Something Borrowed

Chapter 7. Pit stops and Heart Palpitations

Chapter 7. Pit Stops and Heart Palpitations

(Tamara)

Tamara looked at the man with a frown. He wasn't holding his punches back, not anymore. Once upon a time, he would have silently walked away, or avoided confrontations, or just said something to stop her from running her mouth. But not anymore.

It looked like he was more confident in who he was, much more so than he was before, and it was strangely alluring. And attractive. And again, it was so wrong, the pull, the need to touch and feel him, because his wife was not even buried yet and also because she had just accused him of something abominable.

So why was she dreaming about grabbing him by his strong jaw and kissing those luscious lips to shut him up. It was a disturbing thought, and the way her mind immediately pulled up the picture of the kiss she had once bestowed upon that sullen mouth. He had been drunk and she had been an idi*t. A fifteen-year-old girl who was crazily in love with the older guy, who didn't look back, or only ever looked back to glare at her.

Her heart felt weird as she thought about that kiss. She shook her head to put the thoughts back inside where she had always kept them. Safely away from the light of the day.

"I can give you a free consultation. You know. When all this is over, come and meet me. I work at Mercy Memorials. I want to MRI your brain. There is definitely something wrong in there." His soft brown eyes turned a dark, dark brown as he glared at her and her heart started beating out a very breathless country song at the top of its lungs. Tamara felt like she could dissolve inside the whiskey-brown eyes. She was drunk from just a look. When he looked at her like that, all of her childhood dilemma came to the forefront of her brain. The years of unrequited crush and fantasies floated behind her eyes, making her release a deep sigh.

You just called him a killer and now you want to kiss him? What kind of crazy person even thinks like that? You do need that consultation, it seems.

"Are you calling me insane?" She looked at him with an offended look. His shoulders raised in a shrug as he gave her a unfazed smile.

"No. I am calling you bat-s**t crazy, Tamara, and because you are my best friend's sister, I am also concerned for you. Who in their right mind would get in a car with a alleged killer and then accuse him of the act? What if I don't want to get caught? What if I decided to just kill you so that no one else finds out? Have your detective shows not taught you anything about keeping your mouth shut when you are with a killer?"

"You talk too much. I don't remember you ever talking this much." Tamara said as she looked at him with a huff.

"I have to control myself, you know, because you were undeniably crazy, even back then. But now I am an expert at Crazy. So I don't fear you anymore." He said as he gave her a once over before turning back to the road.

"So you were scared of me back then, eh!" She said with a gloating smile and he shook her head with a derisive look.

"Of all the things I said..."

"I have selective hearing. Hey, Lucas, I am feeling hungry. Stop in front of a diner or a gas station. Something."

"You just ate a whole-"

"If you know what is best for you, you won't finish that sentence." She threatened and he smirked at her. His smirk was kind of hot.

He cleared his throat and she almost jumped in her seat. She flushed in embarrassment as she looked away from him and she could hear him chuckling next to her, but she refused to be goaded into a confrontation. Not now, not when her heart was thundering and her stomach was someraulting. Not when she felt like she was standing in the middle of an inferno.

After ten minutes, he stopped in front of a gas station and Tamara got down from the car and walked inside the deserted gas station. Lucas followed her without another word. She grabbed some Nachos, bottled juices, cookies and candies, enough to fill her grumbling stomach.

When she turned, she almost bumped right into Lucas. She hadn't expected him to be standing so close. She flailed and grabbed his shirt and he put his arms around her hips to steady her, and she felt more unsteady from that touch.

His palms scorched her, even through the material of her dress. She felt dizzy and wobbly and he smelled so addictive, so male. He smelled as he had once smelled, years ago. How could he still smell the same? He smelled like rainforest and autumn trees. He smelled like Lucas. She gulped as she took a step closer to him, almost instinctively.

His hands were still on her back and he looked at her with eyes that were mesmerizingly gold. They were so gold, like a molten river of early morning sun rays and as she watched, they darkened, and his stubbled jaw was tempting her to take just one touch.

His body was so close she could feel his warmth and the store was empty. She could just take a look and realize her dream. Sh*t.

I should run fast and far away from this dangerous man. He should come with a warning label!

She was thinking of throwing caution to the wind and take that first step. One small step. She wanted to kiss him, kiss him for real. His lips were red and they looked decadent. But if she did take that step, she knew there would be no going back for her. Was she ready for the kind of consequence that came with kissing June's husband.

Ex husband. Her inner voice shrieked. He is not her husband.

And I am still going to her funeral. So stop being so crazy and get the heck away from this man. She ordered her body, but the thing was like a solid block of ice.

