Before June

Before June: Six✓

“Dra.” I stopped her from going out of my room. I stopped drawing in my sketchbook and looked at the apparatus attached to me. “What if this doesn’t work?”

She turned to me and smiled. “What if it does?” she replied. “No one knows, sweety. All you can do is to continue your treatment, follow all the rules, and believe it will work.”

She walked out of my room and closed the door. I was just stunned by the wind and didn’t know what to think. What if not? After all the months, I became a rebel and I ignore the rules because it makes me feel uncontrolled. Now I just realized all my stupidities then, I ignored the rules, didn’t follow all the things Dra. Valencia told me and didn’t think about how people who love me will feel because it just makes me feel uncontrolled. Mature.

I sighed and continued drawing to finish it and get to the gym to work out. Just believe it will work, An.

I was finishing my drawing when my iPad next to me vibrated. I looked at the caller first before I answered it, it was Phoe.

“Hey girl!” he greeted me with a smirk on his lips. He tilted the cellphone he was holding to show the food he had gotten. “I got a delicious food.”

He really knows how to annoy me. He knows I can’t refuse when it comes to food. You know, food is life! Early in the morning, he’s annoying me again. Our food was just as delicious, but it was just a different dish!

“Whatever, asshole!” I rolled my eyes at him. He’s making me hungry again! I just finished eating!

“b***h!” he teased. “See you in the gym!” he said before dropping the call. What the— he’s the one who called but then he just dropped the call without saying goodbye or even with my permission! I should be the one to drop the call!

A great idea popped up in my head. After all, he ruined my mood today, I’ll ruin his mood, too, for fair. I called him again. Less than three rings he had already answered it.

“What? You miss—“ Before he could even finish what he was going to say, I dropped the call immediately. What a nice morning. I also got revenge on him.

I put my things aside before getting up to go to the gym. While walking down the hallway, I couldn’t help but look at the patient sitting in the wheelchair as his parents pushed him. I admit I miss them. I miss Mom, Dad, Cleo, Grandma, Grandpa. I shook my head and averted my eyes. I don’t want to be sad thinking about how much I miss them and want to hug them.

I just accelerated my walk so that I could go to the gym right away. When I got in front of the gym’s door, I coughed again. I pushed the door with my right hand so I could enter. As soon as I set foot inside, my eyes immediately searched for Phoe’s presence, but he was not there.

I immediately went to the manual treadmill to warm up. I’m just wearing a fitted black legging, a white sports b*a, and a white rubber shoe. I’m sure Phoe will be wearing a very simple t-shirt and shorts again and when he comes here, he will tease me again because of what I’m wearing.

And I was right when I heard his annoying voice by my side. “Hey, girl! Hot,” he teased.

Can someone make him shut up? He’s so annoying.

“I’ve known that for a long time.” I flipped my hair and rolled my eyes at him. “Just now did you notice?”

He covered his mouth with his left hand as his eyes widened, seemingly shocked at what I had said. “Lorei, is that you?” He glared at me. “Where’s Anna? Where did you take her? What did you do to her?”

I rolled my eyes. “Why don’t you just exercise there?”

“Killjoy,” he whispered but I still heard it. I ignored him and went to the elliptical machine also known as a cross-trainer. It can help strengthen your heart, lungs, and muscles while boosting your stamina, improving your balance and burning a lot of calories.

I was just quietly doing my exercise and so was Phoe who stopped from teasing me. It’s good that he stopped because if he doesn’t, I’ll actually feed him my towel so he can be quiet.

But that’s what I thought.

“Ew, you’re such a haggard and sweaty girl,” he commented. Of course, I’m sweaty and haggard because I am exercising for Pete’s sake! Where is his brain? Can someone find it for him? I glared at him sharply, warning him to shut up or else.

“Don’t look at me like that, it’s as if you’re exposing yourself to me. Let me guess, you’re already torturing me in your brain, aren’t you?” He flipped his imaginary hair. “But it’s okay, I’m still beautiful and you can’t approach me.”

I stopped exercising and took the tumbler that was filled with water I was carrying, while still looking badly at Phoe who was a few meters away from me, doing treadmills.

I sat down next to the transparent window to relax. I coughed a few times and caught my breath. I closed my eyes and leaned my back against the cement, every breath I took was heavy because I couldn’t breathe that much. Next, I will go to the pool for swimming. This is a private hospital; everything is also complete and I’m doing aerobic exercise.

Aerobic exercise helps cystic fibrosis patients improve lung function by loosening mucus and causing coughing, builds stamina, improves mood, strengthens muscles, especially the breathing muscles and heart. Improves the quality of sleep, helps with weight management, and more.

“You, okay?” Phoe asked, worried was visible in his voice.

I opened my eyes and rolled my eyes at him, that’s my way of saying I’m okay. It’s normal to get tired because I’m also a human, getting tired physically, emotionally, and mentally. After all, I exercise and it’s normal to get tired when you just finished exercising. People are just overreacting like they're seeing you weak, needing help at all times just because you are sick. Like you can’t manage yourself even though you can. It sucks.

I got up from my seat and took the towel and small bag I had brought to go to my room. I remember that I was going to call Ava and Mia to settle everything. Tomorrow I will just continue my plan to go to the pool to swim.

“I’ll be ahead of you; I still have work to do.”

“You’re lying. You’ll talk to your two friends, won’t you?” He grinned. “You can’t lie to me; I know you very well.”

I just rolled my eyes at him and walked to the gym door. I stopped and turned to look at him. “You’re so sweaty, yuck!” I teased. “And you smell gross.”

He frowned, sniffed himself, and whispered something that I couldn’t hear, checking if he really smells bad or I am just making fun of him. I giggled.

