Something Borrowed

Prologue Tamara watched with a small frown in her lips, as June Miller walked—more like waltzed, oh yes, June Miller was so extraordinary to do something banal like walking. She didn't walk. She danced, she floated—through the aisle filled with people, her steps delicate and small, her smile radiant and full, her petite figure looking even more fragile in the beautiful A-line white wedding dress. It was simple, it was minimal and it was nothing June would have chosen for herself. June loved bold, brassy, bright. June loved to glitter and shine, to outshine everyone else around. June was not the minimalist type—Tamara was— but of course June was wearing this dress, because this was the exact kind of dress Tamara had always wanted to wear on her wedding day and June knew it, as well. Oh, she knew it. She knew Tamara wanted to get married in the park of their small town, on an autumn evening, when leaves turned a slight red and orange and yellow, and when you could hear the soft crunch beneath your shoes when you walked or waltzed or stumbled—June waltzed and Tamara often stumbled, so. She wanted to marry the man of her dreams, when air smelled like burnt passion and dreams, when the sky was half bright, half dark, when thd twilight hour was just sparkling in and out, when everything looked dreamy and magical, when it looked like all our dreams would come true at this exact moment, when we believed in magic and extraordinary things. June also knew the man she was walking towards was the man Tamara had fantasized to marry in her daydreams and night ones, as well. He was Tamara's first love, her first crush, not that he had ever reciprocated her feelings, but still June knew how this would hurt her so called best friend beyond anything and June didn't care. She never cared about anything or anyone except for herself and that was why Tamara wasn't one of her bridesmaids today. Tamara hadn't even really been her friend, for a while now. She wouldn't have even come, but Holly, her elder sister was Lucas's best friend and her whole family was invited to this circus. And it was unfortunate that she was here on a vacation and was forced to come to this marriage. There really was no way out of this for her or maybe she just wanted to watch her ex best friend marry her first love. Maybe she did love the crippling feeling of pain and hatred. Tamara had to go, there was no way out of this for her. After all, June and she had been inseperable for three long years, even after all that June had put Tamara through, they were friends. It was almost sad, but it was the truth. That is all in the past... she thought. I should have never befriended her. I should have never eavesdropped on her conversations with her mom. See. That right there, that was where Tamara's bad fortunes started. The eavesdropping. Should have listened to what people said about eavesdropping! But that was all way before college and Tamara had ran, fast and wild when college came, as far away as her grades could take her, and her grade took her pretty far. Now this, this is the final nail in the coffin. Their friendship was now officially dead and buried and she sat there, her heart breaking into tiny little pieces... She sat there, not knowing whether she was sad because her friendship with June was fully completely dead—yes, it was on life support before—or because her ex friend was now marrying her first love. Oh, she didn't know anything anymore. Everything was a blurry mess. Tamara just watched, feeling mechanical, as they shared their vows. June looked ecstastic, of course, she was. Lucas... Lucas kind of looked like he didn't care to be there—but what did she know? Maybe it was just her hopeful heart looking into things that weren't actually there. Everything here was Tamara's dream. It was supposed to be hers. Lucas. The dress. The park. The Twilight. The wedding. Except none of it was. Everything belonged to June. "It is not my fault that you never dared ask him out. I didn't do it to hurt you, Tammie. I won't hurt you, ever." June had said when Tamara had confronted her five months ago after she had heard from Holly that June was dating Lucas. Even then, their friendship was hanging, barely by a thin thread, but it hanged. And the thread, the flimsy thread of friendship broke then when she looked at June's negligent shrug. "You-" Tamara had no words to describe the feelings she had felt right then, but she knew June was right. Tamara had never expressed her feelings to Lucas. Except that one sloppy kiss he wouldn't even remember, some subtle innuendos and a silly love letter she had written on high school and never gotten any reply in return. So... maybe June was right, it wasn't her fault. Maybe this was meant to be, June and Lucas... and maybe Tamara was also meant to watch all this circus and break into million pieces. I am standing in the sidelines, being as useless I have always been. Tamara was backbenched once again and June starred in the main role, as she always did. June looked