Before June

Before June: Twelve✓

I slowly opened my eyes; I was immediately greeted by the dark and quiet surroundings. I tilted my body on my bed to sleep more, but no matter what I did I couldn’t sleep anymore. So, I sat on my bed and leaned my head on the headboard of my bed. I reached for the lampshade on the table beside my bed to open it. I just sat there for a few minutes until I decided to get dressed to go outside and walk on the fine sand by the sea.

I washed my face and did my morning routines before I wore a simple boho-style dress. It was a striped vintage brown and white off-shoulder dress with ¾ length sleeves and a prairie-style dress with up to ankle length. I also wore a brown sandal and took my plain weave leather and bow rattan hand woven round straw bag and just let my black hair lay down.

I closed my room and left our hotel room; I didn’t bother to wake Elm up. When I came out of the hotel, I was immediately greeted by the cold sea breeze. I could do nothing but close my eyes and smile. I immediately walked towards the sea and let the wind blew my hair away.

This is one of my dreams—to walk on the seashore. I never thought I would do them already. It seems like lately; they are just on my bucket list. It’s so overwhelming to feel like I’m already doing them. It somehow reduced all my thoughts, as if all fear had disappeared from my heart. My anger, pain, and trauma seemed to be blown away by the salty breeze. It was like my spirit was flying by sea and the sky.

I feel mixed emotions, I still can’t believe I’m making my dreams come true. I watched the calm sea kissing the shore, hearing the sound of it. I couldn’t do anything but smile bitterly as one drop of salty water coming from my eyes dropped into my skin. I shook and wiped it; I should be happy. I didn’t come here just to cry, I came here to live my dreams, to take a break from everything, not to cry.

I stopped walking and stood on the edge of the sea where the white fine sand and the blue saltwater met. I lifted the hem of my dress so it wouldn’t get wet and just let the water reach my feet. I smiled looking at the sun rising in the sky, what a significant sight.

I wonder, when people stare at the ocean, what are their thoughts? Do they also wish the waves could take their sadness away, along with the crystal salty water?

“What are you thinking?” he asked with his hoarse voice. I didn’t look at who it was because I already knew who it was from his voice. It’s my companion.

“I want to jump into the water and keep up with the beating of the waves,” I honestly answered. I smiled and looked at my feet being beaten by the blue crystal, salty water.

“It is too early to swim,” he commented. “Go swimming later.”

I laughed. “Silly, that’s not what I mean.”

“Then, what do you mean?”

“I like to jump in the water, keep up with the waves. I want to be drowned by the waves.”

“That’s not a good joke,” he preached. It’s obvious in his voice that he wasn’t happy with what I said. But I’m just stating the fact and I’m not kidding, I’m a little bit serious about it.

“Are you tired?” he asked.

I didn’t answer and stared at the infinity in front of me. “I just need to hold on to something, that’s all.” Hold on to something or someone who will not let go of my hand, like the others or something I hold on to in the past.

“Hold on to what?”

“That the world is greater than the reality I’m caged in.” my voice almost cracked.

I needed a break from everything but the reality always chasing me and kept saying that this is my reality, this is not just a dream, imagination, book, or a movie. Silence enveloped us, only the crashing of the waves could be heard.

“Don’t you want to eat?” he asked, diverting the topic. “Let’s go, you need to eat and take your meds.”

I just nodded in agreement. I need to take the Pancreatic enzymes capsule first before I eat. Pancreatic enzyme replacements break down complex carbohydrates, fats, and proteins. We need to take it before every meal and snack. I also needed to sanitize my hand before eating.

We went to a restaurant nearby to eat. I didn’t speak as we walked even until we got to the restaurant we were going to eat at. He didn’t ask me what I wanted because I knew that Doctor Valencia had told him what I shouldn’t eat and what I should eat, so I didn’t speak anymore.

I just waited for him for a few minutes until he had laid out my food in front of me. It was 3 frozen pancakes with 1 tablespoon butter and 3 tablespoons syrup; ½ cup of strawberries; Mighty Milk. Yes, I have too much to eat because I have to follow the instructions of Doctor Valencia that even if I am on vacation, I still need to eat 3, 750 calories in a day.

