The Player's Fallback

Basketball

“Do you have something to say to me, Kira?”

Napakurap kurap ako at nasalubong ng tingin ang nagtatanong na mga mata ng Kuya Gelo ko. Mukhang kanina pa s’ya salita ng salita base sa tingin na ipinupukol n’ya ngayon sa akin. Napaayos ako ng upo at sunod sunod na umiling.

“Nothing. Why?” Maang na tanong ko na pilit na ginawang normal ang tinig. The truth is, I was zoning out a lot these days because of what Mitz offered me. Ang lakas lakas ng loob ko na sabihin sa Mama ni Mitz at kay Mitz mismo na walang kaso sa pamilya ko kung magtatrabaho ako bilang isang Yaya sa apo ng dating amo nito samantalang heto ako ngayon at hindi alam kung paanong io-open up ang tungkol doon kahit sa Kuya ko lang.

I am not really close to my parents to the point that I can share just anything to them. Ang Kuya ko ang palaging nasasabihan ko tungkol sa kahit na ano, including about my love life. I bit my lower lip as I remembered again about my ex-boyfriend. A part of me is still guilty because I hid from him about the reason for our breakup. They were quite close and that’s one of the reasons why I have decided to hide it. I don’t want my brother to interfere with my own problem. Masyadong malaki na ang responsibilidad n’ya sa pamilya pa lang namin kaya hindi ko na dapat pang dagdagan ‘yon lalo na kung tungkol lang naman sa love life ko.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi naman ako nasasaktan dahil naghiwalay kami pero hindi ko s’ya agad makalimutan. Maybe it was stuck in my head that I am partly responsible for the reason why he chose to cheat on me. Maybe I had my fair share of shortcomings that’s why he did that. Siguro nga ay tama si Mitz na nakatatak sa isip ko na kasalanan ko kung bakit kami nag-break.

Arkin and I were in a relationship for eight long years. My family knew a lot about him and about us. Hindi naman kasi ako yung tipo na itatago ang gano’ng bagay sa pamilya ko. Lalo na at kilala rin ang pamilya namin, so I don’t have to hide something that might probably cause trouble to our name sooner or later kapag itinago ko at naging komplikado ang lahat. And I am not really fond of dating secretly. Kung para sa iba ay may thrill iyon, para sa akin, magiging sakit lang ‘yon ng ulo. The risk of cheating in a secret relationship is quite high. Iyon ngang alam ng publiko na taken ay nagagawa pang maloko at manloko, iyon pa kayang tinatago ang relasyon sa publiko? Bitterness filled my whole thoughts when I remember that I was one of those who have been cheated on while dating publicly!

“Kira!”

Nagulat pa ako nang magsalita ulit si Kuya. This time, he was standing right in front of me, looking so suspicious while crossing his arms. Napasinghap ako at pinilit pa ring maging kalmado habang sinasalubong ang nanunuri n’yang tingin. “You’re zoning out. Are you having trouble with something?” Usisa nito. Napalunok na ako at naging kabado dahil sa paraan ng pagtatanong n’ya. Kapag ganyan si Kuya ay ibig sabihin, nagdududa s’ya sa akin. He probably knew that I was hiding something from him. But knowing him, he won’t ask, unless I will be the one to tell him. Kahit masyado kaming close at masyado s’yang protective sa akin ay pinapahalagahan n’ya pa rin ang privacy ko at gano’n din naman ako sa kanya. Susubok s’yang magtanong pero hindi n’ya ako pipilitin na magsalita kung ayaw kong sabihin, just like what he’s doing now. Mabilis na umiling ako.

“Nothing, Kuya. I was just thinking about the result of my board exams. Ilang buwan na lang ay malalaman ko na ‘yon. I was trying to reconsider my original plan if ever I pass the exams,” sagot ko. That was partly true, though. A part of me was quite thinking about the future. Hindi naman sa pagiging futuristic, pero I am used to always plan things ahead. Rushing things isn’t actually my thing. I want everything to fall perfectly into their proper place.

“What do you mean? You’re trying to reconsider working in Europe?” Kunot na kunot na ang noo n’ya nang tanungin ako. Napalunok ako at hindi kinaya ang panunuri sa titig n’ya. Matagal ko ng plano iyon at iyon talaga ang balak ko pero dahil sa offer ni Mitz ay hindi ko alam kung bakit parang biglang nagbago ang isip ko. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi matutuloy ang plano ko kung itutuloy ko ang pagiging Yaya.

