Running (baby daddy series #2) {COMPLETED}

| 9 | Help me

Paulina POV

  I have been taken with both body and soul, where I do not die but get punished instead. The worst thing you can suffer, because it never ends. That's how it is to live with my anxiety. They say that the happiest people are also the ones who are most damaged.

  I'm breaking down in so many ways that no one ever will be able to make me whole again. My heart and soul fill with cracks that never will heal. I didn't believe it for many years. It isn't until now when Adrien tells me this that I understand it.

"You are not weak because you cry Paulina, you have been strong for too long. But what you shouldn't do is to give up on love. Whenever you ask me for advice, you want me to be honest, and that's what I'm going to be now. People always tell you to let go of the person like it's that easy. 

You need to know about the efforts it takes to let someone genuinely go. It takes every bit of you to decide that you will give up on the person you love the most. I will not talk about the reasons why your relationship or whatever that was; ended. It's scary even to imagine living a life that we have dreamed of living with someone.

It's so difficult to imagine it without that very same person. These are the situations of a dilemma when you don't see precisely what is right for you. Sometimes you don't get the chance to choose. You are left with no choice. They leave us in the middle of the night without so much as a backward glance.

This is when you hear that it's easier just to let it go. As if you don't know it already. But what about the heart that is bleeding inside your chest? What about the memories that are haunting you every night? What about your broken dreams? It can take years of pain.

Missing him becomes a part of your life, and it hurts like hell. It's a gradual process, and it's easier said than done. To forgive is easy, but forgetting isn't. You can do everything that's in your hands. You can stop stalking him on social media; you can stop looking at his pictures, you can delete his number and texts.

But your heart wants what it wants, and that person is Damien. You can't stop missing him when you are lying in your bed at night. You can't stop dreaming about the times when everything felt just right. The only thing that helps you at a time like that is hope, the belief in yourself.

I know that it's not easy, but it's possible. And just because it's hard doesn't mean that it's a wrong choice. You are the only one who can take the right steps forward. You can do it, I know it. You are never alone; I'm always with you. My heart goes to you, trust in your abilities."

  His words earlier hit me hard. I know what he says is true; somehow, I still can't admit it. We had talked about Damien and me; I had been refusing to accept that I still love him. Trust me, I want to admit it, but something inside me blocks the ability. It's like I don't even know how anymore.

  My mind is going haywire, and I don't know anything anymore. Since I studied psychology before I dropped out, I have much knowledge about the subject. The mind is refusing to accept it because I'm trying to protect myself from pain.

  It's not intentional. My heart has simply closed itself inside, hoping that it will stop the breaking. I have kept my feelings inside for far too long, and now I have to pay the price. Although I may love Damien, I'm also afraid of him after everything my dad told me about him.

    It was Damien's order that I should disappear from the city, and it was not just an order, but a wrapped up threat. I don't know why he didn't want me to stay. At first, I had thought it was a joke, but I got to see the document with his order and signature.

  The love of my life had told me to get out; everything was just a facade when he was playing sad on the phone. It hurt more than all the lies and all the other betrayals. I'm disappointed in him and the person he is. I will always love him somewhere inside me, but I do not know how it will work.

  Today they're going back to New York and leave us behind. Fiona took it much better than I thought she would probably because Damien promised her that they would see each other again soon. The others say goodbye, and in the end, it's just Damien, and I left. He looks down at me, and I look up into his blue eyes through my long eyelashes.

"I will come back for you, baby. Some way or another, I will come back here. We're going to be a family again, I will show you that." he says and kisses me on my temple before he walks away.

  I want to believe him desperately, but I can't. Because he's not the person, he pretended to be. He is a deceiver who plays with my heart and then pretends to be the one who is deceived. What is so wrong with me that I need a breathing space to think?

  Am I afraid to fall in love? No, I'm scared to be the only one who falls in love. We don't live the same life, we never have, and now that time has passed, we are even more different. Opposites are drawn to each other, yes, but we don't know each other anymore.

    He's not the man I fell in love with, and I'm not the fragile little girl, he felt obligated to protect. Now we are two strangers who happen to share a story—nothing more and nothing less. I wish we could solve the problems and talk about it. For both of us to be able to either fix what's broken or for us to move on.

