Something Borrowed

Chapter 8. Families, Funerals and Curses

Chapter 8. Families, Funerals and Crying Babies

(Tamara)

Feeling bothered and confused, and not knowing what to do with the rush of old heartbreak and new hurt, Tamara knocked at the door, wishing, hoping she could forget what Lucas had just told her and forget him. He hadn't been good for her self-confidence and nothing had changed. She was still pining and he was still cool and aloof.

Tamara sighed, feeling pathetic. She hadn't felt like this in so long. She had only just come back, and she was already feeling the pull of undeniably bad quicksand. She couldn't get sucked inside this blackhole. She had a life, and she was going back to it, unharmed, unscathed.

Holly opened the door, cutting Tamara from her ponderings. She squealed and grabbed Tamara in a hug. "Baby sister, I have missed you so much." Holly whispered and Tamara smiled, smelling her familiar smell along with the unmissable scent of puke.

"Missed you too and is that a new fragrance?" Tamara smiled and Holly shrugged.

"The boy's puke has a GPS. It always tracks me down to the exact location." Holly said with a deep sigh and Tamara sighed.

"I can't wait to see Ray and spoil him." Tamara said, looking around. "And where is everyone?"

"Ray is already spoiled. Mom and dad had already left for the wake. Nat and Neil are watching Ray and being a pain in the ass. The wake is in the Merriot Hall." Holly commented as she grabbed Tamara's suitcase. "Did Luc go away?" Holly asked and Tamara nodded her head with a sullen look on her face, when she remembered again about his parting comment.

"He did. And Holly, you should've let me know that you are not coming before you decided to dump me on your friend." Tamara grumbled as she walked in and Holly followed.

"I was going to come, I promise, but then Ray had a mild fever and I had to go see Doctor Richards. Why? What did he do? Usually you are the one who torments him."

"You guys should forget about that. That was so long in the past and also Holly, in all of the million conversations we have ever had, how did you forget to mention this little tidbit that Lucas and June were divorced?" Tamara gritted the words out, her eyes narrowed in accusation. Holly looked away from Tamara with a sigh.

"I just didn't want you to wonder about anything that isn't good for you. I mean, you were in love with-"

Tamara cut her sister off with a wave. "God, Holly, that was like eons ago. He had married June and I had moved on," even as she said that, Tamara wasn't sure whether there was truth in her words or not. Holly sighed and started to say something, but she was cut off by a squeal and another voice telling to stop screaming like a banshee.

"Tammie... you are finally here," Natalie said as she tried to reach Tamara, but she couldn't move, because Neil was holding to her hoodie with a grin. "Stop being a moron for once in your life," Natalie said with a frown and he shrugged.

"I want to hug her first..." Neil said, just to irritate Natalie. Tamara watched the scene with a smile. She never interfered with their fight. They had their own weird rules and politics and only someone who wanted to get pulled in by their crazy quicksand would interfere or try to mediate.

"I’m older than him, so I want the first hug.” Natalie groused.

"Older by two minutes, only because I kicked you out. You were annoying even back then, I needed at least two minutes of peace." Neil said with a frown.

"She’s getting beautiful with each passing year." When Tamara stepped closer, Natalie stage whispered to Neil. Neil smirked up at her with a mischievous glint in his eyes and Tamara instantly knew what he was going to say next.

"Nettie, not everyone in our family is ugly like you, Tammie gets the good genes, like the one I got.” Neil said and Natalie frowned and then thumped him on his back.

"You are the ugly moron." She said and Tamara sighed.

“Who wants a hug now? Or are you two going to continue fighting?” I cut in their back and forth. "Or should I just go."

They both stopped fighting and hugged her together and Nat giggled before she clasped her hands behind Tamara's back. When they both pulled back, they smiled in sync. Sometimes it was eerie how their actions matched.

"So where is Ray?" Tamara asked the pair and they both shrugged in response.

"Ray is sleeping, peacefully, snot running down his face. Yuck!" Neil said and shuddered and Natalie glared at him.