beautiful, fragile, starry-eyed—looking at June would elicit a kind of protective feeling on anyone, but looks, oh, they could be so deceiving. June was glowing. And Tamara was not beautiful, or fragile and no one would want to protect Tamara—not that she needed anyone to protect her. Before June, Tamara had been the lead in her story, as she was supposed to be and then June came. Her life after June was... a series of disasters and misadventures. One after the other. I am the sidekick. Always have been, always will be in June's story. I am the friend, the often invisible often unseen friend, who is grey when compared to this sparkling beautiful protogonist. Holly, Tamara's sister, the groom's best man, looked at her, eyes worried and concerned. Only Holly knew everything, including Tamara's crush on Lucas—it was more than a crush for her—and her broken friendship with June. 'Sorry' she mouthed the words. She looked like she would rather be with Tamara, holding her, than up there with Lucas, but she couldn't leave him right now. Holly was only two years older than Tamara, but sometimes she acted like she was twenty years older. June stood opposite to Lucas, smiling, preening, shimmering like star particles. Tamara wanted to kick the empty chair in front of her. She wanted to rip everything around her and scream and curse. She felt like she was suffocating, keeping all of this inside her. The pressure... it was getting bigger, stronger. Tick. Tick. It was begging to come out. "Do you.... Lucas Ryan Turner takes June Rosalie Miller to be your..." Tamara tuned it out. She stared above their heads, her eyes blank, to the softly glowing sky. The Twilight. Magic. And there was no magic left for her here, today. This was supposed to be a magical hour, and yet here she was, miserable and broken. My magic, she stole my magic and that is unforgivable. She could have forgiven June for taking everything from her, forgiven her even for Lucas, but this... this hour had been something of a magic to her, and now she would always remember June's smile, and her own silent tears, whenever she witnessed another Twilight and that made Tamara angry. It made her furious. "I do." He said. She said. June always gets what she wants. Tamara thought with a small pang in her chest that felt like resentment. Years of losing everything you desired and loved... could make you a bitter person. But she refused to let June to turn her into a resentful, bitter person. If she did, June would truly have won this battle, war, everything. I won't let you win, June, not where it matters. Tamara thought with a small wince. You can not break me. You can take everything I have ever wanted from me, and be happy with it, but I won't be trapped in your bitterness, your betrayal. No way, b***h. You are not doing that to me. "Everyone gathered to witness this beautiful ceremony, before you stand two people who love each other just as much as they love you. Do you promise to encourage and inspire their dreams, to accept them not only as individuals but as a couple, to be their friends, and to give your support today and every day to follow? Do you stand with their marriage and life?" The officiant asked. "We do." The crowd said with a smile. June laughed. Oh, June, how I love to punch you in your perfect little nose and watch you bleed in that pretty white dress. Tamara would have love to hear... "Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." Oh, how she would have loved to hear that. But no, June couldn't even give that to Tamara or anyone else for that matter, not even that small piece, because June was smart. God, she is smart. Not that Tamara was going to stand up and speak up against why they shouldn't be married, she wouldn't dare. But still... "Goodbye, June." Tamara whispered, as she stood up from the ribbon tied chair. Turned and left. She could feel eyes poking, stabbing on her back, pricking, whispering eyes, but Tamara couldn't sit there and pretend anymore. It was taking everything from her and if she sat there another moment, she would just become smoke and vanish inside June and her grandness. I can not be small, anymore, June. Not even for you. The next day, Tamara left her hometown in search of a life, beyond June and her manipulations, and that was two years ago. That was the last time she had seen June or Lucas. Or heard about them. Of course, her family had wanted to share a tidbit about them here and there, but Tamara had strictly warned them against it and so they had stopped after trying for a while. And Tamara was happy, finally. Finally she was in a place she could be proud of. And she was comfortable in the knowledge that June was as far away from her and her life as she could be and Tamara was sure she was finally free of June's manipulations, her beautiful lies, her crafty schemes. God, how wrong she was. How stupid she was to believe that June was truly gone from her life. Tamara was safe and secure in her illusion until she received a letter from June. Dearest Tamara... ___