Running (baby daddy series #2) {COMPLETED}

| 7 | I want to believe you

Paulina POV

    Damien's right-hand holds me softly in the back of my head while the other caresses my hip. Our tongues play with each other, and an involuntary moan finds its way out of my mouth. His chest vibrates off his grunt, suggesting the appreciation over the sounds he makes me do.

    I lift myself from my place and straddle him. My lower regions rub against his throbbing c**k pushing hard against the denim fabric. Our bodies move in a soft rhythm that gives me goosebumps. My p***y is hot and sticky in the most fantastic way. What I've had to work with since we last met in the bedroom is my hand.

    Believe me when I say that I really need this! I have to make an effort not to be loud. It gets harder and harder, the more we move against each other. Damien's mouth goes down to my throat and nibbles on an erogenous zone that only he can find.

"We should stop," I say between the kisses.

"Yeah." he agrees without stopping what we're doing.

    My legs wrap around his waist as he gets up. He carries me toward my bedroom, and not once is his mouth away from mine. Gently he lays me down on my bed and pulls off his shirt before he briskly kisses me again. His hands pull down my pajama pants and find his way into my panties. I'm about to c*m just by that little touch over my c******s.

    A finger is pressed inside my wet core, and my inner walls squeeze it. He growls at my wetness and kisses me on the neck again. With his other hand, he takes off my upper part with my help before his mouth envelops my n****e. The tongue makes circles and makes my already stiff n*****s become as hard as pebbles.

    I moan quietly, and his head moves further down until his tongue finds my bundle of nerves. My hips are bucking in time with his movements. I have a tight grip on his hair while pushing my wet p***y against his face.

    His soft tongue moves exceptionally slowly and lap up every little drop my body gets rid of. It's almost painful that he doesn't touch it faster. I feel how the pleasurable force begins to build up in my lower abdomen.

"Damien, I'm g-going to c-cum." I stutter, not able to form words.

"Shh, c*m for me beautiful." he murmurs against my clit.

    That little vibration of his mouth when he said that pushes me over the edge, and I bite down on my lip instead of screaming out loud, which would have woken the kids up. My breathing is heavy, and he moves up to my lips again. His pants and underwear fall down with a thumping noise.

    He kisses me on the valley of my breasts, and his hands are kneading my thighs. I think he mumbles something like 'so soft,' but I can't be sure. Since his mouth latched on to my n****e after that. I feel like a horny teenager, like for real. He suddenly stops and looks me in the eye with seriousness.

"Are you sure that you want this?" he asks.

"Less talking, more fucking." I answer and force my tongue into his mouth.

    He groans at that and moves his d**k to my tight hole. The tip is teasing me most incredibly, and I moan from the sensation. I'm about to scold him for not pushing it in, when he finally does. I gasp at his large size, and he kisses me slowly, waiting for my p***y to get used to his measurement.

    Slowly, he begins to move in and out of me. My previous c*m is the lubricant that makes the moves glide with ease. I moan into his mouth, and he groans. Since I haven't had s*x since I left, I'm very tight, which is obviously something he appreciates. I use my inner muscles to massage his thick member.

"I have no idea what you are doing, but don't you dare to stop!" he groans and moves faster.

    My orgasm is building up deep inside me, and I'm not going to hold it for much longer. Somehow Damien picks that up and moves even faster, making me clench around him even more. His breaths are erratic, and he continues to slam inside me until we both get our release at the same time.

    Damien rolls off me and lies down next to me; we breathe like we've been running a marathon. My body is sticky from all the sweat and other body fluids. It doesn't matter matte, though, because I've just had the best s*x of my life!

"Holy f**k!" he exclaims and wipes his forehead.

    Holy f**k, indeed. I put my head on his chest and could hear his erratic heartbeats. His arm holds me close to him and caresses my arm softly. This whole situation made me feel a lot of different things, and it changed very quickly.

    In the beginning, I was happy, then I was content, relief, and then the doubt crept in. What if this is only a one-time thing? How stupid can you be, Paulina?! You let your guard down, and of course, he took advantage of your vulnerability, what did you expect?

    I move away from him and pick up my panties from the floor. To avoid the embarrassing ' what happens now?'the conversation that always follows situations like this. I even throw on my pajama top before hurrying out of the room with a lame excuse.

"I'm just going to get some water, do you want some?"

"Yes, thank you."

    I almost run into the kitchen. While the water is pouring out of the faucet, I desperately lean on the counter with both hands. The tears are building, but I fight my way through them. I can't cry when he's here, I won't allow myself to be weak in front of the man who broke me.

    My chest moves profoundly, and my anxiety subsides bit by bit. In the end, I manage to breathe normally and fill two glasses with water. I slowly go back to the room and expect Damien to be fully clothed, ready to go. Unfortunately, I was wrong; he sits leaning against the headboard and is still naked.

    The blanket covers the lower part of his body. He smiles at me when I come in, but I don't smile back. I just hand him the glass and look at everything but him. The embarrassment here is choking me, I have to open a window!

