Something Borrowed

Chapter 6. Ex-friend's Ex-Husband

Chapter 6. Ex-friend's Ex-Husband

(Tamara)

"Ex-wife. She is my ex-wife." In the silence of the diner, his words were too loud. It rang around, bouncing off walls and echoed inside Tamara's ear. Her mind was filled with static. Buzz. It went for a minute and she kept gaping at him and he stared back, his eyes impassive.

Why the hell no one had told me about this? Why in world Holly didn't inform me about the change in Lucas' relationship status?

Tamara blinked up at him wondering whether she had heard him right or whether she was hallucinating things. It was possible she might be hallucinating, because her head was not in a clear place. It was muddled, messy and riddled with way too many thoughts and feelings and she could have imagined him saying that. Ex-wife? Ex-Wife!

"What did you say?" She asked him, her eyes wide and searching and he looked at her with those whiskey brown eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. He was still lean, but his shirt wasn't one size too big. Now it looked like it was stitched for him, on him. Time had been really generous on him.

"Ex-wife. June and I are not together. For more than a year now." He said, without an ounce of emotion in his voice. His eyes were just as blank, but when she looked again, she didn't miss the flash of anger in his eyes. Of course, he was angry.

More than a year? Why would June marry him only to divorce him just an year later? What the hell was wrong with that woman? If only Tamara could wake her up and ask her! Tamara had never really known what was going inside June's twisted brain. It was always a little bit too complicated and convoluted for Tamara.

He is single... A voice inside her crooned. It was disgusting, the way her heart bumped against her ribs faster to have learnt that information. s**t. This wasn't right. This was the definite road to disaster.

She was going to a funeral and he was her ex-best friend's ex. It couldn't be anymore complicated. Not that she was going to jump him or anything stupid like that—hopefully she was not that far gone— but just these feelings swirling inside her like a violent cyclone... they were disturbing. She was already a mess, and she couldn't afford to add more messy emotions inside the already existing ones. The explosion would be fatal and she couldn't afford to stand closer to that explosion—she would disappear into nothingness. She wasn't strong enough for that explosion.

"A year? You have been divorced for a year and nobody in my family thought of just throwing it in the million conversation we have had! Wow... I can't- why would you even marry if you are going to be together for just seven or was that eight months? Why in the world would anyone do that, then again, who could understand what June is thinking in her twisted mind and her twisted soul was too much, but you, you were not a-" Tamara knew she was ranting, she knew she should stop, but she just couldn't. The words came out of her mouth like a verbal diarrhea, and it wasn't stopping. She would have loved to press the pause button, but it looked like it was broken or something. s**t, stop this... "Waste of money and God... she is such a- I can't even find a word to describe that woman and now she is dead and that is-"

"Stop. Do not choke on your pancakes." He grumbled under his breath before he just turned away and left, leaving her ranting to herself. She stabbed her pancake with her fork, one too many times, wondering why the hell hadn't Holly told her anything about it. Feeling uncomfortably full, she paid for her breakfast and walked out to find Lucas leaning against the car, his fingers running through his hair. He looked tensed, as if he would rather go anywhere but where he was going.

Me too, buddy, me too.

"Shall we get going?" He asked

"I don't want to go, but I've no other choice. My mother guilt tripped me. I suppose you don't have any other choice, as well. You must want to see your son." Tamara said and he looked at her for a second before he nodded his head. "You going to keep glaring at me all through the one and half hour journey we are going to take? It will be very uncomfortable."

"Yes. I am okay with uncomfortable."

"Yeah. Good way to live your life." Tamara said with an edgy smile and he gave her a look that made her want to cringe and vanish. Wow. The guy must have perfected this look in the mirror a million times. It was a perfect look to disarm you enemies and bury them four feet under, their self-esteem and ego in shreds. He had mastered the art of that look.

"If you're done blathering, can we go? Or do you want to sit here and braid my hair as we shared stories of how June destroyed our lives?" His voice was thick with sarcasm. She gave him an irritated smile. She didn't know why he was so acerbic, but then she couldn't blame the guy. Even a year with June could do that to a person.

"Ok."

"Ok what?"

"We can sit here and braid hair and share stories." He looked befuddled and she gave him an innocent smile. He shook his head with a small smile as if he appreciated it, but then his smile was gone and it was replaced with the familiar poker-face. It was as if he was hell bent on not showing anyone what he actually felt or thought. It was as if he would rather conceal his emotions than express it.