“Our next flight will be tomorrow, right?” I asked, making sure if our next flight will be tomorrow. It’s expensive to travel but it’s worth all the money when you get to where you’re going. I saved a lot of money for it, I thought that all my savings would have gone nowhere.

“Yes, so let’s make the most of our last day here. You slept yesterday so it’s just our last day. What do you want to do later?”

“Activities,” I simply answered him.

“Okay.”

We were both silent as we ate when a tourist suddenly lit his cigarette inside the restaurant despite a no-smoking warning. He was just sitting next to us, so I was a little scared and stood in my seat. I can’t and I shouldn’t smell smoke cigarettes, not even just smoke because it’s dangerous.

Elm’s eyebrows met and his lips formed a hard line as his jaw clenched. “I’ll take care of it, finish your food first and we’ll get out of here.”

“Don’t cause trouble, Elm,” I said seriously. He nodded and went to the man beside us.

I didn’t want to listen to them, so I put air pods in my ears with music and focused my attention outside the restaurant. We were next to a glass wall, so the blue crystal sea was visible here in our seats.

After a few minutes, Elm came back in front of me, and I already finished what I was eating. I stood up when he motioned for me to leave, so I had no choice but to follow him. I am also excited about the activities we will do.

We walked on white fine sand. I accelerated my walk to catch up with him, his steps were big so I couldn’t keep up with him.

“What did you tell me?” I asked curiously, feeling sorry for not listening to their conversation earlier.

“Why? Where did your earl go earlier, and you didn’t hear what I said? Our table is just next to theirs,” he replied.

I pouted. “Never mind.” Maybe it is not that important, so I’ll not ask again. He’s annoying, you know.

When we arrived at our hotel room, I immediately went to my room to get dressed. I just wore simple denim shorts and a white tank top, and a white long sleeve jacket that was thin for a cover-up.

“Let’s go?” I asked. “Let’s Island hopping first?”

*****

Elm helped me to get on the boat we rented. I was so excited, I felt like my heart was jumping in joy, my smile was wide when I was seated on the boat. It was my first time riding a boat again after a long time. I can’t remember when I last rode a boat because I was still a kid before. I think I am around five to seven years old; I don’t know.

We were only about twenty passengers on the boat and the others glancing at me because maybe they could see my gastrostomy tube (G-tube) in my tummy. But they weren’t talking or saying offensive words about me yet their looks were very uncomfortable like I wanted to just back off, but we already paid for the boat so I don’t want to do it. I can endure their uncomfortable stares but the hurtful words, I won’t hesitate to go back and just try the other activities.

Elm noticed that I was uncomfortable with the way they looked so he adjusted my see-through jacket to cover my stomach.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “You seem uncomfortable, is there any problem?”

My eyes widened because of the loudest of his voice; my face heated because I was embarrassed when they all looked at us. “Nothing.”

“Don’t mind them. While I’m still by your side, they can’t hurt you, even just lay down their filthy hands on you. Trust me, I got you,” he whispered, comforting me.

I just nodded and took a deep breath. I turned my gaze to the owner of the boat. “What island will we go to first, Uncle?” I asked with respect.

“Crocodile Island, Iha,” he replied.

[Iha: young girl]

I nodded in response and looked to the front. After five minutes we saw the crocodile island and trust me it really looks like a crocodile so maybe it was named crocodile island because it looks like a crocodile. I took a picture on the camera I was holding earlier, which I used to film.

When we got there, they gave us thirty minutes to snorkel and meet the fishes under the water. I and Elm try the snorkel. I also film it for my vlog and collection. There were lots of fish and beautiful corals under the water and it was very fun. We also feed the fish using the piece of bread provided by our guide, Uncle Jo.

“It was fun!” I commented when Elm and I got out of the water.

“I can see that with your smile,” he answered. “Your lips are almost torn by the sheer size of your smile.”

“You are so killjoy; don’t you know that?” I rolled my eyes.

“I don't know.”

I groaned and just sat down for our next Island stop. “What is our next stop, Uncle?”

“Crystal Cove, Iha.”

My lips formed an 'o' in surprise and excitement. “Can you tell me what’s in there, Uncle?”

