom. As I saw it in you at a very young age. If I wasn't so hard on you, then, I knew your stubbornness would be so much like your mom.”

“Maayos n’yo po akong napalaki, dad. Wala po akong pinagsisihan sa paraan ng pagpapalaki n’yo sa akin.”

He only smiled in agreement. Dumating si Sirius para naman sa snacks ko na hindi ko naman inutos. Tinanggap ko lang din at hindi na nagsalita dahil nagugutom din naman. I frowned when his eyes lingered on me and my bathing suit. I unconsciously covered my body with the robe. 

Ilang minuto pa ng tinagal bago siya umiwas ng tingin. It was too late because I felt so nervous already. And I think he meant it. 

Bumalik akong muli sa paliligo. I don’t have a plan to watch the sunset pero nang makita ko ang pagsisimula noon ay muli akong naakit. I sat on the sand. My arms embracing my knees as I looked up at it. 

“And you don’t believe you’re stubborn?” 

Sirius’ voice startled me. Masyadong napalakas ang pagsinghap ko na malamig niya lang tinitigan. I pursed my lips to hide the shock but to no avail. My heart was palpitating at what happened. 

“Y-You’re here.” I glanced at the setting sun again. 

“You should come inside.” 

Kumunot ang noo ko. “S-Sandali lang naman ito. Papasok din ako mamaya.”

“It’ll be dark, then. Your father told you not to stay here until dark.”

Sandaling hindi ko malaman ang sasabihin. In fact, I was considering his words already. Nasa isip ko na na tatayo na para sundin ang sinabi niya. But something was stopping me. I bit my lower lip. 

“Will it make me more insensitive if I don’t listen to you?”

“Yes,” malamig niyang sinabi na nagpalingon sa akin. Nanatili siyang nakadungaw sa akin. Doon ko lang namalayan na hawak na niya ang roba ko at marahang pinapag ang buhanging nakakapit doon. “I don’t remember the last time you ever listen to me.”

Here we go again. Tumayo ako at hinarap siya. Tinanggap ko ang roba na kaswal niyang inabot. It frustrated me when he immediately turned around. He had taken three steps when I called him. Luckily, he listened and topped. Kunot ang noo ang humarap muli sa akin. 

“Tell me,” taas noo kong sinabi. “I will listen. Tell me everything. Tell me what you think. Tell me, why we’re like this…” I gestured my hand in between us. “Why are we in this situation again?”

His face remains vacant. And as cold as his expression was, he’s still such a beauty. The wind was blowing his hair but it never got messy. His curl was dancing with the wind. The beautiful colors of the setting sun illuminated his face and all his outstanding features. We may both grow, but he’s still that Sirius I know. His expression became hard like that of his brother. But his cold eyes were the same. It was familiar. Too familiar that it somehow hurts. 

“You know why,” he answered, and it left me hopeful. I feel like he’s willing to finally talk about it. “But it’ll never be because you choose this or you decide for it.”

“What do you mean?”

Frustrated about something, he rolled his eyes and looked away. He glared at the sunset behind me. Nang muli akong lingunin ay matalim na ng tingin. Wala siyang ibang sinasabi kaya hindi ko rin maintindihan ang reaskyon niya. 

“I-I’ll go back now, then,” wala sa sarili kong sinabi dahil sa pagtataka. I just know that I shouldn’t provoke him any further. “You can go first. You should prepare dinner now. Susunod ako.”

He narrowed his eyes but said nothing. Tahimik siyang tumalikod at bumalik nga sa bahay. Nang tuluyan na siyang makalayo ay saka lang ako nakahinga nang maluwag. I turned around and sighed at the sunset. I guess I’ll have to let this one pass today. Ibinalik ko ang bathrobe sa buhanginan at isang beses pang sumisid upang alisin ang mga buhangin sa katawan. I was cleaning the robe off dirt when the light on the west part got my attention. Hindi na kasing liwanag kaya dati dahil hindi lang lamp post ay binubuksan. We can still turn it on if we want pero dahil si Sirius na ang naroon at gusto niya nang ganoon ay…

My thoughts halted as I imagined his cabin. Empty since Sirius is busy cooking. Hindi iyon kita mula rito pero ang kaalaman na wala siya roon ay nagpaahon sa kaba ko. Malakas ang kalabog ng aking dibdib. I knew what I was thinking wasn’t right, but I could already feel the thrill. 

