Before June

In this world, death is inevitable. People know that death and life are best friends. We know that death and life aren’t opposite; death is part of life and life is part of death. But have you ever asked yourself about what if tomorrow may not come? What if tomorrow, you will not be able to wake up again? And you can no longer see the sun and moon at night? In this world, money and profession are important. If you don’t have money and work, you will not be able to buy food or your essential things. Also, you’ll die because of hunger. But do our daily needs are more important than life? Will you spend your life working just to accumulate big money and get rich than be contented with what you have, helping others, and live your life to the fullest? Yes, it matters because if you don’t have any money, you will not be able to help others and do the things you want. But a simple life will do. Life is priceless, money can’t buy life. No one knows what will be going to happen next. So while you’re still breathing, go and fly. Go and do the things you always wanted to do and live your life to the fullest. Only then we can see the value of life when we’re running out of time to stay longer as we want and explore things. “Are you okay, Miss?” a baritone voice asked on my back. His voice was cold yet a bit worriedness was visible to his voice. His voice was lifeless, but his aura was like for celestial beings. With my thumb, I wiped the tears dripping down on my cheeks and looked far away from him—for him to not see my swollen eyes and as red as a tomato nose. I didn’t say anything. I just ignored him and watched the sun as it appeared behind the horizon, painting the sky with the shades of orange and yellow. “Hey, Miss. Are you okay?” he asked again. “Yes,” I answered, still not looking in his direction. I’m okay, I’m always. But now negativity eats all my positivity, thinking that one day, I’ll never see the sun rises on the horizon, I’ll not be able to embrace my loved ones, and I’ll not be able to taste the delicious food in downtown again. A deafening silence enveloped us and only the chirping of birds and the dancing of the wind with the trees were the sounds that could be heard around us. Every breath I take is heavy as if at any moment I will faint because of the tightness of my chest. I immediately took the medicines and water from the small bag I bought. I forgot to take my medicine this morning before I headed here to the mountain to watch the sun rises on the horizon. Because of dither, I lost in my mind that I was with someone else, and he just saw me taking my meds and losing of breath which I never let anyone see. And now intently looking at me like he was studying all my actions. I averted my eyes and put all my medicines back in my little bag. It was so awkward; the atmosphere was awkward because of the scene that happened. A stranger just saw me taking my medicine! The surroundings became quieter while I’m trying my best to breathe because I couldn’t stand his presence. But I’m trying my best to pull myself back. I came here to have a peaceful mind, but this is what happened. Now, I don’t know if it’s right for me to come here or not. “You’re afraid of something, aren’t you?” he said, breaking the endless silence that had bombarded us. I looked into his direction who was now beside me. I didn’t even notice that he sat next to me, but it didn’t bother me that much. “We are all afraid of something,” I answered. I tried to change the topic because I feel like he knows something about me that even my parents and close friends didn’t know. “Yeah, right. You’re afraid of dying, right?” he mumbled, not even looking at me. I didn’t react. “Are you sure? How can you be sure I’m scared to death?” “Everyone is afraid of death. They just can’t admit it because of their egos. Even when they say they’re already ready for their death, the truth is they’re still afraid of it thinking what would happen to them next and what would happen to their loved ones when the time comes that they will leave here on earth,” he straightly stated. It hit me badly. He’s right, I’m afraid that I just couldn’t admit it because I don’t want anyone to worry about me, to look at me with pity in their eyes. Because it will just make me feel weaker. But I still insist, to tell the truth, acting like he doesn’t know anything about me, like he doesn’t know that I’m afraid of death. My forehead furrowed. “How can you say so?” My time is running and I know that I won’t last much longer no matter how hard they try. I can feel it, but I don’t want to just give up because I want to stay longer. I still want to be on their side and take care of them like they always do to me. I know that anytime by now, I’ll leave them. I’ll finally fly. He looked at my direction, emotionlessly looking straight into my black eyes. His pitch-black eyes were illuminated by the sun, so it became the same color as chocolate. “Because I’m a guardian.” I was blinded by the sun’s light, so I put my hands on my forehead to cover the sunlight that was blinding me. But when my eyesight becomes clear, the man beside me was nowhere to be found. I was just sitting there alone, living me with a hundred questions in my mind.