“All right, Iha, no problem.” He humbly smiled. “Crystal Cove is a privately-owned 2.5-hectare island, but tourists are allowed to roam around with a Php200 entrance fee per person. You will be given one hour to explore the island and get picture-perfect shots of the vast ocean and the island’s neighboring islands. Just prepare your legs to trek around—the path around the island is narrow and steep.”

I nodded and giggled in excitement. After a few minutes, we finally arrived at our destination, Crystal Cove. As our guide said, the road is steep but it’s worth it because the surroundings are beautiful. Elm and I went to the side where the strong waves hit the rock.

“Take a picture of me here, faster before the water hits the rock for a background,” I said and gave Elm my camera.

He frowned. “You made me look like your cameraman.”

“Just take a picture of me!” I demanded.

He had no choice but to take a picture of me, I just posed while he was frowning while taking a picture. Other women seeing elm picturing me, I can see the envy in their eyes. Heh, they’re just jealous because I have a photographer while they don’t have one!

“Let me see,” I told him and took the camera to him.

“Come, let’s take a picture together.” I motioned for him to come over so we could take a picture together.

I approached a kind woman to take a picture. “Hello, can you take us a picture? Hehe.” I shyly scratched my nape and smiled awkwardly.

She smiled up into her eyes. “Sure.”

My eyes twinkled. “Thank you!”

I handed her my camera and pulled Elm’s arm so we could take a picture. We only did a few shots and different poses but it’s okay, at least we already had a picture together, for remembrance and memory.

“Here.” She handed back my camera and kindly smiled. “You looked good together. Is he your boyfriend?”

“Ah-uh, no, we’re just friends.”

She said goodbye to me before leaving with a teasing smile. “Oh, my bad. But you both seriously looked good together. Anyway, I’ll be ahead of you.”

“Thank you again!"

I just scratched my forehead because of what she said. Why do they always mistake Elm as my boyfriend? We are just friends, and we naturally act like that.

“Let’s go, our one-hour tour here is almost over.” He looked at his watch on his wrist before looking at me.

“Taralets!”

[Taralets: Let’s go]

“Our next destination is Piknikan Island where you’ll get to have a delectable lunch with other travelers. You'll surely won’t get enough of the freshly-caught fish, shrimps, and crabs with fruits and veggies on the side,” announcement of our guide.

My stomach feels like it’s rumbling because of the different food he mentioned. I just frowned and quietly waited for us to get to Piknikan Island. As we arrived there, there weren’t many tourists yet, so I sighed in relief.

“Don’t forget to take your meds first,” my father reminded me.

“Yes, Dad,” I chuckled. I grabbed his hand and ran towards the food. Food here we come!

“Take it easy, no one will take your food.”

I ignored him and just continued to eat but I didn’t eat the foods that were f*******n to me, of course. No matter how obsessed I am when it comes to food, I still follow Doc’s orders.

“What island are we going to next?” I asked while drinking a glass of water because I am already done eating.

“I don’t know, of course.” He rolled his eyes. “Do I look like the guide to you?"

“Yes,” I teased.

“I’m not talking to you.”

“Who are you talking to? Then?” I placed both hands on my waist and raised an eyebrow at him. “A ghost?”

“Myself.”

“Sus, don’t be shy on me, Elm. It’s just me.” I raised and lowered my eyebrows and slightly bumped his shoulder.

“Stop it, let’s go,” he scolded so I laughed out loud and even poked his waist to make him even more annoyed. Hey, it’s my first time I annoyed him and it is a very big success to someone like me who could easily be annoyed.

“Stop it, Anna, if you don’t want me to annoy you,” he threatened but I just giggled in happiness, seeing him disgusted.

“Try.” I grinned.

He stopped from walking and faced me. “You really want me to try?” a smirk forms on his lips. He slowly approached me, so I backed away. I slightly pushed him away from me, he’s so annoying! Many people kept looking at us because of what he’s doing.

I hit him in the arm when he laughed out loud so more people’s attention went to us, I almost cried because of embarrassment. He really knows my weaknesses and how to annoy me.

I was frowning until we got on the boat for the next island we were going to. “You’re annoying!”

“I know,” he replied, which made me even more annoyed.