I glanced at the house once before putting the robe around me to fight off the cool wind. Hindi na nagdalawang isip pa ay tinahak ko ang landas patungo sa mga cabin sa West. I have one particular cabin in mind. 

I know I just said I’d respect his privacy but I want to end my curiosity once and for all. 

Halos hindi ko na ramdam ang kaba nang marating iyon. Nilingon ko ang malayong pintuan sa kusina. Madilim sa loob at tanging liwanag lang na mula sa LED lights sa puno ang nagbibigay liwanag sa labas. At ang papalubog ng araw. Without stopping, I entered the cabin. The last memory of how I barged in here resurfaced in me. He didn’t like it. It didn’t go well. 

But this is my chance. 

Sigurado ako kanina na hindi niya dala ang cellphone kanina. It wasn’t in his back pocket earlier. Aminado ako na ito ang dahilan kung bakit pinauna ko siya. Hindi ko nga lang naiisip na gagawin ko talaga. 

Hindi ako nagsayang ng oras at sinimulan ang paghahanap sa cellphone niya. Mabilis akong pinagpawisan dahil sa ginagawa. I made sure not to ruin anything and kept the place as it is. 

“I can’t find it,” I muttered to myself as I questioned my decision. Maybe it wasn’t there. Maybe he has it with him. His girlfriend will call anytime, anyway. He needs to have his phone always with him. 

My thoughts sound bitter. Balak ko nang sumuko sa plano nang matanaw ko ang hinahanap sa ibaba ng deck. My mood quickly changed. I picked it up from the small table and almost gasped loudly that it wasn’t locked. Ang wallpaper niya ay pares ng soccer shoes na hindi ko na pinagtuunan ng pansin. I quickly searched for some apps, but the slamming door startled me. I turned around as Sirius locked the door and strode towards me. He stepped on the wet floor I didn’t even notice. 

Matalim ang tingin niya nang pasadahan ng kabuuan ko ang ang hindi pa natutuyong bathing suit ko. I apologetically looked up at his dark expression and muttered a quick apology. 

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo?” matigas niyang tanong dahilan nang direktang pagtama ng mainit niyang hininga sa aking mukha. 

“Nothing!” I exclaimed in defense. I showed him my empty hands as if to prove my innocence. “It’s nothing.”

Mataman niya akong tinitigan. He tilted his head to the side, and I knew he could tell I was lying. Umiwas ako ng tingin at humakbang upang lampasan siya. Ngunit natigilan nang mag vibrate ang cellphone niya sa mesa. 

Hindi ko sigurado kung napuna niya ang pagbabago sa kinalalagyan noon. He didn’t mind. He simply answered the call and turned around to watch me as I planned to leave. Pero hindi ako dumiretso nang marinig ang malamyos na boses ng babae. I disappointed him to see me here again but he did his best to hide it. He did his best to soften his expression for his girlfriend. 

I know I shouldn’t be here. Mali ang ginawa ko at tanggap ko iyon. I should leave now habang may pagkakataon pa. I pursed my lips and pursued myself to just leave in silence… but I couldn’t help it. 

Something possessed me. It was wrong just thinking of it but I let my emotion took over me and my action. I snatched the phone from him and ran for the door. He shouted for my name but I didn’t stop until I was facing the sea. He angrily called for my name one last time before the phone came out flying to the water. 

“Serenity!”

It still hasn’t sunk in on me. I even got disappointed that I failed to throw it away. Bahagyang nangingig ang kamay ko kaya sa malapit lang naihagis. Sirius stepped next to me and helplessly stared at the water. Doon ko lang din namalayan ang ambon at kung papanong papalakas na ito. 

I didn’t dare glance at Sirius. Tumakbo ako palayo at pabalik sa bahay. Malapit na ako nang dumagundong ang kulog sa kalangitan na para bang galit din iyon sa ginawa ko. Napatili ako sa gulat at napatigil. Muli ring nagpatuloy dahil sa kidlat na animo’y hinahabol ako.