His eyes clashed with hers and for a moment, she was sure his eyes turned darker still, as he looked down at her lips, but then he blinked, shook his head and took a step back from her and his hands were gone with him and she suddenly felt so cold. But she knew this was for the best. She knew she would have regretted the kiss if she had moved in, if he hadn't pulled away.

She couldn't just kiss him, not without feeling the effect of the kiss, for another few years and that was the kind of complication Tamara didn't need in her life. She was in a place where her career was looking up, and maybe soon, Marianne would retire and Tamara would have her dream, but until then, she couldn't afford a delicious, decadent distraction like Lucas. And she knew. She knew he would be a distraction.

"Tamara..." he whispered, his voice strangely hoarse. "If you are done, we should pay and go."

"Ye-yes, I- I am done. Let me just pay for it." She stuttered, feeling hot and distracted. When he turned and left, she could finally breath properly. She cursed herself for being a pathetic loser. Who in their right mind would hold on to an unrequited crush for this long?

Only you, the small voice inside her snickered.

Tamara paid for everything she had bought and walked towards the car. Lucas was leaning against the car, a small frown creasing his brows.

"Everything alright?" Tamara asked as she put the bag on the seat and looked up at him. He gave her a look, a sigh and then nodded.

"You sure you have enough to keep your stomach compliant?" He smirked and yes, the jerk was back! Hello. For just a second, she had almost forgotten how he had been unbearable from the very first moment he had seen her. She gave him a glare and stomped inside the car and she heard him chuckle before he opened the door and entered.

"Now, now, Tamara, do not punish the chips. If you want to punish me..." he gave her a deep, probing look that made her stomach clench with unwanted feeling.

"How should I punish you?" She challenged as she looked up at him and he looked bewildered, as if he hadn't expected that. Tamara smiled evilly. She had always been the one who won at their game. Lucas should know by now.

"You can kick me or you can..." he gave her a slow look, made to incite sleepless fantasies as he started the car. The engine rumbled, filling the silence. He looked up and stared into her eyes. "kiss me,"

Tamara choked on her nachos. She patted the back of her head furiously as her eyes watered.

"You need water?" He asked as he handed the bottled water to her and she grabbed it with a frown. He gave her a cheeky smile as he sped away.

He totally won this round. Luc 1. Tamara 0.

Of course, she must have known. He wasn't still in high school. She had celebrated her victory a little too soon.

***

"Home sweet home." Tamara said as Lucas parked the car in front of Tamara's mother's house. "I had been running from this place, but I- I did miss it."

"I did too," he said in a whisper, that Tamara almost missed it. "I missed Joel. I miss my mom and dad. I missed Holly."

She looked up at him and his eyes looked sad. Forlorn. Like he was tired of the life he had been living. Tamara wanted to grab his hand in hers and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but she didn't know whether it would be. Of course, June was dead... but was she really gone from their life? The stench she left in the wake of her destruction, it followed. It stayed.

"But... you have to run, too..." She said with a frown. She detested June for doing this to Lucas, as well. After all, June married him. Why ruin a perfect marriage with a perfect man? Or was it not a perfect marriage? Tamara didn't have the heart to poke at the particular wound, not right now, not when he looked like that. Vulnerable. Armors down.

"I had to. I know I was being a coward, but June didn't fight the way I could fight back. My only option was to do something I might regret later or run." He said as he avoided her eyes. Tamara grabbed his hand in hers and he looked startled as his eyes found hers. She drew small circles on the back of her hand and his rigid body relaxed.

"I am sorry I accused you of alleged murder. I know you wouldn't do that. I was just-" she whispered, letting his hand go. Her palms felt strangely empty and cold without his warm, big hand.

"You were just being yourself, right? Running your mouth, teasing and goading me... You always loved to taunt me until I could hear the snap of my patience breaking." He said as he walked around and opened her door with a frown.

"You never snapped, though. Not really."

"I am just good at pretending, Tamara." He said as he took a step closer to her. "Like I pretended that time... when you kissed me."

Tamara's eyes widened as a flush stole through her cheeks, her whole body. She was standing in the middle of a raging forest fire and she couldn't stop herself from burning along with it. The fire in her body, the thrum in her blood.

He touched her cheek with one finger and then turned and entered his car and drove away, leaving Tamara gasping for breath.

Sh*t. He knew. He knew. And he didn't give a damn. I had always blamed myself for not being brave enough, for not telling him about how I felt. But he knew, and he didn't care.

Tamara sighed.

She should stop feeling so confused. She should stop letting herself be pulled back into his strange magnetism. It had once hurt her and she didn't want to go down that train, not again.

Lucas is in the past. He should stay in the past. She told herself as she walked towards her home.

But why do I feel the sting of rejection as if it is happening today? Why do I feel so angry, so, so bitter? It had been so long and why am I letting it affect me?

She didn't know. She didn't want to know.

___