“Y-you’re going to stay here for good, right? So, I was thinking that maybe I should just stay here, too-”

“Seriously, Kira? Am I really the reason why you want to reconsider your original plan?” Puno ng pagdududa ang tingin n’ya sa akin kaya lalo akong hindi napakali sa upuan. “Or there’s another reason why you want to just stay here, hmm?” Nanliit ang mga mata n’ya sa akin.

“W-what do you mean, Kuya? Ano namang magiging dahilan ko kung bakit hindi na ako aalis dito? Of course, I wanted to be here with you. I bet, Mom and Dad will also like the idea-”

“Did you start dating again? Or maybe just planning to consider it?” Nakataas ang kilay na tanong n’ya. Napaawang ang bibig ko dahil sa sinabi n’ya at agad na natawa. Akala ko pa naman ay magtatanong s’ya tungkol sa amin ni Arkin, but I guess, he’s still doesn’t have any idea that Arkin was partly the reason why I need to reconsider my original plan. Because I need to find ways to totally get over him and get back to my usual self. And working as a nanny might be a good start for me so I need to stay here until I am able to forgive myself. Until I’m able to understand that not all the things that are planned ahead will be successful.

Just until I totally forget about him. Maybe, I can reconsider my original plan again and continue my dream. Siguro kapag okay na ang sistema ko, pwede na akong umalis. Natatawang umiling ako kay Kuya.

“Dating is the last thing on my mind right now, Kuya,” sagot ko at natatawang tinanguan s’ya. “Ikaw dapat ang mag asawa para naman mapatigil mo na si Mommy sa pagtatrabaho!” Kantyaw ko sa kanya. Ngumiwi s’ya na parang hindi kaaya aya ang sinabi ko.

“There’s a right time for that, my dear sister,” sagot nito kaya natawa na s’ya. “Anyway, do you know where Wesley University is?” Tanong n’ya kaya napako ang atensyon ko sa kanya.

“Of course. That was Mitz’ dream school,” sagot ko dahil alam na alam kong pangarap ni Mitz na makapasok sa school na ‘yon dahil marami raw gwapong nag-aaral sa school na ‘yon. I rolled my eyes as I remember how she always drag me there to watch basketball, na palagi ko namang tinatanggihan noon dahil seloso si Arkin at ayaw na ayaw n’yang nakikipag usap ako sa ibang mga lalaki pwera nalang kung personal n’yang kakilala. Tsk!

Kunyari pang possesive sa’yo. ‘Yun naman pala, s’ya ang may ginagawang kalokohan!

“Who’s Mitz? Your friend?” Kunot noong tanong n’ya. Tumango ako at napangisi. I wanna add that Mitz has a crush on him but I immediately discarded the idea. Malalagot ako kay Mitz kapag nalaman ni Kuya na crush n’ya ito.

“Yes, Kuya. She will be your apprentice in LEF soon,” sagot ko at inusisa kung bakit s’ya nagtatanong tungkol sa Wesley University. “Why are you asking about that school?”

“Oh, that? May laro kami mamaya doon with their varsity team,” sagot n’ya at umangat ang tingin sa akin mula sa pag pindot ng kung ano sa phone n’ya. “Tamang tama, wala ka namang gagawin mamayang after lunch hindi ba? You can accompany me there. I will introduce you to my teammates,” nakangiting sabi n’ya. Dating team captain ng basketball team si Kuya Gelo noong college kaya hindi na ako nagtataka na kahit kakarating lang n’ya dito sa Pinas ay maglalaro na kaagad s’ya. Walang nagawang tumango na lang ako at agad na nagningning ang mga mata nang maalala si Mitz.

“Can I ask Mitz to come with us, Kuya? I mean, she loves basketball,” and you. Ungot ko sa kanya. Hindi naman na s’ya nag-isip at tumango nalang basta.

“Go ahead. You can invite her,” sagot naman n’ya kaya agad na napangiti ako at nagmamadaling umakyat sa itaas para tawagan si Mitz. She will surely get crazy if she found out that she will be watching my Kuya play today!