  It's a good thing I have my princes and my princess. They give me the only happiness I need. No love in the world can come close to the one I both give and receive from my children. They're my world no matter what. I can live a full life alone and in pain, as long as they are happy.

"Mommy, I don't want them to go," Darby says with a pout.

  We are standing in front of the big window and watch the men climb into the car. The children are banging on the glass, and the men smile when they see us. We all wave at them with smiles, well everyone except me. The guys wave back before driving away, and that was that.

"I know, darling. Neither do I., But they have to go back to their homes."

"But why?" he whines.

"Because they have work and families to look after."

"Families?"

"Yes. Uncle Adrien and Jaxon are together in a relationship, for example."

"What! But boys can't be with boys!" he exclaims with big eyes, which earns him a pinch from Caleb.

"Are you dumb? Of course they can! Grandma says that you can love anyone, and it doesn't matter where they come from, how they look, or how they are. Love is love." he says with his head held high.

  I'm proud to hear him say that. Caleb is the oldest and most 'matter, in fact,'. He feels strongly about morals and what is okay to say or not. If I'm not there to scold the others if they say something like Darby just said, I always know that Caleb will do it for me. My proud little boy.

"That's right. You are allowed to love anyone and marry anyone you want. Gender, color of the skin, or anything like that should stand in the way. Everyone is precious and valuable in their own way." I say, and Darby looks confused but nods.

 "When will they come back?" Noah asks silently.

  Noah is the silent one. He doesn't say much but observes a lot. If there's something that needs to be said, he's your man. That's what I love with my babies; all of them are different individuals. Like the triplets, for example, when we met people, all of them always treated them like they were the same person.

  Which they aren't. Noah is silent, Caleb is determined, Darby is inquisitive, and Fiona is just purely sweet. Three strong little princess and a sweetheart princess. I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Not as long as I have these fantastic little people with me.

"I don't know when they'll come back. Maybe we can visit the uncles sometimes."

  That made them cheer, and laugh with each other before running away doing God knows what. I walk inside my bathroom, and begin to put the make-up on my face. Unfortunately, I have to work tonight, and for some reason, I have a terrible feeling inside my stomach, but I can't afford not to go there.

  When I get there, the feeling is still boiling inside me. I can't explain where it came from or what causes it, but thee unc feeling remains. Tonight there is no special suit designed for me, which pleases me. I have no desire to have to go up to the VIP department again.

  I barely have time to get out of the locker room before getting a tray full of shots at handing out to the customers. My butt is rocking back and forth as I walk on the dark floor. It feels like someone is looking at me, but it's not something unusual right away. Considering what I'm working as, duh.

  However, this look does not feel as usual. A feeling of discomfort spreads within me, causing me to despair to look around in the dark space. Someone is looking at me, and I can't see who! The panic starts to spread, but I push it down and keep doing my job in a desperate attempt to keep myself busy.

  I run back and forth most of the evening. My feet ache, and the feeling from before stays. Someone is watching me; the question is just who it might be. It's not Damien or any of the others; this feels evil. If it had been any of them, they would have come forward and talked to me.

  When my shift is over, I can barely walk normally. I have blisters on my feet, and when I take off my heels, I almost cry from the pain. Tonight I have worked harder than ever before, all to avoid the thoughts and gaze that burned holes in my back.

  The door is locked, and I know I'm alone, even so, I feel a different presence. Am I becoming paranoid? I have to be, because there's not a bastard here! I'll change quickly, all in order not to have to be here anymore. With the bag in hand and clothes on the body, I hurry out of the club.

  The snow gently falls from the sky and lands in my face. I draw in a deep breath and smile to myself. Snowfall has always given me an inner joy; I love it! The presence is recognized, and I immediately stop smiling. Instead, I quickly move towards my car.

  I put on my belt and prepare to start the car when my gaze lands in the rearview mirror. My head turns to the back seat, and what I see makes me freeze. I literally can't move, totally frozen in fear.

"Hello Wendy, or do you prefer Paulina now?"

  I don't have time to react before a cloth is brought to my face, and I immediately smell the chloroform. The loud laughing is the only thing I hear while I grow dizzy. 'Damien, I'm sorry. Don't leave me, I love you,' is the last thought inside my mind before it becomes dark.