"Hey, Lucas, can I ask you something?" She said as she looked up at him. He shook his head. No. "Why not?"

"Whenever you start with that phrase, the question that follows will always be absurd and outrageous. I am not falling into the trap again. I have four years of battle scars from your questions." He said in a deadpan voice. Tamara blushed a bright red as she remembered all those times she had tormented Lucas. Lucas had always been quite reserved, except when he was with Holly and young Tamara was so smitten with seventeen yeear-old Lucas Turner, who was moody, sulky, but also, incredibly smart and on rare occassions, kind. He had been her kryptonite, her personal hell and heavem. A smile from him, and she had felt like her world was sparkling. But getting that one smile... oh, he had always been so stingy with smiles, but then when he did smile, it was like a world-altering experience. The way his warm brown eyes turned a shade lighter, almost close to honey gold, the way his lips pulled up without restraint, the way his whole face bloomed... oh, God, Tamara had had many dreams about his smiles.

"Oh God, that was years ago. I am a grownup now. I just- it is just... why did you marry June?" There. I have gone and done it.

He stood there, his hand on the half opened door and for a moment Tamara was sure he was not going to say anything. She was sure he would get inside his car and drive away without her.

"A little too late for that question, don't you think? We had married, divorced and now she is dead. No use in digging up buried skeletons, is there?" He shrugged with a negligent smile as he opened his door and got inside the car, signalling her to do the same. She sighed. She knew this was going to be a very tiresome, very long one and half hour.

"So there were skeletons." Tamara said with a thoughtful look on her face. He gave her a long, intense look before he got inside the car and signalled her to get in. She did. "Did you love her?"

He stayed silent.

"Did she love you?"

"What is with twenty questions? I am not playing this game. Now shut up or I will push you out of the car."

"You are the kind of person who would do it too." She grumbled under her breath.

"Yes. So stay quiet."

But within another five minutes, Tamara was bored again and her curiosity was bigger than her fear of being pushed out of the car. "Did June ever tell you anything about me?" She asked and he looked at her before he turned back to the road.

"What about you?" He asked, his eyes straight. Of course, why would June talk about Tamara to her new husband? Why did she even ask that question? What was she trying to prove?

"Nothing." Tamara said too quickly.

"Okay." He shrugged.

"How old is your son?" She asked and this time his eyes turned warm. The dark brown eyes turned almost golden, like a golden dawn. Magical. It almost stole her breath away, the way his face instantly changed. She wanted to lean in and press her lips against the small smile in his lips. She wanted to taste that smile, learn the curve of that smile.

Sh*t. What the hell is wrong with me?

Looks like your childhood crush is still not fully over yet, eh? Her conscience was such an exasperating one. It always poked its head where it was not needed. If it could just go away and hide under a rock or something, Tamara would be immensely happy, but no... She was forever stuck with it.

"A year, two months."

"Joel, right?" Tamara asked, wondering how Joel would look. Did he have June's icy blue eyes or Lucas' soft brown eyes? Did he have June's beautiful face or Lucas' sharp, handsome one? Tamara really wanted to see the little guy.

"Yes."

"Oh my God, Lucas, you are oversharing. With all that you are saying, I can't even get a word in edgewise." Tamara said in an exaggerated tone with a loud gasp to enunciate her words, and he softly smiled at her. "You look handsome when you smile. Why are you so stingy with it?"

He looked surprised as if he hadn't expected her to say that. He gave her a baffled look before turned away. His hands imperceptibly tightened on the steering wheels. Tamara didn't miss it or the small tilt in his lips.

"Will you bring Joel back with you?"

"Yes." He replied. "I wanted shared custody, but June wanted sole custody of Joel. She had pulled so many stunts..." His voice was tired. "So..."

"I understand. You are almost relieved she isn't here anymore, right?" Tamara asked. She had finally found someone who could understand what she was feeling, who felt what she was feeling.

"Living with June was... suffocating." Lucas said as he stared straight. He looked like he would rather not talk about June.

"It made you feel like your lungs were shrinking with each passing day."

"Yes."

"I am sorry, Lucas." Tamara said, for the first time, understanding the true extent of pain he had gone through because of June. "I am..."