I smiled as I walked out of the gym and left him there smelling himself. He’s obsessed with what he looks like and smells. He is very self-clean, he is even more self-conscious than I am who has no self-awareness.

“YOU’RE EVIL, ANNALIZE LOREI VANIDESTINE!” he shouted my whole name, making people stop from what they’re doing and looked at the gym, especially nurses and doctors. But I just laughed at him and continued walking towards my room.

I took my phone from my pocket to mocked him more.

To Demon Phoe:

Demon Phoe.

From Demon Phoe:

Devil Annalize.┐( ˘_˘)┌

I laughed and put my phone back in my pocket, didn’t bother to chat back.

When I got in my room, I took a bath first and got dressed before I picked up my iPad that was on my bed to call Mia and Ava. I took a deep breath before I called them. The three of us had a group chat but it wasn’t as noisy as it used to be since that accident happened. No one should be blamed for what happened, so I can’t understand why they blame Mia for imitating me. I am the one who decided to go, not her.

Ava answered the call first. “Hi!” She smiled. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. How are you? Where’s Mia?” I asked. “Why don’t you even call me?”

Mia then joined the video call; they could only see both foreheads and the whole call was silent. I was also quiet and waiting for them to ask or speak first. I’m not the type of person who’ll speak first or start a conversation because I don’t know how.

“Anna—” they said at once.

I suppressed my laughter by biting my tongue. The surroundings became quiet again. A long awkward silence enveloped us. What is just happening?

“We’re—” they once said in union.

They glared at each other. “Copycat.”

“Are you imitating me?”

“You’re annoying.”

“Stop copying me!” They both yelled at the same time and once again glared at each other.

My mouth forms 'o' because of their virtual fight. Isn’t there a day they don’t fight? And do they have the same brain, so they say the same thing? Or is there an invisible string connected to the two of them? Or are the twins just like that?

I wonder what will happen to them if they spend 24 hours together in a room. Will they hurt or kill each other or vice versa?

I blinked and went back to reality as they were still fighting. They are like dogs and cats.

“Will you both stop fighting or I’ll just hang up this call so you two will just fight?” I exhaled. “I still have a lot to do.”

They both fell silent, but they are still glaring at each other like at any time the two of them would tweak if they were just side by side, but I just ignored it.

“About last time...” I inhaled. “I’m sorry for the mess. Especially to you, Mia. I’m sorry if you were spoken badly because of what happened. There is no one to blame but me, because I decided to come with you and it’s not your decision, Mia, it’s my decision. I’m really sorry to both of you. I’m sorry if I dragged you two to this mess.”

My eyes were closed while saying those because I don’t want to see their reactions. This is my first time saying sorry to them and it was so awkward for me. I slowly opened my one eye to see what’s going on and I saw both of them crying like a baby, especially Ava while Mia was hiding her face but from the trembling of her shoulder, I knew she was crying.

Weak sobs enveloped our call, and I was also ready to cry because I could see them crying but I just held it back. I never cry, not in front of anyone even to my family.

“We were sorry, too,” they said together while wiping away their tears.

“We are like fools here,” Mia uttered and laughed.

“It’s like we’re really an idiot.”

I chuckled. “You two are crying, babies.”

“We’re not!” They frowned.

I just laughed at them, making them frown and pout at the same time. They are really cute together. Ava, the soft one and shameless in showing her emotions because she’s the type of girl who doesn’t care about what people think of her. While Mia doesn’t want to show her emotions, just the fearless face of her, but deep inside, she’s the softest among us.

After a few minutes of drama they just tell stories like they always do, and I just listened to them and laughed at them like I always do. Though I still needed to study so they did nothing but nod when I said I would still need to study. At first, they insisted but they don’t have a choice but to let me go, study.

“Bye, don’t forget to eat your lunch!” Ava reminded me and narrowed her eyes at me.

I chuckled. “Yes, Mom.”

“Favoritism,” Mia rolled her eyes at her sister. “You don’t talk to me like that, and you also don’t call me like that when Mom told you to call me.”

“Whatever!” Ava flipped her hair and rolled her eyes at her.

“See?”

I shrugged and bid my goodbye before dropping the call. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes to sleep, I feel so tired. Maybe I’ll just study later.

I was not even half asleep when there was a knock on my door, I still heard the door open, but I did not open my eyes.

When he or she saw that maybe I was asleep because my eyes were closed, he or she didn’t bother to wake me up and just put my food on my table. When I smelled the aroma of the food, I immediately stood up from my bed and immediately lost the drowsiness I felt. I went to my table and started eating. I don’t know what the name of the food is, but it looks delicious so it’s okay.

My mouth was still full of food when my iPad vibrated again, only to see Phoe with a smirk on his face, as usual.

“What did you get?” Phoe asked while smiling.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m already half of it,” I answered and showed my plate that was messy.

“Gross.” He made a face and shook his head. “It’s as if you haven’t eaten for a few thousand years. What are you? A pig?”

I scoffed. “You’re just being so overreacted!” I looked at my plate. “It’s not that riotous, you’re just so killjoy!”

“Blah! Blah! Blah! Whatever, cous’. Bye! I’ll go get some sleep,” he mumbled.

I just let him go and just kept eating. When he dropped the call, I just watched anime. After that, I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes with a loose feeling I’ve never felt before but still I feel like I’m still really missing something and I know what is it.

As time goes by I know I will also accept the truth and everything will be fine as before, i jus needed to believe as what doctor Valencia said. But there’s still a part of me that doesn’t want to accept the truth and forgive, it’s like I don't want to forgive yet. Maybe I needed to forgive myself first?