“Ron is the most handsome little boy I have ever seen, you moron." Natalie defended her nephew.

"Sister, haven’t you seen me?” Neil asked smugly.

“Shut up!” The three women yelled together, and he shut up, murmuring, "woman-handling!”

***

Tamara went to her old room, which looked barely changed. Except a few more cobwebs, it looked just as she had left it. She freshened up and wore a black satin dress for the ceremony. She pinned her hair back with pins. She matched it with black heels that made her look even taller. She finally grabbed an old scarf from her closet, which was very sparse from not using for too long, and wrapped the scarf around her neck to prevent herself from freezing. It was cold out today and the wake would be air conditioned. Tamara grabbed the gloves and the jacket before she walked out.

"You ready to go, Tam?" Holly asked and Tamara nodded, nervously twiddling with her coat buttons.

"Yes, let's go. I just feel like I am walking into a raging battlefield or something," Tamara whispered.

"You shouldn't go if you don't want to," Neil said as he slumped down on the coach. "I have never liked June when she was alive and there was no need to like her suddenly after her death. I am not going on principle."

"Yes, people should all be like you," Tamara said honestly, as she wore her gloves and walked out with Holly and Natalie.

"Neil, when Ray wakes up, give him milk. It is in the warmer."

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. This isn't my first time babysitting the hungry monster," Neil said with a smile as he shut the door.

Holly drove them to the wake and the three women sat in the car in thick silence. Holly parked the car in front of Merriott hall and they walked inside together. The big hall was adorned with June's favorite flowers. People decked in black paced the room, talking with the person next to them, whispering, murmuring. Tamara wondered where Grace Miller was. She looked around the crowded room and finally found Grace sitting in the corner with red, puffy eyes. June's deadbeat dad was also there. He looked very old and very fidgety.

When the ceremony began, Tamara sat at the very back, her eyes glued to the floor. She couldn't even look at the coffin where June lied. It was half-opened to reveal June's face, but Tamara dared not look at her.

The priest said something. Tamara's eyes buzzed. Her eyes felt thick. Her phone vibrated in her bag. She ignored it as she stared at nothing in particular. She felt like a machine.

Lucas was sitting in the front, his eyes brooding. He was glaring at his feet, looking like a stone statue, rigid and unbending. The little boy in his lap tried to wriggle away, but Lucas had his arm wrapped around him. Grace Miller avoided Lucas like he was the plague or something. Tamara just sat and watched everything and everyone.

People said a few good words about June. People who had only barely known June. On the surface, June was the girl they all talked about. These people were lucky they only had the chance to see the surface.

People praised her, shared so many stories about her. Some of them were funny, some of them inspiring. Like Tamara just said, June was a different person altogether with people who didn't know her much. So they all wore a sad smile for life that was lost too soon. Tamara blinked as her heart gave a twist.

Before their friendship had fully drowned, Tamara had so many good things to say about June, as well. June was the best friend, the kind of friend who gave just as much as she took. Not everything was bad. Yes, June would manipulate, trick, cheat her way to outwit Tamara, but she also defended Tamara, took of care of her when she fell sick.

June was this strange coin, with ugly on the one side and beautiful on the other and that was why Tamara could never fully, completely detest and hate June.

"Tamara Garrett has been my daughter's best friend from the very first day we moved here. They might have stopped being friends, but I am sure June would want to listen to you talk. Tamare, will you?" June’s mom, Grace asked in a pleading voice as she looked at Tamara, her eyes full of silent apology. Tamara didn't want to talk, but her legs had a mind of their own. She stood up on autopilot, walked towards the open casket. For a moment, she allowed herself to look. To look at June. This would be the last time. After this, Tamara could never look at June, even if she wanted.

She didn't know why her heart felt like it was being shattered as she looked at June, but it did. A small tear dripped down her cheek as she bent towards June. It fell on June's cheeks. "I forgive you, June." Tamara whispered to her dead best friend.