"It is in the past." He squirmed in his seat, looking uncomfortable as hell.

Is it? Can it truly ever be only in the past? My pasts are still walking with me!

"You were a resident when you married June, right? What do you do now?"

"Neurosurgeon."

"You did it, didn't you? I can still remember the times when you lectured Holly about brain and Holly would sit there with a blank look in her eyes. She would be half asleep by the time you would be done." Tamara said with a smile. Holly would be half-asleep, but Tamara wouldn't. She has listened to every word Lucas had to say even though he wouldn't even look at her, he would keep his eyes only on Holly. It was as if Tamara was wearing Harry's invisible cloak or something.

Lucas nodded with a smile. "She was a very bad student, but you- you were a good one." He said in a small voice. Tamara almost missed it.

"So, you know... and yet you never even looked up. You always made me feel like I was one of the chairs in the room. Like you could care less..." Tamara said in a soft accusation.

"If I looked up, I know it would be-" he stopped halfway and shook his head. "I know you would be looking for a way to taunt me to death. You always did. So it was easier to pretend you weren't there." His voice was a soft whisper.

And Tamara knew he lied. Somehow Tamara was sure that wasn't what he had started to say.

"Fair."

It looked like their conversation were come to another standstill. Tamara gave him a long look as she grabbed her handbag and pulled out the book she was currently reading from inside the bag and June's email Tamara had printed fell off. She wondered briefly about telling Lucas about that, but then she decided against it.

She still didn't know what she wanted to do with this mail, but she knew she had to do something. Or she wouldn't rest, the ghost of her ex-best friend wouldn't let her go.

What if it was really a murder? What if June's fear was real and not just paranoia? What if June was desperate when she wrote that e-mail to Tamara? What if Tamara had made a big mistake by not going, not replying?

Tamara was one hundred percent sure it was not a drug overdose. June wouldn't want to go out without a bang. Even if June had wanted to really die, June would have chosen something that caught the attention of everyone. The attention she had deserved, the attention she had always craved, how could she, how would she give that up just because she was dying?

"Do you think June ODed?" Tamara asked after another fifteen minutes of dragging, stretching silence. The guy looked as comfortable as anyone could be in these kind of situations.

She was sure he wouldn't answer. "I don't know," he said and she was surprised.

"What if someone had killed her and made it look like-" Tamara sounded like a conspiracy nut, even to herself, but she had to find out the truth. If it wasn't for June, at least for herself.

"Who in the world want to kill her? Wait, don't answer that! But who in the world would kill her?" Lucas looked at her with a frown.

"You are a doctor."

"Yes, we have already established that. So?" He gave her a challenging look.

"You know how to save people." Tamara said with a pensive look. She wasn't sure where she was going with this, but she was going, alright. She couldn't stop the trainwreck now. It was way past saving this conversation.

You are idi*ot.

"I almost didn't want to know where this is going, you know. For just a second, I felt like we could be civil." He said in a curt voice that reeked of frustration and turned away from her face.

"You also know how to kill someone without leaving a trace." Tamara should have kept her mouth shut. She knew she should have, but sometimes the filter between her thoughts and her mouth would break and there would be no stopping the words spilling off her mouth.

Why can't you access the situation and act accordingly... why does you have to always put your foot in your mouth, you stupid? Her inner voice sneered at her.

"You are accusing me of murdering my ex-wife?" He looked indignant. "You are incredible. Incredibly stupid." He gave her a look that spoke of everything he left unsaid.

"It is always the spouse. Don't you watch detective/crime shows on TV?" Tamara asked with an offended huff. She wasn't insane. She just wanted to make sure June's letter was real or not.

"So you are saying you are detective because you watch all these crime shows?"

"No. I am saying you have a strong motive than anyone else. Joel."

"Have you hit your head one too many time?" He quirked his brows. The look was vaguely familiar. She had been at the recieving end of the same look one too many times.

"No. My head is fine." She grunted.

"I can give you one free consultation. You know. When all this is over, come and meet me. I work at Mercy Memorials. I want to MRI your brain. There is definitely something wrong in there." His soft brown eyes turned a dark, dark brown as he glared at her.

"Are you calling me insane?" She looked at him offended.

"No. I am calling you bat-s**t crazy."

___