Before June

Before June: Eleven✓

Location: Malay, Aklan.

I was just looking at the clouds, admiring them. My air pods slammed in my ears while playing a melodious song, drowned in my thoughts. It was soothing, it relaxed me and gave me peace of mind that I never had before. I want to get lost in the sea of clouds.

It seemed so peaceful. If I could just live here, I would never get tired of looking at the clouds.

Someone tapped my shoulder which caused me to come back to reality. I turned my head to Elm who was beside me.

“I’ll just sleep. Wake me up when we’re already landed,” he ordered.

I just nodded as a response and looked outside the window again. He wanted to be by the window, but I complained so we argued earlier but in the end, I still won so I’m the one who’s beside the window.

I lifted the cell phone I was holding to see if they had even texted or called but to my disappointment, I received nothing. Even just a simple text saying how happy they are for me; I should just enjoy my trip, or they are proud of me for making it this far.

I sighed and just put my cell phone on my lap, accepting they wouldn’t be happy with the decision I made, rested my head on my seat, and just looked outside the window of the plane.

I also took a short clip in clouds and inside the plane for a video I will upload on my YouTube soon, but my face isn’t included. Yes, I am also a vlogger, but no one knows who’s behind those clips I am uploading. I wanted to be unknown so if I would die, they wouldn’t notice my disappearance, they wouldn’t know that the person behind those vlogs had already died.

In my vlogs, I am an open book, they know what I am feeling. It’s like they’ve become my listeners to all of my rants in life, they’ve been there through ups and downs. It is like a safe zone of mine. A place where I could be me, a place where I could decide for myself, a place where I could choose my happiness first over others.

I also didn’t expect people would watch my vlogs. I even reached one million subscribers a month ago and it was so unexpected. I just made videos like that to ease the pain, the loneliness I felt. So, it really is surreal to me. Though I couldn’t upload a vlog every day or every week because sometimes, my body is weak and I can’t do anything but lay down on my bed, waiting for my body to heal.

Maybe this will be my last vlog I could make because sooner or later, no one knows, I can die. My vlog is a safe place for everyone, I am allowing them to use the comment section to comment on all their rants, pain, etc. they have in their life. I deleted all the negative comments and muted them. I am also commenting sometimes to comfort them because I know the feeling of not being able to tell others how you feel because you are afraid of something, you or we are afraid they might just judge us.

I also took a picture of the clouds through the window. In the photo, I intentionally included the wing of the plane we were boarding for my followers to know that I’m living one of my dreams and so they are too. I posted it on my i********: account with a caption ‘Living my dreams.’

After an hour on the plane, we finally landed safely at Caticlan airport. I purse my lips to prevent a smile. I couldn’t help but get excited. My heart was beating fast and it seemed to be leaping in joy. I slowly tapped Elm’s face to wake him up when people started to go downstairs.

“Wake up or I will leave you here,” I warned but he still isn’t waking up. I frowned and massaged my temple. How can I wake him up?

When a great idea popped up in my mind, I smirked. I hardly slapped his cheeks causing him to open his eyes. He gently massaged his cheeks and looked at me sharply. I hesitantly smiled and made a peace sign on my hand. Such a wrong idea.

“Sorry,” I apologized like a soft dog, ready to be scolded by her owner. I raised my one hand in the air. “I swear, I didn’t mean it.”

He ignored me and took things out to go down. I pouted. I chased him but he just took our bags and put them on his shoulder while his other hand held a suitcase, my suitcase, and still didn’t pay attention to me. He was just continuing walking ‘till he approached the white car, maybe it was a private taxi. He put our stuff in the back of the car that I don’t know where it came from and opened the back seat door.

I was just quiet the whole trip to the hotel we booked. I didn’t bother Elm anymore and just let him keep quiet, maybe he’s just like that when he wakes up. My eyes were droopy from tiredness and drowsiness, but I tried not to sleep. But in the end, I still slept inside the car.

I no longer knew what happened next and who carried me to my room. I just woke up in an unfamiliar room, white and wood are almost all the colors of the furniture. Beach vibes, it looks really clean, I love it and it was already dark outside when I woke up, even though I didn’t want to stand on my bed my stomach rumbled so I took a shower and wore a white oversize t-shirt and pajamas to go down and eat. That man, he didn’t even wake me up!