June looked so peaceful, as if she was sleeping. As if she would wake up any moment and scream, gotcha!

Tamara touched a finger to her lips and placed it on June's forehead. "Good bye, June."

“After years of friendship, we didn't even have the time to properly say goodbye. Now there were only memories, the traces of past laughter and remains of hatred are the only thing left. You were not a great friend, but you loved me in your own way." Twisted way, Tamara thought to herself. "You’re your own person and you deserved every happiness you got. Only-" Tamara paused as she looked at the crowd. s**t. She didn't want to say anymore. She just wanted to leave. But she was frozen in place.

Luca's brooding gaze connected with Tamara's and her tongue felt like it was made of desert sand. His brown eyes were inquisitive, but at the same time mocking. Tamara felt her feet tremble. She grabbed the side of the coffin with shaking hands.

“Only thing is, June, in the search for your happiness, you forcefully stomped on someone else's happiness."

Did I really say that out loud? Oh s**t!

Tamara looked at the crowd of faces around the big hall and everyone looked so transfixed at Tamara. Their eyes were wide and curious.

"I hope you are resting, June, finally, finally..." Tamara finished in a shaky voice as she stepped down, her eyes down to the ground. She was almost guilty of talking like that, but she needed this closure. This should be done, for Tamara, for June, for both of them. When Tamara talked, the resentment and the big ball of bitterness became smaller and smaller. The tumor that kept pressing at Tamara's conscience finally shrunk and she could finally, properly breathe. Breathe away from the pain, the betrayals, the regrets.

"Thanks honey, for always being true to her. Though she did so many selfish things to get whatever she wanted, she really did love you, in her own twisted, stupid way." Grace Miller said as she draped a comfortable arm around her shoulder.

"I do know that, but sadly it wasn't enough, the love."

"She has lost a lot and losing her father... it had made a big hole in her heart and she filled it with other people's happiness. I knew how wrong it was, but I was guilty and I didn't know how to help her or make her talk. Everything got bigger and bigger until it exploded." Grace said as she wiped her eyes with a sigh.

When people started to leave and the casket was lifted, a shrill sound left from the boy Lucas was holding. It was as if the little boy could feel that his mother was going away. Tamara's heart broke for this little one.

The boy continued crying. Lucas rocked the boy, whispering words in his ears, but the boy kept babbling as he looked at the coffin his mother had been sleeping for a while now. His cry became louder and Lucas looked flushed and harried. Lucas's mother, Rosaline, was standing next to him, whispering something to the little boy. But the boy was beyond consolation. It was as if he instinctively knew something was so wrong with this.

Tamara marched towards the crying boy. "Give him to me." She said and Lucas' astonished brown eyes reached hers, before he hesitantly handed the boy to Tamara. Lucas' eyes were sharp on Tamara's face. Tamara ignored the uncomfortable pang in her stomach as she wrapped the boy close to her warmth.

Her breathing hitched when Tamara noticed the little boy’s beautiful eyes. They were June's eyes. Shrewd, but soft. In the boy, they were still full of innocence. The small nose could be classified as plump, lips thin and flat, but Tamara knew when this boy grew up, he’d look exactly like Lucas, gorgeous and heartbreakingly beautiful. His little eyes looked into Tamara's as he continued crying.

"Ssh, little darling. Ssh." Tamara whispered in a soothing tone, saying ssh over and over, softly humming under her breath. The little boy blinked at her and after a minute or two, he stopped crying and he gave her a two-teethed smile, tears still wet in his cheeks and Tamara's heart had all but melted. She stared at the beautiful creature, completely lost for words, and she fell in love for the second time. In love with another Turner man.

You are cursed to love people who will never belong to you, a small voice moodily said from the inside.

And Tamara knew it too, knew that falling for this boy was as stupid as it had been once, falling for his father, as she continued to hum to the baby.

But her heart, her heart had a heart and brain of its own...

If you know what is good for you, you should run, run far and fast.

But she stayed.

___