    I welcome the cold and breathe in deeply. My brain has a secret war with the constant anxiety that never leaves me alone right now. The panic attack is not far off, and I have to keep it away, at least until Damien has left.

"Are you alright?" he asks with concern dripping from his voice.

    I'm not responding directly, I'm pulling it out. Yes, what should I answer it? I don't even know myself if I'm okay, nothing feels clear anymore. Before he came here, I was sure of what I felt, but now these feelings feel something like when you go to a country and do not understand the language.

"I'm fine," I lie after a couple of long seconds.

    Without a word, he gets up and comes up to me. His arms hold me in a way that promises a better tomorrow. Even though it's not very likely. He looks me in the eye and doesn't seem to like what's mirrored back towards him.

"No, you are not fine, and you haven't been for a long time."

    His words baffle me, what does he know? I get annoyed by his answer because he speaks like he had read volumes of books about my life. He has no idea what I've been through during our time apart. It's not wrong that I haven't been fine, but he still shouldn't take for granted that I've been feeling poorly.

"You have no idea how I feel or how I've felt. Don't make assumptions about things you don't know." I say with more force than I intended too.

    He looks hurt about my choice of words, and his hands fall from my arms. I close my eyes hard and try to regain my words. That wasn't what I meant when I said it. f**k! Why do I always do things like this?! I have something on my mind and know how to say it, but when I open my mouth, something else comes out.

"I didn't mean it like that, I just... f**k, when did it get so hard to talk to you?!" I exclaim desperately and feel the panic attack rise inside me.

    His eyes search mine for the answers to the questions he doesn't dare to ask. I haven't told him about the panic attacks or that they have become worse. Some days at work, I have to lock myself up inside the bathroom to cry out my misery before walking back outside.

    It happens more often than I dare admit. Never when I'm with the kids or when they're awake at all. It is at night when they have been sleeping for hours that I let my tears free to flow into my pillow while I scream out the anxiety that has accumulated.

    I know what he's thinking, he wants to save me even though we both know he can't. This is not a problem that can be solved by snapping your fingers, especially not because he is the reason why the anxiety is there from the beginning.

    Maybe it was not his meaning to put the terrible seed in me, whatever it happened. I can't look at him nowadays without feeling physical pain in my heart of all our memories and all the pain he's inflicted on me.

    I would sooner break a couple of bones than to live with the heartache of losing what we had. Even though I know that what we had now only is a beautiful memory in a different time and that nothing is going to be the same again. It's another situation now, and we're not the same people anymore.

"It's never going to be the same again, is it?" he asks in a whisper.

    I'm not even sure it can be the same. It is not even sure that we can build something new on the shaky and fractured foundation we have. I put my hands on Damien's chest and push him away from me softly before I say;

"No, nothing can ever be the same. Because neither one of us is the same person anymore. You don't know me anymore, Damien. I'm not that fragile and scared teenager anymore. I have grown in more ways than one, and we both know that if we continue to build something on all the s**t that happened, our relationship would be toxic."

    His face falls at that; nevertheless, he nods his head and moves towards the bed where the clothes are scattered. I watch him pick them up and dress himself with a saddened expression. Damn, I hurt him, didn't I? Well, it wasn't my intention! I just wanted to be straight with him.

"All I want is to be with you, but you keep pushing me away, and I have no idea why. Just tell me what I have to do to make this right again, and I'll do it!"

"Please, Damien. Let's not do this right now. It's late, and the kids are sleeping, I don't want to take the risk of waking them."

"You weren't so worried when I just f****d you!" he sneered, which made me flinch, and he saw me do it. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Don't bother. You just made it very clear to me what you think and for your information, the reason why I didn't want to talk about this right now... Well, here you go. I knew that someone of us would say something stupid and start an argument which would lead us to a screaming match."

"I don't know why I said that..."

"Oh, yes, you do, and that's why you said it. But it's okay, now at least I know. You and the guys can come by at one o'clock tomorrow."

    He moves to the front door, and I follow him like a puppy, watching every single movement he does. His hand is on the knob, but he doesn't turn it. Why is he resisting? Suddenly, he turns to me and looks me straight in the eye.

"What did you mean with 'now at least I know'?"

"Now, I know that it isn't worth it to give you my heart one more time."

    His shoulders slump down, and he breathes in a shaky breath. Why doesn't he open the door and walk out of here? He must leave; otherwise, I'm going to break down in his arms and beg him to never leave me again, because I love him with everything I am.

"I'm afraid to walk out of this door."

"Why?"

"Because it feels like I'm about to walk away from something we can't fix. If I walk out of this door, I'm terrified that I'll never see you again."

    Those words make my heartache and want to say things I shouldn't say... 'I love you, Damien! Don't leave me, please. I can't live without you; I'm not whole without you'. But I'm not saying that. Instead I smile gently and say;

"You will, tomorrow, when you and the others come here to be with the kids."

    He nods, smiling, and walks out of here. The door clicks shut, and I slump down against it. The tears pour down, and I know that nothing I do will stop them from falling. My heart, body and mind has had enough. For some reason, I wish for him to come rushing back, but I know that he won't. Because I blew it all once again...