Our last destination is Puka Beach as our guide says or also known as Yapak Beach, our last stop on every island-hopping tour. Our guide also warned us not to go far from the shore if we aren’t a good swimmer; the water gets deep fast, and the current is strong.

When we got there, Elm and I went to vendors of bracelets made of puka shells. We also bought souvenirs.

“That one,” I pointed to the pale brown puka shell bracelet and the adjustable corded natural cowrie seashell bracelet. “Two pairs please.”

My eyes immediately lit up when he handed me the two pairs I ordered and then handed to the vendor my p*****t. The two are for Elm and the other two are for me. It’s so fantastic. I put it in my hand before facing Elm who was behind me and patiently waiting for me to finish wasting my money.

“Here.” I handed him the two puka bracelets that matched mine. “Wear it.”

He followed me and put it in his hand before we walked away towards the seashore. “Get dressed first, I know you would make me your photographer again.”

I laughed. “Okay, wait for me there!”

I giggled as I looked at my reflection in the mirror, before going out to the comfort room and headed to where Elm was. I was just wearing a simple Bohemian long white dress.

"Hey!" I called him to face me. The corner of his lips turned up upon seeing what I'm wearing, he looked at me from head to toe, examining me. I twirled in my dress in front of him. “Do I look pretty?”

“Yes, but…” I lifted my eyebrow at him. “You look thinner in your dress, but it’s okay.”

“I’m really skinny so it’s okay and the dress is suitable for me and it’s also comfortable to wear.”

“Tell me, are you modeling or something and your clothes are all casual?” he asked while his one eyebrow lifted.

I laughed. “My mom is the one who packed my things so my clothes are just like this, she said modeling suits for me and she wants me to be one, but I don't want to be a model.”

“Hm, your mother is right, modeling suits you.” He held his chin as if thinking mom was right.

I narrowed my eyes on him. “No.”

I handed him my camera again and ran closer to the shore. I was giggling while running there, while he just took some photos and videos of me running on the edge of the seashore. We just took a picture for a few minutes, I also took a picture of him even though he didn't want to take a picture, I still forced him. The two of us also pictured and it was fun. After island hopping, we also tried other activities like parasailing, paddleboarding, and more.

It was four-thirty in the afternoon when we finished all the activities we wanted to try and we are currently in the restaurant for snacks. I just got ½ cup trail mix and 1 cup Mighty Milk for late afternoon snacks.

“I want to try the Sunset Cruise,” I said out of nowhere while my cheeks were on my knuckle.

“Then let’s do it,” he said as if the amount we had spent today was okay. We spent so much money today and I don’t want to spend it again. I might lose money in the middle of our trip and I don’t want that to happen!

“I don’t have money anymore,” I lied. We have a lot more to go and we might lose money so we have to save.

“I’ll take care of it.”

“Weh? That’s true?” I beamed. “Maybe later, you’re just fooling me.” I frowned and finished my milk.

“Yes, I’m not kidding, we will just wait the time so we can Sunset Cruise already.”

“Promise?” I asked, making sure he was telling the truth.

I jumped in joy and looked at the time on my cell phone. “Let’s go! It's already four-thirty. It will start at four-thirty and finish at six-thirty, right?”

He nodded so I got up from my seat and was ready to go out, so did he and lead the way to the yacht he rented. I think he rented a private sunset cruise to avoid places that are too crowded because of bacteria and I think he also sanitized the place so it's safe for me.

I was just standing in front and watching the sun go down on the horizon. Its red and orange rays hit my skin and it was fantastic. My dress and loose hair are played with by the sea breeze. We also took pictures so we can have a look when we get home. l will forever treasure these happy memories in my mind. I will keep it in my pocket, to the moon and back.

Until late at night, the two of us were just stargazing while waiting for our time here on the yacht he rented, to end. He was drinking wine while I drank healthy fruit juice and ate fruits.

It was already seven in the evening when we went back to our hotel room and he was a little bit tipsy. We watched a movie while he got drunk, so I didn't know what time I slept. I just know that I fell asleep on the couch. It was a tiring day but fun. From watching the waves crash into the sea, island hopping, to watching the sunset.

Although in a short time I lost all my thoughts, I also forgot the fears in my heart and had peace of mind in a short period of time.

“Sleep well, Anna.”