When I came out of the room and saw Elm in the living room watching a movie. “I’m going downstairs to eat; do you want to come along?”

“You finally woke up, I’ve been waiting for you to wake up,” he complained.

“You can eat without me.” I rolled my eyes. “I also didn’t say wait for me to wake up before you eat or you should at least wake me up so I could eat, too.”

“Is that the way you say thank you?” He crossed his arms. “You should be thankful someone like me waited for you.”

“And why?” I raised one eyebrow and crossed my arms.

“Because I’m handsome!” He put his hand in his pocket, closed his eyes, and smiled.

“Yuck!” I threw a handkerchief in his face and went out first to our hotel room. Yes, we were going to stay together on the same roof, though we were not going to sleep together in the same room. Our hotel room had two rooms.

“Wait, there’s food here!”

I immediately went in and went straight to the kitchen to look for food, ignoring him. I gritted my teeth and went back to the living room to confront him. Is he messing with me? I’m hungry!

“You scam! There’s no food there!”

“Who even said that the food is there? The food is here.” He made a face. My cheeks heated in embarrassment, I looked away and pretended to be looking at my phone.

“What are you looking at?” I turned my gaze to him and fakely smiled.

“My phone?”

He pursed his lips. “You have your phone in your hand.”

I blinked many times and looked at my hands, my phone was really in my hands. My cheeks burned more. I looked away and sat down beside him. I even made an excuse, but it also went wrong. What a shame. Where is my brain flying again? My eyes twinkle when I see a lot of food on the table, completely forgetting the embarrassing action I made.

I immediately took food and started eating. I’m starving already. I haven’t eaten anything this afternoon since I fell asleep. He just let me eat and mind his own business.

I stopped eating when I felt a strange aura coming from him. I looked at my right side to see him. His lips were pressed together, furrowed brow, throbbing veins in neck, clenching jaws, and narrowed eyes in the TV as if it had done something wrong to him.

I looked at him innocently while my mouth was still full of food. What is happening? Did I make him mad? Did I do something wrong that makes him mad?

When he felt that maybe someone was watching him, he looked to his side and only saw me. I felt goosebump the way he looked at me, I backed a little away from him. He immediately averted his eyes and took a deep breath.

I swallowed hard, forgetting that there’s a lot of food in my mouth. I choked, I hit Elm's arms hard and motioned him to reach the water for me then give it to me. It was on his side. He handed it to me in a daze.

“Be careful,” he reminded me, like a strict father. I laughed at that thought.

I set down the glass I was holding on the glass of the table that was in front of us.

“Thanks!”

He only looked at me for a moment and went back from watching while I put away the dirty plates and went to the kitchen sink to wash them. But just as I was about to start washing the dishes he went into the kitchen.

“I’ll take care of that,” he said and went next to me and started washing the dirty plates.

I looked at him for a long time to make sure he was sure he was one to wash the dishes. After a minute of staring at him, I just shrugged my shoulders and went back to the living room to just watch because I’m not sleepy yet. He said that so I won’t complain anymore, he’ll take care of it. He also seemed to know what he was doing.

So I just let him wash the dishes there and I’ll just watch here in the living room.

I lay down on the couch and looked at what I could watch, remembering that I hadn’t finished watching the k-drama I was watching titled ‘law school.’ It’s about the process of prospective lawyers realizing authenticity, law, and justice.

I am currently at episode 13. I don’t plan to be a lawyer or something, I just want to watch it because it seems so interesting, though it’s giving me a headache because of Law terms or Legal terms. Fortunately, I know very little about legal terms.

I was just busy watching when I felt Elm's presence but I didn't turn to him or even look at him for a moment and my eyes were still straight on the TV, my lid was falling and I couldn’t follow what I was watching, neither can’t understand the flow anymore because my eyes are really close but I’m just holding back.

I just realized that I was already asleep on the couch but I felt like I was floating so I slightly opened my eyes.

“Sleep, I’ll take you in your room,” he ordered like a boss. I don’t know, but I followed him and just closed my eyes again and let him carry me to my room until he laid me on a soft mattress.